Chapter Sixteen Comfortable and Confident 3 страница

“Oh yeah?” I asked, replying to his comment once I had collected my head a little bit. “I want to try that.”

“I figured you would,” Gerard replied, shifting his weight a bit. He kept his fingers inside of me, but desisted movement for a minute. I was glad, honestly, because it gave me time to catch my breath and actually look at him again. Sure enough, that arrogant smile was plastered all over him. It was slightly different this time, because at least I could share in his pride. Hell, I was his pride right then and fuck, that felt amazing.

“Here, take my hand so you don’t touch yourself,” Gerard directed me, holding his palm face up. I gave him it willingly, and felt another surge of butterflies shoot through my stomach as he held my hand in his own. We locked eyes for a moment, and I wanted to kiss him, but he was too far away and it would have just been awkward. He squeezed my hand tight, and that seemed to be enough.

I kept my other hand gripping his shoulder as he continued to finger me, determined to reach this new goal. I had no idea why I wanted to do this, to impress him maybe, or just to see what my body could do. I had no idea there was even a place that felt good inside my ass, let alone it having an official name and actually being able to make me come. It was so new, and so weird, I wanted to know everything about it. And I had a feeling, from the abundance of knowledge that Gerard seemed to posses, that he was going to be a good teacher. We were going to move on from art now, and start branching into other things. He was going to teach me about my body, about sex, and all these things I had never had a chance to learn before. I had always wanted to learn them, but I never thought in this way. Now, as his finger brushed my prostate yet again, I couldn’t imagine a better setting.

Gerard’s fingers were fucking amazing. I never could figure out just what he was doing to them to make them feel so good (other than hitting my prostate) but I didn’t care. I lost count of how many fingers he had in me; when he scissored me, it felt like more, but there couldn’t have been any more than three. My cock was hurting it was so close to coming, but though he kept hitting the place inside me again and again, nothing was happening yet. And soon enough, I lost patience. I took one of my hands off his shoulders and started to touch myself in a hurry, mumbling something to Gerard in the form of an excuse. I had only run my hand up and down my length a few times before I felt his fingers slide out of me, and his body shift upwards in the bed. He ran his hand over my own, cupping it and making it stop as he placed his lips against mine.

“I want to…” he demanded weakly after the kiss, and I couldn’t say no, even if my vocal chords worked. I took his tongue into my mouth immediately, and let his hand take over.

It was only a few short thrusts and then I was done, my groans muffled by his kiss on me again. I felt myself come onto my chest and his hand, and though I felt guilty about getting him dirty, it was the farthest thought from my mind. I instinctively pulled his body closer to my own, making us even closer than before. He gave into the pull, and kissed me all the way up and down my neck until I came back down to reality.

“You okay?” he whispered into my ear, once he noticed my breathing was normal. He placed his hand on the side of my face, turning me in to look at him to the side. I nodded dopily, and stared back up at the ceiling.

“Oh,” I realized, moments later, when I still felt his heat next to me. I looked at him awkwardly, wondering how I should phrase my offer. “Do you want me to…?”

“No,” he said immediately, and placed a quick kiss over my mouth to silence me further. “I’m fine. I wanted to make sure you were okay.”

I nodded, not wanting to argue with him. I didn’t exactly know what I had offered to do per se, but I was sort of glad in the end that he had said no. I was nervous enough when he was doing things to me. I had no idea what to do in the first place, and wanted to avoid it as long as possible. I breathed a contented sigh, knowing it would probably be awhile.

As we lay there for awhile, just breathing under the light sheet he had now pulled up around us, I let my mind wander. I could hear our breathing both come down from frantic pants to shallow breaths, and it sounded so wonderful, and so fucking natural. I had never felt so comfortable with someone in a long time. I didn’t even feel that weird being naked around him. He was just as exposed as I was, and our bodies were shielding each other. It wasn’t really that bad of a thing to be, and I appreciated the fact that I could be that way with him. The awkward air from before had been shed with the many layers of clothing, and even Gerard’s mannerisms were back to their normal self, except I was right there next to him.

