Chapter Sixteen Comfortable and Confident 2 страница

He was speaking faster than normal, but the last line still came out loud and clear in my mind. And thinking about what he meant wasn’t going to cut it anymore.

“What?” I stammered, my voice still rough and hoarse. Gerard stopped talking almost instantly, his hands freezing in place in the air. He turned his head to the side to meet my surprised gaze, and pursed his lips before he repeated his statement, much slower.

“You can leave right now if you want…”

“Is that what you want?” I practically choked out.

God, how could I have been so stupid? This was probably why he left me alone in the first place. He just wanted to get rid of me. For me to get the hint and leave. Fucking hell. I couldn’t believe this was happening.

“It’s not about me, Frank,” he informed me solidly. I had no idea how his countenance could remain as smooth as stone while I felt like I was shattering on the inside.

“Then who is this about?” I stammered, fisting the sheets on the bed in nervous anger. If he said anything about society, I was fairly sure I was going to lose it.

“You,” he responded, not skipping a beat. I stopped fidgeting and breathing hard. I even stopped looking at him with my cryptic stare. I couldn’t find the words to dispute that answer; I was already arguing with myself in my head enough.

“If you don’t want to do anything that we did last night again, Frank, we won’t,” Gerard insisted again delicately. He shifted his weight on the bed, coming closer to me in his plea. He placed his much larger palm over my hand, and rubbing it soothingly. He would have cupped it and held it entirely, but I was still clenched the sheets for comfort, and I did not want to let go. His face was so close to mine, and so far away at the same time. I wanted that kiss I had been missing since the kitchen, but was too frozen to do anything about it.

“I know we rushed things,” Gerard began to repeat.

“Do you regret it?” I found myself spilling out, and locking eyes with him. He was taken aback by my sudden movement, but recovered quickly.

“You know I don’t regret anything I do.” He was giving me the standard answer, the one he had rehearsed and said so many times inside his apartment when we were just doing art. I didn’t want art right then. I wanted us.

He could see the changes in my body, and smartened up, giving me the answer I needed to hear, even if it wasn’t the right one. “And I especially don’t regret this.”

He leaned into me more, but we were still too far away to do anything. I could feel his breath, and I know he wanted assurance somehow. I just nodded, and looked at my bare feet again.

“Sex is personal,” he started again, leaning away, and for once, I just wished he would shut up. He was trying to make excuses to not be with me, when all this time I thought we had come to a consensus of needing to be together.

“Sex is huge. And I took it from you for the first time. I’ve taken a lot from you…” His eyes dwindled down to our palms, not linked together, but merely on top of one another. “And though everything was called for last night, that doesn’t mean I expect it from you all the time now. I’ve never had any kind of expectations with you, and I still don’t, Frank. I just want you to know that…”

“I do know that,” I insisted, sighing forcefully. “You’re making me feel like a child again.”

I saw him bite his lip, almost wanting to argue that point, and say that I was a child. Just because I was thirty years younger than him meant nothing to me anymore. He had made my age last night, and perhaps he recalled the memory just as vividly as I had, because he only sighed instead of responding as his head tipped down, his hair going over his face.

“I just don’t want to hurt you…” he murmured softly.

“You didn’t,” I answered strongly, not caring if he had been talking to himself. His head perked up almost immediately, and he looked back at me again. He was still in his unfazed and stressed professional glare, but a smile was forming in the corners of his mouth.

“You have no idea how good it is to hear you say that,” he gushed, the emotion in his voice surprising me. “Hurting you is the last thing I want to do.”

It was silent after that for a while, the gravity of the situation falling down around us like the glass shards that still remained in his sink. He seemed a lot better than before, his nervous twitch gone and his cool demeanor coming through again. I wasn’t as angry, and I didn’t feel like a child anymore. I could feel his much larger hand over my own, his fingers brushing against me in a small motion and I finally let go of the sheets. I flipped my hand up and locked fingers with him easily, but he was still too far away from me.

“What do you want, Gerard?” I asked, when our eyes had met for a brief moment, and lingered too long in indecision.

