At the Jeweller’s [I – e]
A: Ricky, will you get me this little emerald set?
B: Youbet Iwill.
A: When?
B: Well, it’ll depend.
Peter: What would you like to eat, Edith? Edith: A meat sandwich.
Peter: Jean! Would you like a meat sandwich or a cheese sandwich?
Jean: A cheese sandwich, please, Peter. Waiter: Good evening.
Peter: Good evening. We'll have one meat sandwich and two cheese sandwiches.
Edith: And three teas, please!
Waiter: (writing down the order) One meat sandwich... two cheese sandwiches... and three teas.
In a Shop [æ – e]
A: Can I help you?
B: Yes. What's that?
A: It's an exquisite dress from a French collection.
B: Not bad. Very fashionable. I'll take it.
A: We are selling it for only ten.
B: Pounds?
A: Hundred. Will you have it?
B: Oh, maybe, I'll come again, Maybeon Wednesdayor Saturday.
Bill: Is Tim in?
Lyn: Is he coming to the pictures? Mrs. Smith: Tim's ill. BUI: Here he is! Hello, Tim. Tim: Hello, Bill.
Lyn: Are you ill, Tim? Tim: Is it an interesting film? Lyn: It's "Big Jim an the Indians"
Bill: And it begins in six minutes. Mrs.Smith: If you're ill, Tim...
Tim: Quick! Or well miss the beginning of the film!
Girltalk [з:]
A: Ernest is always flirting with Mrs Myrtle. I wonder why he prefers her.
B: Well, with her body curves and curly hair the is a rape bird.
A: In this frilly skirt and a shirt.
Eddie: Hello, Ellen! Hello, Ben! Hello, Jenny!
Ben: Hello, Eddie! Have a cigarette.
Eddie: Thanks, Ben.
Ellen: Help yourself to whisky.
Jenny: It's on the shelf.
Ellen: How did you spend your holiday, Eddie?
Eddie: I went to America with a friend.
Everybody: Well!
Ellen: We're all jealous.
Ben: Was it expensive?
Eddie: Yes. Very. I've spent everything.
Jenny: Haven't you any money left?
Eddie: Yes, Jenny. Ten pence!
In the Kitchen [æ –a: -Λ]
A: Sandra, don't forget to add lard into your nut tart or it'll be sand.
B: Mum, it'll be bad to add lard. It’ll taste like tar.
A: Then add margarine.
B: I haven't any. I’ll add butter
A: Such lavish habits!
In the House [ό – э:]
A: Where've you been, Ron? There are lots of spots on your socks.
B: I was playing golf on the lawn.
A: Oh, there are even more spots on your shorts!
B: Never mind! I can say it’s a pattern called "dots".
Fanny: You look happy today!
Sandy: I am happy. I have just passed my Literature exam.
Fanny: Congratulations! I'm glad somebody's happy. Sandy: Why? What's the matter?
Fanny: Oh, I'm just worried, I guess. I have to take a history exam next week.
A: Excuse me.
B: Yes?
A: Could you tell me where I can get some good shoelaces?.
B: Yes. There is a shop next to the supermarket that sells very good shoelaces. I'm going there too.
In the Street [Λ — a:]
A: Look, Bart. there's a Ferrari coming down.
B: Chuck, stop it! Let's hurry up.
A: This Ferrari is just like mine, stolen last month in March.
B: Chock, I'm starving.
A: And ifs of the same color - blue star.
B: Chuck, come on!
A: A lowly car — full of charm! Waft, Bart... It's got my car's '. plates!
A lost book
Mr.Cook: Woman! Could you tell me where you've put my book?
Mrs.Cook: Isn't it on the bookshelf?
Mr.Cook: No. The bookshelf is full of your cookery books.
Mrs.Cook: Then you should look in the bedroom, shouldn't you?
Mr.Cook: I've looked. You took that book and put it somewhere, didn't you?
Mrs. Cook: The living-room?
Mr.Cook: No. I've looked. I'm going to put all my books in a box and lock it!
Mrs. Cook: Look, Mr.Cook! It's on the floor next to your foot.
Mr. Cook: Ah! Good!
At a Party [u—u:]
A: Ruth has got such good looks!
B: Who? Who is a beauty?
A: Ruth! Rupert should be happy to have such a good-looking wife!
B: I would choose a wife who could be a good cook.
A: Could you get my cookery book from the bathroom?
B: The bathroom? That's a curious place for a cooking book.
A: I usually plan the cooking in the bath. It's soothing, and it puts me
in a good mood for the actual cooking. B: Cood for you.
Mother's Warning [з: - эə]
A: Dear girl, you must be more Serious about Bert.
B: He is tall, sturdy and earnest.
B: When we walk he never talks. He is taciturn.
A: He is a surgeon. He works a lot.
B: Yes! But what does he earn?
At Home [I – i:]
A: Nick, have you seen my beads?
B: Not exactly beads.
A: What do you mean?
B: I've seen bits of your beads in the dustbin.
Plans [o - əu]
A: Tom, tomorrow I’ll go to a beautician.
B: What for?
A: To have my nose operated on.
B: Are you joking?
A: No, not at all. And I want this ugly mole removed.
