When I checked on Frankie again, he had fallen asleep; so I used that time to get all dangerous objects in the house out of his range.
I walked into the bedroom and glanced at the empty bottles discarded under the bed. Taking a deep breath, I collected them and shoved them into a plastic bag. Right after that I went to the fridge, took out the remaining beers and emptied them in the sink. With the last one in my hands, I felt myself crave it and I thought of having a goodbye sip. I brought it close to my lips, the smell of malt reaching my nose. Then my cellphone rang. It was a text message from my brother: "What's Frankie's last name?"
"Why do you wanna know that?" I texted back.
"Just tell me."
"Iero."
"Ok. Bye."
Wondering why my brother needed Frank's last name, I set my eyes back on the green bottle in my hands. So tempting. My arm flexed, complying to my desires.
"Just a couple of sips." I said to myself. My lips were inches from the spout when a screamed 'STOP!' made me freeze. I ran out of the kitchen leaving the bottle upside down, pouring out its contents into the sink.
"What's up, Frankie?" I called. He was covering his head with a cushion.
"Th-the gnomes are m-making too much n-noise and don't l-let me sleep." was his answer. So well-timed again. He seemed to take care of me without even noticing.
Nearing the night, I decided to make a call. Some things needed to be arranged without delay. Frankie was using the couch as a trampoline so I had to sharpen my ear to be able to hear the other person pick up the phone.
"Hi?"
"Ray, is that you?"
"Yeah! Gerard? Man, I've missed you! Oh, first of all you can relax, all your debts are paid."
"Thank you so much, I owe you one." I expressed sincerely.
"Nah, what are friends for? And it's not like I paid with my own money anyway! How's your new friend?" he surprised me. I hadn't talked to him at all after finding Frank.
"How do you...? Mikey." I guessed.
"Yeah, he called earlier today and put me up to date."
"Why does he always have to tell everybody about my things? Doesn't he have his own life?"
"Don't be mad at him. He thinks you're nuts, but is proud of you all the same. So how's he?"
"Frankie? He's fine I guess."
"O-oh hiiiii!" Frankie said into the phone, falling on his knees next to me. I laughed and caressed his hair.
"Hahaha that was him, right?. He sounds...hyper."
"Very much so."
"I'll have to meet him!"
"Well, about that... Ray, are you free tonight? I need to talk to you in person."
"Yeah sure, want me to go over there now?"
"Y-yeah come we l-like visits!" Frankie took the phone from my hands. He had been listening to the conversation gluing his ear to mine.
"Hahaha well, there was a little intermission but yes, get your butt here and I'll tell you." I got the handset back.
"Ok. Oh and the kid already sounds at home, speaking for both of you." Ray pointed out, and I didn't understand what he had meant at first.
"Oh...that! Uh...I don't think he was including me when he said 'we', actually."
"I think I get it...see you there, then!"
"See you!"
"S-SEE YOU!"
"Frankie, you're gonna leave him deaf!" I covered his mouth with my hand. He giggled and bit my finger. Hard.
"AHHH! What the fuck are you? I thought Puppy was the dog here!" I protested examining the teeth marks he had left. He burst into a fit of laughter. I had never seen anyone laugh so hard for such a long time. He was rolling on the floor, shedding tears, punching and kicking and appeared to be chocking. His face was totally red. I tried to calm him but the attempt was unsuccessful. Several minutes later he stopped, sitting on the couch exhausted. But that didn't last. As soon as I got distracted by the TV show I was watching, he disappeared.
When I found him, he was about to introduce something into a socket.
"NO!" I screamed, pulling him away from it.
"B-but there are a-ants in th-there!" he signaled. The boy just wouldn't give me a break.
"Ants? That's a socket, it has electricity. No ant could get in there, kid."
"Y-yes they can, s-see? L-loooong file getting in and o-out. L-lemme go p-play with th-them."
"No you won't play with that. We'll leave this chair against it so no more ants will get out. Come with me."
Without letting go of him I called Ray's cellphone.
"Ray, would you do me a favor on your way here?"
"Yeah, sure."
"Would you buy...at least four of those plastic protection things you put into sockets for little children not to get their fingers or anything else in there?" I hoped he would know what I meant. "If you don't find those just buy duct tape."
