"R-ray? Wh-what you th-thinking? Y-you feel b-bad?" he tilted his head, watching me with worried eyes.
"I'm fine, Frankie. I was just thinking...boring things. You can go on." I nodded. "So Tony was nice to you?"
"Y-yes, very. And wh-when he touched my h-hand or...or my f-face it felt w-weird, it t-tickled. H-he likes me th-though I'm not n-normal and...and he b-bitched at some b-boys that w-were laughing at m-me. Y-yes, and then he t-talked to me 'cause he d-didn't want me to be s-sad. Af-after that we l-left cause I had a f-fever and they t-took us home and T-tony buyed m-meds and s-stayed a little." he spoke passionately and uninterruptedly. By now I was convinced that it was the same Tony, and at the same time I couldn't believe it.
"He stayed here for a while?"
"Y-yes...to g-give me a th-thing for the f-fever." Frankie responded looking down. I guessed that he hadn't made things easy. He hated medicines, was sick and tired of them.
Now...Gerard had found Frank's father and let him meet his son just like that? The man, a total stranger, had been inside the house? It seemed improbable, but there weren't many doubts left. That guy had stood up for Frankie, given him a reassuring talk and bought him meds for his cold. On top of it all, Frankie had said that he felt something weird upon physical contact.
I was stunned, I thought Gerard had really had enough after he was shot. I had been obviously wrong, but he'd have to hear me.
"R-ray!" Frank's hand appeared in front of my face. I had gone completely absent. "I...I'm h-hungry!"
"Already? Gerard told me that you got a big bowl of cornflakes and milk, five toasts with marmalade and a cheese bun for breakfast. And that was just two hours ago. " I recounted. Gerard would always inform me of what Frank ate so the boy could not trick me into feeding him at middle morning.
"D-don't care, I'm h-hungry again."
"You'll have to wait until lunch, I'm not giving you anything now." I upheld.
"P-pleeeease, uncle R-ray. I...I'm s-starving!" he put his hands together like praying.
"Frankie, you're not gonna convince me by doing that and making puppy eyes. If you continue to eat so much, pretty soon you won't fit into your new jeans either. Then you'll cry like a girl." I provoked him. Gerard said I was mean sometimes, but I liked to joke around with Frankie; and all the contrary to what my friend thought, it was beneficial for him. Even though he'd get angry and bitch back at me, deep inside it pleased him to be treated like an equal. Like he was my friend and not a little boy I was babysitting.
"I d-don't cry like a g-girl! Sh-shut up and g-gimme something!" he slapped my arm.
"Yes, you do! 'Gee...I'm fat!' or 'Rayyy, am I too heavy?'" I whined imitating him. He gasped and glanced at me open mouthed.
"I D-DON'T SPEAK LIKE TH-THAT, ASSHOLE!" he screamed, and I knew that was as far as I would get with my jokes.
"Ok, ok, don't get angry! I was only joking. But really, it's not that we're mean and want you to starve. You've complained yourself about being fat, haven't you?"
"Y-yes, but I d-don't care an-anymore!" he retorted.
"Well, that's good to hear. Still, eating more than the necessary is not good for your health. Come on, you can wait until lunch."
"N-no I can't. H-hungry, I s-swear I am!" he sniffed.
"Ok." I sighed. "I can give you an apple, what do you say? Oh, and don't even try asking me to make you fries for lunch. That's still a 'no' for a few more days."
"Y-you're so s-so evil!" Frankie grumbled.
"Mr. Evil to you, Frankie boy! So...want the apple?" I smirked and waited, watching him closely. He intended to keep an angry face, but finally yielded and gave me a crooked smile. The smile turned into a grin and finally he was laughing and coughing.
"Y-yes I want the a-apple, M-mister Evil!"
While Frankie took his nap, I thought of a way to have a conversation with Gerard without delay. The inconvenience was Frank, he couldn't hear us. I went for my cellphone and called Bob. We weren't close friends, but we had exchanged numbers the day of the zoo.
"It's Ray."
"Ray? Is there something wrong with Gerard or Frankie?" he got alarmed.
"No no, everything's fine!"