“Ah, well,” he sighed and shifted his weight, drawing out the comment almost laughably. “I told you what I wanted last night.” He paused for a brief moment, seeing if I could remember.

How could I forget?

“But right now, I think I’d settle for just a kiss,” he informed me, lazy half-smile on his face. I picked up the slack in the action, smiling fully for both of us.

“I think that’s a good idea,” I mentioned quietly, and suddenly, he didn’t seem so far away anymore.

We both stared at each other for a long time, our eyes wandering down to the other’s slightly open mouth. We leaned in mutually, and my heart jumped into my throat at the first slight brush of our lips. This was the first time we had done the same actions as we had the night before. Gerard may have been touching me and talking about sex, but he had always done that. He spouted sexual stuff like it was nothing, and always touched me so much, and yet, so little, every day before last night. Last night was the first time things had changed between us, but come morning, it felt as if we had gone backwards in time and unraveled everything. I didn’t want that. With this kiss, we were bridging the time gap once again, and restoring that everything. It was a little awkward getting into things, but we eventually got the hang of it.

I moved closer to Gerard just as I parted my lips to let his tongue go into my mouth. I felt his hand reach around the back of my head, tangling into my mane before finally resting on my neck to deepen the action. I shifted closer and closer, still not knowing what to do with my own hands just yet. I touched his side gingerly, and when he proceeded to kiss me deeper, I decided that was the right course of action. I wrapped my hand around his thick side, and shifted the last bridge of space between us. We were still sitting up on the bed, but my torso was touching his, my tongue was in his mouth, and I felt a warmth I hadn’t felt since I had been sleeping and we both had been naked. I trailed my finger around the end of his shirt, and dared to slip a finger inside. I needed to touch his skin.

“What do you want, Frank?” Gerard asked, pulling away from the kiss a few moments later. He still kept his hand on the back of my neck, and pushed our foreheads together a bit. I could feel our bodies sloping downwards onto the bed, and I felt my heart beat inside of my chest. The nervous anxiety of sex washed over me, and though I had been through it all and done it before, everything was so big, so new, and still so scary. I knew it was just as scary to Gerard too, even if we had a lot cleared up now. He still didn’t want to hurt me, and honestly, I didn’t want to be hurt either.

I tried to get our bodies to lie down on the bed fully, instead of answering his question, because I really didn’t know what to say. I wanted him to decide like he had last night. I knew I would be okay with everything he did to me because I trusted him, but I was still so inexperienced I didn’t know what to do and when. He let himself be pulled down on the bed, angling his body so he could look down on me, but he still wanted an answer. He had made this very clear that nothing was going to happen unless I stated it first.

“What do you want, Frank?” he asked again, between small kisses on my neck. He gripped my face in his hands again, pulling our eyes and lips together. I tried to keep kissing, but he pulled our tongues apart.

“Tell me. I’ll do anything you want,” he assured me, barely above a whisper. “I promise.”

I stared at his green eyes. The pupils were large, but the ring of green I spent my entire existence focusing on was still there. It was so clear too – just like it had been at night. And that when it hit me at what I wanted the most.

“I want to stay here all weekend,” I told him solidly. I wanted to see those eyes in the dark again, and the only way of doing that was sleeping in his bed again. I didn’t want to go home. I wanted to stay right here.

He laughed at first; light and airy breaths from his now swollen lips. He petted the side of my face as he looked down on me, gauging my seriousness. “What about your parents?” he pondered out loud.

“I don’t care,” I insisted, louder than average. We had been whispering, because there was no need to yell when our lips were practically hovering over one another’s as we talked in hushed tones. “I’ll call them and tell them I’m staying at Sam’s again. I’ll go home on Sunday night. I don’t care. I’ll figure something out.”

It was now my turn for my voice to be fast and choppy. My hands did not move in a frantic pattern; they gripped Gerard’s biceps instead.

The artist was unaffected, and drew his attention down to kissing my neck, avoiding a response much like I had only moments ago. “I don’t know…”

“You said whatever I wanted, Gerard,” I urged, gripping his biceps more. “I want to stay here.”

