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Active listening is a model for respect and understanding. You are gaining information and perspective. You add nothing by attacking the speaker or otherwise putting him or her down.
· Be candid, open, and honest in your response.
· Assert your opinions respectfully.
· Treat the other person as he or she would want to be treated.
It takes a lot of concentration and determination to be an active listener. Old habits are hard to break, and if your listening habits are as bad as many people's are, then there's a lot of habit-breaking to do! Be deliberate with your listening and remind yourself frequently that your goal is to truly hear what the other person is saying. Set aside all other thoughts and behaviors and concentrate on the message. Ask questions, reflect, and paraphrase to ensure you understand the message. If you don't, then you'll find that what someone says to you and what you hear can be amazingly different!
2. Nonverbals occur in clusters- in infinite combinations. These clusters include what the eye muscles do, what the hands do, the use of surrounding space, and so on. In practice a nonverbal signal rarely occurs alone. For instance, a person who widens his or her eyes could be signaling surprise, but also could be communicating horror or disgust. When a nonverbal message contradicts a verbal one, receivers tend to believe the nonverbal message. Although business people control what they say, they may not always control or even realize what they are doing as they speak. For this reason observers infer that a speaker’s real intent shows in the less deliberate nonverbal behaviour accompanying the verbal message. When verbal and nonverbal behaviours reinforce each other, all is well. When they conflict, receivers perceive the nonverbal behaviour as more revealing. Watch nonverbals but remain aware of the multiple meanings many of them have. Recognise cultural differences in behavioural baselines. Control the nonverbal signals you send. We are educated to prefer words to communicate but we should not overlook non-verbal signals.
Nonverbal communication includes facial expression, eyes, body movement, posture, gesture, use of time, use of space, touch, business dress, surroundings and artifacts, and voice.
Facial expression. When facial expressions are well matched with verbal context, meaning is enhanced. When they are inconsistent, the receiver is puzzled and has to guess which message the sender intends. A speechmaker with a communicative face holds an audience’s attention more easily than one with a wooden face. Negotiators and powerful people are careful not to let their faces communicate information that puts them at a disadvantage.
Eyes. Eyes are always “talking” and providing valuable clues. Eye communication is the most important skills in your personal impact toolbox. Your eyes are the only part of your certain nervous system that directly connect with another person. Don’t assume that simply making “eye contact” is enough. Good eye communication means more than just a fleeting glance.
Posture and movement. How you hold yourself physically can reflect how you hold yourself mentally. And how you hold yourself is usually how others regard you. Business people’s standing posture should be erect and controlled (for both men and women). Communication and energy cannot be separated. Use all of your natural energy in a positive fashion. Movement adds to your energy, reflects confidence and adds variety to your communications. Be sure to adapt posture and movement concepts to your personal style.
Gestures. To be effective at interpersonal communication you should have your hands and your arms relaxed and natural at your sides when you are at rest. Gestures can carry meanings of their own and can modify or reinforce the meanings of worded messages. They are also means by which we regulate turn taking in conversation. Sometimes we gesture to emphasize and add conviction to what we say, we gesture to compliment or further explain a worded message. You should learn to smile under pressure, in the same way you would with a natural smile when you are comfortable.
ü Use of space. Each culture generates “rules” about interpersonal space.
In business the intimate zone would rarely be used. The personal zone is used for many interpersonal business exchanges. The social zone is suitable for less concentrated exchanges. Invading people’s space bothers them and sometimes makes them feel threatened.
Voice and vocal variety. Your voice is the primary vehicle to carry your message. Subtleties of vice are far greater than we think. We can read an enormous amount into the vocal tone of people on the telephone during the first few seconds. The four components that make up your vocal expression are relaxation, breathing, projection and resonance. All work together to give your voice its unique characteristics. Vocal variety is a great way to keep people interested and involved. Use a “roller coaster” where you consciously lift your voice and then let it plummet.
Dress and appearance. We form immediate and vivid impressions of people during the first five seconds we see them. Since 90 percent of our persona is covered by clothing, we need to be aware of what our clothes are communicating. The most important two words for effective dress are “be appropriate”. This means appropriate first of all as to how comfortable you feel. If you feel uncomfortable, you will not communicate effectively. Your appearance should be appropriate to the company you are in.
List of literature and Internet resources:
5. Calero H.H., Power of Nonverbal Communication, The: How You Act Is More Important Than What You Say, 2005
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