Laughing

t was closing time when R, in her measured, smooth way, moved

through the entry to Natural Woman Foods. Sheriff Sweet, with the store's last cup of coffee in hand, nodded a curt hello and on her way out stopped in the open side door to rub Loopy behind the ears. The dog was watching Donny's every move, waiting to get taken upstairs for her dinner. Joan was watching R, whom she had described as some kind of trouble she'd probably never know about.

Donny rotated the old packages of miso soup to the front of a shelf and slid the new stock behind. She had some of Chick's new-age music on and liked to make a little dance for this kind of work. Cha cha cha, she sang. Nice, working with light packaged soups, not those damn heavy cases of cans. She called up front, "We ought to give a prize to the last customer of the day, gang. Nothing personal, R, except it never fails. Someone always comes in after the cash is counted and the store's shipshape."

Abeo, sweeping a rag mop left and right across the floor and leaving behind a cloud of eye-stinging bleach, was belting out the chorus of an old sailor song. "I'll swab yer deck and ne'er tarry, but I'm not the man you want to marry."

"Hi, R," said Chick. She opened her arms for a hug. "Ignore those rowdies. We're glad you've come."

"I'm not here to shop," R announced with her usual curt tone, accepting the hug.

Donny pushed herself upright and sauntered to the front in a way that disguised her stiff knees. Why had Chick gotten tight with this feminist bitch-on-wheels? As Abeo launched into another raunchy verse Donny cried, "Get down, sistah!" People like R were made to be messed with.

R gave a weak smile, though her eyes looked more calculating than friendly. "I wanted to speak with you and Chick."

"Shoot," Donny told her. Maybe the woman was finally going to sign on to help them stand up to the town bigots. There was another proposal before the town council about pulling The Children's Hour and Philadelphia videos from the library collection. Like either of those would recruit their straight kids? These people needed to get lives. It had always annoyed her that R, who everyone knew was the real owner of both pieces of women's land, wasn't willing to do her bit. The kind of people they were fighting listened to landowners. But no, R wasn't here to help; she wanted something.

"I'll wait until you're finished." R's eyes were tracking Abeo.

"Abe's my bro. I don't keep secrets from her."

"That woman wants to earn her country vacation," Chick said with the warm, full laugh Donny hadn't heard in a while. No one could feel unloved around Chick when she laughed, Donny least of all. Keys jingling, Chick went over to lock the front door.

"Milk crate?" Donny offered.

"I'll stand," said R.

"So what's happening, R?" Donny prodded, sliding a crate toward her anyway. "You gals in some kind of mess only me and Chick can help you out of?"

Normally, she'd give Chick a conspiratorial look over the Rat's head, but she was walking on eggs around Chick these days. Whatever was still weirding Chick out, Donny was satisfied no cheating was going on. She could live through about anything else.

"The women of Spirit Ridge are concerned about you both."

"No shit. Us?" said Donny. Now the bitch wanted into her life? If R wasn't careful she was about to get another anger demonstration. But Chick was smiling at her with that worried sadness around the edges of her eyes, so Donny laughed instead of launching into R.

That didn't stop R. "We thought you might not see that your chronic depression and Donny's anger may be symptoms of incompatibility."

"Who asked you to be our family shrink?" A little intimidation here might be just what the doctor ordered, but she could feel the sweat rising at her hairline. Shit, a hot flash.

"Donny, I suspect if you let go of your system of automatic denial, there would be fewer surprises in life to upset you."

"You've got us all figured out, don't you?"

Chick's hands nervously worked her crystal necklace. Her voice stayed sweet and low. "Are you asking if we're breaking up?"

"To be perfectly up-front? Yes."

"Breaking up?" Donny exploded. "What have you been telling this woman, babe?"

Chick pressed a hand to her heart. "Why would we break up? Things don't get much better than what Donny and I have."

R dropped carefully to the stacked milk crates. Got you, thought Donny, who never let up on her battle to get R to accept butchly courtesies. "I'm here to offer help."

"You heard my woman. Depressed or not she thinks I'm top dog, leader of the pack, Pope Donny the First-"

Chick's old warmth was in her laugh now. "The greatest lover in the world will do."

