They moved away from my side and talked to each other for a couple of minutes. I tried to hear what they were saying, but I could only catch loose fragments of the conversation: 'simple robbery', 'not the usual outfit', 'part of the sham' and 'the kid doesn't look alright' among other mentions. It didn't sound like they suspected that there was something else behind what happened to us.
"Thanks for your help, mister Way. We'll let you know if we arrest anyone who could match your description. You can rest now, have a good day." the fatter one said before leaving. They gave the impression of having certain speeches engraved into their minds that they replayed over and over like a tape. It didn't make much sense in my case, what I had told them wasn't enough for them to get their hands on anyone.
As soon as the policemen left, Ray and my mother returned to the room, anxious to know how it all had gone.
"Fine, I think. They appeared to be satisfied with what I told them and didn't press farther"
"Good. And how is he?" my mom pointed at Frankie.
"I don't know," I lowered my voice since he had fallen asleep, calmer now that there were no unfamiliar voices."he got nervous every time we mentioned something about yesterday. The shock's still too recent I guess."
"It is. These kind of things are hard for anyone, I imagine it must be even more so for someone who's not mentally stable." Ray took Frank's glasses off his face and placed them on the small table by the bed.
"Yeah, I hope he'll forget about all this soon. It'd be easier if I could get the fuck outta here, though." I spat. I wasn't exactly in the best of moods.
"You're not going anywhere, son. And Frankie doesn't only have you, we'll all cope with this."
"I know mom, it's just that...arrrgg! Why did I have to be such an idiot, uh?"
"Stop that already, it won't help. You..." she was about to give me a lecture, but was thankfully interrupted by the nurse.
"Sorry, but I was told that only one person can stay here for the moment. The rest will be able to visit him again later."
I looked at my mother and Ray, then at Frankie who was peacefully sleeping on my chest. They got the hint and smiled.
"Is there any problem if Frankie stays with Gerard like this?" Ray asked the brunette girl. She was pretty and very casual looking; her hair back in a short braid and no make-up on. Nothing like the slutty nurses you'd usually see in movies. Maybe I, like Frankie, had watched too many movies.
"Uh..." she doubted, scratching her head and contemplating the sleeping boy beside me. "Usually, this wouldn't be permitted but...I'll let him stay. If someone says something, tell them that Lissa gave you permission."
"Are you sure it won't get you in trouble?" mom double-checked.
"Nah, they'll understand."
"Thank you." she patted the nurse's back.
"Gee...I'm gonna go home for some hours and be back later." Ray announced. "Oh, and I talked to Bob, he'll come before the night. Same with Mikey and Alicia. They were here yesterday while you were asleep.
"Ok!"
"See you, take care and behave!"
"As always Ray, as always." I ironically replied.
"I'll be outside, honey. Stop talking and get some sleep!" mom waved.
I was finally left alone with Frankie and the curtains were shut, leaving the room in an appeasing dimness. I was starting to feel sleepy, so I decided to not fight against it anymore. Although I wasn't able to choose a different position, I tried to relax and get as comfortable as possible. My right arm was not in pain, but was now stiff from holding Frank for so long. I let it hang from the bed for a minute, feeling my fingers regain their circulation. Next I flexed it and wiggled my fingers repetitively, considering my limb recovered.
At that moment Frank's hand reached back, seemingly searching for my arm, missing my embrace. I surrounded his shoulders again and he sighed, his face under my chin. I didn't mind whether it was comfortable or not, I could spend my whole life like that.
******
I couldn't tell what woke me up first, if it was the screams or the pain coursing through my torso as something moved violently against it. Someone.
"N-NO! N-NONONO...C-CAN'T...C-CAN'T DIE N-NO. P-PLEASE...D-DON'T LEAVE M-ME!" Frankie was crying out asleep. The room was luminous enough for me to see his eyes squeezed, his hands in a tight fist, his whole body tensioned as he twisted on the bed still half over my chest. I was too paralyzed by pain and fear, having been woken up like that and seeing Frankie so desperate. I wanted to speak, to do something, but I couldn't move.
"G-GERARD...NO P-PLEASE! N-NO, A-ASSHOLES!" tears managed to escape from his eyes. The lights went on and my mother came running in.