“You should call your parents soon,” he thought out loud later, but made no effort of letting me out of the bed. He still held my hand tightly from before, fingers interlocked. I squeezed it back, and turned around to face him.

“Just give me a few more minutes,” I smiled, and started to kiss him again. It was what I wanted, after all, so he couldn’t argue.

Chapter Sixteen
Comfortable and Confidence [3]

“I was actually serious about the no clothing rule,” Gerard mentioned casually. I had just pried myself off of his body, succumbing to the fact that I had to call my parents soon before they started phoning around first, trying to figure out where I was.

I lifted the sheet and got out of the bed, the much colder air from the apartment coming around my body and shocking me. I realized that I was very naked still, and scanned the room for where my clothing had been flung from before. Gerard’s eyes had been closed contently when I had gotten up, and I tucked the sheet back around his thought-to-be sleeping body on the bed, moving quietly to not wake him. I moved silently on the balls of my feet, the floorboards creaking no matter how little pressure I applied to them. The moment I started to slide my boxers over my small hips was when the vocalization had occurred, and the sleeping Gerard was awake and alert once more.

“What?” I stammered, turning around quickly and pulling the rest of my boxers on myself.

I looked at him in bed, with his arm hanging lazily over his head, his prominent dark armpit hair furling out against the pillow case. His eyes were open now, and a small smile was spread across his face. He had this joking tone to his voice, but the way he nodded and turned his grin into a smug smile made me question him again. I was used to questioning Gerard though, and now that the huge barrier had been broken between us, there wasn’t a frantic nature to have the answer to these questions. After all, some questions didn’t even have answers. Gerard was probably just being himself, seeing what he could say and get away with.

“Yeah, okay,” I nodded back to him, a sarcastic edge to my voice. I un-tensed my shoulders as I walked over to his side of the bed, looking down on him with my own self-righteous smile on my face, trying to play into his joke. I let my hand dangle over his free one, and he tugged on my fingers delicately, looking up at me unwaveringly.

“You’re really funny sometimes,” I teased him, my body still invigorated from the orgasm I had encompassed ten minutes ago. “But I should call my parents.”

“You should know by now that I’m not funny on purpose,” he explained. “It just happens when no one appreciates my art and my interpretation.”

I let go of his hand and started to chuckle to myself as I walked away, listening to him ramble on and on about art. It seemed like the old art teacher was back in Gerard, his suave and naturally sarcastic nature coming through. It wasn’t such a scary thought in my head anymore to have The Artist Gerard back as it had been when he first entered the apartment. He wasn’t blocking me out this time, and not letting his feelings come through. He was just talking about art again, and rambling about something that I would struggle to understand later.

I used his phone rather quickly, clutching the ivory receiver in my hand as ringing echoed in my ear. I could feel my heart pumping inside my chest, just the thought of my parents saying no to my request being enough to work me up. My mother answered the phone again, and I was so relieved. She seemed just as tired as she had been the night before, only this time there was no excuse for it. It was not the middle of the night again, and I had not broken curfew. I didn’t know the time at all, but it was still morning, I was fairly certain, and earlier than I would have normally gotten up on any normal Saturday. I sometimes slept until the early afternoon, so seeing the sun before it hit its zenith in the sky was a change for me. I didn’t need sleep anymore because there were so many things I wanted to see with my eyes wide open.

Despite her weariness, my mother agreed once again to let me stay over at Travis’s house this time. I figured I should switch the names up to make things more believable. I felt guilty lying to my mother, especially when she sounded so worn down. There was a brief second I considered the fact that she may have known where I was and that’s why she was drained, but I dismissed it right away. No one knew I was here. No one could have known I was here. Gerard had been the only person that had left the apartment, and there was just no way that people could tell he had been with me. Sam and Travis were probably doing something asinine this weekend, spending most of it plastered. I doubted they would have even noticed I was there, and I doubted they even missed my presence when I wasn’t.

I hung up the phone after a few brief minutes of conversation with my mom, and then slinked my way back into Gerard’s room. I was still only wearing my boxers, and despite the warm glow from the sun, I missed the warmth his body provided me.

