Fact 1: about men, women, and relationships

A SHORT HISTORY OF MEN AND WOMEN

Approximately 250,000 years ago our species had evolved into what are now called "modern humans" who walked erect on two legs, made tools, and used language. They lived in nomadic bands of 20 to 30 hunters and gatherers who did little more than survive and breed. They were a hardy and horny species. Their successful traits for surviving and breeding repeated over time became embedded in their DNA, which was passed on to today's men and women. (Yes, today we still have some caveman and cavewoman in us!)

By about 30,000 years ago, our ancestors had greatly increased in number and had evolved in body and brain very close to the physical likeness we are today. Very few physical changes have occurred in human bodies and brains over the past 30,000 years. (Some women complain that some men's behaviors have not improved much since then either!)

So here we are, still using a body and brain design that is approximately 30,000 years old! This body is designed primarily to survive and breed.

A QUICK HISTORY ABOUT WOMEN, RELATIONSHIPS, AND SEX

In ancient times while the men were away on the daily hunt, the women tended the children and worked in groups for safety while gathering seeds, roots, berries, and nuts. These daily activities helped women develop a high skill for spreading their attention among several activities while talking to everyone at the same time. Much of their talk was to improve their relationships within the group of women. It was very important for a woman to be accepted by the other women in the group for her continued protection and survival.

For thousands of generations, woman living in communal groups developed good multi-tasking, communication, and relationship skills. Women learned to cooperate rather than compete like the men did. An equal and harmonious relationship within the group was the best way for women to survive in those hard times. Today's modern women still place a high priority on maintaining good relationships, even though often it is not necessary to insure their survival.

HOW WOMEN BUILD RELATIONSHIPS

For women, relationship-building is generally a part of every activity with everyone. Women build relationships by freely talking about their daily trivia and troubles. "I will tell you about my life and troubles, and you may tell me about yours so that we can be really close." This unconsciously reassures them they have a good relationship, are protected, safe, and will survive.

When a woman tries to build a relationship with a man by talking about her personal life and problems, men don't understand what is happening. Men hear women's problems as a request for help, so men respond with solutions to the women's problems. When a man offers his recommended solution, the woman often feels as if he is trying to diminish her problem or cut her off. Women do not see a relationship developing with the man who wants to "fix her problems." Men don't understand women building relationships with daily trivia and women don't understand men building status by taking action to fix things. Women don't want to be fixed! That makes them feel like they are broken or defective. They want to be heard and form a close relationship!

FACT 1: ABOUT MEN, WOMEN, AND RELATIONSHIPS

• Women have a strong need in their DNA to pass on their genes to their children. But historically this was not easily done without protection and support from a man. Because this need still is in women's DNA, women still place a high priority on finding men who will stick around to protect and support them and their children.
• Most women want a good sound relationship going before giving sex to the man she selects as the best one to insure survival of her and her children. This drive is even in women who are just dating for fun and not interested in having children.
• Most men strive to achieve high status and thereby get a lot of sex. This drive begins as a teenager and may not ever stop until they drop dead. Sex with only one woman for a lifetime is not a high priority for many men. Lots of sex with any woman desired is most men's dream!

Дата добавления: 2015-11-14