"I heard the screams! What's wrong...? OH!" probably seeing my painful expression she sped toward us; and pulling out extra strength from unknown sources, she picked up Frankie and took him away from me.
While I tried to get over the pain, I watched my mother sit on the chair with Frank on her lap. He was sobbing loudly, arms flailing and legs kicking around.
"Shh...Frankie, Frankie! Wake up, baby, wake up!" she spoke in his ear, caressing his messed up hair. He had lost the band that kept it tied up. "It was a dream, calm down."
Frank opened his eyes big as plates, breathing heavily. He only registered my mother first, panicking once again.
"N-NO...NO! B-BLOOD...L-LOTS...WH-WHERE'S GEE. WH-WHERE'S GEE, D-DONNA?" he shook my mother by her shirt.
"Hey! Everything's fine, Frankie! Gerard's there, see?" she guided his head to where I was, and he seemed to pull himself together for a moment. He tried to get off my mom's lap, but she didn't let him. "No, you stay here a little longer until you feel better. Gerard won't escape."
"N-no...lemme...s-so scared. S-so, so s-scared." he repeated, lost in himself. Mom held him close and rocked him. He hugged her waist and began to cry aloud. "Th-there was so m-much blood, s-so much. An-and I t-touched him and...and b-blood was on my h-hands and G-gee...he d-didn't answer an-anymore. I c-called him and called h-him and n-nothing! And...and th-they t-took me away and g-gave me a shot and it h-hurt and...s-so scared. B-blood, on my h-hands, see?" he sobbed, raising his head and showing my mother his hands, both she and I crying with him. "S-see? T-TAKE IT AWAY! T-TAKE IT A-AWAY TAKE IT A-AWAY!"
"Frankie," she held his face. "there's nothing on your hands, honey. Gerard's fine and you're fine, you just had a bad dream. Look at Gee, see him there? No blood."
"N-no blood h-here?" he asked me, hands still extended and tears running freely.
"No blood, and I'm fine." I smiled.
"K-kay." he got into a zombie state, his eyes open but blind.
"Bring him back here, mom."
"Sure?"
"Yes, he'll sleep now."
"Ok." she carried him not that easily this time.
"Here we are. And now that you know everything's ok, you better try to go back to sleep." I kissed his lips and he responded, still tearing and shaking all over. His trembling hand grabbed my face with desperation and he deepened the kiss. After that, he drew apart and stared at me blinking all the time; it was hard for him to focus so close.
"N-never die, k-kay?"
"I promise." I replied, and with that his face fell back on my chest. My mother blew me a kiss, waved, and silently walked away.
Long past midday, Lissa came into the room to change my bandages. Good for her that I was already awake, otherwise she would have met my grumpy side. The boredom of being in that place had duplicated it. Frankie heard us talking and opened his eyes, peeping around confused. He still looked tired and his cheeks were tear stained.
"Hi, Frankie! Sorry that we woke you up." the nurse petted his head affectionately. Frank turned to her and forced a smile, but didn't say a word. "Your mom told me that he had a bad dream..."
"Yeah..." I nodded, brushing Frankie's hair with my fingers. She got the hint that I wouldn't talk about it in front of him.
"Ok. Frankie, you're gonna have to get off the bed for a little while, so I'll have enough space to check Gerard's wound and change the bandages." Lissa attempted to separate him from me.
"N-no."
"Just a moment, baby." I whispered.
"N-no." he repeated.
"Is my mother still outside?" I asked her.
"Yes, she is."
"Then you should go get her, she's good at convincing him."
"Alright!" the young girl did as I suggested and came back followed by my mom.
"We have another case of stubbornness here?" she singsonged playfully, tickling Frankie. However, he didn't react, he didn't even smile at all. He was worrying me more and more. I couldn't decipher which things about his behavior should be attributed to the increased medication, and which ones to the impact the attack had on him. Either way it was breaking my heart. My mother eyed me equally concerned.
"Frankie, listen...Lissa's not going to hurt Gerard, all the contrary. She's gonna make sure his shoulder gets better. You can stay here, you only have to leave the bed for some minutes." she tried speaking to him in a soothing voice, as she rubbed circles on his back.
"K-kay, but I s-stay." he answered, his face still immutable.
"You stay, of course. Come on, I'll help you get up. Do it slowly so you don't get dizzy." she assisted Frank and made him sit up on the bed.