When I arrived back into his room, he was still in bed, his eyes closed contentedly as his chest rose and fell under the sheet. I smiled to myself, thinking of how calm he looked. I wondered how much earlier he had gotten up from me, especially since he had had time to go for a walk, and get the supplies. When we had been kissing on the bed, he had smelled faintly of aftershave as well, meaning he must have had time to shower too.

He must have gotten up at dawn, I told myself. He looked really exhausted.

I decided that I wouldn’t crawl next to him just yet, not wanting to move the bed too much and wake him. Instead, I looked around the floor, trying to gather up my clothing and maybe tidy the mess I had already made. Only, when I started shifting through the fabric on his hardwood floor, I saw no sign of my red t-shirt I had worn to his house. It should have stood out brightly in the dull drabness of the room, but all I could see were his black shades of fabric everywhere.

“What are you looking for?” I heard him call suddenly, making me jump a little. I had been crouching and looking behind his nightstand when the voice had hit my eardrums. I looked over at him and saw that he was as wide awake as ever, propping his body up on one elbow. He was smiling mischievously, but I had no idea why.

“My shirt…” I answered, trailing off as I continued to search. I was suddenly glad that I was in a crouching position, covering my semi-exposed body a little more.

“It’s gone?” he questioned, cocking an eyebrow, mock inquiry in his voice. I locked eyes with him and when they flared, I knew something was up.

He had taken my shirt.

“Give it back,” I whined, half-playfully, half-seriously.

I moved myself to the bed, sitting next to him and letting my hands wander all around the sheets. Since he was still under the covers, I figured the shirt couldn’t have gotten far; it had to still be in the same bed. But my search came back with nothing, and Gerard wasn’t budging with any of his information, either.

“I told you,” he stated again, matter-of-factly. “It’s a rule in my apartment. If you stay the weekend, no clothing is allowed.” He smiled another one of his wry smiles, baring his nicotine stained teeth a little bit.

His smile was infectious, and despite my vulnerability, I found myself returning the gesture. He seemed relieved from my grin, and reached out to touch my bare shoulder caringly.

“Vivian abides to the same rule when she comes over,” Gerard informed me, bringing back the mention of his friend who I only knew without her clothing on. “I figured it was only natural for you to follow the rule as well.”

I sighed, teasing him a little. “Since when have we been good at following rules?”

“Very funny,” he replied coyly, running his fingers up my shoulder, barely-touching.

“I’m not funny on purpose,” I mocked, pulling away from him. “It just happens when no one appreciates my art and my interpretation.” My countenance turned smug and playful, tipping my chin up at Gerard, who shook his head at me.

“That’s not going to get you your shirt back.”

“Fine,” I insisted, forcing myself to stand up. “I was thinking of having a shower anyway, and I don’t need it there.”

“Sure, go ahead,” Gerard insisted, motioning to the bathroom just outside his door with his hands. “It’s all yours.”

I smiled as I got up quickly, rolling my eyes at Gerard as he tried to pry off my boxers in the same motion. I held a tight grip on their elastic, and walked to the bathroom avoiding another incident of near-clothing removal.

I didn’t know why I was so insistent on keeping myself clothed. It wasn’t like he had never seen me naked before, or anyone else had seen me naked. And he was naked too. He had the barrier of a sheet to protect himself, but he was still bare underneath. Maybe it was the whole idea of protection that I liked about my clothing, I thought to myself, starting to run the water in the shower stall. I wanted to keep my clothes on me, at least one article, because I felt safe that way. It had been what I always known, and since everything around me was so new, I needed something to cling to. And that happened to be my boxers.

Once the room started to fill with steam, I knew I had to finally discard the last layer of clothing around myself in order to get myself clean again. I felt a bit grimy from all the actions I had been doing over the past twenty-four hours. I was clammy from sweat and other liquids that had been secreted on my body, and I needed a final burst of hot water to wake me up.