"Hahaha ok. How old is he, 2?" he laughed.
"18..."
"I...I'll be there in no more than 15 minutes."
Ray was welcomed by a rather out of control Frankie. That could make what I needed to ask of my best friend harder.
"Got you what you needed." he handed me a little bag.
"Thanks! Wait a minute, I'll go set these. He'll end up electrocuted otherwise."
I got all the sockets covered and went back to my friend.
First I started by telling Ray all I knew about Frank and the things he'd usually do. I didn't have to worry for the boy hearing me talk about him. He was too busy giving a show over the coffee table, singing as high as he could or announcing the tricks his dog would perform.
"Gerard...are you sure you can take care of him?" he questioned rubbing his head, his hand lost under his profuse, curly brown hair. It seemed he had already gotten a headache.
"Yes, I'm sure. It's not always this bad. Besides....he'll be better once I can take him to a doctor to medicate him, I hope."
"Y-you have f-funny hair! B-bet there are l-little people l-living in there!" Frank played with Ray's afro.
"Not that I know, but I'll check just in case." He chuckled. Frank returned to his 'stage', now playing air guitar.
"How are you gonna pay for his medication?"
"Getting a job, definitely. But...that's where I need you. To look for a job, as well as to go to work once I find one, I need someone to take care of Frankie."
"Yes and...are you...?"
"You're free until late afternoon, aren't you?" I shamelessly dared to ask him.
"Yeah. I'm busy tomorrow and maybe once in a month when my dad needs me to help with the loads." he responded. He worked with his father at a music store. His father, who had never liked me for a reason unknown to me, and who would never ever give me a job.
"I really want to start looking tomorrow, but I guess I can take Frank with me for a day. But, would you look after him beginning with the day after? I swear I'll pay you once I find a job." I closed my eyes, afraid of Ray's answer. If he didn't accept I'd be lost. I couldn't think of anyone else. I heard him sigh loudly.
"I can't promise you anything, but I'll try. I'll see how we get along. I'm not sure if I'm prepared to look after a schizophrenic boy. And forget about paying me, you'll need all the money you'll be getting."
"Oh thank you Ray, you're a life saver!" I jumped and hugged the hell out of him.
"Is it contagious or what?" he laughed.
"H-human pile!" Frankie screamed falling on us.
"Pizza?" I consulted them once I managed to escape, phone in hand.
CHAPTER 11
Too much, too fast maybe.
I don't know where my destiny's taking me,
so I'll go wherever it leads me.
Too high, too low baby.
I wanna know where my destiny's taking me,
so I'll go to make you believe me.
The next day started early again. It was a good thing that Frankie had been so hyper during Ray's visit the night before. He had fallen asleep quite fast (after saying how much he liked the big bed and jumping on it). He did wake up a couple of times screaming and shaking, but I managed to pacify him by holding him and whispering to him. He was still sleeping when I got up to prepare breakfast, and I only called him when it was almost ready.
Frank seemed to be rather contemplative that morning. Maybe if he stayed like that for some hours it'd be better for what we needed to do. He seldom behaved the same way for long, though.
"Do you know where we're going now?" I asked him during breakfast. "Frankie?" I snapped my fingers and he jumped, taking the spoon he had abandoned with an unsteady hand. I repeated the question patiently.
"N-no..."
"I need to go look for a job, and you'll have to come with me because Ray can't look after you today. Understand?" I spoke slowly, seeing as he wasn't too attentive.
"Y-yeah. So w-we're going o-out?" he was more interested now.
"Yep."
"R-really?"
"Yes, Frankie. And be prepared because we might be walking a lot."
"Oh! I...I've never b-been out much. Th-they'd take kids o-out sometimes b-but they only l-let me go a f-few. I-it wasn't s-safe for me." he said while drowning sugared cornflakes into milk. White splatter was all over the table.
"Well, I'm letting you come for sure. I'll take care of you and I know you'll be a good boy, won't you?"
"Yes." he went back to the monosyllables.
Not without some fighting, I convinced Frank to let me fix his hair a little. It was soft and shiny. I straightened it with a comb, his long fringe to one side, while studying his delicate features. He was too entertained with Puppy on his lap to notice. The dog was apparently biting his finger.
