I was more surprised than Haewon at my tear..
"Hey.. you crying?"
"I dunno.. O.O why did i just cry?"
"You're sad cuz you don't get the window seat? -__-"
"Noooo.. T_T why did i cry..? what's wrong with me?"
"are you hungry? -__-"
"NO! T_T"
After watching the black van disappear, i linked arms with Haewon and resumed walking again...
that night..Dareum, Haewon, Wun, and I were sitting down in the bar...around the same table i saw Bojung and Jaehee..
"Unni, is CHung Taesung ever coming back? did he say anything about that?"
"I dunno... wanna beg him over the phone, Dareum?"
"Yeah!"
"but Taesung stopped picking up the phone two weeks ago..."
"Yeah? pft then i'll just talk to him online... unni, don't you have college entrance exams 3 months from now!"
"ahhhh.. don't remind me.. T_T"
Haewon who had been drinking silently suddenly stared at the table in front of us, amusingly... and of course i had been staring at Haewon.. -0- so following his gaze.. i saw the two people i wanted to forget more than anything... and catching my gaze, they quickly turned around... Bojung and Jaehee.. -__-
"That Lee bojung doesn't come to school anymore.. keke more than half the school gave them a hell worth time so she just dropped out a month after you left.. and Daehan oppa dumped Yoo Jaehee.. man she was SO pitiful... now they have no other friends except for each other.."
their backs seemed really pitiful...
"Don't stare at them... you'll lose your appetite.."
Haewon slightly covered my eyes with his soft hands..
"Hey you!! turn around and eat!! i think imma puke after seeing your faces! >_<"
Dareum shouted happily... and like some miracle, they really did turn around immediately... Jaehee... WAS my friend you know.. T_T
If MungGoo heard about me and Jaehee, he might have a stroke... i haven't told him any word about Jaehee yet.. -__-
feeling too bad for them, i kept on looking back causing Dareum to slap my back.
"Unni!! i almost forgot! let's go visit dad's grave!"
"what? -0-"
"why are you so surprised... We'll bring Jooho along.. i wanna visit dad..."
Dareum.... only a couple of months ago, didn't you despise dad...? touched, i stared at dareum with wet eyes...
"Nuna! bring me along, too!! please? -0-"
Wun pleaded
"Where are YOU going?!"
"why are you always excluding me? i wanna go, too!! -0-"
"are you RELATED to my dad in any way?? -0-"
"Don't be so cruel!! I have a sad life you know!! -0-"
"OhHO! being dumped by those ABC girls? chi... it's for your good Wun. -__-^"
You got dumped Wun? Wun's cheeks begun to flush a deep shade of red and he opened his mouth to yell..
"when did i ever!"
Catching everyone's attention in the bar, Dareum and Wun continued to bicker and quarrel loudly... i even see dry squids and apples flying around.. -0-
"this is why kids are so tiring..."
Haewon murmured gibberish while holding out his cup toward me.. -___- i filled his glass with beer........... and that was how our night ended...
A wolf's attraction-120
2003. January 5th.
Dareum, Jooho, Haewon, and I stood rigidly in front of dad's grave..
"Dad, i got into college.. ^-^ i might not be able to visit so often... ^-^"
Placing a lit cigarette on dad's grave, i told him brightly.
"Father-in-law. I'll take care of Hankyung with my life so don't worry about her."
Haewon keeps on saying these words as if he's some grandpa...
"Dad? it's me Dareum... it's been a long time hasn't it.... i kept on thinking i should visit for awhile now... but..... i just couldn't find the courage to...."
Dareum stamped her tears out quickly as if she didn't want anyone to know she was crying... and after faking a cough, she shouted.
"I'll visit often from now on!! don't hate me so much!! and unni got into college!! aren't you happy? promise that you'll be as happy when i get in, too!! remember how you would always hug me when i was young and-..."
Dareum was unable to finish her sentence as she dropped her head low... even i felt like crying.. T_T
"Hello mister. Isn't it cold there? Are there groundhogs who eat your dirt?"
