"Gerard, son! Don't you know how much I've missed you! Why couldn't you wait for me yesterday?" she cut my breath with a killer hug as soon as she crossed the door.
"I know, sorry mom. I had really important things to do. I was going to visit you very soon, I swear."
"Don't worry, I know what you're up to." she looked at Frank who was half asleep in the couch. "Your brother told me everything."
"Typical Mikey style." I mumbled.
"If it makes you feel more at ease...I don't exactly think like him. I don't think you've lost your mind, Gerard. I would have done the same. However, I am worried."
"Thanks mom." I chuckled. "And why are you worried? About me or...?"
"Well, of course about you but...this kid...it's all too weird from what Mikey said to me. That's why I told him to call you and ask you his last name." she informed me concerned, flattening her blond dyed hair with both hands.
"That's why he texted me? Now I understand why he didn't even tell me the reason! He didn't want me to know he had spilled it all to you!" I concluded.
"I guess, but I don't think that matters at all now."
"It does matter that my brother can't keep his mouth shut. Anyway, what did you want his last name for?"
"To try to find out some information." she said.
CHAPTER 12
Can you hear me cry out to you?
Words I thought I'd choke on figure out,
I'm really not so with you anymore
I'm just a ghost.
So I can't hurt you anymore...
So I can't hurt you anymore...
I stared confusedly at my mother as I sat on the couch between her and Frankie. He barely opened his eyes, babbling something incoherent, and let his head fall on my lap.
"Aww Alicia was right, this boy is 'candy on two legs' -as her exact words were." mom said in a low voice touching Frank's hair.
"Haha well...Alicia is a little silly sometimes, but she's right. Frankie's sure giving me a lot of work, but he's such a sweet kid that he makes me want to help him more and more." I smiled.
"I would have never imagined you doing something like this. But don't get me wrong, Gerard; I'm very proud of you. That's why I wanted to help you." she kissed my cheek.
"Thanks, mom. You telling me this means a lot to me. What is it that you wanted to find out about Frank? And...how?" I asked her, completely ignoring her recourses.
"Remember that several years ago I used to work at the reception of a public mental institution?" she began to explain.
"Oh...yeah! I had forgotten about it! Maybe because you hated that job."
"With all my heart! That place was chaos and it wasn't my thing. I needed the money, so I endured it as much as I could. But the important fact is that the director of the place liked me." she continued, and I smirked.
"He... liked you?"
"Not like that, Gerard!" he playfully slapped the back of my head.
"Sorry, mom!"
"He liked me because he said I was the only efficient person there. He was an idiot, and a bad specialist from what I knew. But again, I needed the job so I always tried to act friendly with him." she stopped and gave me an annoyed look. " Not friendly in the way you're thinking!"
"I didn't say anything! Please, go on." I laughed.
"When I quit he was disappointed, almost begged for me to stay. He couldn't make me change my mind, but told me to call him for whatever I might need. That's what I did yesterday." she spoke, though her face told me she had no good news.
"But...how could he help? Frank wasn't in that place for sure..." I doubted.
"No. But I knew this man had access to a data base with the names of all mental patients admitted to institutions all over the country. Both public and private. They need that to ask for medical records from persons that are, for example, found on the streets knowing nothing more than their names. If they have been in other places before, they're on that data base." she explicated.
"Just like I found Frank." I thought aloud. "So...he looked Frank up for you?"
"Yes, he was actually happy to be able to help me after all these years." she said.
"Oh mom, come on, that guy really likes you." I mocked her.
"No, please! He's disgusting!"
"Hahaha ok. But tell me. Did he find out the name of the institution where Frank was?" I went right to the important point. My mother looked down and took a deep breath, as if trying to find the correct words. What could be the problem? Was there something wrong with that place? Bad reputation?
"No, Gerard. Frank's name wasn't there." she stated.
"What? Maybe he didn't remember his last name correctly?" I guessed. She shook her head.
"I thought of that. So I told him all I knew. Name, middle name, age, pathology, that he was in a private place and in which city you found him."
"But Frankie said his mother drove a lot before abandoning him..." I pointed out.
"Yes, but not enough for them to have traveled through many different states." she answered. I admired her intelligence, she'd always think about all the possibilities. "So that reduced the search to only a small portion of the country, and there aren't that many private mental institutions. He searched for people matching Frank's data, but yet found nothing. He doesn't exist as a patient." she concluded.
