Family Problems

Ex. 17. Read the text:

Unhappy families draw by far more attention of law enforcement and social structures. The reasons of conflicts in families may be different - from alcoholism to arguments about family hierarchy, which sounds rather silly. No-one can deny that families today experience a number of problems. The number of single parent families increases, families are getting smaller (an overage household is between 2 and 3 people today). About half of all marriages end in divorce. Violence in the family is one more serious problem. Children often learn violence from their parents and repeat it in their own families. One more problem is a “generation gap” - the difference in the views of teenagers and their parents. This is the most common problem even in so-called good families. The most common reasons for arguments between teenagers and parents are: the teenager’s attitude towards other members of the family; the help about the house; the quality of school work; curfew - time to come home at night; the teenager’s friends. The generation gap is really painful experience for both children and parents. There is a medicine for it - patience and understanding from the both sides. It is not so difficult to understand that parents are very anxious about their children, they want to help the kids to avoid painful mistakes in life, they try to monitor every child’s step and teach and moralise him. Sometimes it is really very annoying for teenagers seeking for independence and trying their own ways in life. It’s not too difficult to understand that parents wish children only good and in their turn parents should remember that children are not puppets for their pleasure, but growing personalities. It is always possible to find a compromise if you give it a go.

What are the main family problems?

What problem do you think is the most common in this country?

What problems did you have in your family?

Did you experienced ‘generation gap’?

What were the reasons for misunderstandings between you and your parents?

Who tried to make the first step to conciliation?

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CONSOLIDATION PRACTICE

Ex. 18. Translate into English:

1. Марджи и Стивен не имели детей в течение 6 лет после того, как они поженились. Так что они решили усыновить ребенка, девочку. Они уладили все формальности и удочерили девочку 3-х лет. Марджи и Стивен были очень хорошими приемными родителями для Алисы. Когда Алисе было 6 лет Марджи забеременела. Это было такой неожиданностью для нее и Стивена. Год назад Марджи родила мальчика. Они назвали его Ником в честь дедушки Стивена. Он, Ник, замечательный малыш, а Алиса оказалась замечательной сестрой для него.

2. Патриция и Роберт встретились, когда они учились в колледже вместе. Они оба были на третьем курсе медицинского. Шестью месяцами позже Роберт сделал предложение Патриции. Я помню, они были очень счастливы вместе. Патриция и Роберт поженились как только они закончили колледж. Они провели медовый месяц на Флориде.

3. Брак Лауры казался идеальным до последнего года. Это был брак по любви, каждый признавал это. Они поженились семь лет назад. Они не имели детей, потому что они начинали свои карьеры в бизнесе по продаже недвижимости. Лауре и ее мужу, Джеку, около 30 лет теперь. Джек, возможно, на 2 года старше. Они очень часто выходили на люди, они устраивали вечеринки и имели полный дом гостей. Но что-что произошло. Сразу после Рождества они решили жить раздельно. Я думаю, что это была измена. Я слышал, они собираются подать на развод.

4. Родители в нашей стране тоже стараются воспитать своих детей самостоятельными и независимыми. Однако существует ряд причин, которые затрудняют этот процесс. Большинство семей в нашей стране не могут позволить отдельную комнату для каждого ребенка. Детям приходится делить одну комнату на двоих, а иногда жить в одной комнате с родителями. В такой ситуации родители не имеют личной жизни, а дети не могут научиться ответственности за свое жизненное пространство.

5. Молодые люди в этой стране очень долго остаются зависимыми от своих родителей. После окончания школы и поступления в ВУЗ дети живут вместе с родителями, так как снять комнату для большинства молодых людей слишком дорого. Очень часто эти взрослые дети вынуждены просить у родителей деньги на мелкие расходы, так как количество рабочих мест с почасовой оплатой невелико. Именно поэтому молодые люди вынуждены согласовывать все свои решения с родителями.

6. Отношения между взрослыми детьми и их престарелыми родителями в нашей стране сильно отличаются от таковых в США. Во-первых, с моральной точки зрения посылать родителей в богадельню – один из самых больших грехов. Условия в домах престарелых далеки от идеальных, посему содержание стариков – родителей в богадельне – прямое нарушение христианской заповеди ‘чти родителей своих’. Кроме того, государство позаботилось о стариках: при живых детях устроить пожилого человека в дом престарелых весьма сложно. Такая ситуация имеет и плюсы и минусы. С одной стороны, старики получают хороший уход от своих детей и имеют возможность принять участие в воспитании внуков. С другой стороны, кому-то, обычно женщине, приходится бросать работу для ухода за пожилым немощным родственником. Это сказывается на бюджете семьи и, в конечном счете, на прочность семейных уз. Помните у Пушкина ‘… но боже мой, какая скука с больным сидеть и день и ночь не отходя ни шагу прочь…' и т.д.

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ADDITIONAL READING

Do Your In-Laws Drive You Mad?

The poor farm boy married the rich girl from town, and now he had to endure her disapproving mother. The young couple couldn’t afford a home of their own, so they moved in with her. Thirty three years later, long after the couple had moved to the White House, US President Harry Truman’s mother-in-law Madge Gates Wallace was still there, ruling the dinner table.

“It was very hard on my father,” Truman’s daughter Margaret said years later. “But he made it his business to get on because he loved my mother.”

Winston Churchill’s “darling Clementine” also learned early that she had married not just her husband but his strong-willed mother as well. When she and Winston came back from their honeymoon, the young bride discovered that Lady Randolph Churchill had completely redecorated the couple’s new home in a far more elaborate style than Clementine had planned.

Today few families dwell with their in-laws. But even when the generations don’t live together, daily phone calls and frequent visits often make it seem that way. Experts say that three-quarters of all married couples have problems with their in-laws, which can make the relationship a major source of unhappiness.