Jooho innocently asked the grave curiously... and dareum punched JOoho's head lightly at his question -__-
"AHh!! >O<"
Jooho jumped up and down while shouting... and passing dad's grave he climbed up the hill.. -___- and shouted,
"There's a grave here!!!"
O_O?
"Come back down here!! -0- that place is haunted!!"
Even at Dareum's scare, Jooho just turned around and squatted down in front of the grave... climbing to where Jooho was... i saw him plucking out weeds around an unfamiliar grave... how come i never saw this grave... it's not even 100 meters away from dad's.... well... true i never climbed this way before...
"Hey.. what are you doing there.. come back here.."
Dareum pulled Jooho's sleeves...
"it's sad.."
Jooho had suddenly turned serious... for some reason, i crouched down also and begun to pluck out the weeds...
"hey... hey what are you doing. Han Dareum, what's wrong with them? -__-^"
Even at Haewon's annoyed comment, DAreum, too, began to pluck out the weeds...
"huh? what's wrong with YOU!! are you guys crazy? -0-"
Haewon's perplexed voice rang throughout the mountains yet Jooho, Dareum, and I weeped without knowing why we should.. Wiping away the tears with his forehand, Jooho mumbled..
"The person inside is crying..."
".......yeah... i can feel it too..."
Dareum said while swallowing back tears..
".........He says nice to meet you..."
i whispered lifelessly... Haewon was now shouting in disbelief.
"You're just trying to freak me out, huh? you think i'd get scared by something like that? stop with the nonsense and let's go down.. Chung Hankyung, didnt' you wanna see your new house in Ahnyang? let's go already."
As if under a trance, we brusquely stood up simulatenously... and aftering staring at each other, we laughed, confused.. while Haewon looked us up and down while frowning.. -__-
"Let's go!! >_< AHNYANG HERE WE COME!!!"
"woooooo!! ^O^"
We descended down the hills with a loud and happy shout... forgetting all about the possession or whatever we were under, I was next to Haewon while Dareum was next to Jooho... and thinking about our future and whatever was to come... we slowly depatured from Gongju.... Remembering my promise not to cry anymore, i kept on erasing Taesung's face from my mind...
This is it.. it's only begun... Squeezing Haewon's hand harder, i smiled brightly... Getting a feeling that this was the man i was going to spend the rest of my life with, a smile never left my face.. while my mind continued to bury and erase TAesung's face...
I came all this way up.. now i should go back down... i've been through enough troubles... so... so now... let's just go back down.....
2002 August 20th...
"Grandma, you have to bury me next to dad when i die, okay?"
"Taesung.. i'm sorry.. i shouldn't have.... taken you away.... from Hankyung.... you would've been happier..... happier with her...."
"No Grandma... It was for the better, see? I don't want Nuna to know about me.. ^-^ so i should thank you... you have to keep your promise, okay? don't let nuna know about my death until the very end... Keep on telling nuna that i'm living happily in america even if she may be 40 or 50..."
"Taesung... how..... how can you....."
"Oh yeah, bury the family picture next to me... Kevin... you remember the password to my screen name, right?....you can't suddenly stop talking to nuna okay... and don't let her find anything out..."
"is that really necessary? i mean, she'll know it's not you immediately won't she... just.. just tell her Taesung..."
"no......... i can't.... see... my nuna... she has too many tears... she's such a dummy.. always crying......... grandma, bury me next to dad.... along with this picture... and.... until... until nuna dies... don't tell her anything about my death.... just.. just these three things... please... hah my death wish..."
"taesung.."
"grandma... can.... can i ask you one last thing?"
"of course... of course sweety.."
"i don't care if you're lying... but... you have to say yes despite whatever question it may be... okay?"
"sure...... sure....."
"People... are.. born again... right grandma?"
"Yeah.."
"really? there is such thing? ^-^"
"Yes honey..."
"Heh... that's all grandma... i just have to wait then......"
"Taesung....!! taesung!!! taesung honey!!!!!"
"............"
"Taesung..... baby open your eyes.... taesung.................................. taesung..."
Nuna, in our afterlife...
don't be born as my nuna...
I don't care if you're some old grandma...
and i wouldn't care if you were really really ugly.... just....
just don't be born as my nuna...