I didn't know what to say. Just when I had thought things couldn't get any more strange about that boy.
"Oh fuck. But...everything he has told me...there ain't no doubt he was in one of those places!" I raised my voice more than I had intended.
"Based on what Mikey commented, I agree with you. I doubt the kid could have made it all up." she whispered, seeing that Frank was moving.
"I don't think so either. The way he talks about it...it's something that he really remembers. I could be wrong, but I don't think I am. Once I'm settled I'll investigate more...some way." I told her convinced.
"Oh! With all this I forgot to congratulate you for the job! What a bad mother I am!" she exclaimed.
"H-hi..." Frankie said timidly, sitting up.
"Oh hi, sweety! I'm Donna, Gerard's mom. And you have really pretty eyes, you know that?" she greeted him and kissed his head.
"R-really?"
"Yes!" my mother answered, and Frank grinned.
"Th-the kids didn't l-like my eyes, th-they always l-laughed. W-why did you s-say you were a bad m-mom?" he changed the subject.
"Because I had forgotten to tell my son how happy I am that he found a job he likes!"
"D-do you hug and k-kiss him like moms d-do?" Frank wanted to know.
"Yes, always, even now that he's not a little kid anymore."
"Th-then you're a g-good mom. Y-yes. Y-you are." he nodded like an expert.
"Well, thanks! I can hug and kiss you like a mom too, if you want." she said sweetly.
"Y-yes! M-my mom...I th-think didn't k-know what things m-moms do. M-maybe she didn't w-watch much TV. Yes. Th-that. N-NO YOU SH-SHUT UP, I K-KNOW!" he suddenly screamed, startling my mother.
"What...? Is he ok?" she asked.
"Yes, I guess. Sometimes...someone 'speaks' in his head." I explained.
"Y-yes he d-does and I h-hate it. I...t-told Puppy to s-scare him away but he w-won't! And...I...I w-wanna pee." he let out, and my mom and I couldn't help smiling. Frankie would inspire that weird feeling. Sometimes you'd laugh at the things he said but feel bad right after because frankly, it was sad to see how confused he was.
"Let's take you to the bathroom then." I got up taking his hand. "We'll be right back, mom. Gotta guide him because he mistakes places sometimes, you know?"
"Oh, ok."
"Here you are. You pee and I'll wait for you outside." I told Frankie after leaving him in front of the toilet, to be sure. I couple of minutes later I heard water running and soon he reappeared, looking at me in a peculiar way.
"Is there something wrong?" I asked.
"N-nope." he replied, entwining his hands around my neck. I just stared at him. He blinked many times and squinted, trying to focus. It was hard to know what he was looking at exactly. I could guess, but I preferred not to; I was getting more nervous than ever.
Then he tiptoed and his lips collided with the skin below my nose. I should have gotten away then, but I couldn't move. He giggled against my face, closed his eyes and slid his mouth down, finally finding mine and pecking at it. An inexpert, quick, sloppy kiss. But the sweetest I had ever experienced. I didn't kiss him back but I smiled as he pulled away, taking my hand and dragging me to the living room.
"L-let's go with y-your mom." he said, all smiles too.
My mind was racing as I walked behind him. Should I talk to him about what he had just done? Was it too wrong that I had liked it? What If I couldn't help kissing him back next time?
"Son, what's wrong?" my mother's voice brought me back to earth.
"Nothing...I was just thinking."
"Sure? Is he telling the truth, Frankie?" she asked him.
"Wh-what?" he jumped, distracted.
"Do you know why Gerard has a weird face?"
"N-no! I...I l-like his face!" he answered. Luckily, she didn't give that a second thought and just laughed.
"So mom...you're staying, aren't you? It's too late for you to go home." I sat with her again while Frankie 'played with his dog' on the floor.
"Yes. Actually, besides giving you the news -or lack of it- I came to stay and take care of Frankie tomorrow."
"Oh, but that's not necessary, Ray's coming."
"I know. But I have the day off, and I thought I could give him a hand on his first day as babysitter. " she insisted.
"You're sure?"
"Yes, don't worry. I've never taken care of a kid like Frank, but at least I have experience with children."