"W-we have to feed him f-first!" he recalled when I had finished.
"I already gave him some milk with bread. We'll buy some dog food today." I got a mental image of myself feeding a non existent dog.
"O-ok, g-good."
We left the house at 8. Since the commercial part of town wasn't far away, I considered walking as the most suitable option.
As we walk along the sidewalks, I could see the hostile looks some people were throwing us. I imagined what the reason could be. Frankie was certainly too old to be led by the hand like a little kid. So they were probably assuming he was my boyfriend. Therefore, some of them were disgusted only because they were homophobes, and even the ones who weren't must have been thinking me a pedophile because, again, no way one would say Frank was 18.
"Frankie, remember that if anyone asks you who I am you have to tell them I'm your big brother." I told him, wanting to stay out of trouble.
"W-why can't I say w-we're boyfriends?" he surprised me.
"We...we're not..." I chocked.
"Y-you're not my brother e-either!" he laughed. For moments he seemed too smart. "I...I like to h-hold hands. I-it's like you were m-my boyfriend." he added, applying pressure on my hand. I was sweating, and the day hadn't gotten that hot yet.
"Frankie...I'll explain to you why at other moment but please, if someone asks, tell them I'm your brother, ok?"
"Y-yeah ok...y-you're mean." he mumbled.
"Am I?" I fake pouted, making him giggle.
"J-just a little." he put his thumb and index together.
Our first stop was a comic shop, since that was the kind of job I had before losing it. The place was bigger than the one I had worked at. A paper attached to the window read 'salesman needed'.
We entered the place and I kept Frank's hand in mine while approaching the prematurely aged man behind the counter.
"Good morning, what do you need?" he greeted us.
"I'm here about the ad on the window, I need a job. My name's Gerard."
"Ok Gerard, fill this in and then I'll ask you some questions." the guy handed me a paper to annotate my information.
"Frankie, I need both hands for a while. Stay right here beside me, and please don't touch anything." I instructed him.
"K-kay."
After completing it, I gave the paper back and the man read it.
"It says you worked in a similar place until some weeks ago. What happened?" he asked. Oh fuck.
"Well, not much really I..."
"G-gee..." Frank called tugging at my t-shirt.
"Shh...wait a minute, kid." I hushed him, and tried to go on with my explanation. "The thing was that I..."
"G-gerard!" Frank insisted.
"Frankie I'm talking to the man here! What do you need?" I gave in. I knew he wouldn't stop until I listened to him.
"D-do they have some of th-these with b-big not m-moving letters?" he pointed at a pile of comics on a shelf.
"No, I don't think they do. I'll read some for you at home if you want, but now stay quiet."
"Y-yay, p-please do!"
"As I was saying..."
"Mark." said the guy. I didn't like the look on his face.
"As I was telling you Mark, I had a family emergency that compelled me to be out of town for more than a week. My boss wasn't too happy, but I had no option. When I came back, he had fired me." I lied brazenly. Mark didn't seem to buy my shit for some reason. And he was looking at Frank now. The boy was staring at the floor, whispering to himself.
"Are you two related?"
"Yes, he's my younger brother..." More lies.
"Does he live with you?"
"Yes, but someone would take care of him while I'm working. It's just that this person couldn't today." I explained. He thought for a while.
"Well, I'll call you if I make a decision. But you must know that we prefer people without serious home compromises. Seeing that you have an ill relative...that could affect your reliability." he warned me. Damn, it was just a stupid comic shop, not a huge important company I was applying for!
"I told you, someone would take care of him!" I remarked.
"That's something that could fail, as today." he said.
"Ok, bye, good luck finding your perfect employee!" I waved to the man. "Come on Frankie, I'm sure there must be some more understanding people somewhere."
"Y-yeah...asshole." Frankie smiled. I was sure he hadn't paid attention to what we talked. I guess he just noticed I was angry and accurately concluded it was the guy's fault.
We left the shop and I was already in a really bad mood. Maybe I should have waited one more day after all.
I tried shoe stores, clothing stores, libraries, restaurants, groceries, supermarkets; and in every place it was the same. Even if they were about to hire me, they'd start doubting once they'd notice there was something wrong with Frank. And it was impossible for them not to notice. Starting by the nervous tics, his eyes, the shaking in his hands and how often he talked to himself. He drew people's attention instantly.