Then, i'll find you whereever you are..
whether you're in another country or wherever...
i'll find you and have you live with me..
so... when we're born again...
you have to call me "honey" instead of "Taesung" okay? ^-^
here.. pinky promise.
Goodbye.................. taesung...
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The Last Gift..
The memories i have of my parent's face... along with how trees and the sun looked like is barely kept inside my mind... yet... one thing.... one particular saying my mother told me is still fresh in my mind...
Nayoon, see after meeting this and that of people.. you'll run into misfortune and good fortune... Now... when you meet someone who wears the same scent as the wind that weaves through your hair... you must try everything to not let such a great person go.
Wind scent..? but... there's trees and the ocean.. -__- and.. ooh chocolate!! i like people who smell like chocolate..
Then mom gave me a loving smile and tucking my hair back, she replied.
You'll understand when you grow up... it's not the scent of a wind you smell by the nose, it's through the heart..... just like your father. ^^
2002 May, 3rd
And... fascinatingly.. and unbelievingly... a person who smelled like the wind appeared in front of me... i have to hold them back!!!
even though the world was pitch black, i was able to grope around and become in contact with the edge of a t-shirt.
"Move...."
the voice belonged to a guy.. probably a guy my age... 2... 3 years older?
"I said move.."
"Oh... um see i can't.."
"what?"
okay... don't get scared now..
"hello! I'm Nayoon. Even though i can't see, i can do just about anything else. see -__- i can sing well, too~! wanna hear?"
"........um.. okay... good for you now move."
"I'm 17.. and oh yeah sorry.. i mean, i don't go to school.. can you tell me your name?"
"........."
"I know... you probably think i'm some freak but can't we be friends? >_<"
"If i tell you my name, will you move?"
"Yes"
I could just follow you then.. heh -__-
"Chung taesung....... happy?"
^-^ grinning, i made room for him to get through even though i sensed that he was annoyed... thanks to the familiar streets, i was able to follow him without breaking a sweat.
"Hah.. >_< waiit... ohh you live here? a grandma lives here by herself..... ^0^ hey! we're neighbors!! how come i never saw you? ohh.. did you just move? or... hm... did the grandma move away?"
"......."
"i still know what's going around even though i can't see you know.. ^O^ there are three small pinetrees in front of your house right? ohh.. and... aha!"
Placing my hand around a rectangular shaped mailbox, i shouted brightly.
"Mailbox! -0- truthfully... i don't need these sort of things to know where you live.. ^0^ i've gotten used to it by now..~~"
"...i'm asking you to stop annoying me."
"Did i annoy you? -0- sorry i didn't mean to... but can't you tell me your age at least? -__-"
"I'm an year older than you squirt.. now stop annoying me."
"wait! >_<"
Before i could hold him back, the wind scented guy disappeared through his door at a fast speed.... oh.. scratch that, Taesung oppa i mean. ^-^ returning back to my room, i giggled madly causing my dad to ask me in wonder..
"Nayoon, did anything good happen?"
"^^ I'm not sure yet. ^^ dad, did grandma next door move?"
"No honey."
"Ohh... i see.. ^O^"
"What is it?"
"Nothing~~ >_< dad!! want me to give them cake?"
"It's not even saturaday!"
"Oh... then i should go borrow their lawn mower.."
"We already mowed the lawn last night sweety.. -__-"
"Then.. um... with grandma.... see... um..."
"Aigoo, you're trying to see the grandma's grandson aren't you?"
"Da..dad... how'd you know.. -0-"
"Don't be late.. ^-^ i believe he was quite handsome."
">_< thank you!"
My heart begun to thump loudly.. i wasn't trying to laugh or anything but being unable to surpress feeling happy, i covered my mouth while ringing the doorbell.. ding dong... ding dong.... even though i rang the bells more than 10 times... the door wouldn't budge.. -___- even through my pounding and beating, the door STILL wouldn't open..-__-
Whew.. well.. i'm sorry to do this but... ever since i was a child, i was always quite adventurous... rubbing my hands after spitting in them... -___- i carefully climbed up the biggest tree in front of grandma's house.. hahh... >_< T_T after dirtying my hands and getting a few scratches on my legs, i sat in the top most branch.. ^O^ hm... now where's that window... the only thing i was able to touch while waving my hands in front of me was the air... -___- angrily, i picked up my left legs and swung it around.. -___- and planted my feet against a window... ^O^ oh yes! lucky day~ >_< keke i'm so proud of myself... and pretty soon, the window creaked open and along came a familiar voice.