He raised his head up from my neck, lining up our lips once again. He looked me over skeptically, his lips pursed with deliberation.

“With you,” I added to my former plea, and then pressed my lips into his own. Not only was this another chance to kiss him again and again, it was an attempt at silencing him so he did not try to argue. And for once, he went into forfeiting very easily.

We kissed much like we had before, slow pecks followed by deep tongue dives, hands and lips roaming everywhere. He touched and petted the side of my face a lot, twirling my hair in between his fingers as he breathed harshly through his nose. He was not on top of me, but I felt his body shifting closer and closer, his legs interconnecting and tangling with my own. His pants fabric, and his shirt too, felt weird against my skin, but all I could focus on were his lips.

“You know,” he stated slyly, drawing our mouths away and leaving me kissing the air. His hands moved from my face, and began to toy with the fabric of my shirt playfully slipping his fingers inside. He danced around my navel, watching the show against the red fabric before finishing his thought as he looked at me. “If you do stay the weekend, you have to know the one rule of my apartment.”

“And what’s that?” I asked, playing back into his game. I nuzzled my head against the side of his, urging him on.

“No clothing,” he joked, but still searched my eyes for an approval. I nodded, and lifted my arms off his body, above my head, giving him the permission he needed. I could see the relief etched across his face as he lifted my shirt off me, and I was pretty sure that he addressed the idea as a joke, just to see how I reacted. Luckily for both of us, we had never wanted anything more.

Chapter Sixteen
Comfortable and Confident [2]

“No clothing,” he joked, but still searched my eyes for an approval. I nodded, and lifted my arms off his body, above my head, giving him the permission he needed. I could see the relief etched across his face as he lifted my shirt off me, and I was pretty sure that he addressed the idea as a joke, just to see how I reacted. Luckily for both of us, we had never wanted anything more.

He discarded my shirt easily, tossing it over our heads and across the room carelessly. He looked down at me and ran his hand up my chest, tip-toeing his long and delicate fingers like spider’s legs. He brushed over my nipples smoothly, making me crush my eyes shut as he brought his lips to mine again.

We started to kiss more readily this time, his hands exploring me again. He made his way to my boxer shorts eventually, taking his time, so as not to seem like that was his first objective. Once there, his fingers danced and pressed into the elastic, pushing it off my round hips slightly, but never removing it entirely. It wasn’t until I broke the kiss with my nod and groaned yes, that he removed them completely, the cold air around making its way across my skin.

It wasn’t so nerve racking being in front of Gerard naked; he had seen everything there was to show last night. It was lighter in the room now, so any imperfections I possessed would be magnified, though it never did seem to matter to Gerard. Once I was only wearing skin and abiding to the only rule in his apartment, he took the time to run his hands up my body smoothly, eyes trailing briefly all around.

“You’re beautiful,” he gave way to his new favourite phase, burying his head in my neck and whispering it into my ear. I felt myself blush, and I brushed him off with a gleaming eye and a devious request.

“Your turn.”

He smiled right back and took his attention away from my body. He flipped onto his back, leaving me with a void I needed to fill next to me. He unbuckled the top of his pants first, easing down the zipper gently. Like the night before, his cock came forth almost immediately, and I saw he was half-hard. I was nearly erect myself, being much more easily stimulated than him. Everything was so new to me still, even kissing and calm touching got me hard in a second. Gerard hadn’t even touched me there yet. Just my chest and shoulders.

He peeled the pants away from his body, making awkward angles with his elbows until he was finally rid of the lower half of his clothing. He turned his attention back to me, his still-clothed chest looming over mine. He looked at me uneasily, casting glances down at himself and it took me awhile to realize that he wanted me to undo his shirt for him. Once I caught on, it was a matter of seconds before it too was scattered across the floor.

Gerard looked a little different naked when he was illuminated by the day. His skin was so much paler all over his body, and that was saying something considering he was pretty white to begin with. I ran my hand up his bicep and over his shoulder, touching the smooth milky ivory texture and marveling internally at how much like marble he looked. He was encased in the sacred stone, but it did not make him look like a Greek God by any means. His imperfections were exposed more so than ever now.