I tried to distract them from Frankie, but he couldn't stay quiet. He'd either shout his 'hellos', ask nonsensical questions, touch things he didn't have to and snap at me when I told him not, or just talk to my potential employers about things only he was seeing.
I changed to plan B: telling them Frankie didn't live with me and was only visiting me that day. Didn't work. The boy took upon the task of making them know I was lying. The last time resulted in nearly chaos. I insisted too much and Frankie freaked out at me, screaming that I was mean and a liar and didn't want him in my house. The kid chose the worst moments to be attentive, while most of time that wasn't the case. To fix things, I had to admit the truth in front of that record store's owners, and even then it wasn't easy to make Frank understand.
"A-am I still s-staying at your h-house, then?" he questioned worried, with teary eyes.
"Of course you are, Frankie! I was only lying because they say I can't take care of you and work efficiently. They don't understand." I told him while hugging him.
"O-ok. Y-you're so n-nice, Gee." he murmured.
"Sorry guys. Yes I lied. He's schizophrenic and he lives with me. A friend would take care of him while I'm working but of course, things happen and there could be times when I'd have to stay with him. Can't say it won't happen. And it seems no one is gonna employ me because of a supposition." I said to the two men that had just mutely witnessed Frank's episode.
"We understand; but if we took you, it'd be unfair for other people who are more likely to have perfect attendance." the older guy noted.
I was going to reply -in a not very polite way for sure- but something was more important: Frank wasn't there anymore. Looking at the glass door I got to see him running out. When I left the store I looked around, frightened. Then I spotted him, walking at a rapid pace and about to cross the street.
"Frankie stop!" I called him, but he didn't hear me. I rushed behind him, yet feeling as if I were moving in slow motion while I watched Frank walk straight into a car. I thought it was too late, I wouldn't reach him.
But then a hand caught him by the shirt.
"L-LEMME GO YOU B-BITCH, LEMME G-GO!" Frank screamed at the middle age woman by the bus stop, trying to escape.
"Not if you're going to walk into the traffic again, kid." she said.
"Oh my God! Thank you for saving him. We were inside there and...and he disappeared. I thought he..." I told her, my smoker lungs giving me trouble to breathe.
"F-FUCKING L-LEMME GO N-NOW!" Frank continued.
"You're welcome. Though I don't think this is the way to treat someone who saved your life. Hold him, I had enough of his kicking." the woman spoke annoyed.
"Sorry he...he didn't mean to be rude." I said. She didn't answer.
"Frankie, why did you do that? Why did you run out of the store?" I asked him.
"I...I s-saw a butterfly f-from inside and c-came after it." he nodded happily, once again ignorant to the danger.
"Oh, kid...you can't even see the letters in a book, how could you see a butterfly from so far away?" I sounded a little cruel, but that day was making me tired.
"I...I s-saw it!"
"Tell the lady here you're sorry for being rude." I required of him.
"N-no I w-won't. I...I didn't d-do anything!"
"It's not necessary, don't worry. Just...keep him watched." the woman gave me a sympathetic look. I smiled thankfully and walked away with Frank.
At that point, I was debating whether to go home to have lunch and continue my search the next day -alone-. It seemed to be the best option. Also because being past midday, there were more people on the streets and a lot of noise, and Frank was getting nervous. He wasn't used to that.
"Are you alright?" I asked him. His free arm was folded around his head. He watched me scared.
"N-no. N-no I'm n-not. T-too much n-noise and...and p-persons. D-don't like. N-no." he sniffed.
"Wanna go home?"
"Y-yes."
"Ok, we'll do that now." I released his hand and put my arm around his shoulders instead.
As we crossed the street to take the way home, I saw a big store in the corner. I had chosen a different path in the morning so we hadn't walked by it. Under the huge blue letters forming the name of the store, it read: Stationery and Art Supplies. Just the kind of place where I'd be happy to work at.
I thought of going back the next day, but then I had a hunch. I neared the building, directing my eyes to an exact point as if perfectly knowing what I was looking for and where. And there it was, neatly written on a white plasticized cardboard with black marker: 'Person with knowledge on the subject needed.'
