"Oh!" he whispered, ignorant to my observation. I glanced at the TV to see what had cause his exclamation, and found that the movie's main characters were in bed and had gotten intimate. You couldn't really see anything, since the bed sheets concealed their presumed nudity and actions; but their movements clearly implied that they were having sex.
"Th-they're making l-love, Gee?" Frankie asked, eyes fixed on the images.
"Yes, I think they are..." I breathed out barely audible. Frank had gotten even closer, every rear part of his body connected to my front ones. All of a sudden the room was too warm, but I didn't want to get out of our hot cocoon.
"I...I d-don't think the b-boy used lube. N-nope I didn't s-see him...b-but the girl's not h-hurting. Is sh-she? D-doesn't seem so. G-gee? Y-you listening?" he kicked my shin. I was listening, though also hoping he didn't except me to answer. The heat, the closeness, the conversation; even the corny sex scene on display was contributing to my growing problem. I pushed my hips back, only to have Frankie do the same. "G-gee, talk to m-me!"
"Uh...no, I'm sure the girl's not in pain. He didn't used lube 'cause girls...their bodies produce their own...lube." I vacillated.
"R-really?" his voice sounded weird, like his mind was somewhere else. He fidgeted and pulled the cover away from him. "It...it's t-too hot."
"Yeah..." we stayed in silence for some minutes as the fictional couple reached their climax.
"G-gee..." Frank wasn't looking for an answer this time. I couldn't have given him one anyway, because his mouth covered mine and his tongue was soon filling it. I stop worrying about my problem when I felt his corresponding one.
"Frankie...don't you want to watch the last part of the movie?" I reminded him out of courtesy, maybe he actually liked it.
"N-no I...uh...s-so hot here..." he jumped off the couch and dragged me by the hand. Deja-vu.
On the bed, things occurred fast. One of those desperate moments when hands move so frantically, that by the time a signal reached your brain it's not that same spot what's being touched anymore. It was during a breath pause that we looked into each other's eyes and slowed down. I didn't remember in which moment our clothes had been discarded, but we were naked.
Frankie was on top of me and I was glad to have reacted. I loved to truly enjoy him, with no rush. Slowly, gradually. Feel that pale, flawless skin; soft as velvet. He was by no means scrawny and had no muscles whatsoever, just perfect to me. When touching, I'd rather touch flesh than bones or muscle. I loved the way his flesh yielded under my touch, how the roundness of his hips was the exact size for my hands to fit.
I also loved the timid, sensual style of Frank's caresses. His eyes would follow his hands as they explored, occasionally returning to meet mine to make sure I was liking it. I'd always like it and he'd always smile at the reactions he aroused.
Our kisses...I could never have enough of our kisses. If it wasn't because breathing was a life or death matter, I'd never detach my lips from Frankie's. His mouth was so inviting, with his heart shaped lips of an intense pink that would so often offer me smiles. Frankie always smiled with his whole face and sparkled through those big, tender eyes. His hair would stubbornly get in the way and I loved it and hated it at the same time. It was pretty, wavy, shiny, wild; nonetheless too persistent in hiding those beautiful features I needed to behold.
I thought it had been too much of all that when Frankie got off me -flushed and panting- and bit his thumb in deep thought.
"Are...are you ok?" I rasped, like my voice had been sucked out of me. He didn't answer, only nodded and crawled to the edge of the bed, opening the nightstand's drawer. Still mutely, he handed me the tube of lube and lied back down. I freaked out, for I'd thought he would never want to try again. Maybe I had even hoped he wouldn't, and now my head was flooded with 'what if's'. What if I scare him? What if I hurt him? What if he hated it? What if he backed off again and felt even worse?
"Frankie...are you sure?"
"Y-yes..." he told me in between the kisses that were falling on my neck. "It...it d-didn't hurt that m-much when we t-tried. W-was...un...uncom-fortable and...and I g-got scared. C-can we try a-again? P-please..."
"I...I guess...if you really want..." it was hard to talk, it was hard to think while he was doing what he did. What's more, he sounded so sure that he'd feel rejected if I said no...and I honestly didn't want to say no.