"Only because you're my inspiration."

R sat with hands extended as if begging alms. Abeo had switched to an old Harry Belafonte tune as she packed a box of produce for the walk-in cooler. "Bay-O!" she sang, "Beautiful Ah-bay-o!"

Donny looked closely at R, wiping her sweating palms on her overalls. What did this woman want from them? She always had to remind herself that R was full of slimy, still waters.

"One of my land mates," R revealed slowly, as if savoring her moment, "heard you weren't speaking."

"Say what? She heard us not talking?"

Chick was no longer smiling. "R, that's the furthest thing from the truth. Maybe your land mate doesn't understand companionable silence? Donny and I sometimes spend hours in the store, or upstairs, or on the road, hardly saying a word to each other and feeling completely in sync."

"Do I need to be more clear? We believe an additional person in your household is putting a strain on your relationship."

"Abeo?" Chick exclaimed.

"Somebody call me?" Abeo asked, passing with a box of carrots.

"You can always hope," Donny said, smacking Abeo's butt. "You're cool. We can handle this."

But Chick stopped Abeo. "The women at Spirit Ridge think three's a crowd. They don't know what fun you are."

"Abe has the downstairs royal suite," said Donny. "She's not in anybody's way. You're probably out tomcatting all night, Abe, right?"

"That's Thomasina-catting to you." Abeo turned to R, jingling her bracelets with one hand while the other seemed effortlessly to balance the heavy box. "The doctors made me look like the woman I am inside, but do you think I can make a woman? Know any single butch studs looking for a hot femme?"

To Donny's surprise, R didn't look affronted, but intrigued. "It baffles me," R said, "why a gay man would want to become a lesbian woman."

"Haven't you noticed? It's who I am."

R shook her head, wincing.

"So, Miz Liberal," Donny said, "you just want the world to be big enough for your kind?"

"Hush up, Donalds," Abeo told her and turned to R. "Give me a week or six and I'll explain it all to you, up at your yurt."

"What a flirt you are, Abe. Listen, R," Donny said, but she was wondering again, was Abeo getting on Chick's nerves? Was that what was bugging her, not the change, not hitting middle age? "This is no hostage situation, and we allow guests to practice Falun Gong here. If you want to issue an invite, talk to Abeo."

"I didn't mean for him-her to-" As if to distract them from her mistake, R cleared her throat and turned to Abeo. "The living is very primitive at Spirit Ridge."

Abeo cried, "Am I hearing an invitation to stay with the mountain women? Am I hearing the hen is about to be let loose in the hen house?"

R opened her mouth as if to object, but only looked affectionately amused.

"No way she's saying that, Abe," Donny said. "Take your size-nine foot out of your mouth."

"I'm charmed and honored, Miz R. Living on women's land-tell me I haven't come a long way, baby! You don't mind, Donny? Chick? I'll get my toilette together and be ready to go in a jiff."

As if realizing that Abeo was serious, R's eyes and lips got radically narrow. "I'm afraid I can't formally invite anyone without-"

"Oh, honey, you don't have to get all formal for me," Abeo said, doing a little fluttery happy dance toward R.

Again, R made no protest. Her eyes danced with Abeo. What was happening here?

Donny jostled Chick with an elbow. "You know, Rat, maybe you and the Ridgers are right. Maybe we need to be alone for a while. You think, Chick?"

Donny heard Chick's words burble up through suppressed laughter. "If things don't work out up there, R, bring our friend-"

"Oh," clamored Abeo, "I will please the misses, any way I can. Only give me a chance to show them my loveable girlish side." She switched from boastful to pathetic in a breath. "Unless you really think they wouldn't want me."

One of Abeo's charms, Donny remembered, was her lost puppy act. She'd fallen for it endlessly, feeding, sheltering, and sometimes supporting the little guy when he got in trouble with his boyfriends.

"Of course not," R protested. Donny had to keep herself from laughing aloud.

"Don't you move then," Abeo instructed. "I'll be right back."

When Abeo's door closed, Chick asked, "Are you sure you want to take her on?"

Donny added, "Don't act the martyr for us. Your info is bad. We're fine."