"Frankie, do you mind if I go into this place before leaving? It's the last one, I promise. And it'll be more quiet inside anyway." I consulted him. As much as I wanted to do it, I wouldn't force Frank if he didn't.
"O-ok. L-last one, then h-home." he assented.
The thing with colored transparent beads hanging from the door shook and tinkled musically as we opened it. I'd find those objects annoying, but Frank thought differently. Being so easily fascinated as he was, he stayed there jumping to try to reach the mobile. His fingertips touched it and he smiled satisfied, contemplating it.
The store was spacious and organized. Ceiling-high metallic shelvings were placed all along the walls to the back and there was also a line of them in the middle, separating the place into two corridors. Three young employees were running from side to side helping the customers.
At the front, to the left, there was a long gray counter. The obviously most expensive supplies were displayed behind it, in a lower shelving.
That's where I headed for, greeting the elderly woman who had just given a man his change.
"How can I help you, young man?" she said in a sweet voice.
"I'm looking for a job and I believe I could do well here, since I've been to art school and know about this kind of...stuff." I answered getting nervous.
"Oh, I see. Precisely, that's the area where we're needing someone else to orientate the customers." she smiled, diverting her eyes to Frankie who was dancing to the sound of the colliding beads. I didn't feel like hiding things anymore.
"Oh...ma'am, first of all I need to tell you something."
"Go ahead..."
"Gerard."
"Gerard. I like your name, a name for a smart person. What do you want to tell me?" she nodded for me to speak.
"The boy there? He's my little brother. He has schizophrenia, and a couple of days ago I took him out of the institution where he was and brought him to live with me. But the thing is...I need a job to be able to buy his meds. My best friend has agreed to take care of him while I'm out. But he was busy today. I didn't want to wait one more day to start looking for a job so I took Frankie with me. Bad decision."
"Frankie must be really happy to have you as his brother. But why do you say it was a bad decision to bring him with you?" the woman inquired.
"Because...in every place I went to apply for a job the same thing happened. As soon as they realised Frank wasn't normal they started with the 'buts' and 'we'll call you'. They said having an ill relative could affect my efficiency and reliability. So this time I wanted to be honest from the start. I might have to stay at home some days..." I confessed, surprised to see the old lady was still smiling at me.
"You really want the job, don't you?"
"Definitely."
"Do you feel you're prepared for it and will do your best to fulfill your duties?"
"Of course, I will." I assured her. I was seriously decided to do things right this time.
"Then that's enough for me. You're hired." she simply said.
"Just like that?" I asked incredulous.
"Yes. Well, we'll make everything legal and in order tomorrow when you start." she explained.
"Tomorrow? Sounds perfect to me!" I almost jumped with excitement.
"Can I meet the famous Frankie?" she requested.
"Of course...Frankie! Can you come over here, boy? This nice lady wants to meet you."
He gave the amusing object a last glance and skipped to us.
"H-hi! I'm F-frankie!" he extended his hand to the woman, same as the night he met me.
"Hello Frankie, I'm Sarah. Gerard's boss from now on."
For the first time the word 'boss' didn't sound the same as 'monster' to me.
"You liked the mobile on the door?" she told Frank. He nodded frantically.
"A friend of mine makes them. I'll ask her to make one for you and I'll send it through your brother."
"W-woww!! Y-yes!"
"Hahaha Gerard, your brother is just adorable. And a very handsome young man I must add. Both of you are, though you don't look very alike." Sarah commented.
"Yeah, that's because we are half brothers. Frankie had a different mom and looks just like her." I lied again.
"W-what?" Frank got confused when he heard me say that.
"Poor baby doesn't understand about family issues, does he?" the woman ruffled his hair.
"Nah...maybe it's better that way." I told the truth this time. She agreed.
"Oh...before you leave I wanted to tell you; if some day you have no one to stay with Frankie you can bring him here with you, so you wouldn't have to skip the day."
"Are you sure? He's behaving now because he's tired, but can be really really difficult to deal with..." I let her know.
"I'm sure we would find something to keep him entertained. Do you like to read?" she interrogated Frank.
"C-can't read. Nop. L-like but c-can't."