"D-dizzy the s-same." he grabbed his head with both hands. Mom waited, supporting his back until he appeared to feel better. When she was going to get him off the bed, Frank pushed her away rudely.
"Frankie! Mom's just helping you!" I scolded him.
"I...I'm n-not leaving the b-bed."
"Frankie..." she approached him again.
"D-don't want."
"It's ok, he can stay here." Lissa, extremely patient, changed her mind. "Just sit a little bit more to the end of the bed, Frankie."
"K-kay." he moved along the bed in all fours and sat back.
"I'm gonna go buy something to eat. What about McDonald's, kiddo?" my mother invited.
"Y-yes! With l-lots of f-fries!" Frank cheered, finally showing enthusiasm. Lissa giggled at that.
"I'm gonna bring Gerard his food in a little while, too."
"W-wanna eat w-with Gee."
"He'll have to eat the hospital's food for now, but you can eat yours here with him the same." the nurse assured.
"Th-thanks. Y-you're nice."
"Aww, you're nicer!"
My mother left and Lissa began to do her job. It hurt a lot when she had to sit me up to get rid of the old bandages, but I did a great job hiding it. Frankie had put on his glasses and was monitoring everything; sitting indian style on the bed, his eyes following the nurse's movements carefully. I was afraid of how he might react if he thought that she was causing me pain. Even though he probably wouldn't go that far -being now more medicated- I knew what he was capable of. So I bit my tongue, breathed deeply, counted in my head, grasped the sheets and any other imaginable method to keep myself from yelling, crying or bitching. Lissa noticed and gave me some amused looks. Frankie didn't say anything and only kept staring with the most serious face. He suddenly gasped.
"B-blood! H-he's bleeding, L-lissa! F-fucking bleeding, see?" he exclaimed terrified.
"That's not blood, it's this." Lissa showed him a small bottle in her hands and made him look inside. "It's to disinfect wounds, keep them clean so they heal better. See that it's the same color as what Gerard has?"
"Ahh. Y-yeah, I r-remember Grace put m-me that s-sometimes when I g-got hurt." he nodded. I did have some blood mixed with that, but Frankie was better without knowing. I guessed I preferred to think it was antiseptic too, not being exactly fond of blood myself. Lissa continued with the healing and Frankie became more curious than tense from then on. "C-can I help next t-time?"
"Yep, next time I'll let you be my assistant." the girl approved.
"G-good."
Seeing that we were done, Frankie went back to his previous spot, but stayed sitting and began to run his fingers along my hair. He looked rather groggy and drugged up, his movements slow and sloppy. The scratches on his face had gotten darker, some with scabs, making his appearance more miserable. Still, he was beautiful to me. Besides all that, there was something else in his stare that I knew too well and hoped the nurse would ignore. As I saw him bend down, I placed my hand on his chest to stop him.
"Are you dizzy again? Wanna lay down?" I randomly threw.
"N-no, h-hungry. "
"Oh, talking about being hungry...I'm gonna go for your launch, Gerard. I'll be back soon." Lissa disappeared just in time before Frank's lips crashed on mine in a wet, messy kiss. I kept an eye on the door and complied, I had been needing that too much.
CHAPTER 42
But now I'm all smiles.
the good little shots must be winning.
Yes, they crank my dial,
my motor is stalled, but my wheels are still spinning.
The mashed potatoes I was served at the hospital weren't that bad, I had to admit. However, as I watched Frankie devour his McDonald's meal over the tray Lissa had brought him, I couldn't help but envy him a little. I had always loved junk food and I could live on french fries and hamburgers.
Frank ate as quickly as he had eaten the cookies earlier, and he didn't speak or even raise his eyes until he finished. After that, he whispered in my ear that he needed to go to the bathroom again, so the nurse took him outside for my mother to escort him. Several minutes passed by until they came back; probably because Frankie walked very slowly and she couldn't carry him like Ray would. I understood that the change in the medication was needed, but that didn't stop me from feeling sad about him. He moved like in slow motion, and apart from those moments when he'd been angry or scared, he barely talked. I was already missing my hyper boyfriend, though I knew that I'd have to be patient. He was still too shocked after what had happened to us and would need time to get over it. We'd both need time.
