c) School

Many children (it is equal as well as adults) remind little mad people that is why, that do not know that will do in a next instant. On a kind they not at all differ from us with you, perchance even more lovely than we are, by nothing do not produce itself - but all question in what they think about. My first impression from school is the crowds of children which rush about on a small lawn and yell in all gullet. Under a “lawn” I mean the sporting ground of school of sainted Hilda (or, for giving to it bourgeois respectability, college of Sainted Hilda), surrounded by an impassable green fence.

”They (mother and dad) did not tell me, that will so be”, - I ached about itself, looking, as by in all directions and without every visible purpose rush, wildly goggling eyes or directing a look in emptiness, my schoolmates. One of them seemed to me not so uncooperative, as other, and I said “Let us be friends!”, on what the my chosen (and can, sullen fellow placed alongside) one silently seized by teeth to me in a shoulder. In a next minute a heavy elderly lady called in a bluebell, and the ruffled schoolboys up, is exact prisoners in the American film from the prison life, anyhow lined up in a rank, mumbling curses and exchanged by spiteful looks.

Possibly, my first school impressions were and are not so terrible, however much they, sure, put me in a blind-alley. I was surrounded by not only boys but also girlies, thus girlies were mainly much more senior. In course of time I, certainly, a little calmed down and overcame arising up there was disgust. And nevertheless in the life constantly you suffer from an unpreparedness to that, what terrible things expect you and as human nature is terrible. At school of Sainted Hilda I was taught a good lesson not long and did not lead friends. From all schoolmates I memorized one girl only, from those, that older, and only because it became fame the ability masterly to do for air. One our teacher, the Krempton miss, repeated: “le chat - lady-cat” is so frequent, as though did it on a dispute, and I could not understand in any way, why it is some my class-mates on its lessons hardly restrain the laughter. I fell in love in the Barr miss, which went down in memory to me by the “Iton” hair-cutting under a boy, high growth and rare elegance. The Barr miss taught English, and, probably, exactly from here my adherence takes beginning to the glorious pages of our literature.

Norbery college, secondary school from which now there was no track was straight in our street. It was large building with the annexes is satisfied, thus very capacious, where class rooms were located. At school for all its history two men of mark studied only - I and Derek Bentli, which, in spite of doubtfulness of proofs, hung up for participation in loud murder in fiftieth years. However, even if Bentli and was a rapist, in a Norbery college to this art of it in any way could not teach - this school was the most peaceful place from all to me known. On the school sporting ground of fight, certainly, happened, but for that sporting grounds actually and exist; by a similar appearance, is placed only, as we know now, to build a youth center, and young people here begin to rebel, and there is no center - there is no rebellion. Besides little boys rave mainly quite yet. To seven or eight years they usually become guided (not to say by domesticated) - so, at least, was in those years. In addition at such school a teacher in the life of student means not in an example more than class-mates, with whose lack of restraint it clashes during a few minutes to the lesson or between lessons, is special if you have dinner, as it was done by I, at home. For these a few minutes it was possible, certainly, to draw truthful or fantastic information about sex or fight, however much intercourse passed almost fully outside school.

Teachers in a Norberry college were people outstanding mainly. Were their member and two in any way unconnected between itself Wollea. “Little” Mr. Woller with pipping voice - which became such that is why, that, on its words, by a boy it too much sang in choir, - taught mathematics and instyled me the interest to this science, in particular case to algebra. Some time, while I seriously did not carry with literature, I even thought to become a mathematician. “Large” Mr. Woller was not too instrumental in that my interest to mathematics was replaced by the infatuation for literature. It must teach us to English, however much the morphological analysis of word and analysis on parts of sentence were to it are not obviously interesting. Instead it preferred to read aloud, that we welcomed only. Books were mainly about First world war (”A bullet pleased to me in the back, sir!”) or about spy passions in East Europe (”For the sake of God, shoot me, and we will do away with that!”). However, this reading was enough for me at home.

