Oppa sounded a bit pissed..
"Why didn't you tell me....."
"It's embarassing to look at you when I just left like that like in some movie.. argh."
"Why didn't you tell me!! Why'd you hide your sickness?!?!"
At my cry, Grandma stared at me, surprised with her tears stopping... Then.. Oppa said in a loud voice..
"I'm a oppa.. you think a weakling would make a good oppa, then?"
".........hah........ oppa...."
If... if i start crying... then it'll seem like oppa's gonna die... Nayoon.. you can't cry.. for oppa.. don't...
"Lee Nayoon..."
"Yeah...."
Swallowing back the tears, I tried to answer in the brightest way possible,
"Thanks for staying by my side.."
"Don't talk like you're on your death bed.. you can tell me this tomorrow, too, yeah?"
"And........"
"........?"
"You're pretty... forreal.. ^-^"
"...........dummy..."
"When you open your eyes.. go look at the ocean.. you wanted to didn't you?"
"Come with me..."
".....I'll be throwing snow around from heaven. -0-"
"Dummy.. how could it snow.... snow in augu-"
Unable to finish my sentence, I softly weeped with my head hung low..
"You can't forget Chung taesung..... ^-^ okay? I was Chung Taesung... and... i'll be going now..."
"Don't.. please... don't..."
".........I have something I want to ask you Nayoon... it's a favor... think you could do it for me...?"
".........."
Oppa heaved a sigh then slowly continued...
"Just look at my nuna when you go to korea... don't talk to her.. or pretend to know her.. just... just watch her from afar... how she's doing.. if she's smiling.. if she's crying... just once..."
Oppa's voice gradually got softer and softer...
"Why should I.. you should be the one to see her...."
"I'm sorry Nayoon... but could you wait outside?"
Grandma asked me in a deep voice....
"Okay.. Oppa.. i'll come back..."
Forcing myself to walk outside, I leaned against my dad's shoulders as i continued to stabalize myself from crying... 30 minutes seemed like 3 hours...
When i couldn't wait any longer, my hands were reaching for the door knob when i heard grandma calling Taesung oppa in an urgent voice... and a feeling of panic arosing within me, i quickly opened the door............. my eyes locked onto grandma who was practically throwing up tears... kevin stood next to oppa's bedside while sobbing as well..
collapsing onto the floor... i closed my eyes...
August 20th. 2002.
The day when oppa.. left for the faraway place where i could never reach him..
An year later.
There had been many changes.. for one... after oppa's departure... i was able to receive sight from the help of someone... but despite the fact i could see, i still had to struggle and go through so much pain... hah.. it would've been better when i couldn't see.......... well.. nothing'll change now..
Wanting to fulfil oppa's last wish, I packed my belongings and visited Grandma's house asking for where she had buried oppa... i haven't been here for an year....
For it had been the number one place where it stored the most memories of me and oppa, i had refused to near this area... for the first 3 months... i had to go through mental treatment for i had become.................... a closed person..
well... now.. i could say in a bright voice....
"Grandma!"
even if it may be awkward, I'll stay brave... after opening the door carefully,
".... grandma? Are you home?"
Grandma was mumbling something from the her bedroom. -0- waiit... i doubt that she talks to herself.... I quickly walked over to her bedroom but was forced to stop dead in my tracks and stare intently at the peak of the bedroom for the couple of words grandma said froze my heart..
"Yes.. he was such an angel... he left like that.. a true angel... Yes.. it was a girl living in front of us, actually..... I'd think donating his eyes were not the easiest thing in the world. but Taesung didn't care about that at all, in fact he was-"
"Grandma!"
Plop. The sounds of the phone bouncing off the floor.. surprised, grandma looked over her shoulders.
"What are you talking about?! Eyes...???... this.. these.. eyes belong to Taesung oppa...?! does it???"
Grandma wore a sad smile on her face while nodding slowly... The walls seemed to close upon me, cutting off my circulation... A bigger shock fell onto me, even more than when i first lost my eyesight... Suddenly, the words oppa said weaved through my mind like a recorder..
"Just look at my nuna when you go to korea... don't talk to her.. or pretend to know her.. just... just watch her from afar... how she's doing.. if she's smiling.. if she's crying... just once..."