What followed seemed almost like a repetition of that previous attempt. Almost. Frankie was still scared but much calmer, because he basically knew what was coming. Opposite to what I thought, I was less nervous too. I was actually able to use my brain and remember to warm the lube, rubbing it in between my palms. This added a point in favor of this new opportunity we permitted ourselves. It wasn't so shocking for Frank, it was in fact good and pleasurable. I didn't need him to tell me, I didn't have to ask, his face was the answer. It didn't show pain but pleasure, and his body wasn't fighting me.
I warned him before proceeding to the second phase of the preparation, the one that had made him pull back during our first try. He tensed up but agreed, and I did my best to distract him from what was next. I didn't care about the awkwardness of my position, the pain in my arm from extending it too much or in my back from the absurd angle. I kissed him, I stroked him, I murmured sweet words to him. He whimpered and bucked, but when he began to respond to the kiss I knew things were going definitely better than last time. He was relaxed around me and I considered that he was ready to continue, so I informed him of the new step.
"Ok baby, n-now I'm gonna move my fingers around a little."
"K-kay..." he assented, peeping through his long eyelashes. I spread my digits as gently as possible, in slow motion, avoiding any abrupt move. My other hand rubbed him some more, just the necessary to ease the tension while I permanently observed his face. I sensed some resistance, and his expression showed me the same. His eyes were tightly closed, tears escaping from the corners. Scared, even if Frankie wasn't saying anything, I detained my fingers.
"I....sorry Frankie, if I'm hurting you..." I wavered. He reached out for my face and cupped it, bringing it closer to his. He kissed me briefly and serene.
"D-don't stop," the tone denoted no pain, it was sexy. His heart pulsated rapidly and his eyes were now open and needy. His smile was still childish and sincere. "I...I'm f-fine."
"I love you." I muttered as I recommenced the stretching, never losing sight of Frankie's eyes. He cried out and shut them, then forced the lids up once more, breathing deeply and gazing at me. An indecipherable gaze.
"Sure you're not in pain?" I paused again, grabbing one of his hands and kissing it. I loosened my grip but he kept his hand there; his fingers grazing my face, roaming through my cheeks, his thumb tracing my lips.
"J-just a little." he responded after a while, panting. "F-feels weird but...g-go on."
I did as he said, and we lost ourselves in a heated kiss as my free hand massaged his shoulders, circled his nipples, played with his bellybutton. Frankie squirmed, I guessed both from discomfort and delight, but didn't break the kiss.
"F-fuck I..." he groaned, and I didn't get to ask anything. The moan that followed had only one plausible interpretation. I carried on some more, now that he was finally enjoying I didn't want to deprive him of it so fast.
"Ok Frankie, I think you're ready." I withdrew my fingers with extreme care and he gasped.
"N-no don't...d-don't go..." he pleaded, watching me sit up and rummage back into the drawer.
"I'm not going anywhere." I knelt in between Frank's legs, all of what I needed in my hands. He propped his body up a little to be able to see me.
"Is...is th-that a...uh...c-condom?" he questioned when he saw me unwrap it.
"Yes..." I looked down at myself for the first time since we came into the room. I may have forgotten about my own needs in favor of Frank's wellbeing, but my body hadn't. As soon as my fingers took contact with the part of me I'd been neglecting, I became aware of what was going to happen and I had to use all my strength to control my impulses. I slid on the condom and perceived Frank's stare on me. I looked up and the view almost led me to ruin it all. He had gone back to his previous position, but one of his hands was now gripping the pillow while he used the other one to touch himself, his legs separated enough for him to get a good sight of me in between them.
"Oh my...you're so pretty." Those were not the most reasonable words anyone would have pronounced in front of such a sensual vision. Nevertheless, they were the honest ones that came out of my mouth. "Just...take it easy, let me be the one to do that later?"
"K-kay..." he whined. "...h-hurry up? I...I n-need you."
I made sure everything was in place before generously coating the condom in lube. I had considered the possibility of not using protection, since both Frankie and I had been medically tested not long ago and I knew we were clean. However, I thought it was only correct. This was going to be the first time we'd do this, Frank's real first time making love, and I wanted to respect that. I felt it was better to not invade him entirely, to keep a barrier.
