Frankie paid attention silently, only making some short comments here and there. "B-but...you l-left him, 'c-cause you're n-not with him n-now!"
"Yes, I did. What happened was that Gabriel had a copy of my house keys. One day, I came back home from work a lot earlier because I didn't feel well. When I got in, he was...kissing a girl on my couch." Again, I chose to make the story lighter for Frankie. In reality, I had caught Gabriel doing more than just kissing.
"Oh!" he gasped. "H-how could he k-kiss someone with t-tits? Ewwww I'm s-sure she w-wasn't any p-prettier than you. N-no."
"Well, true," I chuckled. "she wasn't even that pretty!"
Back then I hadn't laughed, though. When I witnessed that scene my heart broke in such a hurtful way that I thought I'd never get it fixed. No attempt at mending it had truly worked until I met Frankie.
"Wh-what you did?"
"The girl left embarrassed and I screamed at Gabriel; and all he cared about was that the neighbors would hear me. He said his parents had begun to suspect since he hadn't been with a girl in so long, so he needed a girlfriend to make them happy. He swore that he loved me and we could still be together if I accepted him having a girlfriend at the same time. Can you believe that, Frankie?"
"As-asshole! S-so you k-kicked his ass?"
"I didn't kick him. I told him to give me the keys, leave my house and never come back."
"C-cool!" Frank cheered. He brought me closer and held me tight, my head against his chest as he caressed my hair and spoke sweetly. "It...it's okay, G-gee, that boy w-was mean, you h-have me now. I'd n-never kiss others 'c-cause I'm your b-boyfriend! And...and I d-don't care if p-people know I'm w-with a boy. Y-you can tell ev-everybody you're with me, I d-don't mind, r-really!"
He kissed my forehead and stayed like that, his lips against my skin, rocking me in his arms. It was the sweetest thing someone had ever told me. If something from that past was still hurting, Frankie's words -together with his soft touch- made all the pain disappear. I wished so much that things were that simple and I could actually tell the world he was my boyfriend.
I lifted my head to reach his lips. "Thank you, baby. Thank you lots...I love you so much. You're my angel, you know? Anyway, we can't tell everybody. As I've told you before, some say that it's wrong for 'normal' people to love 'special' ones this way. I know that's not true, but I'm afraid someone might try to separate us." Many times I'd tried to explain this to Frankie, yet he'd never seem to wholly understand it. I couldn't blame him. It really made no sense to declare a person incapable of loving just because of being different and judge the other as a pervert.
"Th-that's not t-true! It's n-not wrong that you l-love me 'cause...`cause I l-love you too. F-fuck them! B-but kay, I w-won't tell 'cause I don't w-want them to s-separate us." he kissed my nose and giggled. "Y-your nose's so s-mall and cute!"
"Your whole self is small and cute!" I pushed him down on the bed and tickled him, making him laugh loudly. Only then I realised -or remembered- that he was still naked from the waist down. "Ok, we better get you dressed."
I was certain that the conversation we'd had would bring us even closer. I could tell Frankie everything. It didn't matter if he wouldn't understand it all perfectly. He listened, he cared, and that was far more important. We'd always be there for each other. We were a real couple, like any other or even better. If the world couldn't accept it, then I felt sorry for the world.
***(following day)***
I was walking home when I stopped at a record store, remembering the times when I would spend my extra money on CD's. Now I had even sold many of mine to have some spare savings. But despite that moment of nostalgia, I didn't regret it. Frank's happiness and our life together was well worth it.
Suddenly, my mind made an unexpected connection: Cd's...music...bands...Frank. "Frankie's grandmother told me that her son was traveling with a band." I whispered to myself. How hadn't I ever considered trying to find out something about him? The poor man thought his son was dead!
I entered a cybercafe and sat at a computer. Cursing at the poor speed, I opened Google and stared blankly at the screen. What was I going to look for? I knew it wasn't a known band and had no idea of the name. However, I knew Frank's dad was called 'Tony', which I guessed came from 'Anthony' -as was Frank's middle name.
I typed in 'Anthony Iero' and looked at the results. Although there were only two pages, I decided to shorten the search. I entered 'Anthony Iero + band', now getting just four results. Three of them showed my searched words in the preview, but when I checked the pages I saw nothing related. Typical.
