"S-see? Now it s-says 'Franki'. It s-sucks."
"Most of it will fade away soon, you'll probably be left with just an 'i'"
"S-sucks. S-sucks sucks sucks." he repeated. I disinfected the wounds and applied a small bandage over the deepest cut. Luckily, it didn't look serious.
"O-oh so g-great. N-now it s-says Frank!"
"Stop complaining, grumpy!" I laughed seeing his pouty face.
"I... I n-need to p-pee." he changed subject.
"Me too, let's go."
We got out of the car and walked to some bushes.
"You do your thing, I won't look. I'll just be doing the same myself." I told him holding him by his t-shirt. I wouldn't risk him escaping again, so I managed to work on my pants one-handed.
Having slept enough and used some energy struggling with me, Frankie behaved pretty well the following hours. He either spoke to the gnomes or the little people, marveled at the landscapes and animals on our way, or commented about things only he could see. I tried to get the ideas the best I could, asking strategic questions to get some more information about his hallucinations without telling him I wasn't seeing them.
That noon I decided it'd be better to eat in the car, so we bought some sandwiches at a stop. What Frankie didn't know was that I had kept the one Jane gave us, so his 'friends' had their meal again. After that I threw it away when Frank wasn't looking, though; or it'd start to smell.
By late afternoon we had a big part of the way done. I was sure we would be able to make it home in less than a day and a half. Frankie was fidgeting, curling his hair with his index finger and alternating between singing and whispering to himself. Boredom did nothing to help his situation, but I didn't know how to entertain him.
I watched him study the messy brownish letters on his arm, his lips once again forming the word 'sucks'. Would I be able to take care of him and keep him safe?
"Frankie can't be alone." I repeated in my head. I was beginning to understand why.
CHAPTER 6
You'll never make me leave,
I wear this on my sleeve.
Give me a reason to believe.
"L-LOOK!" Frank exclaimed, pointing through the window to the side of the road.
"What?" I asked, having no clue of what he was looking at. I had been distracted thinking.
"Th-there! A...a h-horse! It's a h-horse too, l-like the ones I s-saw before, right? O-only a brown one? Is it, G-gerard?" he questioned, excited like a five year old.
"Yep, a brown horse. You've seen them on TV too, haven't you?"
"Yeah! And...and a-also in b-books. We h-had a book with l-lots of pictures of a-animals." he told me. "L-look a b-black one! And...and awwwwwww th-the spotted o-one is s-so pretty!" he continued. It was really nice to see him so happy and amused by such simple things. So...inspiring. It made me think of how we'd frequently take things for granted only because we saw them everyday. I wished I could feel what he was feeling, like everything was brand new and exciting. Maybe he could help me.
Even though I was driving I'd keep on turning to look at him all the time.
He seemed to zone out for a moment, then jerked and hit his head against the glass purposely. Not very hard, but enough to make me flinch.
"Frankie don't..."
"G-gerard?" he interrupted me. I nodded for him to go on.
"A-are you gonna b-buy me my pills? I kn-know you said you d-don't have m-money here but...m-maybe at h-home?" he asked me worried and visibly uncomfortable, rubbing his hands all over his face and head. It was getting harder for him to cope with his entangled brain the more time he passed without medication. It was a fact that he couldn't be without it. But my concern was that I didn't know what pills he needed or what he had.
I didn't want to force him to think, it'd make me feel like shit, but I needed to try and see if he was acquainted with his problem.
"Frankie...do you have any idea of what pills you need? Don't you know the name?"
He played with his ear, thinking.
"N-no I don't. Th-they're white and...and s-small. A-a woman g-gave them to me, I...I d-dunno the name. S-sorry." he said, like feeling guilty for not being able to answer my question.
"No, it's ok. It's understandable that you don't know that." I smiled at him to make him feel better.
"O-ok."
"And...don't feel bad if you don't but...do you know what...mental illness you have? I mean, what the problem with your head is?" I made my second question, trying to be as gentle as I could. Frank's face saddened.
"N-no. I...I just k-know I...I'm s-special and m-my head doesn't w-work too well. P-pills make it a l-little better. Y-yeah they d-do. A-all mixed up. E-everything. It...it h-hurts sometimes. H-here" he pointed to his temple.
