A while after lunch, helpful Mikey attacked again.
"Hey Frankie, want to do something? I could bring some board game or we could play video games?"
"L-later..." Frankie answered softly. He had his arms crossed over the table and was resting his head on them.
"Are you still angry at me?"
"N-no, I'm a l-little sleepy."
"Oh, come on! You didn't wake up so early today, did you?"
"D-dunno."
"No, but he sleeps a lot because of the medication, always passes out after lunch. I think the only day he skipped his nap was when we went to the zoo. He was too excited to think of sleeping." I carried Frankie. "Let's take you to the couch, later we can all play something together."
"K-kay."
While Frank was sleeping, I took the chance to tell my mom all about Hawkins. I had chosen for Mikey not to hear because I knew how he'd react, but it wasn't much better in my mother's case. She told me practically the same as Ray, even cried asking me to be careful. I promised that I'd stop my investigation if the guy didn't call again, and she begged me to quit even if he did. I could not promise that.
Before we went back to the others, my mother let me know that she'd make an appointment for Frankie to have his blood and general health checked in two weeks. We had agreed that it was better to do it at the hospital where she worked, even if it wasn't close to home. She'd make sure Frank had the best attention.
The day ended with a big Mario-party, all of us taking turns to play. It was true that Frankie would never last long alive, but he was a master compared to my mother. She had never ever played before, not even when Mikey and I were little. Seeing her try for the first time was so hilarious that we came up with the idea of having a Mario-meeting at least once a month from then on.
When we were getting ready to leave, I found it weird to see Frankie saying goodbye to Mikey almost as effusively as to my mother or Alicia. However, it was weirder to not see Mikey getting annoyed at that. A good change nevertheless, even if he was still doubtful about me. As Mikey had well put it himself, Frankie was not to blame.
******
The first thing I saw when we got home, was my cellphone on the floor. I hadn't realised that I didn't have it while at my mom's. I checked for messages and there was only one, but I didn't recognize the number until I read it.
"Sorry to keep you waiting. I think I'll have the information in two days." Hawkins. No way I'd stop now.
CHAPTER 38
Feel the paranoia creeping in,
like a cancer eating at the skin.
The store I worked at wasn't far from home, so I preferred to walk there. It would give me that needed time to completely wake up and would also save me from parking problems. There were mornings when it got too late for me to go by foot, though, and I'd feel obliged to use my car.
This particular Monday morning I didn't overslept or take longer for breakfast. Neither did I have to wait for Ray to arrive, since he was there promptly. However, when I was gathering my things to leave, Frankie came to me talking about something that had him pretty interested. According to him, there was a climbing plant all over our room's ceiling, and it bore both watermelons and oranges. I tried telling him there was nothing there, that it was just an hallucination; but he didn't buy it. He said I was bringing up excuses to get rid of the poor plant. I explained that a plant like that didn't even exist. Frank replied that it was maybe from Mars. I finally gave up on reasoning with him -since he'd have a comeback for every one of my arguments- and granted him permission to keep the vine if he liked it. He laughed at my remark about not wanting the plant over me and kissed me happily, running back to the room.
Ray didn't utter a single word, only looked at me reproachingly. Thoughts of what he and my mother had opined about Frank's meds came to mind. I knew what he was thinking, therefore I ignored his hints and turned away. I glanced at the clock and saw that I didn't have much time, yet I decided to walk the same. It would always lighten my mood.
******
As I hurried up -realising that it was later than I'd thought- a feeling of uneasiness hit me. I didn't think much of it at first, attributing it to me being worried about Frankie. After a while, though, I knew there was was something else; I felt observed. I looked towards the street and a big, black car which moved oddly slow caught my attention. The windows were dark, so I couldn't discern any faces.
I tried to convince myself that it meant nothing. I cursed Ray and my mother under my breath for making me think that I could be in danger. Those people were probably just having problems with their car and weren't able to speed up. There was no reason to be afraid, they couldn't be following me.
I did my best to shrug it off and stay calm. I attempted to keep a normal pace, but I felt my feet move faster and faster and suddenly, I was running. I thought I heard the black car match my speed, although I didn't dare look back again. I arrived at the store out of breath and as I stood there recovering, I saw the suspicious vehicle pass me by.