The last one was about a bar's inauguration, so I clicked it. Curiously, the bar was in my old town, where my mom and brother still lived. The small article, dating from two months ago, was in a local site. I read it hoping to get some information out of it.
"As many of you must know, a new big bar was inaugurated in town last night. Named 'Black Bird', the place includes a stage for local or guest bands to show what they can do. In this opening night, the surprise was a traveling blues band -as they describe themselves- named The Homeless Souls. Its members are Jake Barker (voice and harmonica), Paul Stillson (bass), Anthony Iero (guitar), Greg Thomas (drums), Victor Dees (piano) and Trevor Weizak (sax). These guys in their late thirties caused even the younger customers to clap hands enthusiastically at their professionalism and talent."
"The Homeless Souls." I repeated the name of the band, entering it in the search bar. Nothing interesting appeared besides other similar mentions and compliments. No phone number or any other way to contact the band, which was really odd. I searched the first site again, going to the 'links' section. Under 'Bars and Discos' I found Black Bird and wrote down the phone number before leaving the place.
******
"Black Bird bar. How can I help you?" a man's voice addressed me.
"I am looking for information about a blues band that played there two months ago, The Homeless Souls. Did they happen to leave a number for contracts?" I asked.
"Oh, I remember them. Very good band, pretty particular too. I asked them for a number, but they said they don't work that way. They're a 'free' band that travel the country randomly, choose places to play and then offer a demonstration out of compromise. They appeared when we were adding the last details to the bar, plugged in their instruments and started to play. They also showed me recommendations from several towns around the country, so I doubted no more and hired them. They rarely play more than one night in a row at the same place, so they told me." the guy said. It was very interesting indeed, but didn't help me at all.
"So...there's no way to contact them?"
"No, that time they only gave me the number of the hotel where they were staying. And they don't do big cities, so I guess it's hard to know when they're going to play next."
"Oh...ok, thank you anyway!" I sighed and decided to go home. Why was everything about Frank's family so weird and difficult to figure out?
******
Later, I was watching TV with Frankie when he started to complain. "G-gee...I'm b-bored!"
"What do you wanna do, babe?" I tightened my arms around his waist.
"W-wanna go out."
"You can't walk yet, it's been only two days." I told him. He turned to me pouting.
"B-but I w-want to. I...I'm t-too bored and c-can't find Puppy and...and the g-gnomes said they're t-tired of dancing and I al-already did ev-everything and...please!" he joined his hands like praying.
"Uh...ok, we'll go in the car, but only to sit on a sidewalk with some milkshakes. Is that good?" I proposed.
"Y-yeah that's very g-good!"
I stopped the car in front of a milkshake parlor and then helped Frank get out, slightly bending so he could throw an arm around my shoulders. We were half way from there when a boy with long, black wavy hair stopped in front of us, eying Frankie. The observed one lifted his eyes, feeling the other's gaze.
"J-Johnny!" he gasped
"Frankie! I knew it was you! I just wanted to be sure because you look different with glasses, and your hair's longer. How are you, kiddo?" he hugged Frank happily. Johnny? The only John Frankie had mentioned was the boy that...
No, this one seemed older than Frank, even older than me; and he was being too affectionate to be that John. Still...what if he was the same one anyway?
"F-fine, and my g-glasses are great 'c-cause now I can s-see a lot b-better! But h-hurt my foot the o-other day. Y-yes." I heard Frank's voice again and I faked a cough to draw Johnny's attention.
"Oh, sorry! I was just surprised to find Frankie here. I'm John, music teacher at the Institution where he used to live." he extended his hand and I shook it alleviated. I wouldn't have known how to react if he had been the same John that practically raped Frank.
"I'm Gerard. I...uh..." I though of a good lie. "...my mother works at the institution where he's now and I help. Sometimes I take some of the kids for a walk. Frankie insisted though he isn't in the best condition today."
"B-but Gee..." Frank began. I squeezed his hand and he looked at me confused. "...y-you're my..."
"Your friend? Of course I am!" I interrupted him again, blinking in complicity.
"Oh...y-yeah" he finally caught and blinked back.
"We better go sit." I invited, guiding Frankie to one of the plastic chairs while John and I occupied the others.
