The Lewis House 88 страница

"I've already been convicted of this murder. I've served time for it. I've been pardoned by the Ministry and now I'll commit the crime if I see a need… And make no mistake, Peter. I see a need. Get on your feet."

Remus resigned himself to the echoes. He let them come through, as they always did, and tried to distance himself from them. He didn't need to see it all again, didn't need to concentrate on it - but there was no stopping it. That night had come back to him so many times. The night Peter had returned to Hogwarts. The night they had bound him to Snape's desk and poured the Veritaserum down his screaming throat. Remus flinched and turned his head, as if he could escape the memory.

"Why did you run from Voldemort?" Snape's voice had been cold and quick.

Peter had lain there staring at the ceiling, panting so hard that his pasty cheeks had wobbled. But his voice had been strong and clear and full of forced truth. "I killed the Weasley boy too early. He gave us false information and I didn't realize it until it was too late. I wasted a golden opportunity."

"And then?"

"And then Malfoy told the Master that you and I had ruined everything. You had given the boy a useless potion and I had been too stupid to guess it. Then the Master said that he had suffered me to live too long. That I was a greater detriment than an asset. He raised his wand."

"But you escaped."

"I had my Animagus."

"And you came here."

"I thought I would be safe."

Sirius had given a bitter, horrible laugh, and clenched one hand around Peter's throat, making him gasp and gag.

"There's no time for your whims, Black." Snape had swiped Sirius's hand away, and Peter had sucked in air. "Tell me, Wormtail, what do you know of Voldemort's future plans?"

"He will attack Hogwarts again."

Sirius, Remus and Snape had looked grimly at each other. None of them had been surprised by the idea, but to hear it confirmed had struck anger and fear into all of them.

"When?"

Peter's eyes had looked wild. "I don't know. They won't tell me. The Master hasn't trusted me since I told everyone it was I who betrayed the Potters."

Snape smirked. "Yes. I'm sure you expected your…" He had paused. "Touchingly public display of fidelity to bring you closer to the center of the circle. But Voldemort had no wish to see Black pardoned -"

"Neither did I," Peter had said fervently, and Sirius has gone for his throat once more. Remus had stopped him, allowing Peter to continue. "But Malfoy - and all the rest of them - meant more to the Master than I did, and I wanted the world to know that I had been the one to bring him closer to his great goal."

"Backfired, didn't it," Sirius had said with grim satisfaction. "I'd thank you for getting me pardoned, Wormtail, but you don't deserve that much breath."

"But - but I did get you pardoned," Peter said, trying to catch Sirius's eye. "I tried to pay my debts, can't you forgive me? I have nowhere to go, I've fallen out of favor - we were friends once -"

"I'm sure he doesn't care," Snape had said, almost smiling. "Now tell me everything else you know."

Peter had lain silent. Tears had escaped his eyes.

"Nothing? You know nothing?" Snape had looked disgusted. "Useless all around…"

"Severus, you know what it's like," Peter had pleaded, twisting uselessly on the desk. "You understand how they turn on you, don't you, and how they treat you like an enemy even after you've served them - you remember how they stop telling you things, and how there's nowhere to turn - you remember being cast out of -"

"I left." Snape had smiled thinly. "I was never cast out. But I'm afraid I do understand all too well your predicament…" He had raised a black eyebrow and plucked Peter's wand from his belt.

"What are you doing?" Remus had asked, watching carefully.

"Sending him back to his Master."

"NO!" Sirius had turned on Snape, his teeth bared. "We'll kill him now. I'll kill him myself, I want to see him dead, I won't let him - "

"Perscribus Totalus," Snape had muttered over Peter's wand, and then he had drawn his own wand and touched the tips of the two together. "Transfero Perscribus." He replaced Peter's wand in his belt. "There now, Wormtail. Be useful for once in your life, would you? Go back to your Master, and let us hear everything that goes on between you."

Remus had been stunned for a moment by the brilliance of the idea. Everything Peter heard, so long as he had his wand, would transfer through Snape's wand so that they could hear it too. They had never thought Snape clever when they were younger, but lately, in almost every aspect, he had earned Remus's grudging respect.

"Yes," Remus had whispered, and caught Sirius's eyes. "We have to send him back."

Sirius had looked torn and furious.

"I won't go," Peter had panted. "And even if you send me back, I'll repeal the charm, or I'll get another wand, I'll -"

"Never noted for his cleverness, was he?" Snape had hissed, still smiling. And he had flicked his wand over Peter's terrified face. "Obliviate Triduum."