R studied their faces, then glanced quickly at the door to Abeo's room. With a quick stiff shrug, she said, "She's welcome on the land."

"So you don't have to ask the girls?" Donny asked.

"I think they'll agree with me."

"You know, I always thought you really ran the show up there," Donny said. Chick was rolling the crystal on her necklace back and forth over her lips.

"We make decisions collectively."

"But some votes are more equal than others?"

"A few of us have been on the land longer."

"I was thinking how your word must carry a lot more weight than some. How if you suggested it, some of those women might want to get involved in fighting to keep the commissioners from voting homophobia into the town charter."

"Women who want to work from within the system wouldn't be living on women's land."

"Women who live in this community have a stake in keeping it safe for themselves."

"The land is no part of this town's government," R said.

"But this town's government can make the land a lot more comfy."

"A few words in the boys' charter don't threaten me."

"Damn, woman, they'll encourage disrespect for you and what your land stands for. That's dangerous. If they see you standing up for yourselves here, you won't have to be fighting them off at your border."

"Donny, it's a waste of woman time to do battle with a group of old white men over whether they can make rules about us."

"But to make banning books legal? To make a law against letting us hold dances or meetings on city property?"

"I wouldn't do either in this town. That's why we have the land."

"Don't you get it? If discrimination is the law in small ways, it's open season on queers. If the town says it's scared of us, what does that tell people? What does that tell punks with blood-hungry fists? The same thing segregation tells African Americans! Would you ignore what's happening if they wanted to keep The Color Purple off the library shelves? Talk about denial, R. You are Ms. Denial her very own self."

R shook her head. "I'm not interested in debating this."

Donny took a deep breath and glared at her.

Abeo swept out of her room. Donny hoped she'd be able to hold her own at camp R. She hugged Chick and Donny, mopped her eyes with a pink bandanna, and presented herself to R, acting like a shy bride. R led the way out the side door in silence.

Chick shook her head. "Life's bizarre. This is not a scene I could have dreamed up."

"I think our Abe is dying to see what it'll be like with a woman."

"She hasn't yet?"

"Not that she's admitting it to me."

"Poor little Abe. She'll be back tomorrow."

"I don't know about that, babe. Lesbian politics seem to run higher in some women than lust. R may 'should' herself into this one because she thinks it's what she ought to do."

"Have you lost it, honeybunch? Her politics are as likely to get her into bed with a trans woman, as they are to get her to a town meeting."

Rather than say something bad about Chick's pal, Donny took Chick's hand and kissed the palm.

"You know R's not going to get into town politics," Chick said. "Why do you keep trying?"

"She gets me so mad. I guess she can afford to stay buried in those hills."

"She's not worth raising your blood pressure over. Save it for the straight boys."

Donny leaned her head against Chick's shoulder. "You're probably right. You always are."

They went to the side door to lock up, but Chick said, "Wait. I've got to see this."

Outside, they walked to the corner. Donny had half-expected Sheriff Sweet to still be crouched with Loopy, chuckling to herself at Abeo's newest escapade. An Alaskan robin hopped under the brush in a front yard, its white necklace still exotic to her after a lifetime of Midwestern birds. Pansies blossomed in a planter across the street.

For the first time in too long, Donny took Chick's hand. Between Chick's doldrums and her own crazy-ass fights with the bigots, there wasn't time or energy for each other. They stood with Loopy in the drizzling rain on Stage Street and watched the tall white woman stride over puddles while smaller Abeo darted around them. They could hear Abeo's chatter. She dangled a plastic bag stuffed with whatever she'd grabbed in the hurried minutes back in her room.

"Can you wrap your head around Abeo on women-only land?" asked Chick.

"I've protected Abeo from a lot of men, but she's on her own around R. Don't you wish you could be a fly in R's Honda?"

Chick laughed. "And who's going to protect R from Abeo?"

They put their arms around each other and went back into the store. Donny rushed Loopy up the inside stairs. She usually was careful to follow the health laws, but tonight keeping the mood was more important. She didn't want a replay of the time Chick's depression got in their way. She held the door open for Chick, caught her eye, and, without a word, they broke into giggles.

