Ray stopped by Greg and Tony's small apartment building, and Iero was reluctant to get out of the car. He kept looking at his son, wanting to know what was in his mind, needing the certainty that he'd be alright.
"I don't know Greg, maybe I should go with them..."
"Tony...Frankie will be fine, I'm sure he's just very tired. We all are, come to sleep." his partner tugged at his arm, but Anthony was still hesitant.
"Greg is right, you should go rest, I promise to call you in the morning and let you know how Frankie's doing." I offered. For some reason I felt that I had to be alone with my boyfriend. It wasn't selfishness, it's not that I wanted him all for myself; I was conscious of how much Frank's dad cared for him. Anyhow, I had this hunch that he'd speak once we were alone, that what was bothering him was something to do with me, with us.
"Okay..."
"Frankie, your dad's going home...give him a hug so he knows you're okay?" I whispered, stroking his entangled hair. Tony awaited, remaining in his spot like a statue while Greg stood outside holding the car door open. It took Frankie some seconds to get out of his contemplation and grasp the meaning of my words. Then he turned round and reached out over me for his father, embracing him and kissing his cheek.
"G-good night, d-dad." he rasped. He had that voice when he'd been either crying too much or holding back tears. All the same, it could also be that my own weariness was making me over-dramatic and Frankie was just exhausted as Greg had guessed.
"Good night, son. Do you feel alright?"
"Y-yes, fine." Frankie smiled, a smile that didn't reach his eyes and none of us bought. Anthony didn't press further.
"Ok, but if something's bugging you please tell Gerard when you get home. Don't keep it inside, you don't need to play it strong for any of us." he gave the boy a last kiss on his forehead before finally leaving the car and heading inside, Greg's supportive arm around his shoulders.
******
I shivered when I took my jacket off. It had gotten a lot colder since we were forced to leave the previous afternoon, and with the heater off the house was a freezer. Even though I didn't like to sleep with it on because it wasn't safe, this time I thought it necessary. The device had been checked some days ago, so I at least knew it worked correctly.
"Leave your jacket on until the house warms up a little, baby." I told Frankie, who had already unzipped it.
"K-kay." he sat on the couch, staring at the lifeless TV screen blankly.
"Or...do you wanna take the shower we couldn't take earlier?" I proposed, dying for a hot shower myself. I thought he would jump to the idea as usual, but I was wrong.
"N-no, wanna s-sleep now. T-tired." he responded, and as much as my body was aching for that shower I couldn't leave Frankie alone. Especially not when it was obvious that he wasn't alright.
"Ok, I'll go for our pajamas and we'll get changed near the heater." I smiled in an attempt to get a similar reaction. I didn't succeed.
When we were in bed and well wrapped up in blankets, again I tried to get Frankie to tell me what was wrong, but he insisted that he was only tired. He kissed my lips, wished me good night and closed his eyes, so I turned out the light and resigned to wait until the morning. It would be a long night, with so many things in my head that were bound to not let me sleep: the memories of that day, the possibility of losing Frankie that had been closer than ever. What would have I done if that had happened? I couldn't even imagine it, I didn't want to. We were still together, it was better to leave the 'what ifs' out. Now I considered it more important to make sure Frank was fine. First that, then do something about Gabriel. If that jealous bastard thought that he could fuck with me like that without any consequences, he was absolutely mistaken. He'd pay; I had yet to come up with something, which I would as soon as I was rested.
Rest, nonetheless, didn't seem to be in the schedule for the night. When my eyelids were at last feeling heavy, my brain violently ordered them back up as the faint sound of crying penetrated my ears. In a matter of seconds, the lamp was on and my slumber forgotten. I was facing a distressful Frankie, his sobs becoming harder after our eyes met. Knowing that he wouldn't be able to tell me anything until he calmed down, I sat up and pulled him into my lap, tugging at the bed cover so we'd still be warm.
"S-sorry..." he babbled some minutes later. He was still breathing heavily, with no strength left to cry.
"What are you sorry for, Frankie?" I asked.
"Ev-everything." he sniffed. Then I remembered what he had told me earlier.
"Babe...is it about what you said before? That you were to blame for what happened?"