"You talked about Frankie's insistence." Johnny laughed. "I remembered how he'd insist on trying all the instruments I had in the classroom. He specially loved to hit the drums mercilessly."
"Did he learn to play any?" I asked. He watched Frank before responding. The kid was entertained reading a list of the different milkshakes available.
"Not really. I tried to teach him all I could and he loved it, but it seems he doesn't have the needed coordination...and sometimes his hands shake too much. Anyway, I always allowed him to play around with the instruments as much as he wanted." he told me in a low voice that Frankie didn't register. "He liked to sing very much though, he does it rather well."
"Th-the kids said I s-sang bad. They d-didn't like my v-voice, but I d-don't care. I...I d-don't care if my v-voice's ugly, I l-like to sing." Frank spoke, still looking at the list.
"I've heard you, and don't think your voice is ugly. But you're right, what matters is that you like to do it." I smiled, fighting my desire to kiss him.
"Exactly!" the teacher agreed.
"John...I have a doubt, so excuse my curiosity. I know the institution where you work is on the other side of the country...what are you doing here?" I questioned. I'd been thinking about it since he introduced himself.
"Yeah, I should have clarified that point. This was a big, crazy coincidence! I came to visit some relatives, my uncles and cousins. I'm flying back home tomorrow morning, actually."
"Then this was a huge coincidence for sure! How many possibilities were there?" I was honestly shocked. Oddities kept occurring.
After ordering our milkshakes, the conversation went on. John told me more anecdotes involving Frankie and interrogated me about his health. Luckily, he never asked the name of the institution where Frank was now.
"You know, John...my mother and I have been calling the place where you work all week. We want to talk to a nurse called Grace -or at least I think she's a nurse from what Frankie said. We're always told that she's busy and they can't go for her." I presented my problem to him, realising that he could help me.
"Ah yes, she's a nurse and a very sweet lady. All the kids love her, though she did have a preference for Frankie. But yeah...it's a pretty strict place, employees are not allowed to receive personal calls during work hours, so I'm sure they didn't even tell her that someone wanted to speak to her. Why don't you give me your phone number? I have to be back at work the day after tomorrow, I can tell her to call you when she's free." he offered.
"That would be great, thanks!" I patted his arm, trying to keep my extreme joy from showing much.
"You're welcome! I might give you some calls too, to see how Frankie's doing. He's such an awesome happy kid." he shoved the paper I gave him in his back pocket.
"Sure he is. And no problem!"
Once home I began to think about Grace. I imagined her like a very kind, lovely woman. Nevertheless I had a lot of things to tell her, and Frank would most probably want to talk to her too. How would she react to the news? How much should I disclose? Could I trust her to tell her the whole truth?
CHAPTER 33
Little by little we cross the line,
Little by little the ties that bind,
Little by little by little by little.
Little by little tonight.
Familiar, yet new sensations pierced my body. Hands caressing, hot breath being blown on my face, soft kisses, the warmth of another body pressed against mine. I felt it all yet couldn't see it; I realised I could see nothing.
"This is a dream." I said aloud, although I was sure my lips hadn't moved. I tried to open my eyes, but it was as if an extra pair of eyelids were still keeping me from seeing. That warm, almost burning sensation descended and centered on one spot. I could sense it pulsate, come to life when those hands came to a halt there, rubbing,
The land of dreams mixed with the awake world for a moment. I was still unable to see, but this was too real; this feeling was too real to be part of a dream.
I finally opened my eyes, this time distinguishing our room lightened by the street light peeping through ajar shutters. I turned to my right and there it was: Frank's silhouette on the bed, beside me.
Without moving, I reached back and turned on the lamp, as an involuntary moan escaped my lips. Frankie was watching me with half opened eyes, lips slightly separated. His right arm was slowly moving, and when my gaze traveled to his hand I understood the source of that sensation I'd been experiencing. His palm was touching me through my boxers, and he was also stroking himself in the same way with his other hand.
"F-Frankie...what...what are you doing?" I asked alarmed, lost between morality and pleasure. He stopped all movement but kept his hands in place. I hated myself for how I wanted him to continue.