But Large Mr. Woller was discharged soon, and it was replaced by Mr. Ashley, a man is more young, penetrating, amateur of poetry, including poetry new - for that time, understands. Mr. Ashley set us making - about that, for example, what beauty, - and also compelled to poetize on the set theme. Once it set to us to write a poem with a white verse about the miracle of St. Sophia the Konstantinopol, I invented ninety nine lines, and Mr. Ashley acknowledged my poem of the best. During many years I behaved to it indulgently and only understood quite recently, as I to it am under an obligation for that it helped me to find the place in the life. To my first published work, to the story in three hundred words, entitled the “Sacred rhinoceros from Uganda” and printed in a school magazine, it belonged with unconcealed - and fully justified - irony. There is the certain captain Hartley in this story, which, from all appearances, worse understood local folk-lore, what an experimental hunter “respecting itself” owed by, kills a rhinoceros and here becomes the victim of local idolaters. It is killed, already forgot by what method, but at such volume of literary work certainly some simple. All these events were described by smart, impressionistic prose from which Mr. Ashley did not leave a stone on a stone. “It seized to it in a side... it was directed ahead... without the least vital sparks...” Thereon the first, experimental period of my creation walked up by the end.

In 1934 I entered School of London City, where a father and uncle walked at one time. In those years this school occupied large, enough sullen building on Victoria river bank. On long corridors and enormous unenclosed sporting ground my schoolmates with impenetrable persons scampered about unceasingly, in dark coats and striped pantaloons. I at that time was a creature little and very timid. First days me was nauseous from fear, however much I understood quickly, that afraid there is nothing to be. Nobody offended me, after the exception unless King from the third physic-mathematic class: every morning at meeting in a buffet it greeted me by the words “Hello, Curly!” and stirred up me the hairs which I then carried on direct part. Its conduct tone and red hairs instantly removed at me every hunt to resistance. Soon, however, I with such appeal reconciled oneself to and began to give a way to to those quite free entertainments numerous and, and which are usually given by school, and to use those public communications, that arise up in such establishments, as School of London City. I felt dimly, that my schoolmates represented the most different layers of society: speech of one caused the complex of inferiority at me; listening, as other speak, I, vice versa, was overfilled by my own meaningfulness. School experience, however, enough quickly taught me to quite another: if you want that you were adopted, it is quite enough to be friendly and friendly; if you want to please to schoolmates, it is necessary to be foremost able to make them laugh - at any cost. As well as in the life, at school even the most dull and vulgar artificiality is valued at times not at all less wit.

Ability to imitate to the teachers was especially highly valued. I learned to “show” a director: “All must be clear and clear. Black, so to speak, on white. If dog - dog. If lady-cat - lady-cat”, - due to what won respect at class-mates and simultaneously created a counterbalance to that quivering adoration, what tested to the idol, unsurpassed F.-R. Deylu, to the scientist-classic of old school. Listening, as it with sense and knowledge of business declaims the ancient Greek verses, observing the tonic accent, ritmiku and not on the instant not forgetting about sense of read, we were penetrated by consciousness of some ideal beauty, some universal miracle. When afterwards on a Би-би-si decided on the Third program to read Homer, the choice, naturally, fell on it. Yes it and was a man to excellent. Such anymore on light will not be born.

At our school, as well as in any other, almost all teachers were cranks deserving mimicking. And it only is partly explained to those, that such the ordinary reaction of studying on teachers. It is here necessary also to take into account nature of schoolboy looking after the theatrical performed in a class. For junior pupil the conduct of any adult is a riddle, secret after seven seals. While senior pupil which needed to study for a year or two already prepares to give documents on the residence in the world of adults. Ten year little boy looks at a world with enthusiastic, slightly hostile amazement of tourist, it is replete for a throat by whimsical native consuetudes reigning in this world, by its terrible sacral dances, foolishness and threats of its shamans and witch-doctors. And if in future it becomes a prosaic, it must recover naive, not focused sight of infantile years not only, but also sharp-sighted, inquisitive look of teenager. However, to one juvenile sharp-sighted grant that is undersized.

