Frank's 19th birthday was around the corner, and we'd all been thinking about it. It would be his first birthday with us, so we wanted it to be special. We had accorded to give a Halloween-birthday party at my mother's house, considering it was something Frankie would love. He enjoyed having fun like a little kid and we saw no reason to change that or force him to grow up. While family and friends had been secretly searching for costumes to wear, my mother was taking care of Frankie's. She wouldn't tell us what it was, though.
The birthday subject had become more and more frequent for Frank himself during conversations, and he would always end up angered because he couldn't get us to spit out any information.
*************
Another Friday arrived. Frankie had fallen asleep after a mattress-jumping session with Puppy, and I was putting the house in order. Anthony, Greg and Frank had performed a mini show while I was gone, and Frank's 'stage' antics -I suspected also Tony's- had left the living room upside down. I had returned everything to its correct place and was polishing the deteriorated coffee table -entirely scratched by shoes- when I heard the doorbell.
"Who is it?" I asked, since I wasn't expecting anyone.
"Gerard way?" an unknown voice came from the other side of the door.
"Yes, I'm Gerard Way...who's there?" I inquired, an uneasy feeling setting at the bottom of my stomach.
"Police, officer Walsh. There's been an accusation and we need to ask you some questions. Would you open the door?" the man confirmed my fears. An accusation? Why...who? That couldn't be good.
I slowly opened the door, shaking, feeling that it might lead me to my doom. I could hear my heartbeats echoing inside my ears. I took a deep breath to try and calm down. Being nervous never helped in these kind of situations, it would make me seem guilty when I didn't even know what I'd been accused of.
I observed the officer at the same time that I sensed his eyes studying me. He didn't look like a police man. If he hadn't been wearing the uniform I would have never guessed. He was around 45, with dark hair and olive skin. Not short, not too tall; thin and not menacing at all. The same I was scared shitless.
"Good afternoon." Walsh shook my hand. "As I said, to start with I need to know some basic things."
"Uh, but why..."
"Do you live with a younger boy?" he cut me off. The possibility I had been refusing to believe sounded dangerously possible now. Lying wasn't an option.
"Yes, Frank, he's sleeping now, why?" I faked calmness.
"Is he mentally ill?"
"Yes...how do you know?" I dared to ask. Who had told them? What had they told them exactly?
"The person who denounced you said it." he replied shortly. "What does the boy have?"
"Schizophrenia...and mild brain damage...what...?"
"How old is he?" the officer proceeded, not paying attention to my confusion nor letting me ask back.
"Almost 19...can you please inform me a little better on the accusation?" I voiced shakily. Walsh eyed me again, it was that 'I'm the one who gives the orders' look. He wrote something down before addressing me again.
"Can I see the ID?"
"Mine?" I questioned.
"Well, I meant the boy's, but both actually."
"Ok, just a minute." I tiptoed into the room, careful not to wake up Frankie; seeing a police officer would only bring bad memories. I got the IDs from one of the closet's drawers and made my way back to the living room.
"Here. But...uh...there's a problem with Frank's, long story." I warned him, knowing that would surely add to the problem I was already into.
"I see..." he muttered, examining the documents.
"His birth date's there, though. And something about his pathology on the last page..."
"A-ha..."
"Officer, I don't wanna be rude or anything but...I'd really like to know what the problem is, what I'm being accused of. I think I have that right, don't I?" I pointed out. The man took his time to write some more things and then stared straight into my eyes. I had begun to change my mind about him not being threatening; or maybe I was too easily intimidated.
"Someone said you maintain an intimate relationship with a mentally ill boy who looks like he might be a minor." he explained, leaving me open mouthed. My biggest fear was taking form.
"He's not..."
"Yeah, seems he's not a minor but he's still mentally ill. According to the witness, this Frank acts like a little kid." he carried on with the habit of not letting me talk..
"I didn't do anything wrong, I don't care what that person says." I spat, fear mixing with anger now. "Who accused me, by the way?"
"I don't have that information, Mr. way." he responded. " You tell me what kind of relationship you have with the boy."