I saw the wrinkles over some parts of his skin that I had not seen in the darkness, along with the unevenness around the dry patches at his sides. I saw the way his extra weight folded and fell over his waist, and around his chest. I even saw small traces of chest hair – something I had only felt briefly last night, and was relatively unconcerned with. It was collected in the centre of his chest, dark curls that trailed so minutely over his pecs. He also had a small circular trail around his navel, which led down to his pubic hair of the same shade, but much coarser. Despite the apparent ugliness of some of his features, I couldn’t turn away. I wanted to see everything on him, good or bad. It was a part of him, and I was still trying to grasp the fact that I was seeing him naked.

I didn’t have too much time to stare and contemplate, my attention soon diverted back to his face. He still stayed in his same position, his bare chest over my own, our hearts pounding on the opposite sides and our breath coming into each other’s mouths. He wasn’t completely on top of me, but his off to the side from me, our legs brushing up against each other occasionally. We kissed slowly for awhile longer, the awkwardness of our naked bodies on top of one another dwindling down. We were comfortable with the other person seeing us in this way, but the act of being naked in itself took some minutes to get used to, at least for me.

Our breath was sharp out of our nostrils, and warmed our faces as the panting grew further. I suddenly felt the weight shift, and his hips press into mine, completely on top of me now. He leaned down to kiss my neck, lowering himself onto my body. I felt his hands wander to my waist, and I stared at his ceiling, breathing fast and knowing what was coming next.

“Face to face?” I questioned, not used to the change of position. We had stood up the night before to make things easier, or so he had said, but I didn’t know if I wanted to switch things up just yet. I wanted to get used to one position first, then try new things.

“Yes,” he answered, slowly kissing my vulnerable throat. “It’s more intimate.”

He raised himself up to my face again, pressing a soft kiss to my flushed lips. I could feel our cocks hitting each other every once in awhile, and though I wanted the friction and I kept bucking ever so slightly, I was still nervous.

“But I don’t want to have sex yet,” Gerard informed me, throwing me off guard. I felt my nervousness disappear, and suddenly, I wanted to have sex. Or at least, I didn’t want him to stop on my part.

Before I could argue, he sunk down lower, extending a hand out to the side, and grabbing the bag we had nearly knocked off the bed by that point.

“I want to show you what I got, first,” he smiled, propping himself up on his elbows, and placing the bag on the centre of my chest. I smiled back, relieved.

It took us awhile to get comfortable but once we did, he begun to extract the items one by one, my attention captured. He pulled out a large dark blue box first, with an all-familiar logo on them.

“Condoms,” Gerard explained, as if I had no idea what they had been. He placed the front of the box forward, as if on display, and continued talking while I breezed over its small writing. “I’m sorry I didn’t have any around last night. I know we probably should have used them…” Gerard looked down again, while I made a confused face, unsure of why exactly we had to use condoms. It wasn’t like we could have gotten pregnant.

“I promise you though, I’m clean. I have an appointment a few times a year to check on these things, and I’ve always been clean,” Gerard explained further, and everything clicked in my head. I nodded solemnly when his eyes met mine again.

“So, I have them now, just to be on the safe side. If you want to use them the next time we do, go right ahead. Again, everything’s up to you, Frank.” Gerard nodded, and was about to place the box off to the side, and move on in his bag of tricks, when I grabbed him for a second.

“What about you?” I asked again. “What do you get a say in?”

Gerard smiled weakly, and took my hand in his own, squeezing it hard. “Anything you want me to have a say in. I’m here to explain things when you have questions,” he answered, then waited to see if I did have any questions. I had about a million, but I started with the easiest.

“What’s the next thing in the bag?”

We both smiled wryly as Gerard stuck his head in the plastic further to dissect my answer. He pulled out a long rectangular box, then opened it quickly and held a tube in his hand.

“Lubricant,” he explained because this time, I really didn’t know what it was. I had never had the use for it before. Sam and I had passed down the condom isle in the drug store, but we never really bothered to do much other than giggle at the extra large sized ones and then run away when the manager told us to leave. And that hadn’t been since we were thirteen. I never really searched for lube, and had no idea what it looked like.