Be that as it may be, I will never forget Mr. of March, gnawing handle of glasses (at it it was possible to adopt Oden and Maknis, but at that time, in 1936-1937, I neither about that nor about other did not have notion), or Mr. is Foamy, accusing us that we ate its baking. (How many laughter was, when during evacuation of school of it from an exterior and manner the conducts were taken for the German spy.) To me never to forget, with what inimitable imperturbability the Mr. Karruters reacted on that, how we with Ramseem during a lesson tossed through all class of giant sizes the suitcase overfilled by the fragments of glass, calling class-mates to a long ago coming rebellion to a head. All it was saved in My memory not as histories, and like small films with the complete set of sound effects. Now, after so much years, I understand that Mr. Kopping, which simultaneously played on a flute, was the most colourful figure, on a bass viol, spoke in Greece with the attic accent of fifth age and once staggered us so unexpected, skol and sparkling answer for the question of cunning person and agitator Rigden, what castration: “I do not know, whether anybody from you had to be on a horse fair”. This answer from its Periklov’s logics this pores sounds in My memory. Remembering Mr. Kopping, I do not get tired to be surprised to that Mr. Kopping of standard of 1938 until now seems to me more senior, than I the standard, say, years of 1990th, - this joke which with us is played by time certainly will not become antiquated never.

However anymore than all taught me, including to English literature, reverend S.-Dg. Ellingem. At that time on preparation to the receipt a long ago now the forgotten “certificate of maturity” was given two years; Mr. Ellingem was convinced, that for this purpose it is fully enough years, and second throughout the year was engaged in that in time spare from the other lessons taught us the elements of classic music, painting and English poetry, mainly poetries of the last years, where, however, to the favourites of Mr. of March of place for some reason it was not. By that time I already opened on your own Hausmen, however much Mr. Ellingem staggered me to the depth of soul, declaring, that Hausmen - its favourite poet. To hear such from a veritable christian was at least strange. From that minute I understood forever, that verses - this quite no expression of looks and whatever a poet “asserts nothing”. I may need little time, to divide tastes of Mr. Ellingema, and I until now ever-higher put Hausmen - Larkin is not below.

Looking back, I see nevertheless, that the Ellingema taste was quite not always is blameless. Once it read us awfully sentimental, although, indisputably, and heartfelt, poem of 20th years (now, it is necessary to suppose, is happy the forgotten poet Richard Middltona) under the name to the “Dead baby” in a hope, that we will appreciate it.

Not to us to decide a fate - God decides for us;

You are dead, for a grave I fit your

To see you: among colors - flower

In fact you not at all roses scarlet do not become numb.

As though you got tired to stir by feet

And to see paints of life krugovert;

You are quiet and, is imagined to me, play under colors.

You play death.

Already then these lines caused some doubting at me - however, certainly do not set to say.

To understand that Mr. Ellingem is, note should be taken on the reason of rebellion against divine will, which is in the first line of this poem, as, perhaps, and in the Hausmena creation. And not only on it. Being an enthusiastic admirer very then popular “Seven pillars of wisdom” of T. E. Lourensa, it gave me to honour this book which is preliminary, keeping within promoted limits of caution, turned carefully. After the short study of “Pillars” I considered with all inherent to me then - and now - humility, that I am not enough well-read or clever, in order to to appreciate this masterpiece; now I with all responsibility declare: “Seven pillars of wisdom” - not what other, as a pretentious heap of derma. From other side, Mr. Ellingem, perchance, is first, who splurged flagrant errors and nuisance in Latin “adaptations” of Ezri Paunda. It gave me somehow to read a fragment from the article on this theme, which I valued highly, however so did not manage to find all article.

Sometimes it seemed to me, that to Mr. Ellingemu I am not too liked. It considered me insincere, to it not on a soul, that I small went in for sports, and on this occasion it considered all my excuses unconvincing. (A school stadium was in a Grove-park, where to go from home it was awfully far in those pre automobile times) Ellingem supposed - it is possible, and it is just, - that I did too small, when we, persons five-six, have huddled in a little cottage in Uiltshire during evacuation there of school in 1939. It knew at the same time, that I am quite intelligent, considered that some time from me there will be the use, and gave me various help about which at times was unaware. I for it did not thank it never. What, is not gratitude to us incident, is it right? Sincere, at all events.