I finally understand why oppa said those words to me.... he.. wanted to see her more than anything... and... and... it was his last wish for me.... for his eyes in the least... to see her for him..................... like how much he wished to when he was breathing....
Oppa's last wish.... his pleaful thoughts of wanting to see his nuna til the moment he was dying... and.. the last gift he gave me........... these eyes that gift me to see everything.. further than the ocean..
i'm such a dumb *ss... I just realized that now.... i just realized.. how... special... and how important oppa's wish was....
"Grandma, oppa's in korea right?"
Grandma slowly nodded..
"Can you tell me where his... his home is located.. as well as his nuna's address..??"
On the plane headed to Korea.
Head on my hands, I stared into the paper.. ChoongChumNamDo GongJuShi ShinGwanDong... Where oppa's grave is located.. and... the woman oppa loved so dearly... happened to live closeby..
I brought my fingertips to trace the outline of my eyes without any emotion arising within me. Taesung oppa's eyes... Why didn't I realize it sooner... especially when I claimed I loved him to death...
"Asiana Airlines is soon about to arrive at-"
I had once visited my aunt in Korea before.. so finding my way wasn't that hard... And plus.. i had the eyes oppa had gifted me... quickly heading toward Gongju, I got off the bus after three stops and sprinted up the hill in where oppa's grave was.. according to grandma, that is...
My breath become heavy.. a small grave... small.. grave.. scanning around the area, my eyes landed on a big grave in the midst of the fields..
Oppa's grave..? Well.. no.. it's too big.. rustle rustle.. Turning my head toward the sound, i silently walked over to find a buff guy pulling the weeds out of a lonely grave..
A small grave... the small grave located high on the hills... this must be oppa's............... Staggering toward the grave,
"Who are you?"
"This........... this grave is..."
"Ohh.. are you the caretaker of it? -0- I thought no one would come by for him you know.. considering i didn't see anyone who did..."
"Then... why were you pulling the weeds..."
"Just.. it looked so lonely you know... You should've come by more often. -0- I pitied whoever lie here you know..."
After those words, the guy resumed to pulling out the weeds.. stamping the tears onto my forehand, i crouched down as well to help him out.
"You dont' seem like you're from around here.. -0- Where do you live?"
".......^-^ america."
"Whoa.. -0- Really?"
"Yeah.."
I bowed my head slightly, letting my hair cover my tears..
"I guess thats why no one would come by.. hehe -0- I'll take care of it for you.. -0-"
"Thank you.......... thank you.."
"-0- why are you crying.. -0- are you still sad..?"
"^-^.........."
The guy silently looked at my face, sorrowfully..
Oppa... it's been an year huh.. sorry... is it cold there.. why aren't you saying hi... you never change do you....... i don't care what you say as long as you recognize me still.... then someone shouted over the hills.
"MUNG-GOOO!!! -0- You have a phone call from Hankyung! -0- Come down here quickly!"
Hankyung...? HANKYUNG??
"-0- OKAY MOM! HOLD UP A SEC! I'll be going now.. -0- Nice meeting you. -0-"
The guy finished those words then begun to sprint down the hills..
"WAIT! Hankyung...? Chung.. Hankyung?"
"Yes.... She's in AhnYang right now.... but how do you know her? -0-"
".........Can you tell me where she is..."
"-0- Could you find your way around Korea if i tell you? You know, I wouldn't want you to get lost.. -0-"
"Yes I could... could you please tell me...?"
"Hum... I never knew Hankyung knew people outside the country.. -0- how fascinating... I'll write you the address... hold up.."
Few seconds later, the guy handed me a messy note..
"Bullies will play around with a pretty girl like yourself you know.. be careful. -__-"
"^-^ You know that grave back there..?"
"O_O"
"If you would visit by often...."
"Don't worry about a thing. ^O^ It's nearby Hankyung's dad's grave any way.. ^O^ I'll escort you to the terminal.. let's go.."
Hankyung's dad's grave........?
Even though his words lagged something from the back of my mind, I was able to get onto the bus before the sun setted with the help of the guy... as the minutes passed by, my heart thumped louder and louder..