"Oh, thank fuck! It's just that I wasn't expecting you to call..." he explicated.
"I know. What's up is...I need a favor."
"Tell me quickly just in case my boss shows his ugly face."
"I gotta talk to Gerard about something important, and I don't want Frankie to hear. Could you come here after work? It'd be just for a while. If I told Gerard to call you, he'd probably lie and say you can't come. He fears my 'we need to talk', you know?"
"Hahaha I know! Yes, no problem, I'm always available for my friend Frankie!"
"Perfect! Thanks Bob, bye!"
"Bye, Ray."
Gerard's POV
When I got home, I was surprised to find Bob there, drawing with Frankie and Ray. After I paid Frankie the owed attention, I looked at both my friends who were staring at each other awkwardly.
"Is there any problem? Why are you here, Bob?"
"Heyyy! Can't I visit Frankie?"
"Of course you can, but something tells me that's not the only reason why you're here..."
"I called him." Ray cut me off. "I need to talk to you about something, so I asked Bob to stay with Frankie for a while."
"What the...?" I had a bad feeling. This couldn't be good, Ray had surely found out something. What if...? I realised that I'd completely forgotten to ask Frankie to not talk about Tony. It had to be it. I was dead. "Alright."
"Frankie, I'll be back soon. Please, don't make a mess out of the house this time, ok?" I told him while actually eying Bob.
"K-kay!"
"You're screwed, man." Bob whispered in my ear.
"I know."
CHAPTER 54
Sharin' the laughter, sharin' the tears
and the promises we keep.
Life can be crazy, love can be cruel,
but it's always been a two-way street.
"Your face tells me you know what I wanna talk about." Ray said when we had been walking for a couple of blocks. I supposed that we were going to the park.
"I have an idea of what it could be, but I'd rather you tell me first."
"Why? Are there so many things you haven't told me that you're afraid you might give away the wrong secret?" Ray snorted.
For a moment I considered that he might not be as angry as he had first seemed, but a quick glance was enough for me to verify that I had perceived him right. I didn't know how to answer his questioning. It's not that I had more to hide, but what if he wanted to discuss a completely different subject and I ended up confessing about Tony? I did intend to tell him, but only when able to boast that everything went alright and there was no need to worry. This conversation could mean a change of plans, though.
"No, nothing else. But you know I find it hard to start, I wanna hear you first." I mumbled nervously.
We made it to the yellowy looking park and sat on a tarnished stone bench. The day wasn't as cold as the whole previous week had been, and I would have enjoyed the view and the breeze on my face if I wasn't so on edge. A lengthy sigh fell from Ray's lips as he looked up at a red kite dancing with the wind.
"I don't know what to ask you first, so I'll just start by the beginning." he spoke without removing his eyes from the flying object. "How could you continue with your investigation after you were fucking shot, Gerard? How could you put Frankie and yourself at risk again like that?"
"What do you mean? I didn't..." I couldn't finish. His reproaching stare fell on me.
" Anthony. How could you?"
"Ray..." it was my turn to sigh as I pinched the bridge of my nose with my fingers. "You probably won't believe me, but I didn't investigate anymore after I was shot."
"Yeah sure, and the guy appeared out of nowhere?" he asked incredulous.
"No, it wasn't like that. Look, I'd found out something about him before the incident."
"You never told me..."
"I didn't because I got nothing usable out of it. All I did was google the guy's name plus 'band'. The only fitting link took me to a review of one of their shows. I wrote down the name of the band -The Homeless Souls- and the place's number. But when I called, they told me that they were a traveling band. They present themselves at random cities, demonstrate what they know and hope to be hired for one night. If they're lucky, people who see them might recommend them and invite them to play somewhere else. They leave no telephone number, though, except for when they stay at hotels. So, since I had no way to locate Anthony I forgot about it." I explained.
"Ok, that's clarified, I believe you. But then tell me...how do we get to the part when Frankie meets him?" Ray let out the question that was bothering him the most.
"Coincidence." I shrugged.
"Gerard, this isn't an easy subject, don't shrug it off like it's nothing. Could you be more specific?"
