Meanwhile I was making connections, coming up with an hypothesis. After Frankie fell from the table, Linda probably made up some excuse for Anthony not to see the baby so he wouldn't know he was hurt. Biggest asshole ever.
Iero drank from a bottle of water Greg had passed to him and then went on.
"I felt it in my heart that Frank was mine. Even if he hadn't been, I already loved that baby. And he did notice me, he did. Whenever he cried or screamed, I'd massage his head very softly and he'd calm down quickly. Then I'd start drawing little circles along his arms, legs or back with my fingers until he fell asleep. Sometimes, before closing his yes, he'd look up at me and smile." he related, sniffing. I found it very sweet and thought of how Frank hadn't changed that much.
"Frankie's schizophrenic, rather severely. He also has mild brain damage. That last thing most probably made him develop schizophrenia a lot earlier than he'd normally have. Linda just...got rid of him because of his problems." I let Tony know. He seemed mortified, static.
"Fuck! Couldn't I do anything good for my son in any fucking way?"
"What are you talking about now? You couldn't have known your ex was lying, and you're not to blame for Frankie being mentally ill."
"Greg's right, Anthony. Why do you say that?" I supported him.
"My father was schizophrenic. It wasn't a serious case, but still. Indirectly...it's my fault."
"You can't do anything about genetics." Bob got into the conversation for the first time. "Those things just happen, and all you can do is deal with them as well as you can. Frankie's very good at that, he's a sweet boy and he's happy most of the time. Gerard and his family have been of great help."
"Also my friends." I added patting Bob's shoulder. "You and Ray are my life savers."
"Tony, that's just...life." Greg added.
"I guess, but...what about the brain damage? Is it because of the drugs his mother and I used to do? Oh, fuck..."
"Anthony..." my hand landed on his shoulder. "Anthony, no. It's not because of it, Frankie wasn't born like that. Believe it. There are a lot more things that you still don't know, but I think you've had enough for tonight. You need time for the news I just gave you to sink in, first. We better meet some other day to keep on talking."
"But I want to..."
"I agree with Gerard, Tony. You know Frankie's alive and that's what matters."
"I want to see him, Greg." he said with a hoarse voice.
"I know, baby."
"I understand. But Frank's mind is fragile and we've been through some hard times lately. These kind of things can't be done just like that. You can't just go and tell him you're his father. You need to know more about him, I need to know more about you, and I also have to talk to his psychiatrist first." I explicated, and Tony's eyes flooded again. "Listen: I searched for you. I wanted to find you, so you can be sure that I won't disappear."
"I know..."
"Frankie's ok. He can walk and move normally; he can talk, read, write, draw, play. He can get dressed, shower and eat by himself. He's a cheerful, funny, kind boy. He does have some limitations and needs to be medicated to have a close to normal life, sure. But he's brave, perseverant, and very smart in his own way." I relieved him.
"You don't have an idea how happy it makes me to hear you say all that about him. Thank you, thank you..." he moved forward and hugged me, a hug that transmitted his feelings even better than his words. I trusted him, he did care.
"So, when are you free to have another talk?" I asked him.
"Well, we have shows arranged for the whole following week..."
"We could cancel them if you want, the guys would understand." Greg suggested.
"I don't think it's a good idea, I need that money more than ever. You know I haven't had many requests this month." Tony pointed out.
"He designs websites." his partner filled me in, correctly interpreting my curiosity. "However, we still don't have one for our own band."
"Oh, shut up, you know I haven't had time. Besides, I wanna think of something special for it." Tony punched him and then talked to me. "It's one of the few jobs I can do while constantly traveling. I'm still paying for the laptop, though. The other guys all have little stores somewhere, they left friends or family in charge. You can't live on music unless you become famous."
"Oh, but it's good that you could figure out how to still do what you love." I wondered how that man would do to see Frank often without abandoning his music career, but I was glad to know that he did have an alternative job.
"So Tony, you need to decide." Greg reminded him.
"We'll do the shows. They're all in near towns so it won't be a problem. We'll most probably be free either next Saturday or Sunday, where can I call you?"