"I...." I faltered. I was aware that doubting meant another point against me, but I was more conscious of the fact that I could be about to lose Frankie, to lose my life. I was so scared, so petrified, employing all my strength to not cry, to not break down in front of that officer and beg like frightened child. "We're..."
"G-gee!" Frankie's voice caught me and the guy by surprise. Walsh instantly looked up waiting for Frankie to get into the picture. "C-come shower with m-me?"
"Oh, fuck..." I muttered. Frankie entered the room and froze, his eyes fixed on the officer.
"G-gee, why's a p-police here? I...I...you're f-fine, right?" he clung to me shaking.
"I'm fine, don't worry. This man only came to ask me some questions." I rubbed his back.
"You still have to answer my last one." Walsh stated, inspecting Frankie closely. "What's your relationship with this kid?"
"We...are boyfriends, and I don't see the problem. What's more, Frank's father knows about it all." I told him confident. I always felt more secure with Frankie by my side.
"Y-yes we are! An-and don't say special p-people can't be with n-normal people 'cause th-that's not true." he backed me, intuiting something.
"I didn't say that, I only need to know some things." the man nicely told Frank. "Way, you named his father...where's he?"
"He lives a few blocks from here."
"Would you tell me his address?" he turned the page on his notebook and swiftly scrabbled what I dictated.
"Ok, then we'll pick him up on our way to the station." the policeman manifested. Had I understood well?
"What do you mean with 'on our way to the station'?"
"I...I d-don't wanna go an-anywhere! G-gee...tell him w-we're not going? H-he scares me..." Frankie began to cry and I was too close to join him.
"I have to considerer all the suspicions, and the kid's ID doesn't even have his last name in it." the officer went on.
"M-my last n-name's Iero. Y-yeah." Frank intervened. "B-but I don't w-wanna go with you. G-go away, we d-did nothing bad."
"Sorry, but we'll have to check your name in the data bases. You both will have to come with us for a little interrogation."
"WHAT?" I screamed. "You can't fucking arrest me for what someone who you're no even telling me the name of said! I've done nothing and you have nothing against me! Frank's not a minor and he has the same right as anybody else to be in a relationship!"
"I'd suggest you to calm down and watch your language, mister Way. I'm not arresting you, I'm inviting you to come with me willingly...save you wanna get into further trouble for refusing." he calmly corrected me. I was so screwed. I knew I had done nothing against the law, but also knew what most people's opinion about cases like ours was.
"Oh...ok."
"N-NO! I...I d-don't want to, G-gerard! W-wanna stay and t-take a shower. J-just..." Frankie sobbed against my chest, and I wanted to kill whoever had done this to us. I couldn't stand to watch Frankie suffer again, knowing that his condition tended to get worse under stress. He'd had enough, he deserved a peaceful life and it seemed he would never have one with me.
It was too late, anyway. We were too attached, too in love, too dependent of each other to be separated. Especially because of someone else's close minded decision.
"Shh...it'll be ok, baby. Try to stay calm and..." I observed Walsh who was speaking on his handy, his back to us. "...don't get scared if they wanna talk to you alone. Be a big boy, ok?"
"C-can't! D-dunno how I...th-they'll say I'm r-retarded and I can't be w-with you and..."
"No. They won't say that cause it's not true. Just tell them the truth, show them that you understand what to love someone is, that you're not a little kid." I looked him in the eyes, transmitting him the little courage I had left.
"M-maybe...maybe I am a l-little kid. M-my fault 'c-cause...'cause I d-don't act like b-boys my age. I d-don't do it on p-purpose, swear!"
"Oh...no, Frankie! This is not your fault, and I love the way you are! But just for today..."
"Enough talking, my partner's on his way, come on!" the cop pointed at the door.
"Let me get our jackets and Frank's meds first." I requested.
"Go ahead, but the kid has to stay here."
"N-NO I W-WONT, FUCK!"
"Do as he says, Frankie, I'll be right back." I kissed his head and headed for the bedroom, throwing my own jacket on. After a quick visit to the kitchen, I was back with Frank's pill container and some candies in my pocket. He was sitting on the couch, hugging his knees and trembling.
"D-don't want..."