The bus soon entered the terminal and setting my feet onto the grounds of Ahnyang, I took a fresh air at what Taesung oppa had lived in his whole life..
"Hankyung went to her mom's house.. I'm sorry you missed her."
My heart ceased its loud beatings... NOW what...
"Do you know where that is? Is it far from here?"
"It's only a few minutes with a taxi. ^O^"
"Oh really? ^^ Can I know where that is?"
"Wait a sec. ^^ It's in the office.."
The office lady gave me Hankyung unni's mom's address, and clutching it with my hand, I hastily made my way toward a taxi. Among hundreds of cars passing me by cruelly, one yellow cab stopped in front of me.
I can finally see her now... Just like the lady told me, the taxi arrived in front of an apartment entrance not even 10 minutes later.
"Six dollars and sixty cents."
"Here you go.. thanks for the ride."
The high apartment gave me a cramp in my neck as i stared up at it... Taking a deep breath, I walked into the entrance of the apartments..
The cool hallway caused my hands to tremble slightly as i pressed on the bell to the elevator... When i stepped in with the sounds of the bell, someone put in their hat through the closing door... Staring at the hat dumbfounded,
"Hahh.. Hahh.."
The guy panted heavily then glared at me for a brief moment as I stared at him, surprised.. After making sure I pressed on the 'close' button, he leaned against the elevator windows.. His front hair softly covering his forehead..
I wonder if he's getting off at the same floor... Would Taesung oppa look as handsome as him..? Or.. Maybe he looked pleasant and generous as the guy I saw at the grave... For I haven't ever seen an asian guy look so... handsome before, I continued to stare at him, my feelings becoming mixed up..
"Aish!"
As if noticing my stare, the handsome korean guy cussed out loud, annoyed. -__- did i say anything to you. -0- What nice personality you have. -__-
CREAAAAK! As soon as the elevator door opened, the handsome guy walked out and stopping in front of the house I predicted to be Hankyung unni's mom's house.. He shouted,
"Han Dareum! Open the door!"
The door soon peeked open and after slamming open the door, the handsome guy disappeared, not forgetting to shut it loudly. -__- Standing in front of the door, I decided to wait for Hankyung unni to come out..
Who's Han Dareum...? and who's that handsome guy suppose to be? Hankyung unni's siblings? Then.... why are their last names different...? -0- Ahhhh.. my head... T__T I shook my head, as a small frown creeping onto my forehead.. not even ten minutes later, my eyes darted toward the window of Hankyung unni's mom's house for it had opened..
A bowl hair cut boy of about 7.. 8... poked his head out the window then started to mumble quietly. I can't hear him very well... walking toward the window,
"What'd you say kid? Are you talking to me?"
"-0-........."
The kid ordered me to come closer.
"Yeah?"
"Youuu.. You're a burglar are you? -0- Why are you standing in front of our house like some tiger wanting to be feeded!! -0-"
"Tiger...??? =__= I was just getting some fresh air you know.... hey... why aren't the people you're living with coming out.. -__-"
I have to see her no matter what.. even if it's from far away... but she has to come out first before i could see her...
"If they do, do you plan on kidnapping them?! -0-"
"-__-; Kid, I'm not a bad person at all... look, I'm smiling~ ^O^ Have you ever seen a kidnapper smile so prettily?"
I forced my lips to curl up toward my eyes as i smiled brightly at the kid, fearing he'd call Hankyung unni to chase me away..
"Nuna."
"Yeah?"
"I know you right? I know I saw you before."
The kid's tone of voice suddenly turned serious, unfit for his age.. Sticking out his small hands through the peek of the opening of the window, he gestured me to shake it..
"Right? I saw you somewhere right?"
"This is my first time in Ahnyang. ^-^ Maybe you saw me in your dreams."
"No... I saw you somewhere... I know i have... wait Nuna..."
"huh? O_O"
The kid suddenly disappeared from the windows, and reappeared again through the front door..
"Come in! -0-"
"what?"
"Come in... in in innn.. come innn.."
The kid started to drag me into the house. TOT why's this kid so strong??? TOT Clutching onto the door knob, I planted my feet heavily into the floor..