"Have a paper? Oh wait, I'll use this." I reached out for Frank's photo and wrote my cellphone number on the back. "You can keep it."
"Again, Gerard...thank you."
"You're welcome! It was great to meet you, I'm sure Frankie will think the same when he does."
"Hope so, I really hope so. You're leaving?"
"Yes, a friend is taking care of the boy and they're gonna worry if I take any longer."
"Then go! I'll call you." he went to shake my hand, but ended up giving me another hug. That thankful he was.
"Sorry for not being very...friendly at first." Greg excused himself.
"You were protecting the person you love, I understand that." I shook his hand. What would they think when getting to know who my loved person was? Would they be okay with it? Would they understand our love? Would they think me a sicko?
Bob and I almost didn't speak on our way back. It had been a very emotional night, not something you would live very often. I was scared, of course, having no idea how things would work out from then on. I was preoccupied because I wanted Frankie and his father to reunite, but didn't want to lose Frank myself. However, after meeting Anthony, I predicted a good outcome; one that would benefit everybody. It had been a positive night.
******
When I got home I went to the bedroom without delay. Both boys were sound asleep, Ray sprawled on his back with a storybook across his stomach. Frankie must have been reluctant to close his eyes.
It seemed like such a pity to wake up Ray, but I wanted him to see with his own eyes -even smell with his own nose if he wished- that I hadn't been drinking.
"Hey, Ray...wake up." I whispered. He stirred and mumbled, keeping his eyes closed.
"Ray!" I called just a little louder.
"Uhm... what...who?" he voiced confounded. "Oh, Gee...you're back."
"Yep. Listen, I'm gonna go take a shower because I smell like cigarettes." I reported. "So stay with Frankie for some more minutes."
"Okay..."
I gathered everything I needed and ambled to the bathroom. I came to a halt at the door, looking back with a smirk. As I had suspected, Ray was there.
"I knew you'd come after me, anti-alcohol agent." I laughed. "I'm clean."
"I'm just a worried friend, you know that." he returned tiredly.
"I can walk a straight line," I paraded along the corridor. "I can stand in one foot and...wanna smell me?"
"Uh, no. Enough, I know your drunken self and it's not this one. I'm proud of you, Gee. Sorry for acting like an anti-alcohol agent."
"Nah, you're just a worried friend." I riposted.
******
Smelling like soap and in my pajamas, I knelt at the edge of the bed, hovering over Frankie. I cupped his small hands and kissed them, then pecked at the side of his mouth and spoke near his ear in a susurrus.
"Frankie, baby I'm here."
"Let him sleep, Gerard, it took me two hours to attain that!" Ray grouched.
"I promised to wake him when I came home."
"Fine, whatever." he puffed.
"Frankie?" I repeated, and he opened his eyes slowly. "I'm back, love."
"G-gee? Y-you're back!" he sat up like jet-propelled and pinned me to the bed, looking down at me and grinning. It hurt, but I kept that to myself. "M-missed you!"
"Oh, missed you too!" I chuckled at his unexpected reaction. I thought he'd be barely awake.
"L-love you!" he discharged his kiss-load all over my face, taking longer on my lips. After that he rescued the bedclothes from underneath me, lied down by my side covering us both with them and held me as if I was a giant teddy bear.
"Good night, boys!" Ray said. "I'll be on the couch."
"Ray, the living room is cold as fuck and it's too late to be looking for blankets. Why don't you stay here?" I patted the bed.
"I...I don't think it'd be correct, Gee."
"Oh, come on! You don't mind Ray sleeping with us, right Frankie?"
"N-nope. I...I'll have t-two people to h-help me if...if ev-evil bugs attack. An-and it's w-warmer."
"Evil bugs?" Ray laughed.
"Y-yeah, they're un-under the floor and s-sometimes come out." Frankie replied solemnly.
"I think this kid needs more sleep." I kissed Frank's forehead. "Ray, get in, I promise I won't tell your ladies that you slept with a gay couple."
"Fuck off! Ok..." he took off his shoes and jumped into the bed, turning his back to us. "Goodnight again."
Frankie moved away from me and crawled to Ray's side, half-falling on top of him and kissing his cheek.