Peter's eyes had gone blank for a moment, and then he had shaken his head, taken in the sight of all of them as if for the first time, and given a scream very like the one he'd given when they had poured the boiling potion down his throat.

They had muted and camouflaged Peter with charms and taken him to the gates of Hogwarts, where he could Disapparate. Sirius had been the one to unbind him and to step aside, shaking, so that Peter could escape.

"Get out," he had rasped, trembling from head to foot with what Remus knew was a violent, barely controlled desire. "GO!"

Peter had looked confused and disbelieving, but he had wasted no time. He had Disapparated at once, not realizing that Snape had erased three days from his memory. Peter had no recollection of the murder of Percy Weasley, or of the confrontation with the Dark Lord, and so he had been all too willing to run back to the Master he thought would protect him…

"He's going to his death," Remus had said quietly, as they had stood at the gates together in silence.

Snape had snorted, pulled his wand and given it a disinterested flick. A strange noise had hissed from it, like wind or heavy breathing. The sound of someone traveling by broom, perhaps. Or Floo powder. The sound of Peter returning to the secret lair of the Death Eaters.

"Perhaps before he's disposed of, we will learn something valuable."

Disposed of. The words had given Remus a sickening chill.

"Harry." Sirius had turned toward the school. "He'll need to hear this."

And they had strode back to the castle to gather the people who would benefit most from whatever they were about to overhear.

A pain in Remus's legs forced him to return to reality, and he bit back a groan as he felt his transformation begin. His skin began to prickle and his bones began to shift uncomfortably in their sockets - but he could stand it. He always thought he couldn't, but then he always did. It would go away in a moment. He took a deep breath and tried to keep his eyes closed as they too began to shift beneath their lids, changing their shape and color. Changing the way he saw the world. But he kept them tightly shut, though it was painful; he didn't like to watch himself transform, it was too disturbing to look down and see his legs change shape. They weren't his legs, they belonged to the wolf, and he, as Remus, refused to see them.

"Remus! It's almost dark, how're you doing in there?" Sirius called.

Remus opened his mouth to answer, but a snarl escaped instead, and he found that he was unable to respond in any other way. He tried – frantically, he reached up to feel his face, and discovered that it was still human. Growling again, Remus clawed at himself, trying to find himself – he was slipping away and something was not…

"Shouldn't someone have followed him back to find their location or -"

"Perhaps you would have liked to volunteer, Miss Granger." Snape's lips had curled. "Be my guest. Hurry down to the gates and attempt to track his Disapparition, and then pick your way through the battery of passwords and wards that separate us from wherever he has gone. Only do be sure you don't stumble into a situation that you cannot control. I'm no longer there to minister ineffectual potions and protect the secrets of -"

"Shut your mouth." Ron had looked slack and ill. He had been the only one of them not standing - he'd pulled a chair into the circle and Hermione stood behind him, her hands on his shoulders. And though Snape's eyes had glittered, he had said nothing, as though even he had felt the grievous impact of Percy Weasley's death.

Hermione had just taken a deep breath - probably to ask more questions - when a crackling noise from the end of Snape's wand had brought them all into a tighter circle around his dungeon desk.

"Well. Wormtail." Voldemort's voice was recognizable to all of them, but Harry had gone the palest at the sound of it. "You've returned to us… perhaps bravery lives in you after all…"

"Wh-what do you mean?"

Something was terribly wrong in the present, and it was almost enough to drown out the past. As Peter stuttered uselessly in his head, Remus opened his eyes and tore at his clothes – the shack was too hot and something was smothering him. Was it the memories? Remus tried with all his strength to turn his thoughts to something that would pacify him - No. Don't want to. The wolf was strong tonight. And the wolf wanted to think about darkness, and evil, and … Voldemort.

"Have you returned to apologize?"

"Apologize?" Peter's voice had been tiny and terrified.

"Is your memory so short as all that?" Voldemort had sounded amused. "You have cost us a potential wealth of information, Wormtail."

"H-how?"

Low laughter had followed his plaintive question.

"My Lord, I believe he's been Memory Charmed." The voice belonged to Lucius Malfoy.

"Oh yes? Well then let us see just how far back his memory goes… What does the name Percy Weasley mean to you?"

Ron had buried his head in his arms while Harry and Hermione's faces had gone tight with anger and grief.