"What about the name of the place? Do you remember?" I tried the last thing.
"N-no. No, I d-don't. No, n-nothing. S-stop, I D-DON'T KNOW IT!"
I felt like an asshole, I shouldn't have insisted so much.
"I'm sorry Frankie, calm down, I didn't want to make you nervous." I apologized, but he wasn't listening. He then started to chew on his thumb, swaying and raving.
"N-no. Y-yeah maybe...d-don't you think? T-to that wall. N-no that one, th-the other one. S-see?" His eyes were fixed to the front, but he didn't really seem to be looking at anything. After several minutes he broke out of the trance and glanced at me, distressed.
"W-will you?"
"Will I what, Frankie?" I questioned feeling lost.
"B-buy my pills..." he said in a low voice.
Considering the boy didn't seem to be capable of giving me any information, I was left with no choice but to try to find out by myself somehow once we arrived home. And anyway, Frank would need to see a specialist or we couldn't get the pills. They won't sell you that kind of medication without a prescription. And even more important, I'd need money. To be able to take good care of Frankie and make sure he'd be as fine as he could be, I needed money. And to get money, I needed to find a job as soon as possible.
There were a lot of things to have in mind, but I was willing to try. Not only for Frank, but also to prove to myself that I could be responsible for once.
Everybody was probably going to think I went crazy. No one would understand why I cared so much for a troubled kid I had just met. But I didn't mind, I would give Frank a good life.
"Of course, Frankie. It's not going to be easy because I first need to find a job to get more money, but I promise you I'll buy your pills as soon as I can." I told him. He smiled content.
"I c-could work t-too." he unexpectedly said.
"No, you can't work. At least not for now. But I'll do it for both of us, ok?" I answered, keeping my eyes on the road ahead while speeding a little again, seizing the quiet moment. And I didn't want him to see my tears. He had an effect on me that no one had had before.
"Oh...f-fine."
"Frankie, what's your last name? I don't think you told me, did you?" I wanted to know. It was important if I was gonna be somewhat in charge of him.
He didn't answer right away and was thoughtful, eyes closed and biting his lip.
"I...I d-don't remember! H-how could I f-forget my last n-name? I s-sure have one! Wh-what's yours?" he inquired, a little frustrated at failing to tell me his.
"Mine's Way." I replied, and he began to laugh hysterically.
"T-that's so funny! Hahahhahahaa, Way! L-like in... no way! hahahaha."
I'd usually get annoyed when people made jokes about my last name. But it was Frankie, and he was laughing, it didn't matter at what. I ended up laughing myself.
"Yeah...I guess it is funny! So you don't remember yours?"
He shook his head.
"N-no...I'm t-trying but I d-don't. Th-they never c-called me by my last n-name. It...it w-was always F-frankie. O-or Frank when th-they were mad at m-me, a-and I know that's m-my name but I...I like F-frankie more." he explained. So that's why he didn't like to be called Frank, he related it to reprimands it seemed.
"Frankie totally suits you." I commented honestly. He, without a doubt, looked like a 'Frankie'. Instead of saying something, he rested both hands against the window and hit it.
"What...?"
"S-STOP THE CAR! STOP THE C-CAR NOW! P-PLEASE DO! STOPTHECARSTOPTHECARSTOPTHEC-CAR!!!" he screamed with desperation in a high-pitch voice.
"Why?" I asked him. He shook the car's door trying to get it open.
"S-STOP NOW YOU'RE G-GONNA PASS IT B-BY!"
"What?"
"THE P-PUPPY! TH-THERE! L-LOOK!"
There was nothing to be seen, but all the same I did as he said. In the state he was I would not be able to convince him otherwise.
As soon as we got off he ran to a lonely lemon tree standing in the middle of the wide grass surface. It was almost full night so it was hard to see something once you moved away from the street lights. I rushed behind Frankie, fearing to lose him again.
"Awwwwww s-sweet!" he crouched below the tree and took something from the ground. Something only he could see. He walked towards the lights and raised the 'puppy' he had found like admiring it.
I paid attention to his hands, the way his fingers flexed, the slight pressure they exerted. It was exactly how one would hold a puppy, the exact distance between his hands for one to fit. I could perfectly imagine a puppy in that empty space. And his hold was steady as if the little animal was really there. It was amazing. He could not only see it faultlessly, but also feel it, that was evident.