“For, you know…” Gerard motioned with the bottle, rolling his eyes a bit.

“Yeah,” I said, snapping myself out of my tiny flashback, hoping that Gerard didn’t think I was completely dense and naïve. “I’ve seen it before,” I lied, and though Gerard knew it, he moved on, placing the box down with the condoms. I was surprised when I saw him reach in and pull out something else from the smaller bag, and even more surprised when it was another tube of lube.

“Why did you get so many?” I asked, before he had a chance to explain anything.

“If we do have sex,” he explained rather quickly, still trying not to make it sound mandatory. I felt bad for his tension, but also relieved at the same time. “I don’t want to use hand lotion again. It works under extreme circumstances, but if we do this again, and I do this with you, I want to do it right.”

He placed the bottle down on my chest, and moved his hands to touch my arms slowly. I couldn’t quite tell the emotion on his face, nor the sentiment that sunk through to his voice, but I wished my own countenance possessed the same features. I could see right in that moment just how much Gerard cared for me. It was more than just him not wanting to hurt me. He actually wanted to do this right. And it was with me of all people.

I didn’t know how I could ever portray that back to him.

“And besides,” he added on rather quickly, to as not dwell on the extreme emotion too long, “this is warming lube.” He raised an eyebrow at me, suggestively, taking the object into his hand.

“Really?” I asked, eyes wide. Again, I had only heard of this stuff, from late night TV ads that I ignored. Now it held my complete attention.

“Yes.”
He raised his eyebrows again, fiddling with the lid but never taking it off. “It feels really good too. Trust me.” The allure in his voice could not be denied, and I felt my hips raise a little under his suggestiveness, bucking into him. He smiled back at me, raising his eyebrows again as he untwisted the top.

“Do you want to try some?” he asked, as if it wasn’t obvious enough. I nodded, and watched as he proceeded to pour a little into the palm of his hand, rub it with the tip of his index finger, and then touch it to the centre of my chest. It was only a small bead which he chose to share, but I felt the warmth spread through me almost instantly. I closed my eyes, the feeling of the lube on my skin, and Gerard’s body still pressed into me becoming too much.

“Do you like it?” he asked slowly, once he had added another bead to my skin, spreading it around more and making me flush in more than one area.

I craned my neck back and nodded, gripping his biceps lightly and raising my hips every so often. I suddenly felt Gerard move his weight off of my body again, but before I could protest, he had added a bigger globule to my nipple and started to spread it around there, distracting me to no end. My eyes were closed, so I didn’t notice as he took the thin sheet that was on the bed and covered it around us both, giving us some privacy, and a tent to keep all the warm air in, heating us more than the lube ever could. I missed the feeling of him on me, but his hands went every place his body didn’t. And soon enough, I felt his hand grip me strongly around my base.

“Feel okay?” he asked concerned, but I couldn’t care less. My eyes were closed, and I was still gripping his biceps. I nodded and felt him add warming lube to my cock and rub it up and down slowly, pleasure building within me. I bit down on my lip hard, needing to find some release of things. Everything was feeling really good, and my air of nervousness was washing away, melting away, with each stroke of lube he used.

I placed my hands on the back of his neck, and pulled our mouths together more. It took him by surprise, his hand that was on my cock going out to support himself. I soon began to miss his touch, and bucked my hips into nothing. Our actions began to get hotter and faster, just like the lubricant had intended.

“Here,” Gerard ordered kindly, breaking the kiss and reaching up head for his pillows. He grabbed it and slid it around to me. “Put this under you. It’ll make things easier.” He looked me in the eyes, and I felt my heart leap into my mouth. We were going to do it again.

I did as I was told swiftly, my hands shaking again, with more excitement than nervousness. Gerard and I were going to have sex again, but like he said, we were going to do it right. I would have a pillow to keep myself supported, we had lube – warming lube – and he may even wear a condom. It was going to be better than the first time, I had a feeling, and not only that, but we were going to be face to face. The idea scared me, and thrilled me at the same time.