"Y-yes, my f-fault." he whimpered as if he was in pain, something was making him feel so bad that it hurt. "I c-can't be normal. C-can't, Gee. N-never."
"Shh, don't cry love, I don't want you to be normal, you don't have to. You already know that." my fingers unconsciously found the scar on the back of his head and massaged it. Frankie sighed and relaxed, the hand that had been in a tight fist now lying palm down on my chest. He was shaking, but I recognized that as the expectable shakes. "Tell me something, Frankie: do you know what happened? Did you understand why the police came looking for me?"
"Y-yes...I gu-guess...for t-two things." he started. "Th-they think normal p-people can't be w-with special p-people. Y-you told me m-many think th-that. An-and..."
"What else?" I encouraged him when he stopped and doubted.
"Th-they thought you w-were like John, r-right?" he questioned. "'C-cause...'cause they as-asked me if you h-had made me d-do things I d-didn't want to d-do. L-like John. T-told them no, I l-love you and you l-love me and...you d-don't hurt me."
"They thought that, yes. But you were great there and made them see that they were wrong, we all made them see that. Everything's fine now."
"B-but it was m-my fault." he repeated.
"Why do you think that?" I inquired. He needed to speak out his worries so I could help him.
"'C-cause...'cause I'm not n-normal and...and it sh-shows, everybody can s-see. I t-try sometimes...to s-seem normal, but d-doesn't work. P-pills make my h-head better but...but d-don't make me m-more smart. N-nope. An-and I don't like wh-when kids call me r-retarded but I k-kinda am. I kn-know that. B-boys my age are m-more smart and g-go to school and l-like other th-things. I...I c-can't write with all th-the right letters and c-can't do calcu-lations and d-don't understand things w-well and I like to p-play with toys for l-little kids and g-go to the p-playground and...th-that. B-boys my age are n-not like me at all. I kn-know that and pills w-won't fix it. M-mark said and you s-said. S-so people will kn-know I'm special and g-get mad at you and...and I l-love you but c-can't be normal. S-sorry, Gee, my f-fault..." he began to cry again as he chaoticallyexposed how aware of reality he was.
It broke my heart to hear him say all that, yet it was the truth. He wasn't like boys his age, he most probably never would and pills couldn't fix it. People would always notice, many would think our relationship was wrong and I might have more problems in the future. All this said, there was something that Frankie needed to understand and never ever forget: I didn't mind. I loved him the way he was and I didn't care about what others could think. I would fight them all.
"Frankie..." I grabbed his tear-stained face and gave him a short peck on his parted lips. "...look at me and hear me very well, because I want you to always remember what I'm going to tell you."
"K-kay." he nodded, a little scared of my tone. I didn't want him to get the wrong impression, so I kissed him again and smiled.
"You, my love, are perfect to me. Perfect. When I fell in love with you I did with everything you are, and I never wished you were any different. On the contrary, I've wished I was like you. I don't care if you can only do easy calculations and you have to use your fingers for it. I don't mind the way you write as long as you keep adding those lovely messages to your drawings. I have all the time in the world to explain things twice, thrice or as many times as necessary and it'll never bother me or annoy me. Never be afraid of asking me whatever you need to know. What else? I love watching you play with your toys, I love playing with you and you should never stop doing what you like. I'll always enjoy taking you to the playground and you must not think about what boys your age do, they're the ones missing the fun. You know what? Next time, if you and Mel agree, I'll play with you two."
"I th-think she'll like th-that." Frankie chocked with the tears.
"Good! And...lastly: I don't give a fuck what people will say. Sure, they'll probably always notice that you're special, but if they dare say something we'll just ignore them. You don't have to be ashamed or try to be 'normal', just be yourself, ok?"
"K-kay."
"Understood? No more guilt?" I poked him. He was still serious.
"N-no more."
"Don't worry, nothing like what happened yesterday will happen again because now they know Tony's your dad. He agrees with us being together, so no one can take you away from me." I added.
"P-promise?"
"Promise!" I raised my open hand as a sign. "Now, you have to stop crying 'cause there's no reason to be sad."
"I...I'm not s-sad anymore." Frankie shook his head. "I'm c-crying 'cause I'm h-happy and I l-love you and...and you l-love me and are s-so nice to me."
