Monday. June 8, 2015.

My Dear Diary

Prologue

How can a person describe himself? A name, place of birth, gender? Pretty simple right. I don't want to be unique, because I am actually not, so I prefer to introduce myself in a common way. What can I begin with? Well, first of my name is Fremd. I am 17 years old, I was born in Geneva, 15^th of June, in 1996, I am gay and I am dead...this is probably the most important part of my personality. Yes, I died fifty years ago in Geneva, because I could not live longer. I committed suicide. Honestly it was easier than most of people think. I just jumped out of the roof and I remember that I died because of heart attack even earlier than i touched the ground. So I didn't feel any pain or fear. I assume you are wondering why i did that. Probably the main reason is because I was gay. Actually I am still gay, but here nobody cares about your sexual orientation, nobody cares about you in general, which is quiet boring but I got used to it. So moving on I want to mention that I didn't have any friends when was alive, I needed them so badly but nobody wanted to become closer than just a classmate. I was desperately trying to find someone who would understand me and accept the fact that I am not straight. Unfortunately, I didn't happen so I decided to leave the earth, in order to be independent and free. Right now, in place where I am, I can see everything what is happening down there, on Earth. I can see how the world has changed, how people have become more greedy and void. When I was alive I always was taking notes, because as I already said I dint have anyone to talk to, so I used my diary as my closest friend. Also it helped me to analyze different situations. I was writing almost every single day. My Diary has buried with me. It was my last wish. Our memories is everything that we have left, and only over the years we can look at them once more and understand what was in our mind. I want to introduce you the last week of my life. It was a time when I definitely decided not to live anymore and some factors just speed up this process. Before we begin, let me ask you one question, and I want you to be incredibly honest. Have you ever thought badly because of people's opinion? Did you answer? Good...we may keep going. Right now I want you to forget about who you are, what your social status is, how much money you have. For the next few hours, be in my place, be me...

Chapter 1

Life Sucks

Monday. June 8, 2015.

Sucks. Life sucks. Why are they doing this? Why do they want to change me? Is something wrong with me? No, I am just different, I am unique...no I am not. Okay, but I am not a bad person, I don't deserve everything they are doing to me. Why do I have this bruising all over by body? Why am I afraid of being in public? Should I even be afraid of being in public? No, of course not, but I am, and I feel that everybody is against me. I am not doing anything bad, I am peaceful and kind. The only problem is that I am gay. Yes I am, so what? You want to kill me for that, for being not as everybody else? There is nothing to be ashamed of. People don't have to be all the same. We all have different style, hair colors, eyes, bodies. People like to follow some stupid standards. But who says that being gay is bad? Today in school they were trying to convince me again. They said if I wouldn't change my behavior they would beat me up. My behavior isn't strange, isn’t wrong it is just different. I am tired of life. This morning I woke without any feelings. I felt literary nothing. If I wouldn't wake up this morning it would be perfect. I don't care anymore. May be I shouldn't think like this, may be it is not right, but if nobody cares about me why should I? Every single day I think about my life. I ask myself different questions. Who am I? What am I? Miserable boy who doesn't have any friends, whose father is dead and whose mother doesn't really want to participate in his life. Suicide. For me it seems like the easiest way to solve all my problems. I know that a lot of people say that suicide is just for weak people. I agree with that. I know that I am weak and that I don't want to find any other solutions. I disgust myself. I hate myself. There is an expression somebody told me many years ago. If you don't love yourself no one else will. No one loves me which means that I don't love myself. My notes are miserable, they are pointless and useless, as my life. It’s almost midnight, I have to go to bed. Tomorrow I will see you my dear friend.

Chapter 2

Emergency “I”

Дата добавления: 2015-11-16