Are you raising good children

by Dr. Bobbie McDonald

So often I hear people say what good children they have, or someone tell someone else what a good child they have, and this always 1)________(give) me pause for thought. What is it that makes a child "good"? Is it doing what he or she is told? Being quiet? Not questioning or talking back? You see, good kids 2)________(be) a wonderful thing in the moment, but as we raise our children, 3)________(we /look) to the future? The way I see it, our job is not necessarily to raise good kids, but moreover to raise great adults.

Many people mistakenly 4)________(think) that raising good children is the same thing as raising your children to be competent and confident adults. And yet, too often these two things are in direct opposition of each other. Think about it. What we 5)________(may) consider to be good kids are children who are obedient, who 6)________(do) what they are told without arguing or asking questions, who 7)________(let) the adults speak, and who respect authority completely without question. Now consider if these are the traits and behaviors you would want for your adult sons or daughters. Do you want them to accept the authority of those around them without question and let others do their thinking for them and 8)________(not/ think) independently for themselves? Do you want them to be followers led by others because they never 9)________(have) the room to find their own voice? Because when you 10)________(look) at it closely this is what these good children 11)________(be) taught.

So often, I meet parents who are worried or upset that their adult children 12)________(have) no drive, no independence, or that they 13)_ _______ (seem) afraid to strike out into the world on their own. I want to ask these parents, "What 14)________(you/ expect)?" When as a parent you raise a child to obey your word, not to question your authority and, in essence, to not think for themselves or question what 15)________(not/ seem) right or just to them, and you do this for the first eighteen years of the child's life, how 16)______(can) you expect them to go confidently out into the world in the nineteenth year and become the opposite of all that they 17)________(be) taught? Raising a child to be a great adult 18)________(take) more patience, more work and the ability to at times "check your ego at the door". This type of parenting 19)________(require) allowing your children to ask questions even when those questions are about the choices or decisions that you 20)________(make): asking your children for their opinion as well as asking them for their solution to the problem; listening to their thoughts and opinions and truly weighing them into your decision making processes especially when it 21)________(come) to decisions you are making with regard to them; it requires sometimes changing your mind, particularly if your child 22)________(present) valid and reasonable information or opinions to the situation in question; and it even requires occasionally admitting that you were wrong.

Let me say that I 23)________(not/ recommend) that anyone put their child in the driver seat and let them run the road. I 24)________(not/ imply) that any parent should let their child 25)________(do) whatever they want, or let them speak rudely or disrespectfully. I am not saying that they should let their child make all of the rules or get to have their way all of the time. I 26)________(simply/ point out) how important it is to find a balance and empower your child to be all of the wonderful things you would like them to be as an adult. I know it is so much easier to say "because I 27)________(say) so" or "because I'm your parent", but your job is not to take the easy road, your job is to raise the best adult that you possibly can. And while it is not always the easy choice, at the end of the day when you little boy or girl is an adult confidently who 28)________(interact) in the world, all of it is worth it. So, we can raise our children to be good and obedient kids, children that we can be proud of in front of our peers and others. Or we can take the more challenging and more rewarding path of raising our children to be great adults; people who we can be impressed by and admire as they 29)________(become) competent, independent thinking, ambitious and successful adults.

II. Group/Class discussion – Do you agree or disagree? Account for your answer. – While raising their kids, parents should never forget they’ll be tomorrow’s adults.

1) gives 2) are 3) aren't we looking 4) think 5) may 6) do 7) let 8) do not think 9) had 10) look

11) are being 1 2) have 13) seem 14) did you expect 15) does not seem 16) can 17 ) were

18) takes 19) requires 20) are making 21) comes 22) presents 23) am not recommending

24) am not implying 25) do 26) am simply pointing out 27) said 28) is interacting 29) become

8. A. Read the article "Building your Child's Confidence and Self-esteem" (BBC).

From the time a child is born and right through their life span, he or she is constantly developing mentally, socially and physically. Society has a great responsibility in areas of a child's development like their confidence and self-esteem. The more positive children feel about themselves, greater their self-esteem and the better adjusted they are.