"I'll report you."
Taesung oppa's voice. ^O^
"Hi oppa! ^O^ wanna eat cake at my house? -0-"
"ugly.... leave."
"ugly? -0- oppa am i really ugly?"
"Just be thankful that you can't see. -__-"
"are you serious? ahh.. TOT you're lying aren't you!! grandma and my dad would always tell me i was pretty.. T_T"
"That's why you can't trust grown ups, cuz they lie all the time.. -__- that's why i dislike them.. -0-"
"really? T__T do i have a lot of freckles on my face? T_T are my lips lopsided, too?"
"The bus..."
"huh?"
"The bus came at a fast speed.."
".......?"
"and ran over a face.. that's how you look like. -___-"
"T_T....."
"Becareful going down. -0- the alligator seems awfully hungry.. tsk. kek"
"wait!! oppa!! don't leave yet!!! i need to tell-"
Bam! -___- the window closed shut... T_T and still being unable to get out of the shock, i sat dumbfounded on the branch... and after awhile, decided to head back to my house...
wait a sec... where's the branch.. ^O^ here we go.. ^O^ wait.. AHHHH!! >_< bam!
-0- -___- T_T i think i sprained my ankle!! >__< laying down on the damp grass, i begun to sob while holding onto my ankle.. 20... 30 minutes later... i heard the front door open with the sounds of a heavy footsteps.. T_T
"You lived? argh i even got me a shovel to bury you with.. -___-"
"oppa.. TOT"
"whoa.. you still talk, too!! man, how greedy are the life of humans.."
"It hurts.. T_T you came to see how i was. TOT"
"i like burying people.. well it looks like i'm not needed.. -__- go back home before the sun sets. -___- it's not such a pleasant feeling hearing a monster scream in my front yard. -__-"
"Oppaaaa.. i'm seriously not joking though. my ankles are probably swollen, right? T__T it really does hurt! T__T"
Taesung oppa helped me walk back to my house.. ^O^ realizing that oppa will probably leave if i said it was right next door... -__- i lied that my house was actually my friend, sunny's... Taesung oppa continued to roughly pull me while mumbling foreign words.. -__-
Hm... he must be tall since i only reach his shoulders.. and... his arms are long, too... -__- why are his hands so cold, though? the wind scent mom told me about.... i feel it and smell it each time he takes a step...
"Monster.. -__- i really don't like you.."
"What school do you go to, oppa? ^O^ i know how happy you are deep inside cuz you met a fellow korean. ^O^"
"you and Han Dareum should be best friends. -0-"
"who's Han Dareum...? -0-"
"My punching bag."
"...? punching bag?"
"we're here!! shoo!! go in already!! shoo!!!"
"you're joking right? we're already here? TOT"
"byebye -___- forever byebye"
"wait!! oppa!! hold up for a sec!!!"
Ignoring my plea, Oppa quickly disappeared with the wind.. i'll see you again tomorrow~ -___- ahhh.. what am i suppose to do though.. T__T dragging my swollen ankle, i crawled to Sunny's doorstep and pounded on the door.
"Is anyone home? T_T"
"........"
"T__T oh i see.. T_T no one's home.."
a truck my run over me on the way to my house if i go in these conditions.. TOT comforting myself, i hummed along a tune waiting and praying for Sunny to come home.. T_T
an hour... two hours passed... yet Sunny was nowhere to be seen.. -___- she's probably out partying with her new boyfriend... oh my goodness.. it's way past sunset.... what if dad's worried... ahhh... maybe an hour passed and,
"get up."
You can try to resist~ try to hide from my kiss (i was singing)~~.
"You're gonna drive me knuts.."
Someone pulled me up by the wrists with much strength.
"O_O opa?"
"don't do these sort of things from now on."