"HANKYUNG NUNA!! DAREUM NUNA!! MEANIE HEAD HYUNG!! -0- Come out here!! Quick, I have something to show you!!"
AHHHH!!! >_<!
"What is it?"
The people in the house stomped toward us. TOT After struggling under the kid's grip for several seconds, my eyes landed on the handsome guy and a tanned pretty girl, frowning down upon me...and... another girl who looked a bit daft as she gazed onto my face, standing in front of the door. -__-
"Oh.. umm... you see... see... um... yeah so.. =0="
"Who's she? Han Jooho! You know her? or.. Bahn Haewon, d'you bring her with you?"
The tall lady took a step toward me as she looked me up and down.. her already large eyes widening more.. -__- I was never considered short, but i feel like a shrimp next to her.. she must be 6' something..
Then... could she be.... chung hankyung? Surprised, I set my gaze onto her intensely..
"What d'you think you're staring at?! =0="
The tanned lady shouted loudly. -__- Heck no, Oppa wouldn't like her..... right? -__- I quickly shifted my gaze toward the daft expressioned woman..
Her hair fell onto her sides.. umm... it wasn't that straight though.. -0- sorta looks like she haven't washed it in a couple of days... her dark, black innocent eyes shone toward me beneath the light double eyelid... her cheeks were slightly rosy, matching well with her pale face.. I saw through her slightly opened lips, two rabbit teeth..
If... she was Chung Hankyung... Considering this, I observed her face silently... hoping her face will forever remain in my head..
"She's my guest. Say hello!"
When the kid ordered the handsome guy, he stepped in front of what I assumed as Hankyung unni as if to shield her from my view.
"She's mine. You'll look like her if you keep on staring."
"Excuse me?"
"Stop looking! -__-"
"........Are you her boyfriend..?"
How could this.. be.. Hankyung unni has a boyfriend..? Wait.. hah.. i'm not even sure she's Hankyung unni.... I should really stop jumping to conclusions..
"Hey, Han Dareum. Chung Hankyung's mine isn't she?"
When the handsome guy asked playfully toward the tanned girl,
"-0- You're so immature! Why would she belong to YOU! -0- Unni's MINEEee!! Right, unni?"
"-0- Yep, Dareum's my owner.. huhuhuh. -0-"
-__- Her laugh seemed so unfit for her face... but anyway... so.. you are Hankyung unni.................
For a brief moment, I caressed my...i mean oppa's eyes... so that I won't ever forget her face.... Stepping toward Hankyung unni, I looked down toward her in a close-up view.
Oppa... look.. you definately remember her right.. the person you wanted.. and loved more than anything else.... she's standing in front of you oppa.. remember the favor you asked me...? Whether she's crying or laughing.. well she looks happy to me............. really happy...
Unable to hide my emotions, I started to sob in front of these people whom I have never seen in my life..
"Don't cry nuna... don't... don't... It looks weird seeing tears coming down from such pretty eyes... don't cry..."
The kid grabbed my hands and whispered.
"Ahh! -0- Unni! Did you just hear him?? Pretty eyes?? -0- Hey Han jooho! When'd you reach puberty, huh? -0- Unni, Unni! -0- Have you ever seen him talk like this before???"
The tanned lady shouted in amazement... then, the handsome guy put his hands on Hankyung unni's shoulders and walked off toward the living room.
"Don't talk with strangers. -0- What'll our baby think of that??"
"-0- Our baby...?? Since when did we have a baby? =0="
"-__- You can't tell the difference between playing around and being serious huh? -__-"
"-0- Of course i do! I good in lit!"
"It's 'I'm good' not 'I good'"
"Yeah that's what I said, 'I good' -__-"
"Repeat after me okay? "I.Am.Good." -__-"
The look so happy... Why am i feeling so mad...? I'm just an unwanted visitor who oppa knew for 3 months, that's all.. but why do i feel like yelling and screaming at them..
Do you know how much Oppa cried out your name... do you have any idea how pained.. and joyful he was just because of you... and he never gave anyone else a thought except for you until his dying second..???? Yet.. Yet why are YOU standing here with that big grin on your face...... what about oppa then... what about him...