"Look at you!" Chick said. "I haven't seen you laugh like this in so long."

"You look good laughing yourself."

Chick seemed to shine. Donny realized that her breath felt hot as she drew it in. It seemed to burst inside her and send energy to her fingertips. She went to Chick, arms out, needing to press against her. Chick met her with her whole body. "It's been a long time since a lot of things," she told her.

They moved to the bedroom and shed their clothes. Donny switched off the light. In a major splurge they'd made the bed an island of warmth and comfort. Elsewhere, secondhand was good enough, including the store downstairs, where they spent most of their lives.

Chick had wanted flowered patterns, Donny solids. They'd stopped arguing when Donny made a quilt of solid squares and presented it to Chick for their fourth anniversary. It was so thick and light she felt like she was pulling a cloud up over her naked self.

Their bed was where they came to feel safe and close. They never lay down and went right to sleep. There were always too many tales of the day to exchange, and plans to make for tomorrow. Tonight neither said a word.

Without preliminary she lay flat on Chick and rode her, rubbing pubic bone and breasts, shuddering at the thrill of Chick's wide softness pillowing her. She felt Chick's small hands on her back. Chick urged her up and down and faster, and then, when Donny let loose, wrapped her arms across her back and held her, rocked her, enclosed her.

There wasn't time for languor tonight. She lifted up and slid herself one way, then the other across Chick's damp body.

Chick moved her hips under her, like a sleeping thing coming awake. She liked to moan. Donny moved herself so she could touch Chick's face and breasts, so she could reach around and knead her buttocks the way Chick said felt so good.

After a few moments Chick's sounds stopped, but Donny kept on. She was going to make her feel better, damn it. Maybe, Donny was thinking, she'd insist on sex therapy every day, like a vitamin in winter to fight off the cold germs. There'd be no more failed lovemaking if she had her way.

She felt Chick's sob before she heard it, startled that Chick had been so ready.

Then Chick said, "I'm sorry, Donny."

Sorry? Donny thought, touching and touching.

"I'm so sorry."

That hadn't been a sob of pleasure-Chick was crying! Donny fought the impulse to give up. "I want you to feel it, babe," she whispered. "I just want to touch you till we take you there. I'll stop if you want me to, but give me a chance. You're feeling like my girl again."

"It's too hard, Donny. It's not worth the energy for a sixty-second spasm."

"You don't need any damn energy." Spasm? What happened to how close they'd feel, how high above the world? "This is like a present I'm giving to you. Would you say no if I gave you a diamond ring?"

"Oh god, Donny, what am I doing to you? To us?"

She lay beside Chick, touching all her places while the tears ran along Chick's cheeks to the pillow. "Don't you go getting water in your ears, babe, or I'll have to bail them out."

A smile quavered on Chick's lips. If she could only get her laughing again. Laughter took over Chick's whole body like an orgasm. Some couples fought and then fell into bed; she and Chick laughed their way to bed.

"I can see it now," Donny said. "Me working the store all alone, telling Clara you're so depressed you have puddles in your ears." The smile got wider. "Old Clara, she'd come storming up here with a Q-Tip the size of a mop and start sponging them out."

"She would!" Chick said and laughed.

Donny laughed with her and kissed her laugh and then was kissing on her all over again and Chick was moving those sweet hips, giving a weak moan, and her little hands were guiding Donny, no, pushing her south.

"Oh, babe," she said, breathing her hot breath onto Chick's groin, "you smell so good. Let me give you this, babe." Chick was letting her lap her swollen lips and bud.

"Oh, babe," she said again, mouthing the words right against Chick, feeling that little nest of graying fur trying to get in her way. She felt her big gal rising to her mouth now, felt her thighs strain to a warning stillness, and then Chick let out her deep cry and rocked back and forth as if to throw Donny, but she knew Chick didn't want her going anywhere. She hung in there, arms around Chick's thighs, her tongue teasing out all those feelings Chick had buried with sadness.

She almost laughed out loud in pleasure. Chick pulled her higher and held her again.

"Girl," she told Chick, "this is ours, you got that? If you start sinking again, these arms are going to catch you, and don't you forget it."

Дата добавления: 2015-10-21