I brimmed up with tears in gratitude. TOT
"You came for me? you were worried that i might have gotten kidnapped? TOT"
"i'm not joking around with you... don't lie"
Oppa seemed to know which way my house... and i didn't even tell him the directions..
"Oppa, you knew me too huh? aha! you probably watched me from afar since you already know my house and all.. -0-"
"you told me we were neighbors before! -__-"
"oppa.. wanna be friends?"
"no"
".......why... cuz i'm blind..?"
"no.. if you're friends with me.. then you'll just end up crying..."
that was how Taesung oppa's and my first meeting passed me by..
++
Unable to sleep any longer due to the beatings of my heart, i woke up an hour earlier the next day.. -__- after entering and exiting in and out of the kitchen and our garden, i packed cream filled bread with me and headed out the door a bit past 10. ^O^ tahk.. my fingers slipped off of the bread.. i had collided in with someone...
"Nayoon, where are you going?"
"Sunny.. what are you doing here so early.."
"I have a favor to ask you.. let's go to my house."
"What favor?"
"See i have this urgent meeting with Jimmy then nana has to stay home all alone.. can you take care of her while i'm gone?"
Nana's sunny's daughter like favored cat.. since this wasn't the first time she asked me.. -__-
"Um.. i need to do something though.. mind if i go over a bit later? ^-^"
"where are you going?"
Sunny asked while grabbing my wrists.
"Next door. ^O^"
"Why?"
"wanna go, too? oh.. nevermind.. oppa'll probably hide if theres too many people.."
"Oppa? there's a guy who lives next to you?"
"yep.. -__-"
"Is he a hottie? tall?"
"see.. um.. about that.."
"Oh yeah.. you can't see."
"........yeah. ^-^"
"Let's go!"
"Go where? T__T"
"I'll tell him how he looks like so lets go! >_<"
"sunny! T_T"
Sunny who was about 10 centimeters taller than me, dragged me by her long arms and stopped on oppa's front lawn... bravely ringing the bell, she charged into the house when there wasn't an answer. -__-
"Noo.. Taesung oppa doesn't like meeting a lot of people! sunny, please let's go back! T_T"
"Hey! Lemme talk to you!"
"Sunny! T_T grandma might be home.."
"Is anyone home???"
Sunny's shouts disturbed the quiet aura that had preoccupied the livingroom... unaware of what she was doing, Sunny pulled me toward the stairs..
T_T then, a familiar scent brushed past my nose signalling it was Taesung oppa... Sunny and Taesung oppa were both dead silent.
"Sorry oppa.. -__-"
When i mumbled out a soft apology, Sunny's shout in awe rang loudly in my ears.
"OH MY GOD!! >__< HE'S SEXY!!! Lee Nayoon!! Damn girl, how'd you find a guy like him? wooo.. he's the best looking guy i ever saw!"
".........Sunny..."
"Get out."
Taesung oppa's voice sounded so ice cold..
"Your name is Taesung? How old are you? When'd you come from Korea?"
Sunny was full of questions..
"Get out."
"^^ Is your dad a gang's boss? you seem so cold~ ^O^"
Sunny was now joking with Taesung.. this only means that she grew to like him alot.. -__-
"Get her out of here."
Taesung oppa spat out annoyed at me.
"Yeah Sunny, let's go..."
"What's your last name, oppa? What was your name again? Tae? Tae? ^O^"
Sunny is always self-confident.
"You're not worth saying my name. Don't annoy me."
An awkward and icy atmosphere fell upon us immediately and i heard Sunny's rough breathing... Sunny was always the princess in our town and she probably never recieved this kind of treatment from anyone..
"Are you afraid of cooties?"
"........."
"Did i say anything to you? did i ask for food? or a drink? we're all humans, why are you putting me down like you're some god? you don't care what other people think, huh."
Sunny is also an only child.. she received all the love and care she could've ever gotten.
"If it was Korea.."
"What? korea?"
"If we were in Korea, i would've hit you. Get out."
"Hah.. You're insane, aren't you... forreal.."
Oppa silently headed back toward the stairs... why are you so cold oppa.. why won't you let anyone into that cold heart of yours..