"See, Gerard Chicken Way? You're just paranoid!" I spoke to myself.
When I entered my place of work, Sarah noticed that there was something off about me as soon as she greeted me. She frowned while she kept me at arms length.
"You look flushed, Gerard. Do you feel fine?" she asked. Of course, to see me with some color on my face wasn't an every-day thing.
"Yeah, I'm fine. It's just that I was late so I had to run here. Frankie was feeling up for a conversation." I smiled, concealing.
"You know there's no need to push yourself so hard, I understand your circumstances. Go wash your face and drink some water before you start working." she told me with serious motherly concern.
"Ok, thanks Sarah." I flashed her another smile before heading for the bathroom. I was really lucky to have her as my boss. Even without knowing the truth, she'd given me the support I needed after a difficult morning,
On my way back I couldn't help looking around me all the time. I'd jump with every noise of breaks, I'd flinch whenever a person walked too close to me. I felt like everybody was watching me. I had never experienced something like that before and I didn't like the feeling at all.
I suddenly remembered that Hawkins might be calling me later that day and panicked. I considered unplugging the phone and keeping my cellphone off, but that would be coward and idiotic. I certainly couldn't quit now just because of my stupid paranoia. Not when I was about to discover something important. If whoever was in that car had wanted something with me, they would have acted on it. They hadn't done anything, so I had no real reason to be scared.
I reached our house without encountering any abnormal sighting, yet I wasn't at ease. I had to make sure one last time that there was no strange car or person roaming the neighborhood before opening the door.
I'd momentarily forgotten about my little problem at home until I saw Frankie. He and Puppy came running with the same joyful expression on their faces. It was maybe true that dogs ended up resembling their owners. I lifted Puppy with one arm, circling Frank's waist with the other.
"Hello, furry version of Frankie!" I kissed the dog's head. "And hello to you, original Frankie! How was your day?"
"H-hi!" his mouth was attached to mine in half the time it would have taken me to think of it. I didn't complain. Instead I allowed those pink, moist lips to cover my dry ones and help me forget all my worries. Tongue met tongue and that continued until a third tongue was felt on the corner of our mouths.
"P-Puppy! Y-you were not in-invited!" Frankie giggled, taking the dog from me.
"I think he was just jealous because we were ignoring him." I guessed, checking on Ray. Even though he laughed with us, he was as silent as in the morning. He seemed to be lost in thoughts, slightly worried.
"Y-you know, Gee?" Frankie tapped my shoulder."I as-asked Ray to g-get some or-oranges from the p-plant in our r-room. I...I c-can't do it m-myself 'cause I'm t-too short. R-Ray's tall, he c-can. B-but he said he couldn't at th-that moment and...and l-later when w-we went to the b-bedroom, the p-plant wasn't there an-anymore!"
"See? I told you that..."
"It...it's M-martian! I'm s-sure, yes. I...I kn-know that." he nodded expertly. "M-martian plants can c-come and g-go. Y-yeah, it'll be b-back."
"I didn't know that, sounds interesting. So they can move like us?" I was more marveled than freaked out at the things Frank would come up with. He had probably stopped seeing the famous vine a while after taking his pill, while the effect was stronger.
"Y-yep! B-but they t-try to not be s-seen when they're m-moving. If...if s-someone's near...they...th-they stick themselves to a wall or s-something. Qu-quiet, like n-normal plants." he explicated.
"Oh, wow." I heard Ray's voice for the first time. "That's really interesting, Frankie. How do you know all that?"
"I kn-know...b-because once I h-had a Martian friend and...and he t-told me. H-he had to leave, th-though." Frank answered. Once in a while he would remember some other 'friends' he'd had.
"A Martian friend? Now that is cool." Ray declared, and Frankie grinned.
"Now I understand! You could tell me more about Martians, then! I'm sure your friend taught you many things about them." I followed the conversation naturally as I held him in my arms.
"I w-will. N-now I'm gonna s-see if the plant's b-back!" he let go of the embrace and disappeared.
"Gee, really..." Ray spoke as soon as we were left alone. "He keeps imagining things...he's added new ones. Even after being told that they're not real, he's not convinced. You could at least try increasing the medication a little and see what happens?"
"No way, I don't mind his hallucinations. He hasn't had any bad or scary ones in a long time, and the rest are harmless. Why over-medicate him?"