I always felt odd having showers in other people’s places, but Gerard was different than other people. Besides, he smelled so good already, I wanted to do the same. I made sure the bathroom door was locked when I took off my shorts, and in one final act of paranoia, I placed them under the sink for hiding. Once under the jet stream from the shower, I located many bottles in the corner, most of which had weird names I didn’t recognize. I decided to forgo using any kind of product, just in case I didn’t know what it was, and just ran the water over my hair. I found a bar of soap eventually, and finished my cleansing ritual.

After my shower, I stepped into the steam filled room, and reached out to the towel wrack, but instead of gripping the fuzzy items I had seen only fifteen minutes earlier, I grabbed a bare wrack instead. The towels were gone, and as I searched frantically under the cupboard, I found my boxers missing, too. The door was slightly ajar, meaning that Gerard had somehow undone the lock and come in, enforcing his new ‘rule’ to the full extent.

Gerard was smarter than he looked, and that was saying something.

I had no idea whether to be angry or embarrassed or indifferent. I knew he was probably doing all this to get a rise out of me, to see what I’d do or say, but I was not in the mood for this. When he did that with art, it was different. He was teaching me something, or showing me how he thought. This was something completely different that I did not want to deal with. Sex was personal, he had told me less than an hour earlier. He seemed like such a different person a few hours earlier. He had once been so concerned with my feelings and making sure I was okay, and now he was stealing my boxers? Declaring that it was a rule to be naked in his house? So what if Vivian had followed it. That didn’t mean I had to as well. This was not what I wanted.

I waited for a long time in the bathroom, but I knew I eventually had to come out. My hair was sopping wet and water dripped down from my body like I was a cloud shedding rain, but I knew I had to go. If I got his hallway and his shit wet, maybe he would think twice about not letting me have towels.

I walked out of the room in a huff, knowing that if I was going to do it, I had to do it quick. The air rushed over me, chilling me to the bone, and I could only cover so much of myself with my one hand. I kept that hand over my flaccid cock, trying to hide at least some of my shame. I knew my whole body was red, from my cheeks to my toes with embarrassment, but no amount of covering – even if I did get my clothing back – was going to make that any better. I had to live with it for now.

“Where did you put my boxers?” I demanded once I set foot in the hallway. I looked into his room at first, found an empty bed and had to retrace my attention to where I heard some paper’s rustling. He was in the living area, lying down on his putrid orange couch with the Saturday paper open and in his lap. And that was all that was in his lap, too. He was as naked as me, only he was much more comfortable with the idea.

He looked up from his paper haughtily and smiled, shaking his head.

“I told you, Frank,” he said calmly, flipping a page in his newspaper, casually glancing up at me from between the lines. “No clothing. It’s a rule.”

I heaved an aggravated sigh and shook my head, causing beads of water to fly and land on his reading material. He merely chuckled and turned the page, unaffected by my struggle. I stood awkwardly, with my hands over my package, getting colder by the minute. I looked around the room for something, anything, hoping to find where he had hidden my clothing. I wanted to argue with him, but found it harder than I had anticipated in the bathroom. I was mad at him, yes, but I knew he was joking around. I knew he cared for me deep down inside. As he peered up from the printed lines, I saw that glimmer of green. He was still concerned about hurting me, but I had assured him so many times already that this was okay he finally believed me, and was going to do what he wanted now. I told him he could, and now I had to follow through on my words, because I knew he always would on his. I didn’t like his joke all that much, but I could see in his eyes and body language that he was only teasing me. Or testing me.

That’s the thing, I told myself, a thought catching in my head. Maybe he was just testing me, seeing how I would cope under these circumstances. He did this all the time before, why was this any different?

I turned around the room quickly, searching for something. I didn’t know what I was looking for until my eyes laid on it. The black bedroom door. I ran to his room, his cry of confusion a distant memory. I reached for the sheets on the bed, taking the one that had once covered us and tucked it all around my still soaking wet body. I heard his footsteps echo slowly behind me, walking into his room and then sighing at his defeat.

“You’re a tricky one,” he joked around, standing beside me.

I had the hugest grin on my face as I held my arms stiffly at my sides, pride oozing from the fact that I had beaten the artist. He had once held the upper hand in this little game we were playing, but now that I realized it was just a game, I was much younger and more agile. I was sure I could win this.