"C-can I keep it p-please?" he asked, now putting his imaginary four legged friend against his chest and tenderly kissing what I guessed was its head. The sweetest thing ever.
"Of course you can! Let's go, this is not a good place to be."
"T-thank you Gee! Y-you're so so n-nice." he jumped smiling, showing all his teeth. Had he called me Gee?
Once we were back in the vehicle and on our way, I couldn't keep my eyes off of him. I knew it was dangerous, but I just couldn't help it. He got me entranced. How could his mind recreate objects and beings in such a way that he could perceive them by sight and tact? Maybe even smell. Yes, definitely, because I remembered him telling me how it smelled like roses at one point earlier, when it didn't.
He had the puppy on his lap and was running his small fingers through it, following the outline from head to tail. Always at the same height, always the same apparent size.
I had an urge to know what color it was before his eyes. But how could I know it without saying I wasn't seeing the puppy? Then I had an idea.
"I love black dogs." I randomly threw a color. And I was incredibly lucky.
"M-me too! Th-that's why I l-loved him so much s-since I saw him from h-here! And i-isn't the white spot on his ch-chest funny?" he spoke happily, still patting his doggie.
"Yes! It's like...star shaped." I ventured to say. He bent down, looking at the mental projection on his legs.
"Uh...I...I'd s-say it's a f-flower." he concluded.
"You're right actually. It's a white flower!"
The following hours were hell. I didn't know what to do to keep Frank quiet. He was 'playing with his dog', jumping on his seat, laughing, giggling, for moments crawling on the car's floor, for others climbing the backrests. Once in a while calling his puppy or singing children songs to him.
"Why don't you name the puppy instead of calling him...'Puppy'" I suggested while he waved a piece of paper in front of 'it'.
"I l-like to call him p-puppy!" he retorted. "He w-wants to give you a k-kiss!" he added bringing his hands to my face. "Awwww!"
"Hahaha he's making all my face wet!" I laughed. "Now Frankie, please, could you sit down and fasten your belt? It's not safe to be moving around so much in a car, kid! Please?" I tried again, having failed all my previous attempts.
This time he obeyed; but before doing so he took his bag from the backseat and once sitting down, he started to look for something inside of it. After rummaging for a considerable time, he came out with a red bandana with some white patterns on it.
When he was zipping closed the backpack I got a glimpse of something brown and plushy inside.
"Is that a teddy bear you have there?" I asked him. He froze.
"Y-yeah..." he flushed.
"Did you sleep with it?"
"No! W-well...y-yeah." he accepted, caressing the puppy once again, his nervous tic more frequent at the moment.
"Why didn't you tell me? You could have slept with it last night and feel more comfortable..."
"I...I th-thought you would l-laugh...some kids u-used to laugh"
"I wouldn't have laughed. I'm not laughing now, am I?"
He said 'no' with his head.
"I h-have Puppy now a-anyway." he grinned, seemingly squeezing his pet.
"Ok then! But if you change your mind and want to sleep with both of them, I just want you to know that I find it absolutely normal, and I'll never make fun of you because of it. Yes?" I felt the need to assure him.
"K-kay." he repeated his most used answer.
Frankie took the bandana and folded it in a triangle. Holding it in the air at his waist height, he joined the extremes and made a knot. The hole left in the middle was a puppy's neck size. Surely, the red cloth fell into Frank's knees as soon as he let it go.
"Oh P-puppy! Let's tr-try again." he sighed angrily.
He repeated the process patiently. When he got the same result, he just threw the bandana to the floor, defeated.
"Y-you'll keep g-getting rid of it with your p-paw? F-fine Puppy, you w-win, no scarf!" he protested, reclining on his seat. "I...I will l-love you the s-same."
"It seems your pet's a rebel!" I laughed. He laughed too, kissing Puppy noisily.
"Y-yeah he is! He...he w-would have l-looked so cool!"
As we reached a more populated area, I took a look around us, still smiling. A mix of amusement and sadness. Glancing up at the starry sky I thought of how lucky we had been to find such a good climate along the way.
"Oh! Do you like hot dogs, Frankie?" I asked him as my tired eyes set on a small food cart. Surprise stopped his eye motion and they beamed, mirroring the rest of his face.