B: Who told you it was so ugly?
A: Nobody. But I know.
B: What will it cost?
A: A big lot.
B: Oh, God!
Sports report from Channel 4
Announcer: This morning the Roarers football team arrived back from York.
Paul Short is our sports reporter, and he was at the airport.
Paul Short: Good morning. This is Paul Short. All the footballers are walking towards me. Here's George Ball, the goalkeeper. Good morning, George.
George Ball: Good morning. Are you a reporter?
Paul Short: Yes. I'm from Channel 4. Please tell our audience about the
football match with York.
George Ball: Well, it was awful. We lost. And the score was four, forty-four.
But it wasn't my fault.
Paul Short: Whose fault was it?
George Ball: The forwards. '
Paul Short: The forwards?
George Ball: Yes. The forwards. They were always falling down or losing the ball!
Losses [e — eə]
A: Clair, where is my teddy bear?
B: And where is my eclaire?
A: I ate it.
B: Ate my eclaire! How dare you?
A: Just ate it. So where is my teddy bear?
B: I’ll tell you: I ate it.
Margaret: Where's your glass, Barbara?
Barbara: It's on the bar.
Martin: Barbara! Margaret! Come into the garden! Martha and Charles are
dancing in the dark.
Margaret: In the garden? What a laugh! ih
Barbara: So they are! They're dancing on the grass!
Margaret: They're dancing under the stars!
Martin: And Arnold's playing his guitar.
Barbara: Doesn't Martha look smart!
Margaret: Look at Charles! What a marvellous dancer!
Barbara: Ah! Let's take a photograph of Martha and Charles.
Martin: We can't. It's too dark.
On the Phone [u: — u]
A: I haven't heard from Luke.
B: He'll be back soon. Now he's gone on a tow.
A: Where to?
B: Cameroon.
A: Poor Luke. They say it's a boorish country.
B: Then it suits Luke.
Dislike [ŋ — uə]
A: I hate dogs and boys.
B: Why so?
A: They are too noisy. And they have a lot in common.
B: What?!
A: They play with toys and upset my pots.
Dialogue. At a Party Margaret: Where's your glass, Barbara?
Barbara: It's on the bar.
Martin: Barbara! Margaret! Come into the garden! Martha and Charles are
dancing in the dark.
Margaret: In the garden? What a laugh!
Barbara: So they are! They're dancing on the grass!?
Margaret: They're dancing under the stars!
Martin: And Arnold's playing his guitar.
Barbara: Doesn't Martha look smart!
Margaret: Look at Charles! What a marvellous dancer!
Barbara: Ah! Let's take a photograph of Martha and Charles.
Martin: We can't. It's too dark.
In a Restaurant [aІ — eI]
A: What will you have?
B: I'm on a diet.
A: Come on! I'll pay.
B: What did you say?
A: Don't be shy, I'll pay.
B: Thanks. Great. Then I'll have dry wine, a steak, fried potatoes, grapes, ice-cream and a cake.
A: Okay. Waiter!
A: Is it possible to confide a secret to you? B: Certainly. I will be as silent as a grave.
A: Well, then. I have a pressing need for two dollars^ B: Do not worry. It is as if I had heard nothing.
Misunderstanding [i: - ei]
A: When shall we meet again?
B: I've got a fever, and I'm sneezing.
A: Run away! I'll wait.
B: I'm on a sick leave!
A: Then I'll come to your place and stay!
B: Hey, don't be crazy. I'm leaving.
Let's have a beer here, dear.
Mrs Lear: What a good idea! They have very good beer here. We came here last year.
Mr.L.: The atmosphere here is very clear.
Mrs.L.: And it's windier than last year.
Mr.L.: (speaking to the waiter) Two beers, please.
Mrs. L.: Look, dear! Look at that mountaineer drinking beer. ' *
Mr.L.: His beard is in his beer.
Mrs.L.: His beard has nearly disappeared into his beer!
Mr.L.: Sh, dear! He might hear.
Waiter: (ringing his beer) Here you are, sir. Two beers.
Mr.L.: (drinking his beer) Cheers, dear!
Mrs.L.: Cheers! Here's to the bearded mountaineer!
At the Table [ai]
A: We tried to fry oysters.
B: To fry oysters? Are you kidding?
A: No! We put moist oysters in the oil and added spices. But still the oysters were spoilt.
B: You should have boiled them.
A: Now we know.
A Pair of Hairbrushes
Mary: I've lost two small hairbrushes, Clare, They're a pair..
Claire: Have you looked carefully everywhere?
Mary: Yes. They're nowhere here.
Claire: Have you looked upstairs?
Frank Talk [ai—au]
A: Where've you been walking around, Simon?
B: In the library.
A: Don't try to tell lies now. I saw you in the pub down the street Lier!
B: Right. I'm a Her but you are a spy!
In the Sitting-Room [əu — au]
A: Tony, will you buy a new blouse and a coat for your Rose?'
I've found a lovely shop selling clothes round the comer.
B: No, I'm going to buy trousers.
A: Noble spouses don't say "No" if they don't know.
B: Why should I say "Don't know" if I won't?
A: One never knows, Tony.
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