Not only teachers but also soucheniki first were engaged in my education - purposefully, second - is unobtrusive, between business. Through Moses, for example, I knew fat Man Uollera and the Morgana Charles; from Beytmen - about pneumatic pistols and about that, how it is necessary to see to the girls; from Laytfut - about Borodin and Rimskiy-Korsakov; from Williams-Eshman - about bourgeois values, including about the real pictures (instead of no reproductions) now above-ground artists, about that, how it is interestingly to read, opening the Oxford anthology of the French poetry at random, or to leave to travel for a border. After time, however, it turns out that living than all such, as Ueybrou were imprinted in my memory. Ueybrou, this rebel and iconoclast, that swept over on monastic cells, throwing out one hand for a blow and squeezing other for the defensive, was ready, seemed, in any minute to expose you to the most rough and mocking mockery; in its person distorted by a grimace, uncountable rebelliousness showed through in sharp, awkward motions. To me it, true, belonged fairly well and, I needed to appear, was wont black-breaking to yell: “Salute, non-commission officer Delius!”, than simultaneously hinted at my rank in Corps of preparation of officers and on that, how I imitated to the author of “Three months to the end” - fashionable ditty of those years. Every time, when I remember Waybrow, to me becomes at thought sadly, that this unbridled temperament was certainly mislaid somewhere in commerce or in trade in place of that, to breathe life in the section of culture of the Sunday papers. It seems to me now, that I envied that, what independent kind it stuck to with.

Fourteen years me, as well as all schoolboys, called in troops which today I would define as KPOS. (The contemptible pacifist minority and other nonentities got permission to go in boy scouts.) A form on us was put on in a week twice; we were drilled; taught to apply with a shooting-iron; in summer took out on a day on the studies and on the pair of weeks in camps; conveyed us in a city shooting-gallery and even erected an own shooting-gallery, where we shot from “303-h”vintovok. I shot not bad and even the “Excellent shooter” got an icon. Once we passed by a line-up on the holiday of lord-mayor. At one time it seemed to me, that, if a writer will not turn out from me, I will go out into an army. (Much later, at all events to 1980, when my novel “Russian hide and seek” went out, the military life continued by something me to beckon.)

I passed to the sixth class, it meant that I have a right to use the main entrance - with an embankment, to walk to have dinner in the “Lion’s cafe” at the Blackfriar’s bridge and now and then collect scolding from becoming vice director of Mr. Kopping for that I rarely am on a school stadium. I explained that to the stadium, reaching is very difficult, and Mr. Kopping, and not too inveterate sportsman, forgave me. Except for it, flustered nobody, I play in football or only look after what is going on: at such school, as our, participation in the playing types of sport was limited to drafting of lists of participants.

I did not disdain and verses: foisted the poem of the own making “Prelude” - enough primitive imitation to the “badland to the editor of school magazine”, seasoned by the Wilde verses. After this prelude poetic experiments a bit shorter followed soon, differing by monstrous pretentiousness and affectation, including “poem in prose”, causing legal indignation at Mr. Ellingem the same number of magazine the secretary of school separation of League of Nations printed the recital of the own making of war in Spain. Entered into this organization and I. Collections we tried to conduct in such time which would arrange the students of School of London City.

To be acknowledged, I was sincerely surprised, when in summer 1939 somebody said me, that war with Germany soon can begin. I did not have time prettily to think over this information, as we were unexpectedly evacuated in Malboro. The food soldering given away in a train were simply excellent - much better than those, that to us at one time produced on the studies in the Officer corps. In the window of train suddenly arose up and stretched out of city, proceeding to Malboro, which, to my amazement, appeared in Wiltshire. The hasty settling apart began on arrival: majority was placed in city apartments, select minority, including me, - in barns, where army bunks were put. For subsequent a few days I ate jars the twenty the thickened milk with sugar – condenced milk was included in our soldering, however ignored it of my satellites to which my tastes showed oneself enough exotic.