"Let's get you wrapped, it's cold outside." I pulled Frank up and, paying no mind to the officer's orders, I helped him with his jacket, scarf and gloves. Right then another police car parked in front of our house, and while Walsh conversed with the newcomer I took the chance to finish what I'd been telling my boyfriend. "Just for today...play to be a big boy, I know you can do it. Be brave, let's be brave both of us. And try not to curse!"
"K-kay, I'll be b-brave and won't s-say bad words b-but...if they're as-assholes I'll kick th-their asses." he assented. "I l-love you."
"Me too, never forget it."
"Come on, lovebirds!" Walsh shouted. In spite of the awful situation, I was glad that this guy wasn't exactly treating me like a monster. Not for a moment did he seem repulsed by the sight of two men together and I felt like he didn't believe that I should be accused. He had only been doing his job, and now he was passing on the responsibility because he didn't know what to do with us. I could only hope that the one in charge would be understanding enough.
The second man was pudgy and older than the other, with red cheeks and a funny mustache. He gave me a good vibe when he identified himself as officer Taylor, smiling and not even attempting to look serious and professional as the first officer had. He patted my back and told me I'd be out of this soon. Oh, how I hoped he was right.
I had taken Frank's hand in mine as we left the house, but Walsh made us apart with an apologetic look. The same look he gave us when I walked towards Taylor's car with Frank.
"I'm sorry, you're coming with me." he threw his arm around my shoulders.
"But...he's scared and..."
"I'm only following the procedures, the boss didn't allow any exception." he justified, sounding like he had actually tried asking for one. "My partner has 4 kids, he'll be good to the boy."
"Ok..." I agreed once again, having no other alternative. I crouched to talk to Frank who was sitting in the front seat. "I'll see you once we're there, ok?"
"K-kay." he forced a smile, though he couldn't fool me. I recognized the panic in his stare, I discerned the shaking that was assaulting him. It wasn't the meds, it was fear. I smiled back nevertheless, we could be good liars together. Perhaps, if we pretended too well, we'd make ourselves believe it.
" No one will take you away from me." was my last statement before being led to the other car.
As soon as we took off, I felt short of breath. I knew that Frankie was in the car behind us, but that was distant enough. Just thinking of everything that could be going through his mind, all the emotions that he must be suppressing, was killing me inside. I wished I could hold him, kiss him, tell him everything would be alright over and over again. If only I could trust in it myself.
When we stopped by Anthony's apartment and the two men left the cars, I realised how close side by side they had parked them; the one I was in a little more ahead which let me in front of Frank's window even though I was on the backseat. I looked out and saw Frankie's nose and hands glued to the glass, his eyes big and shiny. I did what first came to my mind: I pressed my whole face to the car's window and started to make funny grimaces; sticking out my tongue and even licking the filthy crystal, stretching the skin below my eyes or enlarging my nostrils. I continued with my foolishness until I obtained the desired result: Frankie was now laughing and trying funny faces himself.
The car's door opened and I hurried to clean the glass with my sleeve. Walsh stared at me weirdly, but I just shrugged. Bringing my attention back to the other car, I saw Anthony get in, waving and mouthing something that looked to me as 'it's gonna be alright'.
Frankie knelt on his seat and began to hit the glass that separated him from his father. I knew he was screaming even if I couldn't hear him. Taylor walked over to his side and let him out, opening the back door so he could go with the older Iero. That cop was certainly a good guy.
While we were leaving I got to spot Greg running out of the small apartment, presumably to catch a cab and come join us.
During the short ride to the police station, I tried to think of who could have denounced me. My family and friends were out of the question. So were Tony and Greg, because even if they had lied about liking me -which I didn't think possible- they'd never make Frankie go through this. What about the other guys in the band? Victor...would he be capable? Maybe one of my neighbors? What if someone had seen us kissing or something like that? I had always been very careful, but I may have had a moment of distraction. Who else could it be?
I didn't have much time to meditate, since I was soon being lead into the building and told to sit on a cold, hard, dirty wooden bench against a stained wall. At the other side of the room sat Anthony holding Frankie. He still looked scared, but stayed collected and refrained from crying as he eyed his surroundings.