"If Taesung oppa sees you from heaven... he'll cry.......... he'll cry again..."
It was so sudden... I had stepped into the livingroom with my shoes.. while croaking those words out in a husky voice toward the woman called Chung hankyung..
Then.... a breathless moment of silence fell upon us for several seconds..
"Taesung..... You know Taesung...?"
"I do... really well, too..."
Hankyung unni took a step toward me..
"Are you Taesung's girlfriend..? Do you live in korea?"
"..........no, I knew him in America."
Unbelievably, a crystal fat tear fell from Hankyung unni's eyes before i even blinked.
"America? then what about taesung?? Is he here, too??? Where's Taesung!??"
Where's oppa...???? Hah.. you're asking where he is...?!
"..........Heaven.."
Immediately, Hankyung unni's face hardened ice cold...
"What are you talking about..? Heaven....? ^-^ I asked you where Taesung was.. ^O^"
"He's in heaven... oppa... he's in heaven..."
"Ohh... he's on a plane? really? haha ^O^ Dareum! Haewon! JOOHO!! You heard her right? Taesung's coming to Korea at this very moment! ^O^ Oh my gosh! We should get ready to go the the airport, yeah? hurry hurry!"
Chung Hankyung grabbed the kid's wrist as she shouted brightly.
"..........What's wrong with you... You're in denial huh... I told you.. Taesung oppa's in heaven... he left..."
Shaking her head in disbelief, Hankyung unni whispered under her breath...
"Liar.. don't lie to me... Taesung planned this to surprise us again huh.. when's he coming?"
Hah.... why... why is she so dumb... the girl you loved, oppa.. why is she so dumb...
"He died. okay? oppa died."
"What are you talking about... Chung taesung... he.. he died??? What the f*ck you think you're playing at!"
The tanned lady shoved my shoulders while asking me in a trembling voice.
then...
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!"
The kid started to bellow out loudly without even stopping to take a breath..
"Oppa died.. how many times would you like me to tell you? Taesung oppa left for heaven already... it's been more than an year... why do you make him so pathetic toward the very end...."
"Don't give us that bs. I don't know what you're playing at, but for your information, Unni and Taesung have been chatting for MONTHS now aight? get out!"
The tanned girl shouted at me loudly... After staring onto my face dumbfounded, Hankyung unni took out a small picture from her jacket in slow motion... then.. placing it in front of my eyes, she asked me in a plain voice.
"This Chung Taesung's the Taesung you knew? No, right? You probably have the wrong person... of course you do... not our taesung, no siree. ^^ Sorry, you have the wrong house."
In the picture there were 4 people. kid, Hankyung unni, the tanned lady... and... taesung oppa in a suit... his hair was bright lemon colored, spiked... pale face... a playfulness lingering on his lips... yeah.. the angel I thought you were oppa... the words angel itself..
"I don't know how he looks like... because I was never able to see... these.. these eyes are the last gift he gave me after his death... this.. this person's oppa...? wow... our taesung oppa's quite the model isn't he.... i never knew how beautiful his smile could be.... never.. knew..."
Unable to finish my sentence, I plopped down on the floor, crying into the now wet picture... the kid was continously screaming, while the tanned lady was rocking him back and forth, crying while murmuring stuff under her breath..
"Crazy b@stard.. Why donate your eyes.. should've died like everyone else.. thinking he's some saint... that... idiot.............."
The tanned girl's murmurings slowly faded away as she, too, burst into tears... Hankyung unni's boyfriend had been quiet the whole time, and throwing something onto the floor, he stormed out of the house.... while.. Hankyung unni... just stared at me silently... expressionless..
Then.. bringing her fingers onto my eyes... she begun to trace it while caressing it... my tears slowly dampened her fingers...
"Taesung............ Taesung.................... Taesung......"
Unni begone to call out oppa's name quietly.... as if talking to him after a long vacation...
"It was oppa's last wish.. to... see you with his own two eyes... his last wish... You know what he told me? He told me that he only smiled for one person.. that.. that even when he was so sick... he wouldn't let anyone come into his heart except for that one person who he laughed for...