"Is...is your th-thingy okay in-inside that?" Frankie let out one of his classic questions, his voice muffled by his knuckles which he was sucking at. Nerves or just auto-control.
"Perfectly f-fine." I half moaned, ready and in place. "I have to ask you one more time: are you sure you want to do this?"
"Y-yes. If...if I d-don't like it I'll t-tell you." he replied with conviction. "B-be nice, k-kay?"
"Of course, I'll be very nice 'cause I want you to feel fine with this." I gave him one more reassuring kiss, one last hand squeeze that begged for trust. Trust that I found in that pair of stunning crossed eyes.
I lifted one of his legs and guided myself with my remaining hand. Even with the preparation and all the lube I'd used he was still tight. The wonderful sensation I was experiencing mixed with fear, fear of hurting him. I had to open my eyes, as difficult as it could be I had to. Only that way I'd be able to read in his countenance what he wouldn't dare communicate with words. He could be in pain and not say it, he was capable of that for me and I couldn't allow it. It wouldn't serve me, not if I was the only one having a good time.
I knew Frank felt some pain when his features hardened and he released a small whimper, but he seemed to be enduring it surprisingly good. He was still considerably relaxed and got even more so when I asked him to. That helped both him and me and, having his agreement, I slowly, gingerly filled him.
I met his eyes for the hundredth time, conscious of the importance of the moment and overwhelmed by sensations. He felt the same, though he was understandably more uncomfortable. He had tears running down his cheeks but he smiled. It wasn't forced, I knew him well. My body was screaming for me to move but I didn't, I'd wait. Frankie attempted to sit up, not liking the distance, wanting our whole selves to be joined. He cried out and fell back on the mattress. I let his leg slide down and helped him up carefully, holding him as he ended up sitting on me. It hurt him more than our previous position, but he appeared to forget about it once he threw his arms around my neck and kissed me. He forgot the pain the same as I forgot about my desperate need to move for those seconds. It felt too good, it was so special.
"F-feel like a l-lego." he whispered in my ear. I was too high on adrenaline and excitement to find any meaning in it. I couldn't think, I could only feel.
"I love you...s-so so so much." I murmured, laying him back down. Yet I stayed as close to him as I managed. I kissed his throat, I went down his chest. My hands traveled along his sides, his hips, his thighs. He arched his back moaning loudly, and I couldn't hold on anymore.
I thought I'd die out of pleasure when I began my rhythmical dance in and out. All I had been keeping inside broke out of me and I vocalized it. Frankie was whispering things that I couldn't comprehend but I interpreted as positive. His hands would go from grasping the bedsheets to hanging from my shoulders or pulling at my hair.
"Uh...k-kiss me..." he mumbled. As I changed my position, without premeditating it, I hit the right spot and we screamed with one voice.
"Th-that...uh...g-good...G-gee...f-fucking...kiss m-me." he violently tugged at my head, though at that point pain didn't exist. I kissed him and it was an overdose of pure bliss. Our tongues associated in a wet, messy twirl and my head was light as a feather. I had never felt that way before, never that intense, never so right. It was a revelation, it was so evident that he was the one for me. I shivered all over, as if an electric current had traversed me. I wasn't done, it was only a strange, random reaction to that unique experience. Frankie giggled, in the most unimaginable moment which intensified my joy.
I didn't know where my hands were until Frank found one and led it to where he wanted it, keeping his over it. I realised I wouldn't last much more, it wasn't easy to keep a pace anymore. We were panting, sweating, shouting, moaning; stealing kisses that we couldn't maintain. Frankie looked gorgeous, desirable; the little boy in him asleep to let the young man manifest. I tried to cool down to allow myself one selfish wish: I wanted Frankie to finish first, be able to witness that moment, admire his face, listen to the sounds he'd make. I had before, I knew I loved it so I didn't want to miss it this time from all the times. There was also another less selfish side to my wish, I preferred to guarantee his pleasure before I was worn out.
Our adjoined, slippery hands stroked Frank as I continued to push into him. Never rudely, but deep enough to cause the greatest feelings, using my own experience from when I'd been in his place so many times. His free hand grabbed my arm, his legs surrounded my waist and he got tighter around me. One more thrust and I fought to keep my eyes open as the glorious moment occurred before them. With a short cry Frankie shook, his fingers twisting the sheets, his back in an excessive angle that only left his head as support. His jaw pointing to the ceiling, mouth in the most perfect 'o' shape and eyelashes flapping like black butterflies wings.