"I...I w-woke up 'cause...'c-cause I f-felt weird down th-there, k-kinda hurt. An-and then I t-touched it and felt g-good, and l-looked at you and y-your pants l-looked like mine so I th-though you'd l-like it too." he explained timidly. It was the first I'd seen him pleasure himself really acknowledging it. Had we gone through a a similar wet dream or what?
"Frankie...you don't have to do that, to me I mean..." I spoke whilst fighting the need to jerk my hips up.
"Y-you don't l-like it?" he seemed disappointed.
"I...I do like it, but I'm not sure if this is right. I don't know if it's ok to allow you to do this..." I doubted. Frankie appeared absent for a moment, and he couldn't help but conduct his hand over the bulge in his underwear, gasping.
"It...it's 'c-cause of what you t-told me? Th-that I'm s-special and you're n-not?" he questioned, breathing quicker.
"Yes, kinda..." I answered honestly. Again he was silent for a while. I couldn't tell if he was pensive or just as distrait as I was because of the situation. I hoped my sincerity hadn't hurt him.
"Oh...I kn-know what we c-can do!" he took my left hand and guided it to the front of his boxers. They were already humid. It felt strange, I couldn't decide if it was something positive or negative.
"Frankie...I don't..." I tried to free my hand but he held it there, closing his eyes tightly and sighing. I was sweating profusely, wanting to comply but terrified of committing a big mistake
"Y-you touch me and I t-touch you. F-fair that w-way, right? W-we're boyfriends so I th-think we can." he smiled and brought his index finger to his lips. "And...and we d-don't tell an-anyone."
He let my hand go; but before I could even think of withdrawing it, his was palpating me again. Not grabbing, only grazing. Suddenly, at that particular instant, everything felt right. We were boyfriends, we loved each other. I was not using him, I knew I wasn't and that sufficed. To start with, Frank had been the one who proposed to do things this way. He'd taken the initiative and his explanation made total sense to me. Nothing could be wrong when we were giving each other pleasure. It was mutual.
It was an intimate, sensual moment; though it still kept that barrier of respect. The clothes interposed between us were a symbol; one of patience and understanding. We were touching, yet not conquering. It was adequate and perfect for the time being.
I looked into his lovestruck eyes and kissed him relaxedly. He responded as well as he managed, slightly out of breath as he was. I struggled to liberate my other hand from under my body and placed it over the pillow, running my fingers though Frank's hair. He leaned into my touch, murmuring contently.
For a while I limited my actions to copying Frankie's. As we both felt progressively more confident, I dared to go a little farther. I grabbed him softly, continuously observing his face intently. I wanted to be sure whether he liked it. A whispered moan was followed by his body moving forward, seeking for more. He kissed me again with opened mouth, and I felt his fingers circle me, applying a small pressure.
"Oh..." I vocalized, breaking the kiss. He stared at me questioningly.
"It's ok baby, I liked that." I reassured him.
Frankie smiled and kept the pace. Even though our labored breath would make it difficult to maintain our lips together for long, our foreheads were permanently in contact; our gazes fixed on each other. I did my best to keep my eyes open so I wouldn't miss a second of his face. Not a kid's but a young man's face; enjoying with no guilt, telling me without words to do the same: just feel instead of thinking so much.
Frank rocked his hips more rapidly and I quickened my movements. He had lost his rhythm on me but reacted then, the proximity of the culmination giving him new strength. I reached my cuspid first, literally seeing stars with closed eyes. My load confined, my fears sent away.
Not wasting any more time I devoted my attention back to Frankie, being careful not to abandon him in favor of my own satisfaction. His hand was still holding me and he looked surprised. He had felt it, what he caused in me. At that point his eyelids fell and he threw his head back, his whole body shaking as I felt him release too.
Then silence and quietness, only exalted heartbeats and exhausted pants breaking it, soon gradually slowing down. After that a longer, uninterrupted kiss. With no rush, only love. Finally, those three unique words were pronounced straight from the heart.
"I l-love you."
"I love you."
Minutes and minutes lapsed just holding each other and weariness was about to beat me. "Just a second." I whispered. I lazily headed for the closet, searching our drawers for boxers and climbing back into the bed. I helped Frankie discharge the stained ones and used them to clean him. "Lift yourself a little, don't push with your hurt foot!" I instructed, pulling his clean underwear up. Standing again, I changed myself.