Several cops came and went permanently, ignoring us, except for the two who had been assigned to watch over us -or better said me. Either to make sure I wouldn't escape or that I'd stay away from Frank and not jump on him as the pervert I was supposed to be. Ridiculous. I wasn't under arrest to start with.
Suddenly, Walsh walked by us with another police guy. The unknown one observed me shamelessly and then began to make comments in a low voice that wasn't low enough. He must have imagined me too lost in thoughts -since I wasn't directly watching them- or he just didn't give a fuck if I would hear him.
"That's the presumed perv?" he asked Walsh, who nodded and gestured for him to speak lower. The other one, again, didn't mind.
"Oh please, that's no perv. I know one when I see it, he's just a scared mama's boy. Besides, he's rather good looking and could have any girl -or boy- he wanted. I just saw the kid he lives with and...come on! Cross-eyed, with glasses, chubby...and on top of it all a nutty case. If that boy wanted to pervert someone he'd choose better, don't you think?"
"Joseph, have you seen yourself in a mirror?" Walsh countered.
"Son of a fucking..." I was about to get up and punch that idiot when I got a glimpse of Anthony. He'd heard too; so had Frankie who was hiding his face against his dad's shirt.
"Gerard!" Tony called. "Stay put, please."
"As if it was so easy..." I thought aloud.
The doors were pushed open and Greg appeared together with Ray. After exchanging some words with the guys at the entrance, finally Taylor let them in. I hadn't gotten to talk to my friend much when I new officer stood in front of me.
"Mister Way?"
"Yes..."
"Follow me, we'll ask you some questions." he waited for me to get up and guided me with his hand on my back. Anthony was being led to another room, leaving Frankie with Greg.
"Ray..." I stopped to address him. "Please, take care of Frankie, make sure they treat him well."
CHAPTER 64, part 1
Well, they're never gonna get me,
like a bullet through a flock of doves
to wage this war against your faith in me.
Your life...will never be the same.
The room was tiny, had no windows and smelled like mold. I was welcomed by a man who looked pretty similar to Walsh; it was maybe because all policemen sported the same hairstyle. I could infer he had a much superior rank, though, judging by the four stars adorning his uniform. I also recalled Walsh calling him 'chief'.
Said chief was sitting behind a desk who seemed to be at least one century old and was so thoughtfully covered in papers and folders that it hardly fulfilled its real purpose anymore. While thinking pointless things just to keep my mind off my fear, I calculated that in no more than a week the paperwork piles would reach so high that someone in my position would have to stand to be able to see the guy.
Like every other cop had, he used the first minutes to scrutinize my appearance. I guessed that after years of working at that, they knew -or they thought they knew- how to recognize a criminal. Whatever conclusion he arrived to, he didn't share it with me.
"Good evening, mister Way. I'm Edgar O'Hara, chief of this department." he introduced himself but didn't attempt to shake my hand. Instead he took some papers and checked them.
"Good evening..."
"First of all, do you know someone by the name of Gabriel Schneider?" was the first question. I couldn't answer right away, the mention of that name hit me like a bucket of ice water. How hadn't I thought of Gabriel? Of course it'd been him!
"Yes, he was my...boyfriend." I replied looking down, smelling the intolerance in that man. "Why do you ask?"
"He was the person who denounced you." he confirmed. "How long ago were you...together?"
"Uh...we broke up about a year ago. Yeah, something like that." I doubted whether I should say more or wait for him to go on, but I couldn't stop my mouth. "He wanted to have a female partner at the same time to pretend in front of his family and friends."
"Have you seen him lately?" the chief inquired, clearly uncomfortable with the subject.
"Yeah, I have. About two months ago, or maybe a little less, Gabriel went to see me at my place of work. He seemed to be a little out of his mind and asked for us to be together again. I told him to get lost and look for help." I opened up. "Then I didn't see him again until these last two weeks when I spotted him at random places I've been to. I considered the possibility that he might be stalking me, but I chose to ignore it. I guess he's jealous and that's why he did this..."
"Ok, that's enough." O'Hara wrote something down.