"G-goodnight, Ray. Th-thanks for taking c-care of me." he expressed before speedily rejoining me. Good thing that my afro-ed friend and I were not diabetic. That had been overly sweet.
As I drifted off, my hand unwittingly made its way to Frank's head. My fingers moved in synchronicity, it was calming even for myself. All the lights were off, it was night outside; but in my mind I could see Frankie smile.
CHAPTER 49
I don't wanna miss one smile, I don't wanna miss one kiss,
I just wanna be with you, right here with you, just like this.
I just want to hold you close, feel your heart so close to mine,
and just stay here in this moment for all the rest of time.
When I attempted to get out of bed the following morning -or better said midday- the tug I received at my right arm let me know that it was trapped. I painfully stretched the other to turn on the lamp. Frankie did not only have my arm but also Ray's left one clasped tightly over his chest. He looked absolutely peaceful and was smiling in his sleep. I delayed my visit to the bathroom a little and just sat there watching him, pleased to see that he was finally having nice dreams.
I wondered how he'd react after knowing that he had a father who did love him. I wascertain thatAnthony had always loved Frank and would love him even more after meeting him. Other than blaming his mother and himself for it, he hadn't shown any apprehension towards his son's mental problems when I told him. It's usually easy to read those kind of feelings in people's attitudes, and I had seen nothing of that in him. Another thing that had stricken me as a good sign was Tony being in a relationship with a man. That would spare me some trouble when the time for explanations arrived.
******
Sighing, I slid my arm out of Frank's grip and let his carebear take my place. I would have stayed there forever if it wasn't so late. I had thought of having some housework done after giving Frankie his pills earlier, but I was so groggy at the moment that I had opted for going back to bed. I'd obviously ended up oversleeping, the three of us had.
Checking the clock yet again, I thought it better to skip breakfast and have lunch instead, so I went straight to prepare it. I had almost finished when Ray made his entrance with Frankie on his back.
"Frankie sweetheart, I know you love to be carried but...try to use your feet a little more? Ray's not Iron Man!" I laughed.
"B-but he loves I-Iron Maiden." he joked sleepily. "And...and I d-didn't ask him to c-carry me."
"He's telling the truth, I invited him." Ray said, leaving Frank on a chair.
"Cheaper than going to a gym to lift weight?"
"Sure!" Ray showed his biceps.
"Wh-what you talk 'bout w-weight? Y-you're calling me f-fat and you didn't g-give me a k-kiss yet." Frankie laid his head on the table dramatically. I moved the chair so he was facing me and with a hand on his neck I gave him a deep first kiss of the day.
"I'm not calling you fat because you're not. You're just well-fed." I pinched his cheek.
"Th-that's good?"
"Of course, you're beautiful and healthy." I replied and he seemed content, returning the kiss.
Ray spent almost the whole day with us. We watched Pirates of the Caribbean -with Frankie and me drooling over Johnny and Ray complaining about our girliness-, played video games and told stories. All the time I tried to not think about my conversation with the older Iero the previous night, or it would be obvious in my face that there was something going on; at least for Ray. However, I caught him giving me questioning looks more than once. Was I that transparent? Did he have a secret thought-reading machine hidden in his afro?
I temporarily escaped from Ray's suspicions, but I knew that the interrogation would come sooner or later. The later the better, so I'd have time to get myself organized and think very well about it all. It wasn't easy. The reunion with his father was supposed to be a good thing for Frankie, not an extra trauma. Caution and professional advice was needed. It was a big relief that Goldberg knew Frank's real story -except the part about me and him- and far from questioning our decisions, he was always willing to collaborate.
I had noticed that Frankie was slowly going back to how he was before the doctor increased his medication. Sure, he was still usually quiet, but definitely not as zombified. Yes, he still got dizzy once in a while, but only when the meds kicked in. He was his talkative self again and would even run around the house with Puppy sometimes. He seldom had hallucinations, though he continued to talk about them and would come up with the most delirious stories. I loved to hear them.