"Ok, you want sincerity?" I blurted out. "Then I'll give you it. I'll be totally sincere because really, I hate hiding things from you, it's just that you're my best friend and sometimes I'm afraid of disappointing you. And I don't wanna worry you or get you into all of my problems, you've helped me enough."
"Gerard you know I..."
"No Ray, let me go on, now I wanna tell you all. Remember that afternoon when I called you to say I'd be home a little later?"
"Yes, you sounded weird." he recalled. "Later you told me that you'd bumped into Gabriel..."
"Don't give me that look, I didn't lie. That was exactly as I told you. Neither did I lie when I said I hadn't been drinking, I only hid that I'd been about to, that's why I sounded so weird when I called you. There you have it, I called to say I'd be home later because I needed a drink after seeing Gabriel. Now you know how pathetic I am and why I lied." I didn't dare check his face, but then felt his hand on my shoulder.
"Gee, you should have told me. I could have gone for you and stop you, you know? We could have talked about Gabriel instead."
"I didn't drink anyway. I didn't. " I finally met his eyes, and he seemed calmer.
"I know, and that's why I have no reason to think you're pathetic or to be disappointed. But you still arrived later, what happened? And...what does this have to do with Frank's father?" he was kind of lost after my seemingly off topic confession.
"It has everything to do with him. I went to the main street and began to look for bars. If it helps clean my image, I'll tell you that I felt a certain apprehension once I got there. I couldn't get myself to cross any door until I saw a new big bar. But I never entered, and that's where the man comes into this story. There was a sign on the door saying that The Homeless Souls would be playing that Friday. Get it now?"
"Yes, but...then what?" Ray frowned.
"I went to see them." I uttered while lighting up a needed cigarette. It was moments like this when I would crave them. I was an occasional nervous smoker.
"How? When did you...oh," Ray meditated over my words and I was sure that he'd found the answer. He was just too smart and quick and had a damn good memory. " That Friday..."
"Yes, that Friday. I lied to you. Except for when I said I wouldn't drink, I didn't. Oh, and I did go with Bob, only that I asked him to come with me because I didn't want to go talk to Anthony by myself."
"Bob knows? Oh! Now I understand why he was acting so strange today! He must have guessed -just like you- what it was that I wanted to talk about! Now...you trusted Bob but not me? Gerard, I've known you for about fifteen years!" he sounded disappointed now.
"You wouldn't have let me go and I had to!"
"Of course I wouldn't have let you! And Bob shouldn't have backed you up on this either! What the fuck were you thinking?"
"Maybe Bob does trust me!" I spat, blowing out smoke like a chimney. "All you do is think that I'll fuck up! I know I've made mistakes, but I've always had good intentions!"
"You can't be serious. You know it's not that, Gerard. Can't you see I'm just afraid of you and Frankie getting hurt again?" he was crying now, I hadn't seen Ray cry in years and I had made him.
"What did you want me to do in this case, uh?" I raised my voice and felt my eyes fill with tears too. "I couldn't let that opportunity go wasted, Ray! It's Frank's father! He'd been told that Frankie was dead, he needed to know it wasn't true! And how can I deny Frankie the chance to know him? Please, you have to understand me!"
"But it's too dangerous!"
"No one needs to know, I've been careful! And I'm sure no one has been following us since then, I'd know it." I assured him.
"It's not just the danger of having the ones who shot you find out. You don't know much about that guy Anthony; and what you do know, is that he's been in jail for selling drugs! Are you sure he's someone you'd want near Frank? Didn't you think he might be better off without him?" he questioned. And he was right, really, I had taken a big risk; but as soon as I met Tony I knew he'd changed. I only saw a good man, someone who could have been a great father to Frankie and had been cruelly left with an enormous pain in his heart in exchange for a missing son.
"I chose to give him a second chance, and I did well." I replied going for my second smoke.
"How can you be so sure? Gerard...you even let that guy into your house!"
"Frankie was sick and he offered to help. I trust him, Ray."