"Frankie can be harder to deal with than little children, I'm afraid." I alerted her. "Apparently, he has even less notion of danger."
"We'll be fine, you just go and keep your mind on your job." she assured me patting my back.
"Thank you, once again. Hey, Frankie!" I called him.
"W-what?" he didn't turn to look.
"You're gonna have two people taking care of you tomorrow! Donna's also staying."
"O-ok." he muttered. My mother seemed confused.
"Is he not too happy about it?"
"You say because of the way he answered? Oh no, it's not that. It's usual for him to do that at moments, as if he was emotionless. It's kinda frustrating, I know, but I'm starting to get used to it. He can behave all sweet and affectionate and then the next moment be rather apathetic." I explained. Proving my words true Frank got up, walked to my mother, and gave her a kiss on her cheek.
"It seems as if you had known Frankie all his life." she hugged and kissed the boy back.
"Well, I spent almost three whole days with him in a car." I reminded her.
"True!"
The following morning Ray arrived when we had finished breakfast. He wasn't a morning person and it showed on his face and on his brown curly hair, which looked wilder than ever. It also demonstrated how good of a friend he was, agreeing to do that for me.
"Donna! It's been a long time!" he greeted my mother.
Ray used to live across my street when we were younger, and we had gone to school together. But, he had moved with his family about five years ago. To be honest, being able to hang out with him again had been more of a reason to move there myself than the job at the comic store.
"Ray! Oh boy, you've changed! I see you've finally accepted your hair, it suits you." she complimented him. Ray's hair was short the last time they had seen each other.
"Yes, I did. I actually appreciate it now!" he laughed. "What are you doing here so early?"
"I spent the night here, and I'm staying to help you with your task for today."
"Really? Oh thank you, Donna! I must confess I've been freaking out about it. I'm not sure I can keep Frankie entertained for so many hours..." Ray wavered.
"I'll be here, relax." my mother encouraged my nervous friend. I felt a little bad for putting such a responsibility on their shoulders, but I knew it was for a good reason.
"Frankie, not in the backrest!" I suddenly cried out seeing him practice 'alpinism' on the couch.
"B-but I can! G-gotta reach the t-top! L-look, the gnomes a-are winning and they're s-so much s-smaller than m-me!" he excused himself.
"They're also a lot more lighter than you. You're gonna turn the couch over and get hurt. So no climbing the backrest, ok?" I failed to sound mad. It was impossible as I watched him sitting there, looking all disappointed, eyes hidden behind his mess of a hair.
"K-kay." he sulked.
As soon as I turned my back on him he returned to his 'mission'.
"Fuck..."
Seeing my desperation, my mom lifted him off the couch, avoiding his kicks.
"N-NO LEMME G-GO!" he protested.
"Ok. But I heard your dog crying. I think he's jealous that you're playing with the gnomes and not him..." she said.
"R-really? N-no I... I love P-puppy! P-puppyyy! P-puppy where are y-you?" he sang. "H-here you are!"
He then sat on the floor to converse with his pet, waving his hands around and mixing the words with weird sounds. Maybe it was dog language? Not sure.
"So, things you must remember..." I announced to both my friend and mother. "Never leave him unwatched. Don't contradict him when he's having hallucinations...which is most of the time actually. Act as if you're seeing what he sees, otherwise he goes mad and can get uncontrollable. Then...make sure he doesn't hit his head with his hands, against the wall, or in any other way; he has a tendency to do that when he's too messed up. Have in mind he can't see well, so reading or any other activity that requires a good vision is not an option. Leave the TV where it is; I know it's not comfortable but it's the only way in which he seems to distinguish the images." I stopped to think. My two listeners looked scared. "What else? Uh...he likes to eat by himself, even if his hands are not steady sometimes. He might need help to hold the glass, though. Oh and he doesn't know how to handle knifes so if anything needs to be cut, do it for him. If he seems to be in his own world talking to himself, just let him be and use that moment to have a break, you'll need it." I chuckled at the last remark. "Oh and...as sweet as he looks...he can be really foulmouthed. Don't reprimand him for that, he can't help it. And don't scream, it scares him."
"Is that all...?" Ray questioned caressing his temples.
"Yes, I think it is. Mom, you already know about the bathroom thing." I added and she nodded.