“I’ll get you eventually,” he jested, a caring edge to his voice. His arm extended and he placed it around my shoulder, catching me off guard. His face was no longer twisted in a scoff of arrogance; he looked as if he just wanted a hug. He was still very much naked next to me, but I didn’t let my eyes divert any further down below. Instead, I let my own pride fall from my countenance, and leaned into the embrace.

He ran one of his hands into my sticky hair, and the other down my back, rubbing over the lump the sheet formed. I only had one arm around his naked waist, the other still clutching the front of my new shield. I suddenly felt Gerard’s sneakiness come through as he slipped his fingers over the sheet, trying in vain to pry it off. I pushed myself away from him playfully, and over-exaggerated my grip on the towel.

“All right,” he insisted, waving his arms in the air as a temporary defeat. “When you’re ready to be naked, I’ll be here.”

I nodded at the mutual consensus, and leaned into his trusting body again, just in time to feel him place a kiss on my forehead. My grip on the sheet tightened, though his hands no longer wandered where they weren’t supposed to be. In his arms, I felt the safety that clothing provided and the sheet stood in for. But I was going to keep it on, at least, for now. I had no idea when he would pull more of his tricks on me, but I’d have the whole weekend to find out.

***

As the day worn on, I discovered that he was fairly adamant about keeping me naked. Only, he was a lot more subtler in his appeals. He decided to make his bed soon after our small embrace, but I eventually pieced together that he was stripping his mattress so I wouldn’t have any more chances at hiding myself if I lost the sheet I was in. He did the same with anything else I could use to cover my body with, like his own clothing, the pillow cases – even the small tea towels he kept in the kitchen for dishes. He gathered them up and placed them all in his armoire, attaching a lock to the front. I watched him do this, and I didn’t know what to think. I was too transfixed with the way his muscles moved as he struggled against closing the door to really form any kind of opinion just yet. I still had my own sheet, which I was not letting out of my sight, so I was safe. Gerard never pushed me to take it off again, but he made his preferred choice very clear.

He wanted me naked.

He himself remained wearing nothing but the pink hue of his flesh, even as he did the most mundane activities. He finished reading his paper in the nude, ate breakfast, and fed his bird, all the while not caring if he was undressed. I watched him a lot of the time while he did this, just in fucking awe that he could.

The whole concept of being naked outside of sex frightened me a little. The only other times I had been naked outside those conditions was at the doctors, or being born. And neither of those experiences had been the best in the world. Even when I was a little child and used to run around naked like there was no tomorrow, I had been scolded for that. Gerard wasn’t scolding me; he was encouraging me and demanding that I be naked. He had started to in a joking manner, but that had only been to get my attention; to start a brief game so things weren’t so serious anymore. We had engaged in enough long talks and discussions about our future, how wrong this was, and how we didn’t want to get hurt. We needed something light and airy to occupy our heads.

We needed to just run around naked.

Well, at least he did. I was still perfectly content with my sheet. Gerard wasn’t exactly happy with my newfound clothing, but he let it go. When I was ready I would take it off (which I hoped that would be before Sunday night because I was pretty sure that I would gather some unwanted attention if I walked down the street wearing nothing but his blue sheets), I would take it off. I didn’t think about it too much, or worry to that extent. I felt safe with Gerard, I always had. I just didn’t feel safe with myself.

I found myself constantly watching my sheet, guarding it almost. The moment I had let my defenses down, my boxers had been stolen, so I was not going to let that happen again. I wasn’t protecting my makeshift shield from Gerard per se. I didn’t even let my sheet that far out of my sight when I was alone for a brief minute when Gerard went to the washroom. In fact, my grip got tighter, my security wavering. I didn’t want to drop the linen and be totally exposed again. Even if I was alone, that feeling was not something I wanted to accompany just yet.

“Why don’t you want to be naked, Frank?” Gerard asked me once he came back from the bathroom. I was sitting on the putrid orange couch, and felt his body ease and shift in next to mine. He placed a hand on my leg and moved it up and down, but it was purely comfort. He was not trying to disrobe me.

