In defense of Mr. Fix -it and the home-improvement committee

In pointing out these two major mistakes I do not mean that everything is wrong with Mr. Fix-It or the home-improvement committee. These are very positive Martian and Venusian attributes. The mistakes are only in timing and approach.

A woman greatly appreciates Mr. Fix -It, as long as he doesn't come out when she is upset. Men need to remember that when women seem upset and talk about problems is not the time to offer solutions; instead she needs to be heard, and gradually she will feel better on her own. She does not need to be fixed.

A man greatly appreciates the home-improvement committee, as long as it is requested. Women need to remember that unsolicited advice or criticism especially if he has made a mistake-make him feel unloved and controlled. He needs her acceptance more than her advice, in order to learn from his mistakes. When a man feels that a woman is not trying to improve him, he is much more likely to ask for her feedback and advice.

Understanding these differences makes it easier to respect our partner's sensitivities and be more supportive. In addition we recognize that when our partner resists us it is probably because we have made a mistake in our timing or approach. Let's explore this in greater detail.

WHEN A WOMAN RESISTS A MAN'S SOLUTIONS

When a woman resists a man's solutions he feels his competence is being questioned. As a result he feels mistrusted, unappreciated, and stops caring. His willingness to listen understandably lessens.

By remembering that women are from Venus, a man at such times can instead understand why she is resisting him. He can reflect and discover how he was probably offering solutions at a time when she was needing empathy and nurturing.

Here are some brief examples of ways a man might mistakenly invalidate feelings and perceptions or offer unwanted solutions. See if you can recognize why she would resist:

1. "You shouldn't worry so much."

2. "But that is not what I said."

3. "It's not such a big deal."

4. "OK, I'm sorry. Now can we just forget it."

5. "Why don't you just do it?"

6. "But we do talk."

7. "You shouldn't feel hurt, that's not what I meant."

8. "So what are you trying to say?"

9. "But you shouldn't feel that way."

10. "How can you say that? Last week I spent the whole day with you. We had a great time."

11. " OK, then just forget it."

12. "All right, I'll dean up the backyard. Does that make you happy?"

13. "I got it. This is what you should do."

14. "Look, there's nothing we can do about it."

15. "If you are going to complain about doing it, then don't do it."

16. "Why do you let people treat you that way? Forget them."

17. "If you're not happy then we should just get a divorce."

18. "All right, then you can do it from now on."

19. "From now on, I will handle it."

20. "Of course I care about you. That's ridiculous."

21. "Would you get to the point?"

Дата добавления: 2015-07-19