"You're definitely worse than Frank, really. You can't be left alone that you go and put your lives in danger. Let's suppose the man has changed and he's worth your trust. Have you thought that this Anthony might want to have Frankie with him? And what will he think when he finds out about you being more than Frank's 'savior'?" he attacked with everything I feared. But even though I was obviously worried, I had a hunch; a good one.
"I feel that this will end up well, and I have Goldberg who knows everything and is helping me do things correctly with Frank. Ray...If you met Tony, if you'd seen his face when he learned that his son was alive, how grateful he was that I told him...you'd probably feel the same way."
"Maybe if you now detail everything you have been keeping from me, I'll be able to understand you."
"Ok." I agreed.
I told Ray about my first and second meetings with Tony; every word, every reaction, every tear. I even described what I felt when I looked at Anthony and saw how alike he and Frank were. I explained what the psychiatrist had advised and the conversation about fathers I'd had with Frank.
"Damn, Gerard. Wasn't it a little cruel to make Frankie remember that he's never had a father or...a real family at all? Now I know why he asked me about my dad the other day, he said he'd like to meet him." Ray retraced.
"I didn't enjoy making him talk about it, but I think he needed to vent, he had a lot of things inside. He cried for his mother for the first time! So far he'd never shown much emotion about it and that honestly worried me. Crying it's a more normal reaction and I think it did him good. He needed to accept the truth and forget about that bitch."
"I hope you're right. I've seen how some situations affect that poor kid, and he's been a little nervous again lately. What did you tell him when you took him to see his father?"
"That an old friend of mine wanted to meet him. I hate lying to him, but it was necessary. And as he must have told you, he liked Anthony." I continued, pointing out the few things that Frankie had left unmentioned to Ray. I specially exposed my point of view about the incredible connection between father and son.
"This sounds like a movie..." Ray trailed off, distracted by the kite again. When he eyed me back and saw that I was still smoking, he snatched the cig out of my mouth and killed it under his shoe. "Stop it already."
"Hey! Leave me alone!" I searched for a new one in my pocket. "Accept that your best friend is not perfect and allow me one vice, fuck!"
"You're not being fair at all today, you know that? I just think it's stupid that you suddenly smoke three cigarettes in a row when you can go weeks without doing it at all." his voice denoted pain. I ended up shoving the white toxic stick back in place.
"I'm sorry, I'm...too nervous. When I was aware that you knew, that I'd never instructed Frankie to not tell you about Tony, I panicked. Not as much for the fact itself, but the realization that I'd lied to you more than once, that I'd done so much behind your back and now I'd have to face you. I'm really sorry, Ray. Please forgive me, it was important for me to help Tony and Frank and I wanna go on with it."
"You have me always terrified, Gee. You know I love you, don't you? You and that little pixie." he hugged me, rubbing my back with his strong hands,
"Pixie?" I smiled for the first time since we had left my house.
"Yeah...he reminds me of one sometimes. Frankie can be really hard to deal with, and he surely gives me some good headaches. But he's the most sweet, caring, lovable person I've met. Special, no doubt. Please Gerard, take care of him and yourself. I don't wanna see you two hurt again, physically or in any other way."
"I promise I'll be careful. The pixie and I will be fine, you'll see." I nodded, sniffing. "I feel so much better now that I told you."
"I'm glad you did, stubborn bitch."
******
"I drank a glass of beer the second time I talked to Tony and Greg." I casually said while walking back home. Ray didn't answer, so I kept talking. "I don't know, they ordered beer and I thought that if I asked for something non alcoholic, they'd suspect. I don't want them to think anything bad of me. I know, it was stupid."
"Very." Ray said. "Asking for a soda doesn't exactly tell people that you have problems with alcohol. Specially if it's just the afternoon."
"I didn't think."
"Did you feel tempted to have more after that?"
"Not really..." I thought about it for some seconds. "I think I'm doing much better with that, I have many things in mind to keep myself busy."
"I'm proud of you. I'd kill you sometimes, but I'm still proud of you." he laughed.
"Thank you..."
"Gerard? Before we enter...since you've confessed many things already, can I ask you one last question?" Ray stopped me by the door, his voice low.
"Of course."
"The scratch on your face...it was Frankie, right?"