Frankie padded into the room and climbed back on the bed with Lissa's help. Then he kissed my cheek and snuggled against me.
"I...I'm s-sleepy." he said in a shaky little voice.
"Sleep, kiddo, I'm gonna do the same." once again I placed his glasses on the bedside table, and rubbed his back for as long as I managed to stay conscious.
Later when we woke up, I thought of something that could help distract Frankie and hopefully cheer him up. I could accept him being quiet, but he was too straight-faced for my liking. Looking for conversation, I ended up relating anecdotes from my childhood. I listed my favorite toys, told him about the games Mikey and I would play, some of our mischiefs and adventures and how we'd stand by each other at school. Frank listened with sincere interest, his head on the pillow and his eyes set on me. Nevertheless, he didn't do more than smile faintly and ask a couple of shy questions.
All of a sudden the door opened and in stepped Mikey, Bob and Alicia. While the boys came to greet me -filling me with questions- Alicia sat beside Frankie and he got up to hug her.
"Guys...I can't tell you about it here, Frankie gets too nervous when I mention what happened, you know? I'll recount everything once I'm out. But yeah, it had to do with that...stuff I was in." I cryptically told Mikey and Bob to fill in some of their curiosity.
"Damn, bro! You're always the same..."
"... stubborn bitch, I know. That's what Ray told me, too." I completed my brother's line.
"Well, if everybody calls you that it must be because you are one!" Bob laughed. "Is the kid hurt?"
"No, he hit his back but nothing serious." I whispered. "It's more about the shock it caused him."
"Poor little thing...but here's Super Bob to cheer you guys up!" he patted Frank's leg, who was still curled up in Alicia's arms.
"Are you ok, Frankie?" she asked him.
"Y-yeah."
"Sure?"
"Y-yes, fine." he replied in the same lifeless tone. Alicia looked at me with questioning eyes.
"His doc told us to increase his medication, that's why he's so quiet."
"Oh, ok." she muttered, seemingly feeling the same sympathy I felt for him at the moment. It hurt to see him so...lackluster.
"What..." she made Frankie look at her and frowned. "...what happened to his face? Did they do it?"
"No...it was before, he scratched himself with his nails."
"N-no I d-didn't." Frankie stated. "Th-they did."
"They...who? Gerard said that..." Alicia was now rather confused.
"Th-the little p-people. B-but they d-disappeared now. M-must feel bad f-for what they d-did to me."
"Ahh! I bet they must, then!" she kissed his head.
"If those little bastards do something like that again you have to tell me, kid! Super Bob will kick their asses!" Bob performed a super hero pose in front of Frankie, making him laugh for the first time that day. I was going to complain that he shouldn't foment Frank's idea, but upon hearing his laughter I refrained. Besides, I had done the same with the imaginary climbing plant.
"Sure you're fine, Gee?" Mikey asked for the tenth time. He wasn't speaking much and just kept staring at me with that dramatic expression.
"Yes, Mikey. I'm sore all over, sure, but I'm ok. Relax! You're not gonna get rid of your big brother so easily!"
"Shut the fuck up, Gerard! That joke's not funny, I almost had a heart attack when Ray called." he expressed louder. I could notice that he was holding back the tears. He would not cry in front of us, of course not. Sometimes I wished Mikey let his feelings show a little more. That he allowed himself to cry if needed instead of bitching at the reason that had caused that need. But that's how Michael Way was, and I loved my brother.
"I'm sorry Mikey, I'm so sorry for frightening you. Trust me, I'll be fine." I took his hand in mine and he nodded, slowly withdrawing it right away. He retired to a corner and as he searched for something in his pocket I knew what he was going to do. He would dry the tears before we could see them.
"Y-you kay, M-mikey?" Frankie called. He had been leaning on Alicia -who had her arms around his waist- and watching it all in silence.
"Yes, Frankie." he walked back towards the bed. "I just have a cold. Oh! I brought you a lollipop now that I remember. Want it?"
"Y-yeah. I al-always want l-lollipops." Frank answered a lot less thrilled that he'd usually be.
"Let's see! Al told me strawberry is your favorite." Mikey rummaged through his small backpack until he found the candy. "I'll unwrap it for you...here you are."
"Th-thanks." Frank began to lick the lollipop and seemed to become absentminded again. Alicia felt like she had to do something about it.