I was enthralled, hypnotized, it was another dimension; our own. When Frankie collapsed on the bed, I reached out to get the soaked hair off his face. So absentminded I was, looking at him, that I lost all notion of myself. Despite that, somehow I had kept on moving. My climax got me by surprise, causing me to freeze mid way into what I was doing. It hit me like a lightning bolt. I literally saw stars inside my eyelids and I didn't know what I was saying, screaming, babbling. It was too much, it was just as I'd imagined it.
I fell forward, still inside of Frankie. In that moment when my blood began to normally circulate through my body, when my brain very slowly recovered his functions, when I stared into the eyes of the sweet boy below me, is when I understood the meaning of what Frankie had said.
"Lego..." I smiled. He grinned, nodding.
We were like Lego pieces, indeed. We would be nothing without each other, but together we were a unit, we'd been made to match. There was an important difference, though. As opposed to those plastic bricks, we didn't need any more pieces to be something. Two were enough.
Our souls had gotten together long ago, and this was only the culmination. The only step left to become one, to belong to each other completely. I saw it like a one time event, the maximum vow of confidence and compromise. It didn't even need repetition, not in our case, and that's what made it even more special.
"How was it, baby?" I asked him after a while, as we lied next to each other.
"I...I l-liked it, a lot, an-and it hurt but not m-much. W-was like...wow but...b-but kinda w-weird and...t-too com-plicated" he made a pause, doubtful. "Y-you won't get an-angry?"
"Why would I? Tell me whatever you need to say, you can be honest with me, you know that."
"I...I th-think I like m-making love the w-way we always d-do better..." he confessed, avoiding my eyes afraid of disappointing me.
"Did I tell you that I love you a little too much?"
CHAPTER 63
Well I ain't evil, I'm just good lookin',
start a little fire, and baby start cookin'.
I'm a hungry man, but I don't want pizza,
I'll blow down your house and then I'm gonna eat ya.
Even after we rested for a while and took a needed warm shower, I was still feeling light headed, positively strange, euphoric. The experience had been moving, scary, greatly satisfying and -as Frankie had described it- complicated all in one. Good as a whole, definitely good and unforgettable.
Frank had mentioned that he preferred our usual way of making love, presaging that what we'd done that afternoon might not have a repetition. I didn't tell him, but I had felt it would be like that since before he expressed it. I told him that I agreed, and I meant it. I was fine with that, I was more than fine.
In Frankie's case the euphoria was accompanied by another sensation, one that made him shower and get dressed quicker than ever and urge me to stop being a 'slow ass': he was hungry, super hungry. Hungry as he had never been before, according to his own words. He was nearly crying when we entered the kitchen and I disposed everything I needed to start cooking. He almost ripped off my hand together with the can of candy when I was searching for one to put his pills on. I finally resolved to allow him one extra candy, to which he said I was cruel. The sweets seemed to make him even hungrier.
"G-gee please, h-hurry up?" Frankie whined while I was seasoning the chicken, his arms circling my waist. If someone -who didn't see him devour cookie after cookie together with a full mug of chocolate earlier- had witnessed the desperate look he was giving me now, they'd have thought I deprived the poor boy of food for a week.
"I just started, babe. Try to keep yourself occupied in the meantime?" I kissed him, turning back to my task.
"B-but I'm hungry. Wh-what can I d-do?"
"Watch TV?" I suggested.
"K-kay..." he replied with minimum conviction. I inconspicuously checked on him from the kitchen's door, and saw him plop prone on the couch and begin to flick through the channels tediously.
It wasn't long until he was back to rush me, tugging at my clothes and making annoying sounds. I told him to no avail to be quiet, since I had a knife in my hands which I was slicing the potatoes with. He remained leaning on me, sighing dramatically.
"Frankie please, have a little patience!"
"C-can't, hungry. G-gimme something p-please?" he insisted.
"No love, we're gonna have dinner soon, you can wait."