"H-he works for the Ministry, he -"

"He is dead." Voldemort no longer sounded amused. "By your hand. Do you know who charmed you?"

"S-Severus Snape and Sirius Black and Remus L-Lupin."

"Ah…. So you ran back to your friends at Hogwarts…"

"I d-don't remember -"

The wolf forced Remus to remember. Remember how Peter had sounded and how much Remus had hated that voice. It was cowardly - so cowardly - how had they never noticed? How had he masked his true ambitions for so long? Remus hated himself for being so stupid. So trusting. So blind.

Blind. He couldn't see. For a moment, the shack was dark. And then everything came back into focus – the colors were muted and gray, but he could see further to his right and left, and the shapes of the pillows and blankets seemed to be outlined in black. A pain shot through Remus's head – more intense than it had been in months, and he opened his jaws and howled.

"Remus! What's going on? What's wrong -"

But Remus only howled again in miserable fury as he felt his mouth elongate, becoming a muzzle through which fangs began to burst like knives. Sharp. Dripping.

"Break his mind." Voldemort's casual command made Peter whimper.

"Yes, my Lord." Lucius sounded pleased. And then there was a whipping noise, followed by the sound of Peter stumbling and screaming.

"What do you remember now?"

"N-nothing - no - NO!" Another whipping noise, and more screams, and now Hermione's hands were pressed over her face and Minerva was white as paper. Ron, however, raised his head. His eyes gleamed.

"And now?"

"I don't know - I don't - please, PLEASE -"

"Remus! Please, Remus, answer me -"

Sirius's words were garbled. Language was losing its meaning. Remus knew, just barely, that he was a man, not a wolf, and that he should have understood the words that were being shouted. He also knew that the shouts came from a friend. A companion. And yet he growled hungrily, because no matter who it was, it was a man. Human. Flesh and bone.

The wolf snarled and Remus crumpled to all fours. Fur shot through his skin. His arms and legs bent back and the joints realigned; his skin tightened and his muscles shrank.

"Not again! I remember!"

"What do you remember, Wormtail? Be quick, or another corner of your mind will be destroyed…"

"I r-ran to Hogwarts and they caught me, they strapped me down, there was Veritaserum and they made me talk, but -"

"What did you tell them?"

"N-nothing - I can't remem -"

Another whipping sound, and Peter's scream was so intense that Remus had expected Snape's wand to splinter.

"Don't kill me! Don't kill me, I have information! On Potter!"

The room had gone completely still, and Harry had taken a ragged breath and whispered, "On… me?"

Loud banging on the door of the shack. Rough shouts. Even through the charms and the metal, the wolf could smell the man. There was meat in the corner of the room, and he turned to sniff it, but it could not hold his interest when the man was so close. The wolf threw himself at the scent, howling again when his shoulder hit the door but could not break through. He tried again. Remus was still there. Remus wanted the wolf to stop, but the wolf hadn't been allowed to satisfy its appetite in so long...

"What does he know about Potter?" Minerva had glanced worriedly at Harry, and then at Snape.

"Nothing," Snape had said disdainfully. "He may have overheard us discussing the use of Neville Longbottom as Mr. Potter's Secret Keeper -"

"But I don't have a -" Harry had protested.

"As there is, in fact, no Fidelius Charm in place," Snape had interrupted, "Pettigrew only thinks he has information. He has nothing at all."

"But if he says what he thinks he knows," Ron had said dully, "they'll all be after Neville next."

Hermione had blanched. Harry had rubbed his temples and shut his eyes.

Remus could barely make sense of the memory now. He was thrown against the wall of the shack by the wolf, who wanted flesh. Food. Blood. Wanted to bite, to growl, to snap, to tear to pieces. There was a voice outside the shack but it was incomprehensible now, it was only babbling, like the voices in his head, which would not stop - would not stop… Remus knew he had to let go. The wolf had won; there was no fighting it. The walls of the shack were hard and cold and it hurt, it hurt to slam against it - but if he would just let go, then he would not feel the fear. The shame. There would only be hunger and fury and need.

"Tell me what you know, and tell me now."

"No, not yet," Peter had said hurriedly. "Not until I can repeal -"

The Recording Charm. They had all looked at Snape's wand, and Remus had hoped against hope that the sound would not cut out now, not when they needed so much to know what was going to happen.