"Did I tell you today what a pretty boy you are? I don't think I did! Well, you're very very pretty and cute." she spoke to Frankie in a foolish way, making him giggle.
"Al...he's 18, not 2." I shook my head. "Don't treat him like a baby!"
"I don't treat him like a baby. I treat him like the sweet, little boy he is, just like everybody else does." she stuck out her tongue.
"You're worse."
"Yeah love, Gerard's right. You act like a spoiling grandma!" Mikey added.
"Seems that they're all against you, girl." Bob chimed in. "I'll be good and won't comment on the matter. I don't know you enough to give my opinion, anyway."
"Thanks, Bob."
"Oh, but you'll soon be convinced that Alicia is like a spoiling grandma and...you know those aunts who pinch your cheeks every time they see you? Both put together." I joked.
"Oh my God! And add a fangirl to the mix!" Mikey cracked up, hitting his knees with his palms. As we all conversed and laughed, Frankie looked from one to another like in a tennis match.
"Oh! That's what you two Ways think?" Alicia faked irritation. "Then we'll ask the interested one. Frankie, does the way I treat you bother you or make you feel bad?"
"N-no, I l-like it. Y-you're like G-Grace, only m-much younger. Y-yes."
"Oh, my. Ok, if my boyfriend loves to be treated like a baby, then I won't object anymore!" I chuckled. Everybody laughed and I joined them. I didn't mind that it hurt, that moment had turned into the brightest of the day.
We continued to talk about any random subject we could think of, our chat now and then interrupted by silent gaps. I could sense that the three of them had a lot of doubts, worries, and thoughts they needed to vent; but they knew that they couldn't with Frank present. Bob did a great job filling those voids, when all of us would exchange glances thinking of a good next issue to discuss. He was a real clown, bringing up topics like: 'Don't you think Super Bob has a bigger amount of awesomeness lately?' I firmly believed that reading so many comic books was fucking up his brain, but at times like this some healthy insanity was welcome. Even if he was still quiet and looking permanently sleepy, Frankie's eyes had regained some shine and laughter escaped again from those pink lips. Mikey also did his best to entertain him, punishing me at the same time. He considered that it would be a good idea to tell Frankie some embarrassing facts about me, like how I used to run and dance around the house naked or just in my underwear to piss our mom off.
"Why don't you confess that you joined me many times?" I teased him.
"Not true!" he got defensive.
"Skinny little Mikey running around naked? Oh man, that must have been a very funny view!" Bob laughed grabbing his stomach.
"You shut up! Gerard's lying!"
"Are you sure, honey?" Alicia inquired, pretty amused.
"G-gee doesn't l-lie!" Frank declared with a finger in the air.
"Of course I don't! This is the pure truth!"
"It's not!" Mikey insisted, though it was true and I was certain that he did remember.
"It is! Only, Bob, that Mikey wasn't that skinny back then." I'd been trying not to laugh much because it was painful, yet I was having such a good time that I didn't give a damn anymore.
"Shut the fuck up!"
"Shh, Mikes! You lower your voice. This is a hospital, boy!" I grinned.
"You son of a bi...hi mom!" Mikey's rage dissolved in a second when he suddenly saw our mother enter the room, and he displayed a perfect angelic face.
"You do know this isn't a recreative place, right? I could hear you gabbling and laughing from the corridor. You better quiet down if you don't wanna be kicked out." she reprimanded us, her eyes instantly falling on Frankie who was blinking at her numbly from Alicia's lap.
"Frankie, Frankie. You're surrounded by four grown-ups and none of them was capable of noticing that you've been without your glasses all this time!"
"Oh...f-forgot." he looked down.
"It's ok, baby, they should have remembered." she gave him a hug after sliding the glasses on his nose.
"I didn't think it was necessary, he was just lying here listening to us, mom." I alleged. It appeared that nerves and tiredness had also gotten the worst out of her.
"I thought that if he didn't have them on, it was because you were all ok with that..." Alicia said, followed by Bob and Mikey's 'same here'.
"You know that as long as he's awake he needs to wear them. I understand it's easy to forget among Frank's other problems and all the things that have happened lately, but his sight issues are serious too." she replied.
"I know, sorry, I can't think straight yet. Don't be so hard, mom!" I protested.