"Y-you have a n-nice ass!" I heard Frankie giggling. Everything was so normal, so natural.
"Oh, thank you, love!" I lied down, inviting him with open arms.
It was still night and we felt back asleep pretty soon, tired but content. Against all odds, we had taken a step ahead. Surprisingly -having in mind all my doubts- it felt just right.
The following morning Frank didn't talk about what had happened, so neither did I. I didn't think it was necessary. He'd been pretty comfortable with it and I felt no remorse.
Frankie seemed to be in a real good mood and also more affectionate than ever, calling me every five minutes while I was getting ready for work to hug me or kiss me. Since he still needed to be quiet to rest his foot, I had to go to him whenever he required me. Not that I minded.
"G-gee! C-come here?" he called me once again when I was about to cross the front door in a hurry.
"Frankie, we just said our goodbyes... properly as you wanted!" I laughed. "I gotta go baby, it's too late!"
"I kn-know but...ag-again? G-gonna miss you!"
"Ok, last one." I knelt in front of him -who was sitting on the couch watching TV- and he clung to me lovingly while I noisily kissed his cheek several times.
"Someone is very clingy today, it seems!" Ray chuckled. "What happened?"
"I don't know..." My cheeks burned. Ray caught my blushing and arched an eyebrow, suspecting something. "Not that much, Ray! Relax!"
"Wh-what?" Frankie asked.
"Nothing, pretty." I pecked his lips. "I was just telling Ray here that he'll have to pamper you a little today. He gives very good bear hugs!"
"I don't think it'll be the same, Gee. The boy wants to hug his boyfriend, not me!" Ray pointed out. It made me happy to hear him use that word, it meant he was okay with it after all.
"Well, I guess. But I have to work and he knows it, and I'm sure he loves his babysitter Ray very much." I glanced at my friend, aware that he hated to be called that.
"R-ray hates that w-word, told m-me so. And...and I'm n-not a b-baby!" Frank declared.
"You like me to call you baby, though!"
"Y-yeah but...but I'm n-not a...a real b-baby, kay?"
"Ok, I understand!"
"I...I do l-love Ray. B-but in a...d-dif-ferent way! H-he...he's like...un-uncle Ray!"
"Hey, kid! 'Uncle' makes me sound like an old man! I'm as old as Gerard, which makes only 5 years older than you!" he protested.
"W-well....you're b-both old!" Frankie giggled.
A look at the clock on the wall made me quit the laughter I was sharing with them. "Oh shit, I'm leaving now. " I kissed Frankie's lips one last time. "Be a good boy, stay quiet, obey your uncle Ray and please tell him if you need to go to the bathroom, ok?"
"Y-yep! Oh G-Gee...saw P-Puppy? Can't f-find him!"
"He must be playing invisible again, doll. I'm sure he'll appear." I told him. Ray looked at me demandingly. "I know Ray, I know. But I can't..."
That scene would repeat itself almost every day. Frankie had been seeing his dog only once in a while, even less often than he saw the gnomes and little people some days. He was worried about it. Sometimes he'd get very angry and scream at Puppy to stop doing that because it wasn't funny anymore. I knew I had to tell him the pup wasn't real, but I couldn't bring myself to do it after how he'd reacted the first time I tried.
I arrived at the store lost in thoughts, walking in like a zombie without even checking where I was going or who passed me by.
"Hello Gerard, dear. Is there something wrong?" Sarah touched my shoulder. I jumped, jolted by the sudden contact with the outside world. I'd been too lost inside my head.
"Oh...sorry, I was totally distracted. Sorry for being late, too. Frankie was a little...demanding today and wouldn't let me go." I apologized.
"You know it's fine. You're a good employee and are usually on time. I can imagine it's not easy to tell that sweet brother of yours 'no', is it?" she smiled.
"No..." I shook my head, busy thinking of how weird it was to have Frankie called my brother. Sadly, I couldn't let anyone else know the truth. Although Sarah was lovely, just by telling her part of the truth I'd be admitting that I had previously lied to her. Besides, I would be also risking many things. I wasn't sure of what her opinion could be about me taking home a boy I had found in the street; let alone about my real relationship with Frank.