"It's not over-medicating him, Gerard. It'd be just finding the dose he needs." he corrected me.
"Same, I think he's fine now. He can perfectly follow a normal conversation most of the time, doesn't hear voices in his head and apart from some limitations he's having a pretty normal life. Enough for me, I can cope with the remaining problems." I spat annoyed.
"I can too, you know that. But I've been rethinking this and...his hallucinations are not always harmless. What about the time he kicked the wall? He listens to his imaginary friends, does what they say, argues with them..."
"He'll be fine, Ray." I whispered as Frankie reentered the living room. Ray nodded, defeated by my stubbornness as usual.
"It...it's th-there again, G-Gee! C-come see?" Frankie didn't wait for me to answer. He grabbed my hand and dragged me behind him.
"I better get going. Gerard...please think about what we discussed." Ray advised, walking to the door. "See you tomorrow, Frankie!"
"B-bye Ray!"
We got to the bedroom and Frankie signaled to the ceiling, jumping and smiling. I didn't see the point in telling him once again that there was nothing there. Maybe he'd forget in a few days anyway; it had happened with other things he imagined.
"Oh, it's really pretty...and large! Are you sure I won't wake up with a branch curled around one leg?" I inquired looking up.
"N-no, silly! It d-doesn't grow, it's al-always the same, on-only that...th-that if you take the f-fruits, m-more appear. P-plants from Mars are l-like that."
"Ahh, ok! If it's not going to get any bigger then it can stay."
"Y-yay! C-come here, you c-can look at it b-better." he lied down on the bed and invited me to do the same. Once I did, Frank retook my hand and we stayed like that, looking at the ceiling while he admired the plant. He talked about what beautiful blue flowers it had, how green its leaves were, how big the watermelons, how bright the oranges.
At one point I didn't see humidity spots and chipped off paint anymore. My eyes stayed open, but I wasn't using them. Frank's words entered my mind creating the images and I saw it: the vine in all its splendor. I beheld the climbing stalks, the leaves, the flowers, the oranges and watermelons dangling. I turned my face to look at him. He sensed my stare and watched me too, and sharing that experience made me feel so close to him that I cried. It had been like magic.
What if we, the supposed normal people, were the handicapped ones? What if we were too blind to see and called the ones like Frankie crazy just out of jealousy? The thought made sense at that moment.
"G-gee...you're c-crying. Y-you're sad? S-something hurts? T-tell me?" Frankie questioned, the back of his fingers tracing my face so softly that it tickled. He was concerned.
"Oh...no, Frankie, I'm not sad or hurting...all the contrary. I feel so happy right now that it makes me cry..."
"Y-you're weird, G-gerard. Y-yep. B-but don't worry, I l-like you lots the s-same." he giggled and pecked my temple.
"Thank you for accepting my weirdness, love!"
"W-welcome! Uh...I'm h-hot."
"You're very hot...besides being cute and pretty and..."
"N-no, you...d-dumb!" he punched me, chuckling. "M-meant it's hot h-here. F-feel all sweaty."
"Wanna go take a shower?" I proposed, succumbing to the urge to taste his lips.
"Y-yeah!" he jumped off the bed, not looking up again. He seemed to suddenly forget about the extraterrestrial vine. In a minute he had collected everything he needed and was gone, surely waiting for me in the bathroom.
When I joined him, Frankie was already naked, sitting over the toilet with his knees against his chest. He smiled widely when he saw me, and got up to turn on the shower while I took off my clothes. The boy had learned how to make the water reach the ideal temperature for a summer day, and he enjoyed taking care of that task. As always, he motioned for me to get into the bathtub first, loving when I'd offer my hand to help him in.
We kissed unhurriedly after washing our hair -or better said after I washed both our hair- as the shampoo ran along our backs. We carried on with the routine then, singing and shaking our butts. No problems existed during the time our showers would last; it was a sweet, temporary amnesia that I'd surrender to willingly every day.
I dived under the water curtain for a last rinse while Frankie wrote love messages with his finger on the wet tiles. He'd usually do that when I wasn't watching so I could read them later. I closed my eyes, welcoming the artificial rain on my face. I felt observed. Eyes were on me but the feeling was completely different from the one that had assaulted me in the morning. This stare warmed my insides, made my heart skip, caused me to smile.