"Oh, really? Didn't you say your dad and I were weird 'cause we cried out of happiness?" I teased and he laughed. He cried again, laughed, kissed me and giggled. He was a mess of emotions hiding with me under an improvised tent. It was warm and cozy inside and we were close, so close.
"I...I th-think I'm w-weird too!" he grinned as more and more of his tears fell on my face. I looked up at him and knew I could overcome anything, everything.
******
My thirst for vengeance woke me up earlier than I would have wanted. Somehow the resentment had stayed alive all through the night, crawling into my dreams, giving me ideas and prompting me to execute them. I wasn't proud of the way I felt, I'd never been one to take revenge but Gabriel had gone too far. He had put me on the brink of losing who I loved the most in this world. What he did had indirectly forced Frankie to face the cruelest side of his reality, made him cry and feel guilty. Gabriel had thrown me there to be judged, he had pushed us into an stressful, awful situation dragging two more people with us. I couldn't let that pass. If his precarious, fucked up mind couldn't comprehend in a nice way that I'd never go back to him, then he would have to taste some of his own medicine.
My old phone notebook still held that number I had so many times called in the past, always making a prior mental note to announce myself as 'Gerard, Gabe's friend ' if his parents answered. I didn't need that this time as my fingers quickly pressed the numerical keys, slightly aggravated when I realised I still knew it by heart. Memory's a bitch; no wonder why I couldn't remember important dates or numbers sometimes, my hard disk was full of pointless rubbish.
"Hello?" a grave male voice greeted me, the one I wanted to hear, motivating me to assume a 'Freddie Mercury triumphal pose'.
"Good morning, sir." I answered politely, finding it hard to refrain from laughing. "I'm Gerard, Gabriel's ex boyfriend."
"Gerard? Uh...what do you mean?" he sounded confused.
"Oh, I haven't called in more than a year so you maybe don't remember me, do you?" I went on innocently.
"No...I do remember you, Gerard. But...what kind of joke is this?"
"What do you mean, sir? I made no joke..."
"You said you were my son's ex boyfriend. I guess you wanted to say friend, right?" he inquired hopefully. I had to stifle my giggles with a hand.
"No, I actually meant boyfriend. Oh, wait...he never told you? I'm sorry, sir, I..."
"Never told me what?" the man raised his tone.
"That we were a couple?"
"That's not true, my son's not gay!" he spat angrily. "He had a girlfriend while he was hanging out with you and he also has one now!"
"Ah yeah, he's into coverups." I responded calmly. "I hoped he'd change after our last talk, but it seems he's still the same fake asshole."
"This is enough, Gerard." he pronounced my name with despise. "If you have a problem with Gabriel then call later and discuss it with him. You know he's working at this hour."
"It's not necessary...wait, don't hang up! Would you just pass him some messages?" I requested, concealing my amusement.
"Only if you stop this shit."
"It's no shit sir, I repeat. Well, tell him he better not dare fuck with me again -no pun intended- or I'll be the one denouncing him next time. I won't, under any circumstance, go back to him. He lost me irremediably since the moment he decided to lure girls into being his girlfriends so he could introduce them to his family and hide the oh-so-shameful fact that he was fucking me -this pun intended- behind their backs. Me, a fag, Gabriel's boyfriend. "
"What the...?"
"I didn't finish. Also tell Gabriel to please rethink my advise and ask for professional help, he can't hide what he is all his life. Acceptance is the key to happiness, he needs to understand that."
"This is unac-"
"Have a good day, mister Schneider. Make sure you give your son my message, it's important." I concluded before hanging up. That's when I couldn't help it anymore and got into a fit of hysterical laughter. I was being childish but I didn't give a fuck. I felt accomplished, avenged; knowing Gabriel would certainly get my 'message' and the confession he had always ran away from would be now unavoidable.
"Wh-why you laughing, G-gee?" a half-asleep Frankie asked, staring at my convulsing figure that was sprawled on the floor. I sat up and took a deep breath to regain my composure.
"I...uh...am happy." I snickered some more at my stupid reply. He yawned, unable to assimilate my oddity.
"C-can we sh-shower now please? M-my hair's all eww."
