Continue With the News

After providing a smooth transition between the lead and second paragraph, con­tinue with the news: more information about the topic summarized in your lead. Mistakenly, some reporters shift to a different topic – a decision certain to confuse their readers:

(1) CORVALLIS, Ore. –The police spend more of their time responding to domestic squabbles than to any other type of call.

Merritt Tendall has been the police chief in Corvallis for 15 years. He has seen a lot wrecks and a lot of crimes, but says he never wanted any other job.

REVISED: CORVALLIS, Ore. – The police spend more of their time responding to domestic squabbles than to any other type of call.

“We hate those calls,” says Police Chief Merritt Tendall. “You never know what to expect. We settle most of the disputes in a few minutes. But people get angry and irrational, and some take their anger out on us. I've been the police chief here for 15 years, and it's my biggest problem.”

(2) “No nation depends more upon its news media, and no media have more influence,” Marty Cirocca said.

Cirocca added that this small group of people decides which stories millions of America will receive each day.

REVISED: “No nation depends more upon its news media, and no media have more influence,” Marty Cirocca said.

“Unfortunately,” Cirocca continued, “a small group of people, located primarily in New York, controls the most influential media, and that small group decides which stories millions of Americans receive each day”.

Before it was revised, the first story seemed to discuss two different topics. The lead summarizes a problem that confronts police officers everywhere: family disputes. The second paragraph shifts to the police chief: his career and goals. Until it was revised, the story's second paragraph failed to even mention the problem of family disputes. The second story seems disorganized because, originally, its second paragraph mentioned “small group of people” but failed to identify them or to link them to anything mentioned in the lead.

Names, Names − Dull, Dull

Other reporters place too much emphasis upon their sources' identity. As a result their second paragraphs fail to convey any information of interest to readers. The following examples have been revised to emphasize the news – what the sources said or saw – not who they are:

(1) A construction worker was killed Monday afternoon when a gust of wind toppled the frame for a new apartment building on Conway Road.

Julian Prevatte, a carpenter for John McCormack & Sons, was an eyewitness to the accident.

REVISED: A construction worker was killed Monday afternoon when a gust of wind toppled the frame for a new apartment building on Conway Road.

Julian Prevatte, a carpenter at the site, said he tried to warn the victim when the frame began to collapse, but the noise made by a saw drowned out his shouts.

(2) Three gunmen who took $4,200 from a Safeway Supermarket at 1010 S. Broadway Ave. Friday were captured in a nearby motel room 20 minutes later.

Kathy Laxalt, 21, of 1842 S. Gayle Road was one of two cashiers on duty when the men entered the store.

REVISED: Three gunmen who took $4,200 from a Safeway Supermarket at 1010 S. Broadway Ave. Friday were captured in a nearby motel room 20 minutes later.

Kathy Laxalt, a cashier at the supermarket, said the men stood near the entrance for five minutes before they came in, drew their pistols and forced an assistant manager to open the safe.

Background: Too Much Too Soon

Also avoid devoting your entire second paragraph to background information. That information is rarely interesting and rarely new. The second paragraphs in the following sentences are dull because they emphasize that type of old, routine or insignificant detail:

(1) A state law designed to help police officers find hit-and-run drivers went into effect at 12:01 a.m. today.

(2) The law was passed by the state Legislature during its last session and was signed by the governor.

(3) “Rape is the most difficult crime to solve because of the insensitive treatment given to victims,” District Attorney Russell Grant said during a seminar held last night at the YMCA.

(4) The seminar, the fourth presented in the county during the last year, was sponsored by the Rape Prevention Center, 1015 5th Ave., which offers counseling to rape victims and encour­ages them to prosecute their assailants.

The first example emphasizes the obvious: the fact that a state law was approved by the state Legislature and signed by the governor. The story's second paragraph fails to convey any news: the latest developments. It might have reported what occurred after the law went into effect “at 12:01 a.m. today.”

The second example fails to emphasize the district attorney's comments about rape. Instead, its second paragraph presents background information about the sponsor's identity and goals. Yet the same background information might have been reported in stories about the group’s first, second and third seminars, held months earlier. Again, the background information should have been informed after an account of the news: a thorough summary of the district attorney's remarks.

Fortunately, the problem is easy to correct, as in this example:

Six hundred children in the state needed foster homes last month, but only 220 new homes were licensed to care for them.

Karen Hudgins of 2406 Eastbrook Road coordinates the program. She studied sociology in Tennessee and, after earning her master's degree there, moved here in 1984. She is married and has three children.

REVISED: Six hundred children in the state needed foster homes last month, but only 220 new homes were licensed to care for them.

Why? “With more women working, fewer are home and able to care for children, especially problem children,” an expert explained. “Also, it's a lot of work with no pay. The only reward is sharing a part of a child's life and knowing it's important – something that has to be done.”

Before it was revised, the second paragraph shifted from a topic in the news (the shortage of foster homes) to background information about the person who administers the program. Again, that information should be moved to a later paragraph, preferably the story’s final paragraph.

Дата добавления: 2015-11-16