Those unmistakable lips I knew by heart were on me again. A hand touched wet skin and slid to rest on the small of Frank's back, bringing him closer; closer than we had ever been there. I would have sworn that I felt something against my leg, but it was just a second. Frankie emitted a strange noise and separated his body from mine. My eyes opened.
"What...?" I interrupted my question to follow his look down. I had been right. I lifted his face with my finger. He was blushing. I kissed behind his ear and shifted to his cheek, nose, finally his mouth. His arms were wrapped around my neck but then he lowered one hand and moaned faintly. Again he stepped back, doubting. I waited, afraid of making him feel pressured. His own hand grazed his member; barely, timidly, and he screwed his eyes shut. Although I didn't want to watch, I couldn't help it. He'd always be my sweet, innocent, childish boy; but sometimes he looked so sensual, sexy.
He caught me off guard when those shaky fingers grasped my hand; his scared, crossed eyes asking for answers...or approval. I didn't know which until he guided that hand. I resisted, unsure, millions of thoughts infesting my head.
"C-could you...t-touch me there?" he whispered.
"Frankie I...I'm not sure. It...it's not the same, you know? We're naked and...maybe it's too soon and...what about...Grace?" It was improper to name her in that kind of situation, but I needed Frank to be certain of what he was asking me and I knew that could do the trick. I was also looking for a way to stop things without making it seem like rejection. It was so far from rejection.
Things occurred differently.
"B-but we're b-boyfriends.G-Grace won't be a-angry 'cause...'c-cause I want to. It...it's f-fine if I w-want to. She s-said." he smiled and made it sound so simple. And maybe it was. It would have been easier for me if he'd said he would not tell Grace, though there was really no difference; that woman would find out at any rate. On the other hand, I didn't know everything they had talked about.
Frankie was still watching me, holding my hand near where he wanted it, expectant. I felt myself getting hard too, and I was trembling. I didn't know in which moment I yielded, but all of a sudden I touched something warm, firm. I closed my fingers around it and Frank rested his head on my shoulder, giving out a shaky sigh. My free hand massaged his scalp and when my first one began to move, his knees slackened. Supporting him, I made him sit down on the bathtub's floor, against the wall. I sat on the opposite side where the curtain was, the border being tall enough to lean on. The space was reduced which left us very close, facing each other. Butt to butt, knees to knees; legs semi flexed, spread and interlaced.
I inclined forward and kissed him deeply. At the same time I resumed the movement, stroking him gently, the water making it all smoother. Frank broke the kiss, panting, watching me with half-closed eyes. He gave me a weak but satisfied smile, telling me everything was alright. Then he threw his arms around my shoulders, kissing my face all over. I moaned this time, one of my hands caressing his hip while the other one kept the rhythm. Due to us being cramped in that place, my arm would now and then generate some accidental but pleasuring friction for my own. I tried to make it more frequent as I quickened my pace, Frankie jerking his hips up.
Everything was so intense. Frank's tongue waltzing with mine; his wet, warm skin under my fingers, touching him in such an intimate way without any fabric interposing. It was overwhelming. I was totally turned on, painfully turned on.
Suddenly, one of Frank's hands left my shoulder and went down my chest and abdomen, stopping hesitantly when making contact with its final destination. I forced my eyes open and looked at him. Even amidst pleasure, there was worry on his face. He withdrew his hand and then attempted to put it back on me, as if obliging. I understood that he wasn't ready. I didn't want him to have his own satisfaction ruined by doing something that would make him feel uncomfortable.
"You don't have to. It's ok, baby. I'm fine." I spoke into his ear, taking his hand and returning it to my neck.
I began to stroke him faster as we made out again, sloppily and intermittently since we were too out of breath to keep up. I knew Frankie was close. I finally gave in and attended to myself properly. I didn't need much. The situation, the rub and those scarce seconds when Frank's hand had been on me had brought me to the edge. My head fell back on the bathtub's border as the release shook me.
I came back to my senses just in time to see the beauty in front of me; back arched against the wall, his eyes two thin lines, mouth in a perfect 'O' while he exploded with a sharp little yell. I waited for his hazel eyes to be revealed, watching the product of our orgasms being carried away towards the drain. The water had turned colder, but it was welcomed.