"He told you?" I inquired, concerned that Frankie might be still feeling guilty about it.
"No, I just didn't believe you." he smirked.
"Frankie got angry because I assumed that he wouldn't be hungry after spending the night puking, so I didn't made him breakfast. Then I offered him a tea instead of cereals and he became rather violent. He hadn't taken his pills the night before and had been in a really bad mood. He sent a chair flying, ran away, fell, and stayed on the floor screaming, cursing and crying. I held him until he calmed down, but gained some 'war injures' in the process." I lifted my sleeve to show him the bite mark.
"Ouch...well, guess it'll happen once in a while. You don't need to lie to me about that, I won't tell you to lock the boy up, man! Earlier today he was close to freaking out 'cause he wanted to eat again in between breakfast and lunch, I finally convinced him with an apple."
"It seems food's the main source of conflict lately." I chuckled. "But he'll have to understand that he can't eat at all hours. If he doesn't, well...I'll use your method and give him healthier snacks at least."
We opened the door and our four eyes rested on the two figures lying on the couch. "Bob!" both Ray and I whined.
"What?" he mumbled with a mouth full of cookies.
"H-hii! L-look what Bob b-bri...brought me!" Frankie showed us the huge pack.
"Did you have to bring that, Bob?" I protested, sitting on the couch with them. Frankie moved to my lap and continued to stuff his mouth.
"What's wrong with it? I knew Frankie had been sick so I didn't buy chocolate cookies as he wanted! We were waiting for you, but he was hungry so..."
"Y-yes cause R-ray didn't let me h-have much with my m-milk." Frank pouted at me. I couldn't help kissing those lips.
"You taste good."
"Eww, you d-don't! Y-you smoked, m-meanie. N-no kisses." he pushed me away disgusted.
"What if I eat a cookie or two?" I took some and started chewing. They were good indeed.
"M-maybe."
"People, you're still not telling me what I did wrong here." Bob waved to get our attention.
"You brought food, Bob!" Ray told him. "And the main problem is not that Frankie has been sick. The thing is that he doesn't need to eat more than he already does. He spent the whole day eating and yet saying he was hungry. He's like...a pacman lately!"
"N-not my f-fault that I'm h-hungry, Ray!" Frankie giggled at how he had called him.
"Oh come on, guys! The kid's growing, needs to eat more."
"Bob," I gave him and amused look. "Frankie might be small, but he's almost nineteen. I don't think he will grow anymore...save horizontally. "
"Wh-what's that m-mean?" Frank asked.
"Now tell him, mean boyfriend!" Bob chuckled.
"I was just joking..."
"T-tell me!"
"Well, I meant that even if you eat a lot you won't get taller, only...wider."
"He meant fatter. " Bob corrected. Frankie stared at me hurt and did something I wouldn't have expected: he slapped me hard. My cheek was left stinging and I hadn't had time to react when I noticed Bob and Ray were laughing at me.
"I...I don't w-wanna be t-taller, I'm j-just hungry! And I d-don't care if I'm f-fatter. If...if y-you don't like me an-anymore...F-FUCK YOU!" Frank screamed at me, grabbed the pack of cookies and left the room. "AN-AND SHUT UP EV-EVERYBODY! N-NOT FUNNY!"
"I think you fucked up..." Bob sang.
"Shut up, it's your fault!"
I quickly got up and followed Frankie to the bedroom. He was sitting on the edge of the bed crying and eating. As much as I felt bad for what I had said, I couldn't help grinning. This time he'd shown nothing more than a very normal boyfriend reaction. He had the right to be angry at me, no one wants to hear those kind of jokes from the person they love.
"Baby...I'm sorry." I said hugging him from behind.
"G-go away." we wriggled and moved farther from me.
"I swear I was joking, Frankie. I love you and I think you're beautiful. Come on, you know that."
"N-no, I d-don't know. If...if you s-said that and you w-want me to eat l-less then you d-don't like me 'c-cause I'm fat." he sobbed, lifting his hoodie and pinching his plump belly. I got on the floor in front of him and, taking his hand in mine, I kissed his stomach noisily. I glimpsed a smile, but he hid it right away.