"Damn..." she sighed. "Excuse me, son. I practically haven't slept and the waiting room's chairs are destroying my back. Guess I overreacted. It's just that...you might be Frank's boyfriend, but I'm still the one who plays the mom here!" she smiled as she pronounced that word, demonstrating that she already felt Frankie as her son. The boy moved away from Alicia and beckoned for my mother, throwing himself into her arms as soon as she got nearer.
"L-love when you're l-like my m-mom."
******
Bob and Alicia left half an hour later. Mikey insisted on staying with me the whole night, even though I -and the doctor- had assured him that it wasn't necessary. My mother was still outside waiting for Ray to come drive her and Frankie to our house, and Frank was sitting on the bed looking at a magazine mom had bought him. It only contained pictures of animals and insects with little to no information below, so he wouldn't have to stress about understanding anything. Once in a while he'd emit sounds of admiration and shove the magazine in my face to show me something.
At one point my mom entered the room to give Frankie his meds. It was a little earlier than usual, but we were hoping that once they kicked in it would be easier to convince him to go home. He had been glued to me the whole day, so we knew it could be a difficult task.
By the time Ray arrived Frankie was still awake, although he didn't register much of what was happening around him. One moment he'd be lying next to me, and the next one he'd be sitting on the edge of the bed looking at the wall or eying the magazine without paying real attention. I had tried talking to him, but he either answered with monosyllables or smiled childishly. He didn't seem bothered, weirded out, or annoyed by the state he was in, as if it was totally normal for him. And I guessed it was; he had spend practically his whole life in institutions after all. I had hoped to never need to have Frankie drugged up like they'd do there, that was what made me feel worse. Now I was praying that it wouldn't have to be like this forever.
"Ready to go home, Frankie?" Ray approached him. The boy quickly lifted his face from his reading.
"Uh...wh-what?"
"We're going home so you can shower, have dinner, and sleep more comfortably." Ray explained. Frank first began to move his head slowly from side to side, gradually accelerating until he was shaking it violently.
"Hey, babe...calm down." I managed to sit up -thanks to the painkillers- and I held him from behind. He stopped and looked at me.
"D-don't wanna go h-home." he whined.
"I know, but you have to. You've been here the whole day, you need to rest better. I'm fine, you'll see me again tomorrow, I promise."
"B-but I always s-sleep with y-you."
"You slept with Donna last night," Ray reminded him. "you know how much she loves you too."
"Y-yeah...but Gee's my b-boyfriend. I w-wanna sleep with h-him." he pouted. In spite of my cavils, it was evident that the new dose of medication had started to have its good effects. Frankie was still refusing to go, but he was arguing peacefully which was surely a change.
"Puppy also misses you a lot, he told me so today!" my friend tried.
"P-puppy doesn't s-speak and...and I ex-explained to him th-that I had to t-take care of G-gee."
"Listen, love." I placed my hand on his cheek, caressing his damaged skin with my thumb. "Nothing's going to happen to me, Mikey will be here. You know how I need to stay at the hospital a little more to get better?"
"Y-yeah."
"And you know about the problem you have in your head?"
"Y-yes, I'm ill th-there, and th-that's why I'm s-special." he nodded.
"Well, that problem in your head got a little worse lately, for that reason Goldberg said you needed more pills. You also need to be calm and rest well at home to get better." I got closer and our foreheads touched. I kissed his lips and he took some seconds to respond. After kissing back he stared at me sorrowful. "You understand, baby?"
"Y-yes."
"So...I think we should both be good boys and do what our doctors recommended to get better. What do you say?" I questioned. Frank remained silent, looking around while a few tears rolled down his cheeks. He finally hugged me, making me jump from pain.
"Not so tight, Frankie, Gerard's hurt!" Ray stopped him.
"S-sorry."
"So, are you gonna be a good boy like me?" I repeated the question.
"Y-yes, I w-wanna be b-better too. B-but tomorrow I c-come here again." he requested, arms crossed over his chest.
"I'll bring you here tomorrow morning, uncle Ray gives you his word." Ray promised.
"K-kay, then. I'll m-miss you, Gee!" Frank murmured.
"I'll miss you too, prettiness! Do what Ray and Donna say, ok?"
"K-kay"
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