Child rearing and socialization

The American sociologist Talcott Parsons believed that the two most important functions of the modern family are the primary socialization of children and the stabilization of adult personalities through marriage and the raising of children. His own concern was particularly with the middle-class American family, but these important aspects of family life are also applicable much more widely. In the present context it is worthwhile to look especially at primary socialization.

Primary socialization refers to the training of children during their earliest years, whereas secondary socialization refers to later influences on the development of the child's personality and learning activities, such as his involvement with teachers and with other children at school. Primary socialization is in most societies carried out essentially within the family as part of child rearing. In the modern family, parents take responsibility for raising and teaching their children such basic things as language and correct behaviour. Toilet training, teaching children how to eat correctly, and encouraging children to get along with others are all aspects of child rearing. However, it is not only these more mundane aspects of behaviour that children learn. Children are also implicitly encouraged to develop the values of the parents and of the society in which they live. In American society, which was Parsons' main concern, these values include independence, motivation for achievement, and competition. In other societies, different values, such as cooperation and egalitarianism, may be stressed. Yet the principle behind primary socialization in different societies is the same: the development of social values must be achieved in an environment of love and security, as is found in the ideal family anywhere in the world.

Few families are ideal, however. Studies of the families of emotionally disturbed children have shown that unsatisfactory relationships between husbands and wives can have detrimental effects on children. Sometimes a child is used as a scapegoat. The parents blame or even physically abuse the child in order to cover up their own difficulties. In such a case, the child often fails to develop the values the parents wish to instill in him, developing instead antisocial habits leading to deviant behaviour in later life. Indeed, the cycle may be repeated if such a person in time marries, has a family of his own, and treats his children in the same way. Nonetheless, there is no reason to suppose that all children of unsatisfactory marriages are treated in such a way or fail to overcome the difficulties they have as children.

Some social scientists have even suggested that the isolated nuclear family, as it exists in Western industrialized societies, is to blame for the social ills found in those societies. They claim that in the past more support was offered from the wider kin network and from the community as a whole—as is still the case in less-developed parts of the world. The British psychiatrists R.D. Laing and David Cooper suggested that the modern family is dysfunctional in that, by its very nature, it forces upon children an undue emphasis on obedience to authority. These negative viewpoints aside, most experts as well as most parents agree that the primary socialization process in the modern family offers benefits both to the child and to the parents.

Text 7

Middle age

As the children grow up, the family undergoes certain changes. Parental roles shift from child rearing and socialization to financial maintenance coupled with keeping a watchful eye on the children's school and social activities and preparing them for adulthood.

Middle age is generally considered to be the stage in the life cycle when parents finally achieve a degree of independence, from both the burdens and the delights of raising children. At this stage in the life cycle, marriage often comes under strain. As in the earliest stage of marriage, the couple may find themselves alone with each other. For many it is a period of crisis, since it involves a change in roles. This may have advantages. The husband and wife can travel more freely or go out more often without worrying about their children. They may have greater financial independence if their wages or salaries are higher than in their younger days and if they do not have to spend as much money on their children, who, by this stage, probably have jobs of their own.

On the other hand, middle age is coupled with physiological changes that can cause health problems or simply a feeling that life is passing by. Women who have taken primary responsibility for raising their children may feel a loss at their departure. The same may apply to men, of course, but usually not to the same degree. New relationships are formed with children-in-law, and it is often difficult for parents to adjust to the fact that their children share their love with their own spouses as well as with the parents. (Mother-in-law jokes are found throughout the world and have much basis in fact.) In addition, both men and women may feel a loss in confidence owing to the feeling that they are no longer as sexually attractive as they once were. This too may put strains on the marital bond and cause partners to stray.

Old age: children caring for parents

A precise distinction between middle age and old age is virtually impossible to draw. Certainly retirement marks a commonly recognized point of transition for many people, though they may not wish to consider this as the beginning of old age. Within the family a key factor, equally important, is the stage at which the parent–child roles are reversed, when children express their concern for the well-being of their parents by providing emotional or financial support. Often a parent, after the death of a spouse, comes to live with one of the children. Sometimes a child who has become successful provides money for the upkeep of the parents, or surviving parent, even if living elsewhere.

The transition to old age is, of course, not necessarily abrupt and does not necessarily lead to a feeling of alienation, as was once supposed. On the contrary, several sociological studies, notably in the United States, the United Kingdom, and Denmark, have shown that most old people have at least one child living nearby, often only a few minutes' traveling time away. In many Third World countries, where it is customary for parents and children to reside in the same village, if not in the same household, contact between children and elderly parents is even greater. In both traditional and modern cultures, adult children take great responsibility for the welfare of their aged parents. This is true not only in rural areas but also in urban ones, and for all social classes.

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