"It's not like that, not at all. What I said it's true, if you eat a lot you get fatter..."
"S-see? Y-you said it a-again!"
"Shh, let me finish. That is true, but tell me: did I say something about not liking you anymore 'cause you were fat?" I held him in place before he could escape. Frankie looked at me doubtfully.
"N-no you d-didn't."
"I didn't, exactly. Because I like you a lot, I'll always like you no matter what."
"E-even if I get f-fatter?"
"Yes, that wouldn't change anything. But you have to understand something: if we bother you about not eating so much is just because we want you to be healthy. You're so hungry because of the meds, and we'll see about changing them in the future. Right now we can't do that, so in the meantime doctor William said we should control what you eat a little more. I don't mind if you're thin or fat, I care about you being fine. And I don't want the assholes -as you call them- to have more reasons to make fun of you. Sadly, there are many idiots that laugh at people who are fat or just not as thin as them, and I'm telling you this because I used to be chubby and kids were always laughing at me." I brought back some sad memories from my childhood.
"B-but...but y-you were so c-cute! R-really?"
"Yes, so I know how it hurts. I know what you feel when people make fun of you. Believe me, Frankie."
"Ray and B-bob were laughing." he murmured.
"They weren't laughing at you or at my joke, Frankie! They were laughing at me 'cause you slapped me hard!" I explicated. Frank raised his head and took off his glasses to dry his eyes with a tissue. Suddenly, he put them back on and began to laugh pointing at me. He only quit after a while because it made him cough.
"Y-you have the...th-the mark of my f-fingers on your f-face!" he choked and laughed some more.
"I guess I deserve this, same as I deserved the slap."
"Y-yes, you w-were a very bad b-boy!" he nodded.
"Baby...did you understand everything I told you? I need you to." I was happy when he allowed me to embrace him.
"Y-yes, I d-did. I d-don't want assholes l-laughing at me m-more."
"Can I kiss you now?"
"L-let me see..." Frankie practically attacked my mouth and I sensed his tongue asking for access. I obeyed and it explored me as he moaned contently and shifted his position to be closer. I let my hands travel over all his curves, telling him with more than words how much I liked everything about him. My lips felt cold when his abandoned them.
"So...?"
"Y-you taste so m-much better now." he smiled and gave me the pack of cookies. "T-take this so I d-don't eat more, k-kay? G-gotta wait 'till d-dinner. Y-yes, I'll try, p-promise."
"Very well, precious! Now let's get back to the boys." I offered my hand to him.
"Their swollen mouths are proof that he forgave him. What do you think, Ray?" I heard Bob say as soon as we stepped into the living room. Ray got up and inspected us close.
"I agree."
"Awww. Aren't they cute? They had a little fight and now they made up!"
"Fuck you both!" I giggled, feeling my cheeks burn.
"Awww he's blushing!" Ray cooed.
"Stop it already, you're so fucking silly!"
"D-don't laugh at G-gee, y-you...you...as-assholes!" Frankie failed at trying to come up with a different insult, he loved that one too much. His firmness worked the same, though, and our friends apologized before announcing that they had to go home. I had already locked the door behind them when Bob called through it.
"Hey, Gee and Frankie! Listen!"
"What the...?"
"Awwwwwww." two voices chanted.
************
What was to be expected happened, I got Frankie's cold. I considered myself lucky, anyway, since I didn't feel as bad as he had. What's more, my stomach was perfectly fine and I didn't think it necessary to take days off work; I'd taken enough after I was shot plus one more that week to stay with Frank.
That last night, though, I'd had trouble getting to sleep. My nose was very stuffed and I had forgotten to buy more drops. Frankie was snoring peacefully so I didn't dare bother him even if I was deadly bored and annoyed. I eventually passed out from exhaustion after hours of turning and twisting.
When the alarm clock went off, it felt like I had just fallen asleep. Groaning, I sat up and looked around me. I froze when I saw that the other side of the bed was empty. I didn't waste time going to the bathroom and headed straight for the kitchen. Even with my sense of smell at half its potential, what entered my nostrils in the middle of the corridor urged me rush along it.
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