"You still didn't tell me if you were fine." she added.
"I was just...thinking about Frankie and his imaginary puppy. He's pretty upset because he doesn't see him too often, and I can't seem to gather the guts to tell him he's not real."
"Again with that, Gerard? I've told you what I think, more than once."
"Yeah but...who would take care of a real dog while I'm working? I can't burden my friend with a dog to babysit too!" I argued, arranging some things on their respective shelves.
"Haven't you considered that Frankie might be fully capable of taking care of a dog himself? You told me he treats his imaginary pet as if it was real, so what's the difference?" Sarah did have a point there. Still, I wasn't certain whether I was ready for that. We'd had dogs when Mikey and I were kids, but I had never owned one myself. I didn't know if I could be responsible for both a person and a dog.
"I'll think about it, I promise." I smiled warmly at the old woman before walking towards a customer.
******
I was walking home later when the blood chilling sound of brakes startled me. I stopped dead and turned my head towards the street. There was a small, black dog playfully running across the bustling avenue. It eluded a car out of luck -totally ignorant of the danger- and began to chase its tail. A couple more cars hit the breaks. I stared wide-eyed from the sidewalk, having a sense of deja-vu.
As those first cars continued their way and being close to the sidewalk, the dog suddenly gave up the chase and decided to return to where he'd come from: towards the moving traffic. My legs moved before my head consciously gave them the order. I darted to the street, crouched in front of a car and picked the little animal up. Only then I realised what I had done, where I was. I heard the scratchy noise of tires and felt something push my shoulder. I fearfully looked up with the doggie in my arms and faced a car's bumpers.
"ARE YOU STUPID OR WHAT?" a furious man screamed from inside of it.
"S-sorry...the dog...I..." I stammered, getting up and desperately running towards the safeness of the sidewalk.
My legs were trembling so badly that I had to sit down. I stared at the dog's big, round brown eyes sticking out from its ebony fur. Completely black fur, not a single hair of a different color. The puppy was presumably three or four months old, not more than that. I lifted it, looking at his belly.
"So you're a boy! What do you say about living with two human ones? I won't leave you here after risking my life for you, little one. You'll love Frankie, you'll see." I talked to him, following an impulse. I could swear he was able to comprehend what I was saying.
A woman walked past me, shaking her head. "Crazy people..."
"Don't pay attention, my furred friend, we're just misunderstood." I kissed the dog's nose and got up to finally go home.
******
"Frankie...look what I got you!" I announced as soon as I entered the house.
"P-Puppy! You f-found him!" Frankie exclaimed and jumped from the couch, being caught by Ray just in time.
"Hey, hey! Where are you going?" he made him sit back and Frankie stayed there pouting, reaching out with his arms like kids would do. I walked to him and deposited the dog on his lap. Ray eyed me as if I had lost my mind, but I grinned confidently.
We waited patiently for Frankie to carefully examine the animal. I was wondering -and fearing- what the boy would do or say once he noticed it wasn't his Puppy. He had no white spot and was slightly bigger than I imagined Puppy to be, judging by the position of Frank's arms when he'd 'hold' it.
"Wh-where you w-were, uh?" Frank spoke to him angrily, confusing me. "G-gee, look! He got b-bigger! And...h-he doesn't h-have his w-white flower spot! H-he must h-have losed it in the s-street."
"What...?"
"C-could you l-look for it t-tomorrow?" he requested, straight-faced.
"I...I guess. I'll see if I can find Puppy's spot, of course." I smiled at Frank's strange idea.
"A dog's spot can just...fall off and get lost?" Ray asked amused.
"Of...of course! Y-you know n-nothing, Ray!"
"You're right Frankie, I think there are many things you need to teach me. But then you should be careful when you're on the street, you could lose your freckles!" my friend joked, tracing the sides of Frank's nose with a finger. The boy looked alarmed.
"Y-you think?"
"Yeah, but that won't happen save you shake your head like dogs do when they're wet and want to dry themselves." I threw in, laughing.
"I n-never do th-that!"
"Then don't worry Frankie, you won't lose your little freckles." Ray concluded, making a big effort not to laugh too much.
"G-good! Th-they're mine!" Frank said relieved. "P-Puppy, I l-love you the s-same without your wh-white flower."
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