"If you have any problem give me a call. And for the hundredth time, thanks." I concluded.
"Gerard...go. You better be early on your first day! Frankie will be fine with us, I promise." mom whispered in my ear as she hugged me tightly.
"Frankie, please be a good boy and obey Ray and Donna, ok?" I told him.
"O-okay. B-but I don't w-want you to leave!"
"I have to, you know that. But I'll be back at 4, it's not that bad! Come on, change that face and give me a hug?" I waited with open arms. He pondered for some seconds, but then held my waist.
"K-kay, but m-make 4 c-come soon."
"I'll do, see you later Frankie." I kissed his forehead.
"OH!" he screamed.
"What happens?"
"W-we didn't buy Puppy's f-food! C-can you?" he requested, looking like a lost puppy himself.
"Of course, I won't forget, promise!"
While I left the house, I couldn't stop thinking about how much my life had changed in only one week. I hadn't been drinking, I had a new job -one I was happy with- and someone under my care. Someone who depended on me.
I checked my clothes once again, wanting to make sure I looked presentable. Black jeans, clean sneakers and a white t-shirt. I had seen the other people working there, so I knew I didn't need to dress formally. However, that didn't mean I could look scruffy. I had arranged my hair as good as I managed, tucked behind my ears so it wouldn't fall on my face.
Sarah welcomed me with one of her warm smiles; but then changed to a more serious gesture, placing one of her long fingered hands on my arm.
"Gerard, you're too tense! Your brother will be fine, you'll see. And I don't bite! Come with me, we'll get all the papers in order to start with." she spoke in a soothing tone. I chuckled and followed her behind the counter.
I'd be fine too.
Ray's POV
The door closed behind Gerard, and Donna and I looked at each other and then at Frankie. He was standing where Gerard had left him, staring at the wall. I could see his lips moving, but couldn't hear what he was saying.
"Uh...should we make him sit at least?" I wondered.
"I don't know." Donna neared him, moving her hand in front of Frank's eyes. He didn't react.
"Frankie?" she grazed his arm. He shuddered, moved his hair out of his eyes and looked at us. His pupils paced at an amazing speed, he appeared troubled. "Are you ok, baby?"
"Y-yeah. N-no, maybe. Th-there...see? Th-they are. A-and many. Th-the floor, r-right. Here. Y-yes?" he mumbled. I found no sense in his words.
"Y-yes?" he asked Donna. She took him to the couch, making him rest his head on her shoulder.
"Yes Frankie, I see." she responded. "What do you wanna do now?"
"I...n-no. I d-dunno. H-head's bad n-now, h-hurts and s-stings and...m-mess. Y-yes...bad." he uttered rubbing his face.
I sat down too and sighed annoyingly. I wasn't prepared for that, what had I been thinking? Well, I knew the answer to that. Gerard had been my best friend for years. He had always trusted me the same that I trusted him. I knew him more than anyone else, and therefore knew he was totally convinced of that new life he had started. I had been so worried for him those last months that I was willing to do anything to help him get out of that. Sure, bringing home a mentally ill kid you found on the street wasn't something exactly normal. You wouldn't hear about people doing that everyday. But speaking of Gerard Way, nothing was too weird. He had always been one to surprise you with things you would have never expected. That last one had been the most surprising of them all, though.
"Ray...patience, it's all you need. Frankie will be better in a moment. So if this happens again you just wait." Donna demonstrated that patience, indeed, was one of her best virtues. Frank raised his head and turned to look at me.
"R-ray are you b-bored?" he asked softly. He was still a little shaky but seemed more centered.
"No, just sleepy, I don't usually get up this early." I yawned.
"Ahh. D-do you wanna p-play with P-puppy?" he offered. Play with an invisible dog? Oh shit...
"Of course we'll play." Donna said.
"How do you play with him?" I inquired.
"W-we can all t-take turns to t-throw this ball at him and h-he goes for it and b-brings it back." he handed me over a...nothing. I took 'it' anyway, trying to use my imagination. I would have to train it a lot.
It would be a long day, and just the first one out of many.
Chapter 13
It's got what it takes,
so tell me why can't this be love?
Straight from my heart
oh, tell me why can't this be love?
