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The American Family: Then and Now
Whenever I talk to my grandfather, I always leave with a greater awareness of the difference between his family and mine. Thinking back to our many conversations and shared memories, there are several ideas about families that seemed to have changed considerably between the days of his youth and mine.
The first thing that comes to mind is the difference in size of his family and mine. Size refers to two different things here. First, he was one of ten children. I am one of three. Anybody with ten children today would be viewed as strange, antique, or, even worse, unpatriotic – “You are contributing to the depletion of resources and overpopulation of our country!” A large number of children are no longer needed to carry on the work of the family and are no longer a source of security or pride. Today, in our urban lifestyles, they are simply economic burdens, costing tens of thousands of dollars to house, feed and clothe. Second, the size of the word ‘family’ itself has diminished. In my grandfather’s time, the meaning of ‘family’ included uncles, aunts, cousins and grandparents, who almost all lived near enough to be a regular part of one’s life. Today, the word ‘family’ means the nuclear family (parents and children), not the extended family of the old days. In addition, due to a number of unfortunate causes, the family increasingly consists of only one parent.
The second area of change that has occurred between my grandfather’s time and mine is the role and status of the husband and wife. In the old days, according to my grandfather, the responsibilities assigned to the man and woman were quire separate. The man’s place was outside the home, earning a living to support the physical needs of his family. The woman’s place was in the home, giving birth to and raising children, caring for and feeding the family, nursing the sick and the aged. On the other hand, the great majority of mothers today are employed at least on a part-time basis outside the home, and are expected to supplement the husband’s income. Women are much more active in the affairs of politics, business and government that they ever were in the days of my grandfather’s youth. Today, more than ever, women are becoming equal partners in marriage.
The third area of difference which I have noticed is the very practice of marriage itself. In the days of my grandfather, the word ‘marriage’ meant only one thing: the union of one man and one woman, for good or for bad, until ‘death doth them part’. Marriage was traditionally looked upon as something permanent, a sacred bond between man and woman for the purpose of raising a family. In comparison, marriage today can mean different things to different people. And to some people it doesn’t mean much at all. There are a number of alternatives to the traditional marriage, none of which was acceptable fifty years ago. There are homosexual marriages, group marriages, communal living arrangements, and swingers’ groups, each of these being different from the others in the number and type of relationships desired. The word ‘relationship’ is often used today when talking about marriage. The word reveals an underlying understanding that marriage today, in its many forms, is no longer a permanent or lifelong situation, It is a transient, temporary development that two or more people agree to until it is no longer mutually beneficial.
As a result of all these changes, the statistics of the typical marriage have also changed. My grandfather told me that he hardly knew any divorced people, yet half my classmates have divorced parents. In my grandfather’s time it seemed that everyone was eager to get married. These days, however, more and more people are choosing to marry at a later age, and a growing number have decided to remain single. Today, being single does not mean a life without sex, however. It simply means that some do not feel that the legal act of marriage is necessary to have successful intimate relationships with other people – something unheard of in my grandfather’s day.
It seems that the very word ‘marriage’ has changed in meaning. I suppose our emphasis on change and consumerism has led to all these new varieties that characterize today’s marriages and families. I told my grandfather that I was sure I would get married and have a family as he had. The question is, what those words will mean when I come to that day.
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