"Oh...he doesn't know how to read?"
"Yes he does. Well, at least I think he does. But he can't see well, that's why he says he can't read. We'll solve that too, once I collect some money." I explicated.
"We'll think of something else then, don't worry. And I wish I could pay you something ahead, but we just made a big purchase and won't regain what we invested until within a month or so." she apologized, as if she had to. She had been nicer to us than anyone else had even tried to be. And not for a moment I had expected to get the money sooner than that.
"Oh no, please don't worry about that, you've done enough for us! Thank you, Sarah, really. You're a great woman, I won't disappoint you." I told her heartily, reaching over the counter to kiss her cheek.
"I know you won't, I see it in your face Gerard."
Copying my actions, Frankie tried to get to Sarah, but his shorter stature wouldn't allow it. She inclined her body forward instead, grabbed his face and kiss his forehead.
"Bye Frankie, please to meet you!"
"B-bye. Th-thanks for b-being good to G-gee. Other p-people were b-bad. Yeah. N-not good at a-all." he said seriously. I felt like squeezing him, so sweet and innocent. And not always as completely unaware as it might seem.
"Oh, I almost forget!" I turned back to her. "At what time do I have to be here?"
"It's true, I never told you. We open at 8 am, but it's ok if you arrive a little later, anything earlier than 9 is fine to me. And your day ends at 4 pm. We already found another person to work after that."
"That's perfect, leaves me enough time to spend with Frankie. See you tomorrow then!"
Later that day after having had lunch, Frank had fallen asleep on the couch and I called Ray to tell him the good news.
"Gee! How was your search?"
"Well, the search was really shitty. No one wanted to hire me because of Frank. Can you believe that shit? What the fuck do they care? They could just fire me later if I didn't fucking fulfill their expectations! But no! They have to presuppose. " I ranted.
"Uhm so....no luck?"
"I GOT A FUCKING JOB!" I screamed into the speaker.
"Shit, Gerard" Really, that kid's contagious! Didn't you say no one wanted to hire you?"
"Yeah, but then I tried one more place and got it!"
"Wow, congratulations man! What's the place?" he asked interested.
"I'll be in charge of the art supply section of a rather big store! Isn't it awesome? And the owner is an old lady and she fucking rocks! And she even said I could take Frank with me whenever you can't stay with him!" I spoke non-stop, I was so excited.
"Oops...I had already forgotten that detail...that I have to take care of the little monster there."
"Come on Ray, he's not a monster! He just needs some extra patience. You aren't gonna back off now, are you?"
"No, I wouldn't do that to you. I agreed to give it a try and I'll do. I'll watch the kid. You start tomorrow?"
"Yep! 8 am to 4 pm."
"Eight hours? I have no idea what I'll do with him for such a long time!"
"Try to arrive earlier tomorrow and we'll think about it. Ok?"
"Ok...bye Gee, and I'm really happy for you, really!"
"Thanks! Oh and Ray...you can call Mikey and tell him, he can't always be the one spreading the news!" I laughed.
"Hahaha ok!"
"Bye Ray!"
At night, Frank and I watched TV. I was trying to get used to the annoyance of having the screen practically in front of my nose. What's more, I didn't think it did my eyes any good, but Frankie would protest that he couldn't see otherwise.
All of a sudden, I felt his eyes burning holes on the side of my face. I didn't move. I sensed hot air against my right ear, then lips brushing my cheek and he pressed his face against mine. I turned and placed my hand on the back of his head, massaging. He let out a shaky sight.
"Mmmm...l-like that. Y-yes, I d-do. And I l-like you." he voiced, still half sighed. Afterwards, he shifted his position until he was on my lap, cuddled against my chest. His whole body was quivering and he whimpered a little.
"H-he...he's b-bothering me. I d-don't wanna talk, p-please tell him t-to shut up. A-and...and h-hold me." he pleaded, his voice muffled with my t-shirt.
I turned off the TV, tightened my arms around him, and began to hum gently. He was close to falling asleep when the bell rang, making him jump.
"W-what was th-that?"
"Just the bell, don't be afraid. Stay here while I go see who it is."
I looked through the peephole and saw the last person I had thought I'd see: my mom.
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