"O-of course I do! B-but we didn't h-have them too often! C-can we?" he said hyperly.
"Yes we can, that's why I asked!"
After talking Frank into leaving Puppy sleeping in the car, I parked and we headed for where the hot dog vendor was; an old rusted white structure which seemed to have endured too much rain and wind. As we got closer I could see that in spite of the precariousness, the counter was clean and shiny, same as everything behind it.
"Mmm s-smells good!" Frankie declared, putting my next thought into words. It did, and only then I realised how hungry I was.
"You bet it smells good, kiddo! These are the best hot dogs in miles!" the friendly bald man behind the counter said.
"Wow r-really?" Frank giggled, trying to sit on one of the tall stools. But his legs were too short, and he was also in one of those moments when his body would slightly tremble and not respond too well.
"You'll see!"
"Let me help you." I told Frank, lifting him and placing him on the seat. He wasn't as light as he seemed. Thin and not very muscular, but still well fed.
"T-thanks..." he whispered, suddenly becoming shyer for some reason. I fixed his hair so it wouldn't be on his face and found out he was blushing. He gave me a half smile and looked to the opposite side. I wasn't sure of why he was acting like that, but he was adorable.
We stayed there for over half an hour, thankfully with no trouble. Frankie behaved fairly 'normal'. He had seemed to momentarily forget about the little people. He did talk to the man about the pretty ladybugs walking around the counter, but the vendor caught it right away and followed the conversation. He also gave the kid an extra free hot dog because he saw how hungry he was.
As we left, Frankie waved to the man who returned the gesture. My newly found little friend was proving to be likeable to most people.
"Gee...I'm s-sleepy. C-can I go to the b-back?" Frank used that nickname again, the weird feeling in my stomach returning.
"Yep, go ahead. But the problem is that I can't go there with you now. I can't stop here so I need to keep on driving, you know?"
He appeared sad for some seconds but then looked at his 'dog' and his face changed.
"I-it's ok, Puppy will t-take care of me u-until you can c-come." he climbed to the backseat with his mascot.
I considered joining him whenever I saw a place where I could park for the night, but finally decided against it. I was afraid of oversleeping and getting us delayed again. I took several deep breaths to expel weariness and accelerated.
Many hours passed by. The sun had long ago risen, and its rays were blinding me, magnified by the thick glass. Traffic had gotten heavier. Squinting, I grabbed my sunglasses and put them on, automatically relieved.
But relief brought back my tiredness. My eyes kept on closing unwittingly and I started to nod. I was finding it harder and harder to stay awake. Street noises were heard farther and farther. My eyelids were heavy as lead.
"I should have slept." was my last conscious thought.
Don't get too close,
don't move your eyes like that,
because they're deep enough to drown me.
"H-HELLO!!" I was awaken by a scream in my ear. In a matter of milliseconds I wrenched open my eyes and looked out the front. Barely remembering that I was driving, I was welcomed by bad news: we were about to collide with a huge bus in front of us. My hands gripped the wheel, my reflexes reacted, and I gave it a quick turn, missing the bus by a few inches.
Still terrified and gasping for breath, I slowed down and felt tears run down my cheeks. Then I heard a yawn behind me. I checked in the mirror and it showed me Frankie's big shifty eyes staring back at me.
"Good morning, Frankie!" I told him, trying to hide my nervousness.
"M-morning! A-are you ok, G-gerard? A-are you c-crying? Wh-what's wrong?" he asked the questions rapidly, one after another. He didn't realize we had been in danger.
"Uh no I'm not crying, I'm just tired and the sun is bothering me." I lied. He kept staring at me, making me feel weird. Even when I couldn't see him I felt his eyes on me.
"I...I l-like you, G-gee." he said. I swallowed quickly, and almost choked on my saliva. He sounded...
"I l-like you a lot..." he added. There was no doubt, Frank somehow sounded sexy. I wasn't sure if he was intending to be that way, but that's how it sounded to me.
I was trying to figure out my mixed up feelings when he did something more. He leaned over and kissed the side of my mouth. After that he climbed back into the front seat and fastened his belt, smiling at me.