"No…?" Voldemort's voice had been like ice. "Do you mean to withhold information from me, Wormtail? But why? Does your conscience pain you? Have you suddenly appointed yourself Potter's new protector?" Voldemort's cackle had been horrible to hear. "Too late. Before the school year ends, so will Potter's life. It will end in his haven, in front of his protectors, as it should have ended in his home in front of his mother, sixteen years ago. Do you think you can spare it?"

"I'm not trying to - that's not -"

"Do you wish to save the son, since you gave away his parents?" Voldemort had laughed, and Sirius had looked like he might vomit. "There is no redemption for you now. Tell me what you know, or I will end what remains of your miserable life."

There had been a long silence, during which Remus had feared that Peter had repealed the Recording Charm after all. And then -

"You'll kill me either way, won't you." Peter's voice had floated out of the wand, as clear and strong as it had been under the influence of Veritaserum, filling their circle with its strange vibration. Strange because it had been… Peter's voice. Not Pettigrew's, not Wormtail's - not cowardly or frightened - but a voice Remus recognized from his childhood. The voice of a person to whom he had told his deepest secrets. The voice of a trusted friend. Of a Gryffindor.

"Would you like to find out?" Voldemort had whispered.

"No. I don't want to die." Peter had given a faint laugh. "But I'm going to. I'm not as stupid as you think I am. And I've… given you enough." Remus could have sworn that he could hear Peter smiling. "Everything I know about Harry is going with me."

"Wait - stop him - Expelli -"

"Avada Kedavra!" Peter had shouted.

Crack!

Dead silence had followed the terrible snapping noise, and Snape's wand had begun to smoke. Remus had watched, in shock, unable to believe what he had heard. Peter was gone. Like James. Forever. And had he truly taken his own life… for Harry's sake? It was so unexpected that Remus hadn't been able to process it. It was as if Peter had come back to them for one golden moment, and then slipped through their fingers again - irrevocably this time. At the same time, he and Sirius had bowed their heads, though Remus had been sure that Sirius could explain the sudden sorrow no better than he could.

"Is he… dead?" Hermione had whispered.

Snape had slid his wand into his belt and given a curt nod. "So then," he had said, as if they had been listening to nothing more pivotal than a Quidditch match. "They'll come before the end of the year, and they plan to kill Potter here, on the grounds. That is more than we knew an hour ago. Let us inform our allies and prepare." And he had swept out of the dungeon, leaving the rest of them to hover in their circle, gray and ashen and full of a grief that would never be complete, because they could not truly mourn Peter. Not after what he had done. They could not mourn him, and yet he was dead, and he had once been worth remembering well, and there was nothing simple anymore, nothing clean, not even friendship, not even sorrow… everything had been tainted…

It didn't matter now. From somewhere far, far away, Remus let go. Peter was dead. It was all gone - all over. Remus was gone too; he had slipped away and the wolf was all that was left. The wolf was alive and aware and full of violence, and there was a man beyond the metal wall - a man, a man. The wolf flung himself at the metal, trying to break it down and get to the flesh it so desperately wanted.

But the man was suddenly gone. His scent still lingered, but now the stronger scent was that of a dog. It barked, asking to be let inside, and the wolf howled again and scraped at the door with his claws, which stuck in the metal and began to tear away from the pads of his feet with every anguished scrape. Still, he could not stop himself; he wanted the dog - the dog would distract him from the overwhelming craving - but there was no way to let him in.

Spittle foamed from his muzzle, and he gagged but continued to hurl himself at the door until he could not stand on all fours. He tried to get up, but fell to his side, whimpering in pain. One of his back legs would not support him. Angrily, he tore up the blankets in the tiny enclosure with his front claws and his fangs. He pulled himself to the meat in the corner and ravaged it. And then he continued to snarl and thrash, using his front claws to scrape with painful futility at the metal of his prison walls.

~*~

"GINNY!" Sirius raced into Lupin Lodge, his heart pounding, his breath coming in gasps. "WHERE ARE YOU?" He could still hear Remus howling and thrashing against the metal of his prison - the neighbors would hear the sounds of his violent transformation, and Sirius had to do something about that, but first he had to find Ginny.

The house was silent and mostly dark; Hermione had gone over to Ron's house earlier in the afternoon and Ginny wasn't anywhere downstairs. Sirius ran to her bedroom and knocked hard on the door.

"GINNY?"

There was no answer, but Sirius threw the door open in order to be sure. He lit the lamps.