He hadn't peed the bed those last nights, so he was hopefully also getting over what had happened that horrible afternoon at the dead-end alley. Now I was positive that this new step of my investigation would only bring good consequences and help erase the memory of my mistakes
******
When Ray left, it was still daytime. While we escorted him to the door, I felt the rather warm air blowing and got an idea.
"Frankie, what do you say if we go for our last ice-cream of the season before the cold is here to stay?"
"R-really? C-can we?" he looked up surprised.
"Of course we can, or I would not ask!" I kissed him as we got back inside. "Go change into a pair of jeans, I'll get the money."
"K-kay!" he ran to the bedroom but came back some minutes later, pantless and all gloomy.
"What's wrong, honey? Why didn't you get changed?" I welcomed his hug and he sighed.
"I....I d-don't fit in my j-jeans anymore. And...and the o-other ones are d-dirty." he whispered. I moved his face upwards with a finger and smiled tenderly.
"Don't worry, I'll buy you new ones this week, ok?" I promised. Even though I didn't know how I would get the money, I wanted Frank to feel good with himself. He nodded sadly.
"Y-you told me I'm n-not fat but...but I th-think I am." he said. I truly believed that he looked perfect with some extra pounds and he'd never cared much about it so far.
"Come with me." I took his hand and led him back into our room.
I scouted the closet for one of my old blue jeans that I knew Frankie would love. He had a special liking for the washed-out ones.
"Try these." I handed him the pants. He eyed me hesitatingly, but put them on swiftly. They fit perfectly, even loose enough to not be a nuisance when sitting. I used to be more pudgy when I bought them.
"I l-like them." he checked himself in the mirror.
"See? They're mine and they fit you. Am I fat?"
"N-no you're n-not." he shook his head.
"Then neither are you." I squeezed him. "You're pinchable, huggable, and oh-so-kissable."
"Y-you're all that t-too." he cackled.
******
Frankie still acted scared when on the street, walking as close to me as humanly possible; yet not once did he ask to go home. His confidence reappeared immediately when we got to the ice-cream parlor. We decided for an indoor table that was next to the window and he plopped down on a chair with the list of flavors in his hand.
"Wh-what you want, G-gee?" Frank asked me a couple of minutes later.
"Uhm...chocolate and mint."
"K-kay. C-can I tell the g-girl?"
"Sure, love." I told him. He extended his neck, watching the girl walk among the tables. After a while he began to jump and move both arms around frantically to draw her attention. When he got what he wanted he suddenly blushed deeply, waving at her timidly. I couldn't stop laughing.
"Yes, honey? I think you were calling me, right?" the girl in demand hid her laughter.
"Uh...y-yeah."
"Want me to order, Frankie?" I offered, seeing that he was going through a shy moment.
"N-no, I do!" he straightened up and gave the list a last look. I knew he only did that to imitate what everybody else did, but he'd always choose the same flavors. "I...I want s-strawberry and...and v-vanilla. And m-my...uh...Gerard w-wants cho-colate with mint. Y-yeah, that."
"Exactly!" It filled me with joy to see Frank act so confident, looking someone straight to their face who wasn't family or friend and speaking out with no complex.
"Alright, sweetness! I'll be right back." the girl quickly pinched Frank's cheek and left. It had become the new tradition besides ruffling his hair.
The events that followed were very similar to what you could expect to see in any cheesy, teen-love movie. Two boys, two ice-creams. Playful looks as they tasted their own, fixed glances as they crossed spoons to let the other try it. Both boys leaning over the table, one ice-cream forgotten for the moment while two mouths collected the sweet, creamy substance out of the other one; getting closer and closer until they met in a sweet, sticky kiss, tongues mixing chocolate, vanilla, strawberry and mint. The best mix they had ever known. Suddenly remembering the other ice-scream -already melting and dripping- the boys rapidly licked the cone, and from there up until their tongues collided again. And they kissed, and they giggled, and it wasn't a movie. It was reality and it might have been cheesy, but we were loving it.
We eventually sat quietly to finish our respective ice-creams, our eyes keeping us connected.