"B-but Gerard! M-making love made m-me too hungry, I'm d-dying!" he stuck his face in front of me, causing me to jump and drop the knife.
"Frankie! Stop doing that! I'm gonna hurt you or myself with this! You're not gonna die, don't make drama out of this, boy." I gently pushed him away.
"B-BUT PLEASE!" Frankie stomped capriciously. Who would think that he was a sexy teenager only a couple of hours ago?
"Ok, ok, just this." I retrieved a block of cheese from the fridge and gave him a thick enough slice.
"Th-this won't fill m-my tummy!" he protested, rubbing his stomach.
"Nothing does, so what's the difference?" I mocked him, arranging the meal on a platter.
"Sh-shut up." his silence lasted what it took him to finish the cheese.
"G-gee I'm b-bored and h-hungry...sucks." again he was beside me, poking me. When I ignored him, he decided to kiss my neck and nudge me with his nose to try and get me to comply. He was close to succeeding, he was my biggest weakness and he knew it. "P- pleeeease?"
"Uh...no, Frankie, I won't give you anything until dinner's ready." I managed to stay firm.
"E-evil Y-you're evil!" he punched me. "I...I'm g-gonna die and it'll be y-your fault!"
"Frankie, you won't. Why don't you go play something, or draw?"
"K-kayyy!" he stormed out of the room and came back with his color pencils and some paper sheets. He knelt on a chair and decidedly traced some black lines.
It worked rather well. He appeared to be entertained and I was able to get the meal ready and into the oven. At that instant, I looked at him and noticed that he was seemingly daydreaming, his head supported by a hand and an amused smile on his lips. Just when I was going to ask him what he was thinking of, he got off the chair and skipped out.
I intended to follow him, but got distracted by his drawing. It showed two long haired stick figures -naked, I presumed, because there were no colors added- hugging each other on a flowery rectangular surface which I understood as our bed. We were staring at each other and our mouths -drawn pink and protuberant- were connected. Above that, a red heart said 'FOREVER'. With tears in my eyes I scanned the paper down and saw another annotation: 'AM HUMGRY AND GEE DONT WANNA GIMME NOTHIN. MEANY.'
Shaking my head, laughing and tearing at the same time, I searched around for Frankie. I found him looking at the notebook where I wrote down phone numbers, the phone handset face up on a shelf as he dialed.
"What are you doing, babe?" I startled him.
"Uh...g-gonna call!" he answered with the widest grin.
"Who are you gonna call?"
"D-dad!" he then cursed under his breath, pressed the power button off and back on and started to dial again. I stopped his hand.
"Wait, why are you calling him now?" I queried, a worrying idea in my mind.
"I'm b-bored and too h-hungry and you're not f-feeding me so...g-gonna call dad and t-tell him we m-made love for r-real and wasn't th-that bad. P-promised I'd tell h-him!" he replied as if it wasn't a big deal at all. I thought differently; I reckoned that wasn't the best way for Tony to find out.
"What?! No!" I freaked out as he fought my hands off so he could do what he wanted.
"Wh-why?" he shrugged. "It...it's m-my dad and wanna t-tell him!"
"I know, I know and you will, but I think it's better to tell him in person, not by phone and now. Wait and we'll do it together soon?" I tried.
"N-nope, now. "
"Frankie, please don't..." I reached for the phone but Frank shoved me harder.
"Shh!" he hissed. "H-hiii, dad! F-frankie, yes. F-fine..."
"Frankie..." I stood in front of him, my hands together as if praying. He just giggled.
"N-no, Gee's being an-annoying. Yeah. I...c-called 'cause...'c-cause something very im-important happened and w-wanna tell you." he gave me a naughty look and my heart pounded hard inside my chest. In a moment of desperation, I relied on a not completely fair recourse.
"You tell him now and I won't give you dessert." I whispered, so only Frankie would hear it. He watched me terrified, saying 'no' with his head.
"Uh...d-dad? G-gerard doesn't want m-me to tell you n-now." he spoke into the phone. Great, now Anthony would think it was something bad that I wanted to hide. "N-no it's not b-bad! R-really, it's n-not. Y-yes I'm very g-good! N-no, he said w-we'll tell you t-tomorrow. Y-yes."