Then.... know what else..? He worked at a bakery because he wanted to see that one person.. despite his sick body... for that one person, he stood screaming out her name in front of his window every night.. and limped all the way to the airport even when his life was in danger, just because the thought of seeing that one person was addicting enough...
oppa... he had that one person's picture with him at all times... and his last wish... the last thing he could think of, was to see that one person for him... he's such a dummy isn't he... he lived... for that one person only.. and left crying, in thoughts about that one person...
I was ever so curious how that one person looked like.. but you know what? Unni.. you're beautiful..... just like he said.. beautiful...."
As if possessed, unni spoke in a different tone while staring into my eyes lifelessly..
"Where's our taesung..."
"In Gongju..."
she begun to shake without a word.. then... her blue lips slowly opened once again..
"Let's go visit him... Taesung.. let's go see him..."
She helped me up from the floor.. not even a tear present... I heard that if you're too shocked or sad.. you become numb to all feelings... but unni's face... it looked so... painful... her pale, trembling face... looked beyond painful....
Leaving behind the shouting kid and the murmuring girl, Unni and I staggered out the door...
When we arrived at the stairs in front of the apartment's... I saw Hankyung unni's boyfriend crying silently... I wonder who he was to Taesung oppa... Tiredly, he lifted his head to look at us... A tear fell from his eyes.. and staring down at the tear, he walked toward a black car...
"Get on..."
and silently opened the backdoor for us... On the way to Gongju, No one dared to say anything...
At times, a couple of cuss words escaped the guy's lips.. but other than that... Unni stood still without even a slight movement as she looked out the window..
Oppa... i let it slip.... i'm so horrible aren't i... I know i am... but... i don't think i could stand you crying by yourself any longer... I know what kind of mistake I've made but... I'd rather be insulted by you than to let you suffer any longer... i'm sorry...
As we neared the hills of the grave, unni buried her head into her knees while breathing heavily... The guy pressed on his breaks slowly..
"Is this it? Taesung's.. grave..?"
"Yes... this is it.."
Without a word, Unni opened the door of the running car..
"Chung Hankyung.. what are you doing..."
When the guy murmured angrily, Unni ignored him as she set her foot onto the ground... and ran crazily toward the hills... Parking the car quickly, oppa quickly chased after her.. with me on their tails, breathing heavily... When i got there, I was forced to stop in my tracks, watching Unni dumbfounded..
Unni was screeching with her hands gripping the dirt of the grave.... her screeches were mixed with a clamor... almost looking like she was possessed under some spirit... Silently, the guy stopped in front of the grave, solemn.
I wonder if oppa knows... that the girl he loved so much... i mean, the girl he love was hugging his grave right now... Suddenly, a light drizzle begun to climb down my hair from the sky...
Unni's screeches that resembled the little kid's was now filling up the entire hills, vibrating it with its loud tone... then slowly.. the guy opened his mouth..
"I'm here Chung Taesung... Remember you said you'll kill me whenever you meet me again..? Why'd you lie.... You knew you were gonna go away like that... why'd you pretend to be all powerful... Why do you play around with sad emotions by yourself..."
With those words, the guy plopped down on his knees... Unni's screeching... continued on for more than an hour... Even though the drizzle had turned into pouring rain, none of us dared to complain... or even take notice of it for that matter as we stood our grounds without the slightest movement.
Then... suddenly, unni got up from where she was and staggered toward me... Her whole body and existence soaking with rain... or... tears for that matter..
"Could you.. please.. just once tell me you're lying...? Please... i beg you.. tell me that's not Taesung in that grave.... he's... he's alive.. yes?? I beg you.. please... I'll be forever in debt if you do... please... tell me just this once that Taesung's living happily smiling in America... please... it was a lie... a lie...."
Unni's eyes were unfocused as she pleaded, her voice trembling greatly while she squeezed my hands tightly..
"Oppa didn't die... He's in heaven, can't you see? You just can't see, hear, or touch him that's all... Oppa loved you even though he couldn't hear or see you didn't he...? So... because oppa loved and waited for you... i ask you that you'll please stop his tears... see how he's crying cuz of you right now...? even an year later, he's still crying... Unni... you're the only joy in his life.. yeah? So I beg.. YOU to please make him stop crying..."
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