"Love you." I mouthed. Frankie pointed at himself and made a plus sign with his fingers, grinning from ear to ear. I would have jumped over the table to hold him and kiss him, but all I managed to do was watch him and smile like an idiot; I was deadly in love with this unique boy. He was the first one to react, shaking me out of my love-trance when he sat on my lap and I felt his lips on mine.
A weird feeling, and urge to turn my head towards the street, caused me to end the kiss. Through the window I saw him: Gabriel, staring at us with sadness; or maybe it was just jealousy. I didn't like those kind of coincidences, I distrusted them. He continued to walk as soon as he met my stare, and when I look back at Frankie I realised that he had seen Gabriel.
"Wh-who was?"
"Uh...eh, no idea." I lied. I didn't think he should know, not for the moment. It could hurt him, or scare him.
"H-he was looking at us l-like that 'cause...'c-cause we were k-kissing and we're b-boys?" he asked. I laughed deep inside at the irony.
"Could be, I'm not sure. But we scared him away, I guess!"
"Y-yeah we did!"
******
Back at home we went to take a shower. Maybe it was due to the warm climate, maybe it was the product of our previous public display of affection; the thing is that we couldn't keep our hands off each other during the whole time. Nothing got really sexual, anyway.
We stepped out of the bathtub. I dried him off and he dried me off, both rubbing each other slowly and sensually with the towels. Frankie looked up at me from where he was crouched, drying my feet as I sat down. He absently licked his lower lip, and what had been already impossible for me to avoid became evident. He got up and I checked him down. There was no hard-on. He'd seen mine, though, and he was giggling.
"Uhm..."
With the two of us naked as we were, Frank grabbed my hand and got out of the bathroom. He ran along the corridor dragging me behind, and he was still giggling. We entered the bedroom and what happened next wasn't exactly what I -or anyone- would have expected after witnessing the way we had been behaving. But this was Frankie, so anything was possible.
He stood on the bed and pulled at me. I obediently climbed, glancing at him puzzled. Then he started to jump happily like a little kid, higher and higher each time.
"C-come on, G-gee!" he encouraged me. I couldn't refuse, I jumped too.
And there we were, naked, using the mattress as a trampoline. I hadn't done that in a long time and it felt great. It felt awesome to forget about how old I was or what people would think of me if they saw me. All I could do was chortle along with Frankie.
"It...It's j-jumping too...l-look!" Frankie pointed at my lasting erection, laughing maniacally. I'd honestly forgotten about it. "M-mine's sleeping...shh! D-doesn't want to j-jump!"
"Frankie...calm down, you're gonna fall." I tried to hold him but he avoided me, stuck out his tongue and bounced around me. He was laughing to the point of coughing but managed to chant at the same time.
"Gee's th-thingy likes to j-jump, F-frankie's thingy's laaazy." The multitasking made him lose his balance; his foot got entangled in the quilt and he felt forwards, taking me down with him.
"Ufff." I released all the air in my lungs at once, wincing in pain and not only in my shoulder. Frankie just laughed even more and began to kiss my neck, my cheeks, my mouth. That only added fuel to the warm feeling of his body on mine. The pain was gone and I couldn't suppress a moan. More giggles. More kisses.
But I felt like I had to put an end to it, I couldn't let this situation prosper. Frankie seemed too out of control, I wasn't sure if he knew what he was doing and as he had said himself, he was 'asleep' down there.
"Frankie, baby, you need to take your pills now." I told him, using a real fact to detain things without having to reject him.
"L-later." he whined stubbornly, pouring kisses from my forehead to the tip of my nose.
"It's already late, we can't wait any longer." I brushed his wet hair off his face. He pouted and sighed, getting off me without a word. Had I made him angry?
"W-wait." he said annoyed, lifting his hand to stop me from going after him.
"Frankie...love, wait!" I called him, but he left the room and came back soon after with a glass of juice and something else in his other hand. He showed me the exact dose, one and a half of his pills. I knew that he hadn't needed to split any, I'd given him the other half of it in the morning. I had a different worry, though: the pills were on the tallest part of the kitchen's counter.
"How did you get them? Did you step on...?"
"Shh!" Frankie silenced me with a finger on his lips. He opened his mouth big and placed the meds -without any candy covering them- as far back as he reached and downed them with the juice. He winced and had some trouble with it, but endured it.