"Tomorrow? When did I say tomorrow?" I wondered aloud.
"Y-yeah, good n-night dad, tell G-greg I said g-good night too! I...I l-love you, bye!" he hung up and smiled at me. I hoped that upon hearing what Frankie had said last, Tony had melted and wouldn't think much about the rest. "K-kay, now g-gimme food and then d-dessert, kay?"
"Kay! Let's go get everything ready." I held him and walked us to the table, kissing him in the process.
**************
"Frankie, why don't you sit properly? I don't think it can be comfortable to eat like that..." I pointed at the uncommon way in which he was situated -sat over his bended legs. It left him far from the plate and food was most probably going to end up on his clothes.
"I...uh..." Frank's face became as red as the plastic glass he was drinking from. He tried to sit, but got up instantly with a pained expression. That's when it dawned on me. "I c-can't...hurts."
"Oh, baby, I'm sorry! I'm so stupid that I didn't think of it..." I now realised that he'd been sitting like that all the time since we got off the bed, and guilt struck me. Had I not been gentle enough? Frankie hadn't bled and he'd told me it didn't hurt much, but what if he had lied? "I'm really, really sorry for hurting you, is it too bad?"
"N-no it's not, just wh-when I sit on something h-hard." he murmured. In any other occasion, if I wasn't feeling so bad for him, I would have laughed at the unintentional double meaning of his words. "D-don't get sad, G-gee! M-my ass is f-fine. H-hurted a lot l-lot more when h-he...yeah, much m-more..."
"It'll get better soon." I pecked his forehead, recalling my first time. I'd been lucky to have a good one and I had been treated carefully, but that didn't save me from hurting a little afterwards. "Let's help you with that..."
"It...it's f-fine, lemme eat n-now. D-don't care h-how I sit." he groaned.
"Here, this cushion's soft enough, try it." I handed him one from the couch.
"Y-yep, better! Th-thanks, Gee." he smiled and kept attacking his food. Again, I seemed to be worrying more than I should. Frank was no doubt happy.
************
Anthony took Frank's words to the letter and paid us a visit the following day. My original plan of subtly letting him know that Frankie and I had gone all the way didn't work. Better said, it was canceled at the same moment the door opened and Frankie launched at his father screaming the news. If I thought our previous conversation when Tony found out about us had been embarrassing, I could safely say this one was indescribable. It wasn't Anthony's fault, though. Frankie's joyful face was enough proof that everything had gone alright, and my panicked one a clear sign that I was sick and tired of being put to the test.
However, it was Frankie who felt the necessity to fill him in with some details about how I had behaved. Tony tried to stop him to spare me the suffering, but Frank wouldn't have it. My lovely boyfriend only wanted his father to be sure that I had been good to him, he was defending me from anything Tony could object to. In spite of his good intentions, it was one more embarrassing situation to add to my collection; hopefully the last one of its kind. Everything was said, everything was done, and Iero took it all incredibly well.
*****
The next week's days passed by as fast as it usually happens when you're having a good time. Nothing special; just those simple, quotidian things that spice up your life: more cold afternoons cuddling on the couch talking, kissing, or just reading a book. More of cooking together, playing boardgames, drawings for hours. More of showing our love in the way that was the most natural to us, the one that felt like ours.
The four of us went to the park again, a perfect family that had nothing to envy the Addams for. Frankie found Mel in the same swing, as if she had been waiting for him. They spent the afternoon running from side to side, trying it all. We had to keep an eye on Frank and remind him to slow down for his heart not to get too accelerated. Needless to say, our advices went unheeded; but he was fine and happy and Mel took good care of him.
We'd been a little unsure of what the girl's father would think of this odd pair of friends, but he surprised us. He told us that his daughter talked a lot about Frankie. She had been coming to the playground nearly every day hoping to see him again. When his dad asked her why she was so interested, Mel explained that she'd seen Frankie's soul and didn't mind that he was much older than her. She felt that he needed a friend and all boys his age were idiots, so she wanted to be that friend. The man hadn't been able to argue after hearing such a deep, kind thought coming from his 10 year old kid. Anthony and I couldn't stop thanking them for making Frankie feel accepted for once.
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