“Umm,” I started, my eyes darting around the room nervously as I tried to explain myself. My words never sounded very poetic or even made that much sense inside my head compared to his, so I had a hard time articulating what I wanted to portray. “I don’t know. I just don’t want to be. Is that good enough of a reason?”

Gerard laughed a little, amused by my plea for approval. “Not for me it isn’t.”

I bit my tongue, unsure of how to please him further. He stopped rubbing my thigh, and leaned forward on his legs, propping himself up with his elbows. “There has to be a reason you don’t want to be naked. I’m curious as to what it is.” He glanced over at me, looking me up and down as he took a frayed corner of the sheet into his hand. “I mean, it’s not as if I haven’t seen you that way before.”

“I know…” I looked away, his gaze too truthful. “It’s just, different now.”

“Different how?” he asked, but there was an air to his voice that made me think he already knew the answer.

“I don’t know…” This seemed to be my new favourite phrase. “You’ve already seen me. Why does this matter?”

“Yes, I have, but that was during sex.” He said the word sex almost as if it was something forbidden. It fell out of his mouth like a delicacy, and he cradled it inside his open palms. “This has nothing to do with sex now.”

“Really?” I asked, in complete shock.

In my mind, I had always equated getting naked to having sex. That was the only reason you got naked; to fuck. And you had to be naked to fuck. Every last bit of clothing off. That was one of the reasons it was so scary. I had by-passed that fear now, if only temporarily. If Gerard wanted to have sex now, I was pretty sure I could undo my sheet and go at it. I had earlier on his bed, and the night before. But this wasn’t about sex at all, he was right. Gerard didn’t want to have sex; I snuck a quick glance down between his legs, and nothing was happening. He wasn’t turned on, and it was still too soon (and I was too nervous) for me to be as well. If this wasn’t about sex though, I still didn’t see where being naked came in. It was like eating without being hungry in my mind. There was no need.

“Yes,” Gerard nodded, imploring and honest nature to his voice. “I don’t care if we ever have sex again. But I want to see you naked.”

“Why?”

“Because I want you to be comfortable with me.”

“I was naked for sex,” I told him reiterating the thoughts in my head. “Isn’t that enough?”

“But what about for yourself?”

“Huh?” I asked, gripping the sheet tighter. This sheet was for myself. I didn’t want to be naked, and this protected me from it.

Gerard sighed a little, realizing that this whole concept – whatever it was – was not sinking in anymore. He looked around the room, lips pursed in thought.

“Are you confident, Frank?” he asked suddenly.

“Ummm, I don’t know,” I stated again, completely thrown off guard. Why did he just randomly switch topics like that? He was going to kill me with confusion if he kept this up, or if my embarrassment didn’t take me first. “I guess.”

“I’m confident,” he stated, as if I had ever doubted that in him. He smiled to himself, vanity approaching. “I’m really confident.”

He stood up from the couch suddenly, turning around until he faced me. He perched himself in front of me gallantly, hands on his hips and chin tipped upwards.

“I’m confident enough I can walk around my apartment naked all day, and I do,” he started up again, moving and walking around, mimicking his words. He stopped by his dove cage, his paint supplies, and his black door, sauntering like a madman. A naked madman. I watched him in amazement, still perplexed and intrigued by what was going on.

“You would not believe how many times I had to put on clothing before you came over,” he mentioned, sighing lightheartedly at a distant memory.

“Why did you?” I asked, before I realized what I had said. He cocked his eyebrow at me, shaking his head with a dull laugh.

“Well, first of all, I would have scared you off if I had answered the door naked, now wouldn’t I?” He looked at me with pursed lips but didn’t wait for me to respond. “That aside, I put on clothing because you weren’t ready to see me naked. You were never supposed to see me naked, essentially. And I was never supposed to see you, either.”

He grew somber there, his eyes falling down to his unclothed body. I wasn’t sure, but I could have sworn I saw him scowl at himself. He was so far from me, though he was only at his mural. I wanted him to walk closer to the couch again, if only so he would look up instead of gravely down. We both knew this was wrong, but so far since we started playing our small game, we had completely forgotten that part of everything.

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Дата добавления: 2015-11-14