With praiseworthy speed the School of London City decided a double task: to grow into boarding-school of same and, simultaneously, master classes, sport-grounds, school chapel, insulator and all other, which belonged to boarding-school already existing. Thus nobody of teachers complained on the monstrous overload accompanied by a melancholy and alarm, which they had to test. What to studying, their gladness was not present limit: they had mass of new impressions, they were surrounded by the anxiety of housing hostesses, in all by it indulging, before them a new, unexplored and unauthorized world was opened. Studying Malboro college of us did not care and did not feed especially friendly senses to us; if not to count intercourse between our and their champions on squash, they ignored us, looked on us from top to bottom.

These thoughts - and not only these - at that time to me, however, did not occur. Then I was busy to other, trying to combine sport, which, as appear, can all the same give pleasure, with other leisure, including with a music - from Mozart to Armstrong. Then I began to sing in church school choir, and soon singing on four voices began to give me unusual pleasure with which, since I ended school, it is small that, perhaps, could compare. The types of rural England also delivered me quite a bit gladness, in particular that a juvenile melancholy on was brought, and many years then every attempt to imagine a picturesque rural landscape unchanging caused the types of Malboro in memory. From a barn - by that time I already ate all present there in a presence the thickened milk - soon turned out us and under leadership of Mr. Ellingem settled in a small cottage on Bat-roud. As a cottage was heated by only a fire-place in a living room, in such cold I anymore did not live never; even in an army and more warm, but serving was necessary severe in winter of 1940-1941. I do not know, as from cellar to rafter, but in our with Rihenberg small room once even urine froze in a chamber pot.

But is remembered and other. Interesting conversations with Rihenberg and Rouz were conducted in this dank cottage, and also with great Ellingem, conversations which the outlines of future university appeared during. On Oxford and Cambridge we all then were influenced; my friends entered an university in October, 1940, and I - in April of the following. Delay my it is possible partly to explain to those, that in the last moment I passed from the class of ancient tongues in literary one.

Thereon it would be possible to dot, however to do it I will not become. What boring history of my receipt for uninitiated not showed oneself, I consider a duty to explain to the reader, that at the of that time requirements I would without the special labour get scholarship to act on the classic separation in Oxford or Cambridge. If memory does not change to me, in those years on English literature there were two places in Cambridge and two in Oxford, in Krayst-Church and in Sent-John’s. And, after endless troubles, severe labour and concessions on which went for the sake of me at School of London City, my reckless desires of steel by reality and I got recommendation in an university on English literature. (It is desirable to believe that Mr. Ellingem also brought in the small contribution.) As a result I entered a Saint-John’s-college. Here I will not begin to jut out into the detailed explanations, what is under an obligation to school, where on a great deal closed eyes and gave me the possibility to act there, where I wanted, - will say only, that I am under an obligation to it very much to many, and, perchance, therefore I right through life argue with those, who sets to criticize the English system of education for its of that time, and nowadays, “inflexibility” and “dogmatism”.

”Life at large school of city, - I wrote at one time, - personifies by itself the freedom which I consider unique, freedom based on unlikeness. Wherein there is no orthodoxy, there can not be conformism and intolerance. And it, out of every doubting, is just in regard to School of London Siti. Never in the life I did not clash with a public institute, where would be less to what not was to factionalism, where class distinctions are, dissimilarity in education, profits and in religion would mean so few. In spite of that no less than fifteen percents a student were Jewries, for seven years of my teaching I never (except for the case described higher) ran not into one, even by the most imperceptible display of anti-semitism. The level of teaching was so high, that surpassing it is uneasy, however much more important there was the lesson of that got us, properly to behave to each other. And this lesson was taught, and not only on words. Enormous for it thank you”.

I wrote these lines in 1958, and they touch period 1934-1941 years. Interestingly, it is actually interestingly, as far as the written is then applicable to School of London Cite today. To school which from (набережна) Victoria Quay moved on a street of Queen Victoria.

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