Something told me that kid was going to drive me crazier than he was. I was in no way immune to his charms. But even if he was, in fact, 'seducing me', I couldn't be sure if he meant it. And even if he meant it, I wasn't sure if he was 18 for real. And yet being 18...he was a mental patient; so would that be legal? Just in case I'd have to play the fool.
"W-we need to feed P-puppy!" Frank commented, hugging his invisible pet.
"Oh... I already did it while you were sleeping, don't worry." I answered. That would be one less problem.
"R-really? Oh, ok th-then! B-bad Puppy...why d-didn't you tell m-me?" he reprimanded the dog.
"Oh my god! Coffee!" I screamed, noticing a small building to my right. I needed something to help me stay awake if I didn't want to defy fate again. Frank looked at me surprised, tilting his head.
"C-can I have some c-coffee too?"
That wasn't a good idea.
"No Frank, you can't drink coffee, you're too young."
"W-what? I'm n-not that young, I...I'm 18!" he frowned. "L-let's see...h-how old are y-you, mister g-grown-up?" he asked, leaving me mute. It was the first time I had heard him make sense for such a long while.
"I'm 23." I responded. Frank seemed to be counting with his fingers.
"F-four years is n-not that m-much! S-so why can't I h-have coffee?" he insisted.
"It's five years." I corrected him.
"Wh-whatever! T-tell me?"
"Coffee is not good for your head. For...special people's head. Do you understand?" I tried to explain.
"Uhm...y-yeah, I th-think. O-okay then c-cause...cause I d-don't want my head to g-get worse. Wh-what about a C-coke?"
"I think a Sprite would be better, deal?" I told him, considering a non-caffeine option better.
"D-deal! N-no you s-shut up!"
"Me? Why?"
"N-no not you, h-him"
"Who?" I questioned. His sane moment was over, it seemed.
"Th-the...he...wh-who is...my th-things! L-live me...ALONE!" he tugged at his hair.
"Ok, ok! But we need to go for our drinks now."
"Y-yeah...ok." he answered, rather absently.
I stopped and went to buy our things, half-dragging Frankie behind me. He was silent, just looking at everything around him with much interest.
Once back in the car we drank, also in silence. Or better said, without talking to each other. Frank was having apparently funny conversations with the gnomes and sharing his Sprite with them and even with Puppy.
Feeling more alert I went back to driving. I could sense Frank's stare focused on me once again. I didn't dare say anything or even look back.
"G-gee...do you l-like me?" he asked softly. I felt a lump form in my throat.
"Of course I like you Frankie. I wouldn't be taking you home with me if I didn't! I think you're a very nice, sweet boy." I gave my honest answer. I liked him in more than one way, but he didn't need to know that. I knew I shouldn't even be thinking about that.
"Oh...th-that's...ok..." he sounded disappointed.
"Did I say something bad?"
"N-nope."
After that he acted down for a while, leaning against the window. But he quickly returned to his hyperactive self.
Nearing mid-day, I searched in my pocket and counted the money I had left.
"Yeah...I think it's enough since we'll be home by night. Hey Frankie, what about a better looking place this time? McDonald's?" I consulted him happily. He seemed pensive.
"M-mac what? Uh oh y-yeah! I know! I've s-seen those p-places in movies but I've n-never been th-there. N-nope."
I parked in the first McDonald's I saw, a fairly big one. It was comfortable to enter a place that was clean and pleasant to look at. It was surrounded by windows, filtering enough day light not to need much artificial illumination.
"Wow...n-nice!" Frank ran to one of the red Formica seats, letting himself fall and sliding on his ass all the way to the wall. "H-here!"
Laughing, I took his hand and brought him to the edge of the seat again.
"Ok, but first we have to get our food, I'm not letting you sit here alone."
"Y-yeah...true. F-frankie can't b a-alone. But what if s-someone sits there?" he doubted.
"There aren't many people so I don't think someone will, and if that happened there are others exactly like that one!"
"Y-yeah, g-guess. Will P-puppy be fine in the c-car?"
"Yes he will, we've already left him there yesterday and he behaved pretty well."
Nothing out of the ordinary occurred during our lunch there. Frankie loved his meal and just kept on talking about random things, mostly from his 'own little world'. But once we were done he got up and ran to the other side of the place, stopping where a big playpen full of colored plastic balls was placed. He glued himself to the glass and then turned to me.