I'd had something roaming my head since I left the main room, and I needed to let it out before I could use my brain to respond to an interrogatory. This particular man in front of me didn't inspire in me any confidence but, being the one in charge, he was my best option.
"Excuse me, would you tell me if Frank's going to be interrogated too?"
"Why? You're afraid of what he could say?" he retorted sarcastically.
"No, I have nothing to fear. It's just that he might get very scared among people he doesn't know and in an unfamiliar place." I wouldn't allow that man to break me. Surprisingly, he appeared to catch the lack of guilt in my voice, or maybe he just saw the honest, rightful concern in my eyes.
"Don't worry, that man Iero gave us the number of the kid's psychiatrist. My men couldn't find him, he's out of the city for a couple of days, but they talked to the professional who is taking care of his patients. He has access to Frank's file and told us some basic things that we should know to proceed in the correct way with him." he informed me.
"Oh ok, thanks." that left me at least a little more relieved. I would have preferred Goldberg to be available, but I knew he had a conference to attend at a near country. Frankie's weekly session had been moved to a day earlier because of that.
What followed was basically the same series of questions Walsh had asked me. O'Hara, however, delved deeper into how I'd met Frank and when that had happened. He specially demanded as many details as I could give him about what kind of relationship I had with him. Personal details, those kind of details you don't feel like discussing with a stranger; although of course it was normal when a person -me- had been accused of perverting an innocent, mentally ill kid. Only thinking of the accusation against me made me shiver. It brought back the memories from our first months together, when I'd be so afraid of going any further, when I wasn't sure myself if it was right. Now that I had left my insecurities far behind, I wasn't willing to let anyone revive them.
I answered everything with the absolute truth. I knew that Anthony and Frankie must be having similar questions asked at the same time, and if our answers didn't match I'd be in a sure big trouble. I did my best to keep my voice as steady as possible to show that I had nothing to hide or be ashamed of. The chief didn't express any opinion and his face denoted no emotion, so I couldn't know what he was thinking. This exasperated me. The man's task was limited to asking questions, pressing further if he thought it necessary, and writing it all down. I felt too tempted to try and find out what his thoughts were about my case, but then I reconsidered it. The less I spoke without being told to, the better.
The final point touched was how I'd met Anthony. I made an extra effort to be very descriptive, I didn't want to leave anything out. Even when the cop didn't appear to be paying attention I still went on telling him how things had evolved since I first talked to Frank's father. Again, O'Hara only wrote down some more stuff.
"Ok, mister Way, that's all for the moment. Wait outside, please." he finally told me. The questions hadn't been many, yet a considerable amount of time had gone by. This was, in part, due to my detailed explanations, but mostly because of the policeman's long pauses to meditate and take notes in a too calm manner.
When returning to the main room, I ran into Ray who was coming out of a contiguous one. Too tired for quick thinking, I only managed to throw him a questioning look.
"When they called Frankie, he asked if I could come in with him." Ray explicated. "They didn't seem very happy with the idea, but after I insisted for a while they finally accepted as long as I stayed silent. They also placed me behind Frank, so he was giving me his back."
"Oh, then Frankie couldn't really see you...was he ok with that?" I queried.
"Yeah, I must tell you that Frank did amazingly well in there. The one asking the questions was an officer, but a psychiatrist was present to guide him and she'd intervene once in a while."
"That's good, at least someone there knew what they were doing..." I mumbled, missing Frankie as if I hadn't see him for a week. I needed to know he was fine.
"Frankie told them all the truth and did a great job hiding his fear. He behaved....much more mature. Since I know him, I could tell that he was concentrated on acting that way, even trying hard to speak as well as he could....slowly and slightly exaggerating the pronunciation. I knew it wasn't natural and he was only acting older and more serious, but I don't think they noticed." Ray described. A warm sensation spread inside my chest and I smiled.
"That's my boy..."
"In a way...being capable of faking something if you know it will help a situation does require some maturity, don't you think?" my friend said absently.
"Definitely! I'm so proud of him. I only told him to 'play to be a big boy'."