"Oh...w-wow." he looked exhausted, dripping wet hair plastered on his face.
"I guess...that means you enjoyed it?"
"Y-yeah, f-felt so g-good! B-but I...I'm t-tired, Gee. An-and dizzy."
"I know, wait here." I left the cubicle, dried myself quickly and put on my boxers.
I helped Frankie get up and out, wrapping him in the ample towel and rubbing him dry. He swayed a little, so I sat him on the toilet and assisted him to get his underwear on. When he was ready, I carried him in my arms and left the bathroom, depositing him down on the bed. I climbed after him and he clung to me, kissing me shortly yet sweetly.
"Do you feel fine, pretty?" I asked him.
"Y-yes, and l-love you so so very m-muchly."
"I love you so very muchly more!" I replied, expecting him to go on with the game. But he was yawning, unable to keep his eyes open anymore.
"S-so tired, Gee." Frank mumbled, and he didn't speak again.
Although wasn't even 7 pm and I obviously had things to do, nothing seemed important enough to abandon Frankie at that moment. Everything could wait. For minutes and minutes I just watched him sleep, the peaceful view making me sleepy too. The first part of the day had been hard, but one more time I had that compensated at home. It would always be like that, just being with my boyfriend brightened my mood no matter what I'd been through.
Each step Frank and I made, everything we shared, it would all bring us closer and closer to each other. What had last happened between us was, without a doubt, good. Not only in a sexual way -although it'd been highly enjoyable in that aspect- but mostly because it had been a demonstration of trust. I felt for once relaxed and positive that I had acted correctly throughout it.
******
I still hadn't completely lost awareness when I heard the phone ring. The first thing I did was to check on Frankie; it hadn't woken him up. Instead of instantly leaving the bed to answer the call, I stayed there thinking. I speculated about two options: it could either be Hawkins calling to finally tell me the last piece of information, or Grace -whose strong mom-like powers had alerted her of our activities- wanting to make sure that Frankie was fine. Honestly, I was scared either way. I took so long to consider the possibilities that the ringing stopped.
When I thought I was safe, the beginning of 'Run to the hills' by Iron Maiden sounded; my cellphone. I quickly picked it up, fumbling with the cover tensely. It was 'option number one'.
"Hello?"
"Mister Way? I was finally able to locate the procurator. What I found out doesn't make much sense having in mind what Mrs. Neil had told me, but this is the farthest I'll go." Hawkins made that point clear before disclosing what he had to tell me.
CHAPTER 39
I don't know but I've been told
the streets of hell are paved with gold.
Crazy, crazy.
You told me that nothing's free
except my own insanity.
Crazy, maybe.
"Don't worry, I won't ask you to find out anything else. We only need this information." I told Hawkins. I understood that the man wasn't a private investigator. He had helped us out of kindness because his cousin -Grace's friend- asked him to.
"It's fine. I didn't want to sound rude, but I prefer to avoid getting involved in money affairs save I am hired for that."
"Fair enough. So...why did you say that what you found out doesn't make sense?"
"Well, by the time Mrs. Neil called me, that kid Frank Iero was still at the mental institution. However, the money to pay for the place wasn't arriving anymore, right?" he rhetorically questioned.
"Exactly..."
"I talked to the procurator that his grandmother had assigned before dying. He told me that the daughter of the deceased went to see him about four months ago and notified him that her son, Frank Iero, had just passed away too." Alexander said. Rage pulsed wildly through my veins. That piece of shit had virtually killed her son twice?
"What the fuck? How could she?" I let out louder than I should have. "Sorry, I...but that man believed her just like that?"
"Of course this woman's words didn't suffice." he replied, ignoring my outburst."The procurator assured me that all the required documents were presented. They all confirmed that the youth Frank Iero had died from a heart attack after a nervous episode."
"But that's not true! Didn't he call the institution?" I felt an irrepressible urge to get to the truth; to understand all that shit and make sure the culprits paid. It wasn't about the money, it was about dignity, respect towards a human being. You just don't fake your own son's death two times and pull it off like nothing.
"He couldn't get into details, but based on how those legal procedures usually are, we can safely assume that he did call the institution." Hawkins stated. Did that mean that someone in that place was also implicated?