"You came from Korea didn't you? where'd you used to live?"
"I don't feel the need to tell you."
Oppa's footsteps grew further again... and Sunny's voice followed a second afterward as if substaining herself from exploding in fury.
"I have a lot of friends from Korea.. can't you tell me?"
"Kek. You think Korea's your house? i don't know anyone here. satisfied?"
"No? i know a guy who was quite popular in korea.. he probably knows your name.. oh.. that's.. RIGHT.. ^^ you were probably hiding from him cuz you probably got beat up."
Sunny had a habit of saying anything she thinks of whenever she was mad... but still... that was cruel..
"Let's go sunny.. just... let's go.. Oppa.. i'll... see you taler.. ^-^"
Waving my hand, i felt for Sunny's tiny wrists and dragged her yet she wouldn't budge.
"Who's the kid you know. the one who was quite popular?"
"Jimmie. HIs korean name is probably Ahn JongHan."
"haha......"
"why are you laughing?"
"InChun Ahn JongHan?"
"........so what? you know him? oh i'll make SURE to say NICE things about you. don't sweat about it. ^-^"
Jimmie... aka JongHan was part of a gang while he was in Korea... he visited the jail numerous times... and was also Sunny's new boyfriend... and... an year ago.... forget it Nayoon.. don't think about it...
"Whatever."
Taesung oppa glided up the stairs in an uncaring voice. Sunny collapsed down onto the floor while crying in fury... it didn't need to end up this way... finally convincing Sunny to get out of the house, she told me in a shaky voice.
"He's dead."
"Sunny!"
"hah... i have never heard such an insult in my life.. oh i'll make sure he pays for that.."
"No sunny... please.. don't.."
"He thinks he's greater than me..? ME???"
Sunny's voice was shaky once again.
"No Sunny.. let's just leave Oppa alone... i think he's been through a lot.. we're being immature..."
"what?"
"We're being immature.. us... doing this."
"Hah you think you're so grown up now, Lee Nayoon?"
".....sunny..."
"You and i didn't start out as friends.. remember that? and yet you think you're so great?"
"........."
"we're having a party at Jimmie's house tomorrow. 8 o'clock. you know what i'm talking about right? make sure to bring that b@stard."
Sunny's furious voice cut into my bones...
"I can't.......... i won't..."
"yeah? well i'll just tell all the kids what happened an year ago.. i'm sure the kids will laugh plentily about it"
It was always like this.. whenever there was a fight between Sunny and me... she destroyed me little by little by what happened last year..
"i'm leaving. 8 o'clock remember that. remember to bring him. tch.. i'm sure your dad doesn't know about last year? yeah? ^-^"
"......."
"Don't treat me like i'm some b!Tch. i can't just let that b@stard slip, that's all. bye"
Sunny's footsteps gradually faded within the sounds of the city... before any tears could fall, i quickly wiped it away with my fists and yelled brightly.
"No problem!! Lee Nayoon!! Don't let that get you down!! You have a dad, grandma, toto, AND oppa!!! FIGHTING LEE NAYOON!! ^O^!!!"
Slowly setting down the bag of bread on Taesung oppa's lawn, i heavily walked out of the gardens and into my house.. that night.. i was sick.... both my head and my mind felt heavy... Dad was by my bed, talking frantically.
"DId your fever go down? want some juice? are you hungry?"
"Nah.. don't worry about me dad."
"You're cold aren't you? want me to get you another blanket?"
"It's really okay.. ^-^ sweet dreams dad.. i'm fine."
"Should you take more medicine?"
"Noo.. i'm getting sleepy.. good night. ^-^"
"You want to? okay then.. if you need anything else, just shout okay?"
"Yes sir! ^O^"
Lightly kissing my cheeks, dad closed the door leaving my bedroom to be quiet.. everything's so dark... i have never.. blamed myself... and hated fate for making me blind.. yet... yet at this moment.. i can't help but feel dislike that i can't see..
Last year on my dad's birthday... i went downtown to buy his cake... just... with toto... just us two... and.. when i was waiting for a taxi around 10...9... a group of boys surrounded me.. and among them was Sunny's boyfriend, Jimmie..
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