Once in position, Gerard lowered himself so he was level with my thighs. I bent my knees and spread my legs more, feeling totally exposed. He looked up at me for approval before he started to touch me, twirling his thumb at my inner thighs before he worked his way to my cock again. He pressed his fingers once around my entrance, but stopped before he put anything inside.

“You bled last time…” he mentioned, catching me totally off guard. “I want to be careful.”

“How did you know?” My breath caught in my throat, and I could feel deep rooted embarrassment once again.

“I saw the spot.”

“Shit,” I breathed through clenched teeth.

“Don’t worry. It’s natural. I bled a lot more my first time.”

I let my eyes wander to Gerard, his statement surprising me. There were some days that I totally forgot he must have had another dozen people before he had me. I felt a pang of jealousy enter my system, but ushered it away. He may have had other people before me, but right now in this moment, I was the one he was with. He had even left and come back, and it was still all to me.

“But your sheets…” I added, looking over to where I had located that damned spot beforehand. “I’m sorry…”

“No, I’m sorry,” he insisted again, guilt creeping its way where it didn’t belong. “I don’t give a damn about the sheets. You’re more important. I don’t want to make you bleed again. Right now, it’s so soon after, you probably will.”

“So…” I trailed off, thinking there was more to his statement.

“So, I’m just going to finger you,” he explained. “Just like last night, but a better job. I went too fast before, and I want you to get used to it.” He paused, reconsidering his actions. “That is, if you do…”

“Yeah,” I approved back.

I was a little disappointed we weren’t going to have sex, but I trusted him. He knew what he was doing, and the dozens people he may have been with before me suddenly came in handy. If we both had been as awkward and naïve as I was, then the sex may not have even happened for sheer ignorance of what to do. Knowing my luck, someone would have probably poked an eye out, or we would have gotten stuck.

Gerard started slow, touching my inner thighs and pressing up against my hole for the longest time before he actually inserted himself. I cringed and receded back by instinct, but settled down once he was in deeper. He kept his free hand on my waist, toying with my skin ever so slightly to provide a distraction. He brought his lips to my kneecaps and legs every once in awhile, planting a soft kiss when he wasn’t whispering small encouraging words. I fisted the sheets with my own hands, sometimes reaching up and gripping his biceps. The pillow helped significantly, and the position felt almost natural. He used a lot of lube, so soon enough, two of his fingers were gliding in and out of me without too much pain. There would be times he’d hit an old wound from the night before, and a twinge of pain would ripple through me, but it was minuscule. Gerard knew what to do with himself, but he still seemed dissatisfied. When I did have my eyes open, I took him in briefly, and all I saw was his narrowed countenance. It was almost like he was searching for something inside of me.

Thankfully, that search came to an abrupt end.

“Unngh,” I groaned, making the first vocalization since the entire act had started. He had brushed up against something inside of me, causing my whole body to tremble. I vaguely remembered the feeling from the night before, near the end of the act, when we were both tired and sweat-drenched. Only this time, it was much better. Gerard had hit it almost dead on, and there wasn’t as much pain. I was relaxed, too, and it made all the difference.

“Finally, I got it,” Gerard breathed out proudly. I didn’t open my eyes to look, but I could tell he was smiling.

“What-what?” I asked, hoping Gerard understood my inquiry.

“It’s your prostate,” he answered. He twisted his face in concentration for a second, hitting the spot again, and making me cry out.

“Oh my god,” I breathed, logic getting broken down into small fragments inside of me. “Why does that feel so good?”

“I have no idea, but I’m sure glad it does. It makes all the pain worth it,” Gerard agreed, brushing his two fingers up against me again. All I could do to agree was moan, and fuck, that was enough.

“Males can come without anyone or anything touching them by hitting the prostate enough times,” Gerard spouted off more random knowledge, and as if on cue, brushed that place again. Each and every time he did it, and I moaned, I swear I could hear him laugh and smile in pride. I didn’t care what he did at this point, so long as he kept hitting it.

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Дата добавления: 2015-11-14