Still Ray's POV
After minutes of throwing the invisible ball to the invisible dog, I actually started to enjoy it. It was kind of like being a little kid again. It reminded me of that period we all had while being young, when we'd be able to keep ourselves entertained for hours using just our imagination. Imaginary scenarios, imaginary beasts and monsters to fight against, imaginary partners. We most probably wouldn't really see all those things as Frank saw his dog and the ball; but we'd love to imagine they were there.
I watched Frank cast the non-existent object and wait, eventually grabbing it back from Puppy's mouth and patting his head. I counted the seconds, I studied his movements and copied him when it was my turn.
"Good dog!" I said, passing the ball to Donna. Frankie clapped his hands joyfully. I was beginning to understand Gerard, seeing that boy happy was worth the patience.
We spent the rest of the morning hearing him talk about animals, gnomes and little people. He made us interact with them in some cases. Frank was so hyperactive and enthusiast that he'd make you tired just by observing him.
At one point he got on the coffee table and began to sing 'Twinkle twinkle little star'. He sounded even more childish than when he spoke, it was rather cute. It also allowed me to prove something I had read: stutterers don't stutter when they sing. He then performed the rock and punk versions of it. Interesting, to be honest.
I was intrigued to know if he actually was into that kind of music, and was surprised to find out he knew many bands. He told us a friend from where he lived had a lot of CDs, and would let him listen to them sometimes; he had also taught him about the bands. Frank was the most strange mix between a little kid and a normal teen.
"Do you want me to bring some of my CDs tomorrow?" I asked him.
"Y-yeah! B-bring them. B-but not t-too loud, I d-don't like it l-loud. H-he doesn't like it e-either." he said pointing at his head. "L-low, not l-loud."
"Ok, I won't turn up the volume much. It's ok." I promised, and he seemed satisfied.
Lunch went by without complications. Donna cooked french fries and steaks, and both Frankie and I totally approved. I had forgotten how good her fries were, they had that special something only homemade ones could have.
I was amazed when I saw that boy eating! I had always had a good appetite, there was no denying that I'd always eat a lot; but Frankie surpassed me by far. Even having some trouble to make mouth and fork meet for moments, he had already emptied his plate when Donna and I had still half to go. Then he began to steal fries from us.
Frank felt asleep short after that, and we took that chance to relax and converse. I used to practically live in the Way' s house when I was a kid, and Donna was like my second mom; so that was a good opportunity to get up to date about our lives.
We also talked about Gerard. Since Mikey visited us very often, Donna was informed of everything about her older son. She commented how she had called Gerard several times when he was going through some bad times. She had offered to go see him, but he refused. She had tried showing up at Gerard's house without warning, but he never opened the door and told her to leave him alone. I was astonished, Gerard had never told me about that.
It was admirable how mothers could forgive their sons no matter what. Gerard had pushed Donna away more than once and yet, there she was helping him as soon as he had needed it.
Some murmurs were heard from the couch, followed by a thud and then whimpers. We ran there and found Frankie sitting on the floor, head down and hugging his knees while sobbing. Donna sat by his side. I didn't think he had heard us approach him, because he got visible scared when she held him.
"Shh...it's Donna, calm down. What happened? Did you fall from the couch?" she asked him.
"Y-yes I...I th-think so. D-don't know. I w-was sleeping I th-think." he hiccuped.
I joined them on the floor, brushing the hair our of Frankie's face.
"Are you hurt or something?"
"I...I d-don't know. N-no. D-don't know." he clung to my friend's mom.
"Anything hurts?" I insisted.
"N-not really..."
"I think it was just the shock because he was fast asleep when he fell." Donna smiled. "Better now, Frankie?"
"Y-yeah." he got up and walked to the kitchen. I went after him and had to bite my hand not to scream when I saw what he was doing. He was peeing on one of the chairs.
"Oh my fucking God, Frankie...what did you do?" I exclaimed, unable to contain myself anymore. He fixed his clothes and watched me with big eyes. Donna had entered the room too, and was witnessing the occurrence with her own eyes.
"W-what? W-why are you a-angry, Ray?" Frank asked.
"You know why! Look what you did! Why didn't you tell us you needed to go to the bathroom?" I spat. Patience had never been my best virtue. There had to be a way of teaching the boy some things. Or...wasn't there any?