"G-gone." he showed me his tongue. "H-happy now?"
"Yes..." I was lacking words. Frankie had suddenly gone from being hyper and childish to act totally mature. He had succeeded at making me shut up.
"G-good." he fell on top of me again, resuming his previous actions and grinning playfully. I didn't know which one of his versions I was with anymore. All of them together, I guessed.
"F-frankie please, you..." I wanted to stop him and at the same time I didn't. It was a huge contradiction between what my head said and what my heart and body felt. While I was trying to say something, my hips would buckle to temptation. Three more times I tried, three more times I failed. Frankie froze and looked at me with his mouth hanging open.
"I th-think my thingy w-woke up." he blushed, giggled, and soon was kissing me again. I didn't fight it anymore.
We got into a heated make out session. Naked skin covered in sweat from the jumping and the need. Tongues, hands, moist hair, legs; all intertwined. Wanting to find a better angle, Frankie fell to a side. Since he was clinging to me he rolled us both over, me landing on him. Not really thinking, I made his legs apart just to feel his body closer. I realised that I had made a mistake when I sensed him tense.
"N-no..." he babbled, closing his legs. I didn't reply, only kissed his forehead and switched our positions with a swift motion. The worry on his beautiful features disappeared and he laughed, the laugh melting into a pleasure whimper as he pressed his groin to mine.
He smirked at me then, and we were spinning anew. I kept my legs at each side of his this time so I would not scare him, kissing a trail from his navel to his lips. He shuddered, giggled, moaned, giggled, sighed, giggled, got goosebumps all over as he giggled some more. I followed the inverse path so I'd have the privilege of hearing it all in replay. I came to a halt on his round, inviting belly, where I kissed and slightly sucked at the very soft skin.
"Oh it...it t-tickles! T-tickles, Gee!" he twisted his body, creating more friction. One more spin, more laughter, more pants.
We carried on rolling back and forth, staying conscious enough to not fall off the bed. My shoulder had considerably hurt the first few times that it was forced to support my weight, but once pleasure won over me any ache was forgotten. We laughed while we rolled, caressed, touched and licked each other. Endlessly rolling, our hips loving the movement and the friction; bodies together in their entirety for the first time, no fabric in between. And it felt right.
The dizziness that the continuous change of position provoked was an additive to passion that I had never experienced before. It was exciting, mind-blowing, sexy, fun. I loved it, Frankie loved it, and we didn't stop at any moment. Not even when we felt high and we were a sweaty mess of limbs and skin and hair and saliva. We still rolled, rocked and rolled.
I could not remember for the life of me if I was on top or at the bottom when it shook me, and it felt even warmer and wetter in between us. We could as well have even been half the way, chaotically kissing side by side. It was too strong of a feeling and it sent me into such an oblivion that the details escaped me.
I was sure, however, that Frankie was beneath me when he didn't try to spin anymore. When one hand left my neck and seized the sheets. When by his own decision he parted his legs and embraced my waist, crying out like the pleasure was too much for such a tiny boy yet welcoming it the same, wanting to make it last. His other hand on my cheek as I observed him closely, not missing one gesture.
"Ow...G-gee...so...g-good." were the first words spoken. He went limp in my arms and I carefully lied him on the pillow. Lied us, because I didn't let go of him.
Frankie opened his heavy eyelids and smiled lazily. He was exhausted, and now that the action was over the pills were working faster. My head was still spinning. In silence we kissed, slowly and satisfied, and then he tucked his head under my chin. My hand couldn't get enough of the softness and ran along his back.
"Th-thought I was g-gonna die." he whispered all of a sudden. "S-so...dunno. Wow."
"But you liked it? 'Cause I loved it, a lot." I kissed his head.
"Y-yes...good. V-very..." he trailed off. "I...I th-think I'm g-gonna puke."
"Wh-what? Oh, fuck..." I got up in a hurry and carried him in my arms, forgetting about my shoulder. My legs weren't responding and I couldn't walk straight, but I made it to the bathroom. It had been too much spinning for us.
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