"Then they lied too! Is everybody fucking corrupted here?" I exclaimed angrily. Frankie stirred beside me, blinking.
"Wh-why you s-screaming, Gee?" he spoke huskily. I covered the phone with my hand, keeping it as far as possible, and smiled at him.
"It's nothing baby, go back to sleep."
"K-kay." he yawned and hugged my waist. I rubbed his back to help him relax.
"Yes, sorry." I apologized to Hawkins. "People who seem capable of anything for money just...get on my nerves."
"I understand. But as I said...I know nothing else about that and I don't want to go farther. It's up to Mrs. Neil if she wants to do something."
"I'll let her know. Just one more thing: did Alice's daughter receive the money that her mother had left for Frank?"
"She did. Mrs. Caravaggio didn't specify a second option in case her grandson died, so the money was transferred to the closest relative."
"SHIT! Oh...excuse me again. Thank you very much, mister Hawkins. You were of great help." "You're welcome. And if you permit me an advice...be careful." he concluded before the line went dead.
I was so shaken by the news that I couldn't just sit there. I carefully slid from under Frank's arms and replaced my body with a pillow. I went to the living room and began to walk in circles, trying to figure out what I should do; but my brain was not functioning correctly. I was a bundle of nerves. Angst, anger, fear, and that need. The need for something to slow down my accelerated, chaotic train of thought.
I was walking towards the kitchen when the phone rang again, startling me so much that I almost fell backwards. I neared the device cautiously, as if it could bite me.
"Hello?" I mumbled into the speaker. Silence, no response. "Hello?" I repeated, hearing nothing at all. I hung up quickly and realised that I was trembling all over. Had it been a simple wrong number? Had it been something else? Should I be scared? Regardless of what the answer to that query might be, I was already scared.
I practically ran to the fridge, snapping open the door and clutching a can of beer with desperation. I knew it wasn't the best idea, but I needed to calm down. Frankie couldn't see me like this. It wasn't until both my hands were required that I took conscience of my left one still holding the cellphone. I had never let go of it. My eyes traveled from the beer to the phone back and forth and I finally decided to make a call instead of drinking.
"Hello? Gerard?" I heard Ray's voice and everything I was keeping inside poured out of my mouth. I needed to vent.
"THEY FUCKING MADE HIM PASS AS DEAD AGAIN, RAY! THAT BITCH SAID FRANK WAS DEAD SO SHE COULD STEAL THE DAMN MONEY FRANK'S GRANDMA LEFT HIM!" "Gerard...please fucking calm down and lower your voice!"
"I CAN'T FUCKING CALM DOWN, RAY! I CAN'T! FUCKING...WHORE!"
"GERARD, STOP IT!" Ray screamed into my ear. I shut up, starting to cry instead. It was hard to breathe, my chest felt tight. "Do you want Frankie to hear you? He's not there with you, is he?"
"S-sorry, Ray. No...Frankie's not here, he's sleeping. I feel...so stressed right now."
"Don't tell me that you hadn't imagined that it was about money..."
"I had, but hearing it from Hawkins made it more real, more terrible. Isn't there anything that could be done?" I asked, trying to stop crying.
"Gerard, don't. Leave it there, it's just money. Forget about it and let them drown in it."
"It's not about the money! It's about Frank! It...it's about his identity. It hurts to think that someone so sweet and full of life as him is dead to the world. And it hurts me even more to know that it was his mother who did that. She's now enjoying the prize somewhere when she doesn't even deserve to fucking live! There has to be s-something to do, to prove Frank's alive." I choked, sobbing loudly.
"Gerard, breathe! You need to calm down, seriously. There is nothing you can do. If you went to the police to claim that Frank is alive, you'd be asked lots of questions. Frank is mentally ill so sadly, no one would care about what he thinks. The law would not allow him to decide who to live with, and you're not his relative. They could not only take him away from you, but also lock you up for keeping a person who was reported dead. Is that what you want?" Ray's words scared me, yet they had their effect on me; I finally understood that it was better to quit my investigation. As much as it hurt. As much as I wanted to avenge Frank. In spite of the anger I was holding inside. Nothing was worth risking it all. Nothing was more important than Frankie, having him with me and knowing he'd be fine.
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