On the one hand, there are children who are incredibly shy and don't have the confidence to speak or interact in public. On the other hand, there are also children who are complete extroverts and very confident. Being a shy child is no reflection of a child's mental aptitude. Children who are shy in their childhood more often than not pick up confidence as they go along and turn out to be outgoing confident mature adults.

If your child displays signs of lack of confidence, there's nothing to worry about. You can build their confidence in a number of ways.

• You may have a child between 2 and 4 years who is attending nursery and is not very confident about leaving his home environment. This child may be completely confident at home as he is more accustomed to and comfortable with his surroundings. At the nursery, your child may take a while to get used to new people. Given time and patience, more often than not, children make their own group of friends and learn to interact with them. Obviously great deal of how the child interacts depends on the nature and personality of the child.

• Confidence is a skill we can acquire and develop on a day-to-day basis. You can increase or decrease a child's confidence levels, depending on how you as a parent interact with him or her. Give your child the attention they need and deserve. Praise them but don't overdo the flattery as then it becomes meaningless. There's nothing wrong with criticism and discipline as long as it's helpful and constructive.

• Encouraging children to interact with other children and adults is an excellent confidence booster. Besides school, where children's personalities develop rapidly, organise activities at home for your child and other children. You could even organise outdoor trips for e.g camping trip supervised by adults or a sleep over (a party for children in which they stay the night at someone's house) - anything that involves other children and will bring the less confident ones "out of their shell'.

• Involving children in 'grown-up' activities in which they've expressed interest is another way of boosting their confidence. It also shows them that you do appreciate and listen to what they say. So, if your child has expressed interest in gardening, let them help you. Obviously depending on their age, you can decide how much or the manner in which to involve then

• After-school clubs are another way of making your child more confident about themselves. Here again, this type of group situation makes them more socially aware and more confident about being in groups and interacting with other people.

Raising Self-Esteem in Children

Self-esteem or self-image refers to the perception that people have of themselves. In the same way as adults, children base their self-esteem on the opinions they feel other people have of them. A child who gets positive vibes from his/her parents and other people in society will grow up feeling loved, cared for and have a high self-esteem. On the other hand, children who are constantly subjected to criticism, made to feel that they can never do anything right, not appreciated and excluded will end up with a very low self-esteem.

Children do not acquire self-esteem automatically. Self-esteem is built over a period of time. A child may feel good about themselves at home but not quite have such a positive self-image in the company of his friends or at school. It is important for parents to realise that a child needs to feel that they are special and are appreciated. You need to make your child realise that regardless of what happens outside the home, within the home environment they have the full support of their parents.

There may be other reasons why children sometimes have a low self-esteem - a low opinion of how they may appear to others. One reason could possibly lie in the attitudes of different cultures instance, maybe boys are given more importance than girls or where physical appearance is emphasised. As far as it is possible, parents must try and not discriminate between children or be biased towards one child because of physical, mental or sex differences. There are a few conditions which ensure that self-esteem remains high - remember the word 'image'.

Included - your child needs to feel included at home, in the community or in school. As a parent you can ensure that at least at home he feels a sense of belonging and is included and an integral part of the home life.

Mirror - whatever you think of your child and the way you interact with him/her will be mirrored in his/her behaviour and self-esteem. So, if you are constantly negative with him/her, his/her will mirror this and he/she will have a low opinion of himself. Be positive and loving.

Appre ciation - words like 'thank you', 'well done' go a long way in rebuilding someone's broken self-image and their lack of self-worth. It shows that you as a parent care and appreciate what your child has done.

Good feelings - Make your child feel good about themselves with praise and love. Encou ragement - Your child may not be confident about doing something. Encourage them to go ahead and make them feel supported.

Parents play an extremely important role in a child's development. Taking your child seriously, appreciating them and giving them love and encouragement will help develop their character and personality that they grow up to be balanced and confident individuals with a high sense of self-esteem.

B.Complete the following chart:
Why do some children display signs of lack of confidence and have low self-esteem?	W What should parents do to build their children's confidence and help them acquire self-esteem?

9. A. Read the article "Bringing up happy children" (BBC).

However your child is getting on at school, there's always plenty of things a parent can do to help their children be happy and well-balanced.

Дата добавления: 2015-11-16