"Oh!" Ray exclaimed. "Then Frankie got it right for sure!"
"Please, tell me more before someone interrupts us. Didn't Frank have any trouble with the questions?"
"Not at all, they made it all very simple and clear, that guy was luckily patient. Frankie responded to everything without doubting much. Look, Gee, I'm not a psychologist or anything similar; but from Frank's words and the way he talked about you, I'd say anyone should realise that he's happy and has never been forced to do anything. He even mentioned John and made clear the difference between you and him." Ray intended to calm me, although it had the opposite effect.
"Are you sure that didn't make things worse?"
"Yes I am. Gerard, if you had any doubt about whether Frankie understands what's right and wrong sexually speaking, you can relax. Today he demonstrated that he does."
"I'll trust your intuition, Ray. Hope you're right." I sat down, bringing my knees to my chest and feeling cold and miserable. "What else?"
"Oh, then it was 'let's make Ray feel embarrassed time'" he chuckled, causing me to look up confused.
"Why?"
"They asked Frankie if he'd ever done similar things to what he does with you...with me! What the fuck?" he frowned. "I couldn't see him, but I bet Frank's face was like mine upon hearing that. He sounded pissed off and told them he has only one boyfriend. That I'm like his uncle who takes care of him, makes him lunch and plays. Then they dared ask him what we play!"
"Uh? What the fuck do they have in their heads? Fixed idea much?"
"Yeah! Frankie was like 'uh...videogames, boardgames, or we draw, all that.' I'm sure that convinced them, though they told me to leave anyway..."
"What? Why? Oh my God...he must be so afraid now!" I freaked out once again and began to cry without realising it. Ray sat beside me and hugged me tightly.
"He'll be fine! They told him he'd have to draw now, so he was rather happy." he reassured me, although there was certain anger in his tone. "They must wanna see if he'll draw me in a weird situation or something..."
"No, Ray..." it was my time to make him feel better now. "...for that case it'd be me who they expect Frankie to draw like that. The cop surely understood there's nothing wrong about you."
"I know but still...it made me angry. Now, will you tell me how you did?"
"Okay, I hope. That guy was unreadable, so I can't be sure." I replied before filling him in with everything I had gone through.
We were still talking -glad that all the cops were too busy to keep an eye on us or eavesdrop- when Anthony came out of a narrow corridor.
"Tony! How was it?" I invited him to sit with us, seeing as there was still no one around to stop us.
"Did rather well, I think. At first, when I saw the guy had my file, I must confess I panicked. It worried me that those two years in jail and my 'criminal record' would make me less trustworthy." he massaged his temples, visible tired.
"Did he say something about it?" Ray inquired.
"He just asked a couple of questions, but didn't comment or seem to care, I'd even say he was nice to me." he shrugged. "I guess my good behavior while in prison and after it served for something."
"Yeah, I'm sure it did. After all, what are just a few years against the law compared to 14 as a good citizen?" I pointed out. We all laughed, but quickly sobered up when remembering where we were. It was good to lighten up our mood for a moment, though. "What else did they ask you?"
"First about me and Frankie, so I resumed the story trying not to leave any important event out. Then..." he paused and looked at me sympathetically. "...it was all about you: how I met you, how long ago it was, what I think of you, if Frankie ever mentioned anything bad or suspicious related to you and how much I knew about your relationship with him."
"Fuck...I don't like this a bit." I grumbled.
"You shouldn't be so afraid, Gerard. I assure you, I made it perfectly clear that Frankie and you haven't hidden anything from me and I agree with it all. I told them Frankie's happy and completely aware of things."
"I know, I had no doubts that you'd tell them so, but I still can't help my nerves. I hate being here, I hate being questioned this much." I sighed.
"Do you know who accused you?" Iero broached the issue I had avoided so far. It angered me, and I needed to keep my cool.
"My ex."
"Gabriel?" Ray cried out.
"Yes, but I don't feel like talking about that jerk right now. Tony...I'll tell you some other day."
"It's ok, Gerard, you don't need to. What I do want to know is about you and the cop in there."
"Ok, let's see if I can give you a brief version of it." again, I repeated my experience with the chief.
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