A private function

A day to remember, one among many. It was one of the few days that Yvonne didn’t have to work, go anywhere or see anyone. A total day off. She’d had a very long week and we were enjoying a lovely, peaceful bath together, calmed by the tranquil green swirls and speckled greys surrounding us. On the wall beside us, the two large dark-green fish heads had finished spilling forth their hot and cold water.

I sat in front, leaning back on her, her arms and legs under the water either side of me, her body soft and snuggly. We rested together in the warm water, only our heads poking out. Yvonne was so quiet I thought she was asleep. My eyes were closed, my head nestled on her shoulder, and soft instrumental music from the main room drifted in, all designed for total relaxation, quiet and calm.

Because we’d been so still for so long, the sudsy bathwater had had time to settle into what looked like the crust of a baked pudding just out of the oven. I had this image in my mind when I felt Yvonne ever so slightly shift herself behind me. Nothing unusual about that. She often moved a little. She could have been moving in her sleep. But then her hands went to my waist and she pulled my lower half closer to hers, holding it there, while her knees emerged slowly out of the baked pudding. I didn’t suspect anything. It could all have been a small cuddle. Suddenly, the water behind me became much hotter and I felt a hard, steady stream burst out onto my backside. I tried to break away, but her arms were clamped tightly around me, holding me to her until she was finished. Then she released me and laughed. I quickly scampered up to the other end of the bath, Yvonne cacking herself behind me.

“You won’t let me see you on the toilet and yet you just peed on me,” I said, swishing the contaminated water away from me.

Tears streamed down her cheeks, she laughed so much.

I groaned loudly and couldn’t help but smile back.

“It’s only urine, it won’t kill you,” she laughed. “And you can’t tell me you’ve never peed in the bath.”

“Not with someone else in the bath, I haven’t,” I said, still pretending to be shocked. “Why did you do that?” It was cold outside and the bath was nice and warm. Before she peed on me, I’d been comfortable and relaxed. I didn’t want to get out, but now I didn’t want to stay in, either.

“Stop looking so shocked,” she said, not explaining why she had done what she had. She continued to relax in the warm water. Her knees had submerged.

“It’s getting in your hair,” I said, sitting up and feeling cold on top and warm underneath.

“So what? I’ll have a shower,” she said before pinching her nose between her fingers and ducking her head under the water. Her feet blindly walked themselves up the shower wall behind me, her long legs stretched out of the water, either side of my top half. Seconds later, they slipped back in as her head came up.

It was cold out. I slid further down into the water. Except the deeper I sank, the more my long hair soaked up urine!

“Isn’t this cozy?” she said, still smiling at me, and added a series of bubbles to the water by means of a huge fart.

“Wonderful,” I said. “Don’t bother to put any more hot water in, just pee in the bath and feel free to fart whenever you feel like it.”

“Why don’t farts smell in the bath?” she asked, sniffing the air.

“I think they do. But I’m still in shock from being peed on and you farting in front of me for the first time. I don’t know how you could have kept it in for so long before this, the farts, not the pee.”

“Speaking of peeing,” she said, “did you know that urine is sterile?”

“Yes, I had heard that,” I said in a very mocking tone.

“How can it be sterile, Nurse Lyn?” she asked with her I-hate-having-to-ask-because-it-makes-me-look-stupid face. But because I used to be a nurse, she didn’t mind asking too much.

“Because it’s inside us,” I said. “Unless it gets an infection in it, a bug, then it’s sterile. The only part of us that isn’t sterile is our gut, from our mouths right through our stomachs, to our intestines and out our bums. I suppose our lungs aren’t completely sterile, either. They’re open to the outside world. But the kidneys are inside us and urine is made through them.”

She nodded slightly. “How are you feeling?” she asked after a while.

“Tired but okay. It was a busy week. What else have you got planned?”

“I think I’ll have a shower,” she said, and climbed out of the bath, leaving another question unanswered.

CHAPTER 20

Дата добавления: 2015-11-14