"I...I c-can find the b-bathroom myself! D-don't scream...I...I d-didn't do anything!" he pouted. I wasn't even screaming that much...
"Ray! Calm down, it's not such a big deal!" Donna stopped me, and then spoke in my ear. "He doesn't realise he's doing it in the wrong place, so there's no point in arguing, you just scare him. Watch him for a while, I'll clean here."
"Frankie? Sorry kid...I'm not mad, I promise. Friends?" I slightly crouched to be at eye-level with the much shorter boy.
"Y-yes, friends." he nodded.
"Wanna play something?" I offered.
"YES! HORSE RIDE!" he shouted, jumping on my back and kicking my legs not exactly gently. Maybe it was his disguised revenge for yelling at him. I had to carry him all along the house hearing Donna's laughter. I ended up exhausted and with a sharp pain in my back.
Later, just when we had managed to make him stay still and watch some TV, he suddenly found a new activity. Donna was sweeping the floor and I had closed my eyes for a while when she shouted.
"RAY! Get him out of there!"
"What?" I mumbled looking around. Frank was climbing the shelving, and it was shaking dangerously.
"Let go, it's gonna fall down!" I commanded. I had him by the waist, but he was still gripping a shelf with both hands.
"N-NO! TH-THE MONKEYS W-WANT ME TO C-CLIMB LIKE THEM!"
"Tell them you're a boy, not a monkey. Come on, let go of the shelf. I'll make you some chocolate milk." I tried to convince him.
"O-ok, but you m-make one for P-puppy too." he agreed, finally allowing me to put him down.
"Deal."
"M-monkeys...you k-keep on playing. I g-got bored. G-gonna go for m-milk!" he announced to his 'friends'. And there I was, preparing an extra glass of milk.
By the time I heard Gerard's keys on the lock I was about to fall asleep. Donna was sitting in front of the fan, exhausted. Frankie was apparently talking to his own reflex on the glass doors of the TV table.
Gerard's POV
As soon as I put a foot inside my house I was attacked by Frankie. He jumped, grabbed my neck and surrounded my waist with his legs.
"H-HELLO!" he said, true to his style. He looked straight at the lower part of my face, and something told me to quickly turn it to one side. Wise move. His decided kiss landed on my cheek.
"Hi Frankie!" I kissed him in the same way and left him on the couch. He looked upset.
It worried me to think that he might have felt my avoidance as rejection, but I couldn't allow him to do that in front my mother and my friend. They would never approve it, at least not her. They would protest about me letting that happen and never believe that it had always been Frankie trying to seduce me, they would think I had done something to provoke him. They could see me as a monster.
Or maybe I was just exaggerating and prejudging, but I was not willing to take the risk yet. I hadn't even decided myself what I'd do with Frank's insinuations and affective onslaughts.
"How was your day with Ray and Donna?" I tried to get Frankie's mind out of his fruitless try. He looked livened by my interest.
"G-good! We h-had fun! R-ray got angry and...and he sh-shouted at me. B-but then he s-said he w-was sorry and we're f-friends again. Y-yeah. And...and Donna m-made us fries and were y-yummy!" he related. Only then I took a look at the other two people in the room and noticed the state in which they were.
"Oh my, you two look awful! Was it that bad? And why did you get angry, Ray?" I interrogated them sitting on the coffee table. I thought it would be better not to get too close to Frank for a while.
"Well...let's say it was tiring. The boy has a lot of energy! He's like...the Duracell bunny or something!" Ray remarked. Frankie got into a fit if laughter at that. "And it's not that I got angry, I didn't even scream, I just spoke a little louder because the situation exceeded me at the moment."
"Oh, Ray's a little dramatic, right Frankie?" my mother addressed the youngest of us.
"Haha y-yeah...h-he always gets n-nervous and it's f-funny!" he said, still laughing.
"But what had happened?" I questioned again.
"Uhm...your little friend had a little 'accident' on one of the chairs." he answered.
"Oh you mean...he...'watered it'? Or...something worse?" I hoped it was the first.
"Nah, just...liquid." my mom relieved me. "Why? Has he ever done something more in the wrong place?"
"No, no. Never so far, and I hope he never will!" I told her, the thought placing a disgusting image in my mind.
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