"C-can I go p-play there?" he asked with shining eyes.
"No Frankie, that's for little kids, they won't let you."
"B-but...please!"
"It's not me who decides, if it was for me I'd let you!"
"I...I w-wanna play t-there! Th-they brought one of th-those once and...and I w-was gonna get in and th-they told me I couldn't c-cause I would h-hurt the other kids. N-NOT T-TRUE! A-ask them p-please, Gee?" he pleaded.
Having heard Frank yell, an employee had already come up to us.
"Is there any problem?"
"Not really but...could my brother go play in the playpen?" I dared to ask. The boy, whose name was Daniel, studied Frank and then shook his head.
"No, sorry. He's too old."
"I...I AM N-NOT TOO O-OLD!"
"There's no need to scream. The rules say up to 10 years, and he's obviously not 10." he talked to me, choosing to ignore Frank's rage.
"Can't you do an exception? I know he's far from ten but he is...well, special. It's hard to convince him when he wants something."
"I'll repeat what I said before. I'm really sorry sir, but I can't do that." he replied; and I didn't know if I wanted to punch him more for being a stubborn bitch, or for calling me 'sir'. Fuck! He wasn't that much younger!
"Y-YOU ARE F-FUCKING MEAN!" Frank shouted, kicking the floor.
"What's all this, Daniel?" the manager approached us. The boy explained it all while I held Frankie, trying to calm him.
"There's no need to be so strict when there's almost no people. Besides, he's small. Go ahead kid!" the man in charge concluded. Frankie gasped and didn't lose time answering; he ran straight to the playpen, diving in and getting lost among the colors.
"Thank you very very much, you made my brother happy." I told the older guy, shaking his hand.
"You're welcome. I don't want to be disrespectful but... he's mentally ill, isn't he? " he inquired.
"Yeah, I just took him out of the institution where he was, he's going to live with me now. I think he'll be better that way." I wasn't really sure of why I was telling him so much, even being not totally true. I prayed for the man not to ask what Frankie had, though.
"That's good, he will sure be. I guess it's always better for them to be with their family." he assented.
For the following minutes I sat on the floor watching Frank swimming in the plastic balls, jumping and throwing them in the air, or disappearing, just to emerge seconds later waving at me, beaming. Was this the same boy that had been playing sexy earlier?
After one of his dives, he came out with both hands in from of him, like he was holding something.
"L-look!" he got out of the game and came to me.
"What is it?"
"W-what do you th-think it is, t-tard? A b-baby dinosaur! C-can we a-adopt it?" he said as if it was the most normal thing in the world. And... two imaginary pets? That was too much.
"A what? Oh no no no! A dog is fine, but a dinosaur? It's gonna be huge and my house is small, we can't keep it Frankie, sorry."
"B-but we can't l-leave it!" he cried.
"It belongs here, they'll take care of it. Right, mister manager?" I asked the man as he passed us, laughing at the way I had called him. He waited for me to say something else.
"Frankie found a baby dinosaur in the playpen, and I was telling him that you can take care of it here."
"Oh, yes, give it to me. He'll be fine with us." he told Frank.
"K-kay..." the kid handed him the 'creature' after kissing it goodbye. "B-be a good b-boy!"
We left then, ready for the last hours of our trip.
"Frankie, I was just thinking; I have some comics in my bag, wanna read them so you're not so bored?" I offered, watching him braid his hair while humming.
"P-puppy stop! I...I'm t-tired of playing!" he suddenly said pushing the air with his hands. Only then he drew his attention to me. "Uh...n-no."
"You don't like comics? I'm sure I have some other magazines there."
"N-no I do like th-them. I u-used to read a lot, a-anything, when I w-was younger." he looked down.
"When you were younger? And why don't you do it anymore?" I pressed.
"W-well...then the l-letters became t-too small, and blurry and...and s-sometimes they m-move."
I should have imagined that, after seeing how he had problems to focus on things. But maybe his sight problems were worse than I had thought. The poor boy had it all against him.
"I have one with really big letters, wanna try?" I offered.
"N-no...even big l-letters are m-moving letters sometimes."
"Ok then, don't worry, I'm sure there's a solution for that."
"K-kay." he replied like he didn't even care or had no idea what I was talking about.
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