Here are some of the most common in-law problems and ways to handle them:

The Freeze. When teacher John and his wife Wiona were first married, her parents not only meddled in the young couple’s affairs but seemed to ignore John when the four were together. “I feel like an outsider,” John told Wiona one day, just before a visit. “I need to know that I have your support.”

That was a turning point in their marriage. From then on Wiona made sure that John was included in all family conversations and activities. Gradually, Wiona’s parents began to accept their son-in-law and respect the couple’s right to make their own decisions.

The “Gift”. Georgia, a talented amateur singer, worked in an office to support her husband Michael while he studied for a degree. Her parents gave her $650 for vocal lessons. But before she started her lessons Michael’s tuitionfees were due. Since the couple had agreed their top priority was for him to finish his studies, Georgia used the gift to pay the tuition instead.

Soon Georgia’s parents avoided visiting when Michael was at home. Worse still, they began expressing doubts about him as a husband. Concerned, Georgia asked her parents why they were acting that way.

“Look at the way he pressured you into spending our money on his tuition instead of your voice lessons.”

She explained to her mother that she had paid the tuition willingly and promised to start saving for singing lessons. But she vowed to think twice before accepting money from her parents again.

There are four keys to successful relationship with your own in-laws:

1. Stand by your mate. By presenting a united front, you may actually ease your in-laws’ concerns.

2. Watch out for strings. Unhook yourself financially. Do not rely on Mum and Dad for regular child care, it sets a stage for disputes over bringing up children.

3. Be a friend. First you should decide how to call you in-laws. Spend time with your in-laws and take interest in their work, hobbies, ideas and experiences. Knowing them better will make for fewer misunderstandings.

4. Speak up. Keep your comments to the issues at hand, rather than recounting past irritations.

A Divorce Lawyer

I = Interviewer

S = Jane Simpson

I Mrs Simpson. could you tell me who most often starts divorce proceedings, the man or the woman?

S The woman.

I And what is the most common reason for divorce?

S Well, the legal reason most commonly stated in the courts is adultery, hut this is a symptom, realily, rather than the real reason. I think there are two real reasons. One, the couple have grown apart with time, and two either the husband or wife has found the courage to bring to an end an intolerable situation. More specifically, the woman's reasons are that she doesn't have to put up with it anylonger, and she has grown up, become more mature, and it is perhaps making an important decision for herself for the first time in her life.Theman’s reasons are that he it growing away, perhaps because of business, and his wife who's left at home doesn't come with him either physically on business trips, but more important, doesn’t develop with him spiritually.

I You said that adultery is often the symptom of divorce, not the cause. Could you say a little more about that, do you think?

S Yes. Adultery is not often the reason why a marriage breaks down. It's really an event that brings out the reasons why a marriage has already broken down. Adultery, you see, is a tangible fact. Many of us find it difficult to know our true feeling, our emotions, and it can be even more difficult to talk about them. Well, adultery is something yon can actually point at, and say 'That's why'.

I I see,

S People by nature are conservative. We're afraid of change, we're afraid of the unknown, and so people put up with the most intolerable circumstances for years before coming to the decision.

I Oh. After all your years of experience in the more unpleasant side of marriage, what’s your opinion of it?

S Well. I'm in favour of it. I think there are many good marriages They do work, but they need a lot of work to keep them going. I think this is something unfortunately that most people just don't realize. Marriages need effort to be invested in them, just as for instance flowers need water and attention, or they die. I must say, I think it's better to end the relationship that doesn't work, rather than stay together in misery for year after year.

I Yes.

S So my advice to divorcees is 'Think long and hard about what went wrong with that marriage, and so avoid making the same mistake twice. Too many people rush into another marriage too quickly, and for example a woman who thinks she needs a dominating man bit then hates being dominated will marry another dominating man, and of course it all happens all over again.

I Mmm yes, do you think divorce should be made easier or more difficult, or in your opinion is the situation acceptable as it is?

S Yes. It's OK. I personally think the grounds for divorce should be simplified. I think the only reason required for divorce should be one year's separation. At the moment, as you probably know, the fundamental reason is 'irretrievable breakdown', and a number of signs that might prove that. But what actually happens is that a couple knows their marriage is over and has to find one of the accepted labels to explain it. So the present system is a bit dishonest you might say.

I And is it true that children are the ones who suffer most?

S Oh, yes, they suffer more than we care to realize. Parents need to talk honestly to the children, preferably together.

I Do you think then that having children is a reason for staying together?

S No, not if the parents can't behave in an adult way. Children are a very good reason for working harder at a marriage, however, and so stopping a bad situation starting in the first place. But if the atmosphere is already tense, there will be a lot of relief when the parents divorce.

I Uhm, tell me how you find your job? Doesn't it depress you sometimes, that you're dealing with couples who perhaps hate each other, or who've lied and hurt other people, and are now perhaps fighting selfishly to get the most for themselves?

S Oh yes, sometimes I'll think 'Why can't you sort out your own problems?' about a particular client. 'Be honest with yourself and the others in your life, that's all you've got to do.' But of course that's something we find very difficult. What I wish most is that they would realize just how well-off they were, and I don't mean money by the way. But when I have the client in front of me, well, I just have a job to do and I must do it to the best of my abilities.

S Thank you very much, Mrs Simpson.

Listening:

Headway Upper-Intermediate: (levels i, ii, iii)

1. Tape script N25 An Arranged Marriage (iii)

2. Tape script N29 Relations with Parents (parts 1,2,3,4) (i)

3. Tape script N33 An Interview with Margaret Thatcher. (the beginning – 2’) (ii)

The New Cambridge:

1. Test 4, ex. 1 Relations between Spouses (k7 3) (i)

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