Ginny was fast asleep - and not even in her own bed, but on the floor, sprawled out among a scattering of open books and what looked like a half-written letter.

Sirius dropped to his knees beside her and shook her by the shoulders. "Wake up!" he shouted, and she opened her eyes, looking very confused and a little bit frightened.

"What?" she said groggily, but she sat up at once and pulled her wand. She stumbled to her feet with Sirius's help. "Is someone in the house?"

"No, it's Remus - he's not - the transformation - it's real again, he's the wolf - listen to him, can't you hear him?"

For a minute, neither of them made a sound, and in the silence there was a horrible, distant growling and a terrible scraping of claws on metal.

Ginny went white. "Oh no," she whispered. "No, no - he isn't - he can't be -"

"He is." Sirius grabbed her arms. "What can you do about it?"

Ginny mutely shook her head, her eyes full of horror, and Sirius's heart sank. He had hoped that perhaps with her talents there would be something she could do to stop it - to arrest the process, or make it less painful.

"What went wrong?" he demanded. "Didn't you give him the potion?"

Her mouth opened and she seemed to be trying to speak, but her voice had obviously failed her.

"Come on," Sirius said, unwilling to wait. "You have to try, there has to be some way to make him suffer less. You have to help me."

Ginny went with him. Together they ran down the stairs and out into the back garden, the sounds of Remus's agony growing louder with every step. The rasps of his claws were horrible; it sounded as if he would rip them out if he continued to drag them like that on the unforgiving walls. But his growling was full of something more than violence; it was punctuated by painful yelps and a sickening gurgling noise. He was in terrible anguish.

Sirius and Ginny came to the outside wall of the shack and Ginny raised her shaking hands, looking sicker every second. She felt the air along the wall, while, from behind the bolted door, the wolf's growls grew nastier and more ferocious.

"We can't stay out here," she finally said, her voice dry. She backed away. "It's making it worse."

"We can't leave him," Sirius barked, unable to believe that she would consider it. "He's in pain."

"I know," she whispered. "He - there's a broken bone - he's hurting himself."

Sirius felt icy panic grip his heart. "You can't let him."

"I can't stop him." Her voice shook badly. "And he can smell us. It's aggravating him, making him hungrier - you can stay as Padfoot but if I stay it'll just - oh, Remus." Ginny choked. "This is my fault." She whirled and fled into the house.

Sirius followed. "There has to be something you can do!" he roared when he had found Ginny again, already curled up and rocking on the sofa, tears streaming down her face. "You're a Healer - at least make him sleep, or make him -"

"I can't," she managed, through her tears. "That's a kind of magic I can't touch. It's inside him in such a way - I can't - I would - I wish -"

"Wishing isn't going to help him!" Sirius shouted, staring furiously down at her. "Are you just going to sit there and let him break his own bones?"

Ginny gave a horrible sob.

"What happened to that Wolfsbane Potion?"

She shook her head and covered her face with her hands.

"You did give him every dose, didn't you?"

Ginny nodded, then shook her head. "Yes, but it - it must've been b-bad - I suppose I wasn't p-paying enough attention -" Her voice was muffled and thick. "He kept saying I was doing too m-much and getting too tired and that I was going to hurt m-myself, but I hurt him, I hurt him…" Ginny gave a miserable little cry. "I didn't mean it, I didn't m-mean it, I never would have hurt him on p-purpose - " She broke off and started sobbing in earnest.

For a moment, it was all Sirius could do not to throw himself at her in a rage. But the moment quickly passed, and he found, to his surprise, that he could feel very little anger towards her. She was obviously tortured about it. Obviously wracked with guilt.

"I didn't mean to hurt him," she wept again. "I didn't listen. It's all my fault, and I can't fix it and he's never going to forgive me -"

But her words were not new to Sirius; they echoed back to him from a buried place in his mind. He had betrayed Remus once. A very long time ago. And he had cried too, when he had realized the scope of what he'd done.

"He'll probably forgive you," Sirius rasped, after several minutes had passed and Ginny had not stopped sobbing. "It'll only make you feel worse."

Ginny rolled onto her stomach and buried her face in the sofa cushions. Her back heaved, and her muffled crying mingled with the faraway sounds of a keening, desperate, hungry werewolf, who was in terrible pain.

"What do you mean you… didn't pay enough attention?" Sirius stood at the end of the sofa and gazed down at her, needing to know exactly how all this had come about.

Дата добавления: 2015-11-04