"Definitely! My hair's ten times ewww." I ran my hands through my greasy mane and trailed behind my boyfriend who marched like a zombie towards the bathroom. No one interrupted us this time.
******
Frankie had a few nervous episodes during the first days that followed. Then things went gradually back to normal and his mind was again set on his birthday. The boy could be i ncredibly irritating and insistent -he could and he was - when something interested him too much. In spite of that we kept our mouths shut about the surprise, never giving in in to his impatience or his sweet methods of persuasion. I had feared Anthony would yield when having his son begging on his knees or crying dramatically, but the man proved to be remarkably strong when it came to making something special out of Frank's first birthday with us.
On Monday, Anthony and Frankie had gone for Frank's new ID. He was disappointed that he couldn't leave with the document right away, though they were told that it would be done soon. Tony took the chance to ask about Linda's pursuit and the news wasn't too encouraging. The police hadn't been able to find out anything about her or where she could be, and they believed she might have changed her name after getting her hands on the money. They had now started an investigation over the state where Linda used to live, contacting the authorities to ask for a list of people who had worked for the government within a certain period of time. I honestly didn't understand what they'd do with it. Go after each of them just in case? The judge had told them the name of the procurator -the only possible source of useful information from my point of view- and they were still trying to get in touch with him. He seemed to be missing in action at the moment.
The only good thing about it all so far was that O'Hara had surprisingly lived up to his promise: my phone number had been changed in no time. Calling everybody I knew -including my father- to inform them of that, in many cases making up excuses for the change, wasn't my favorite activity; but our safety was worth it.
Another outcome of Gabriel's 'brilliant idea' was our neighbors' inquisitiveness. They had seen the police cars in front of our house, they'd pried into the scene and knew we had left with them. I suspected that a couple of nosy old ladies had even been alert to our arrival time. As expected, questions were the order of the day and I had no answers ready. When the first neighbor approached me, I was terrified that they might have asked the cops. They could have reached their own conclusions and now be waiting to condemn me like a creepy sex offender. It wasn't like that, though; they knew nothing and were just worried. I couldn't tell them the truth so I had to improvise. The first thing that came to my mind was that the police had caught some guys that could be the ones who robbed us and shot me, and they wanted me to go identify them. My neighbors believed me, I had become a very good liar. I added that it had been a false alarm and they left me alone.
******
Halloween was finally here and I had taken the day off. Knowing the reason behind it, Sarah hadn't objected to it. She said it wasn't necessary that I worked on Saturday instead -as I'd told her I would- but I stuck to my opinion that it was only fair and she didn't discuss it with me anymore.
The day before Frankie and I had carved a pumpkin together. Since he wasn't allowed to with knives, I first let him draw a face on it with a marker so then I could trace the lines with a knife. It wasn't a scary pumpkin but a happy, funny one. We set it at the front of our house where everybody could see it. It was our only decoration because we would spend the date at my mom's, anyway.
That morning, to wake up my birthday-boy, I brought him breakfast. I had conveniently included a pumpkin-shaped helium balloon attached to one of the tray's holey corners, and a plastic Frankenstein mask beside the bowl of cereal. Frankie quickly put on his glasses, observed everything and grinned.
"Happy birthday, love!" I exclaimed.
"TH-THANK YOU!" he screamed, kissing me excitedly. Next, he discarded the glasses back and replaced them with the mask. "I...I'm s-scary?"
"Yes you are, but I wanna see your face now!" I pushed the mask up, accommodating it on a side of Frank's head and restoring his glasses. He grabbed a hand mirror we kept over the night stand and looked himself in it.
"Eww G-gee, shave m-me?" Frankie screwed up his nose. I watched him closely. His face, indeed, showed the subtle signs of stubble, though it would never get too noticeable. His hair was embroiled and also curlier than ever due to the humid day, and he had pillow marks on his cheeks. Yet he looked sweet and adorable, beaming like a five-year-old.
"I will after you have breakfast." I assented, retrieving the camera that Ray had forgotten the previous day to take a picture of Frank. It was one of those moments you wanted perpetuated.
"N-no, asshole! D-don't take p-pics of me like th-this, I'm ug-ugly!" he complained, slapping my hand.
"You look beautiful." I corrected him, and photographed us kissing.
"Wh-what's the s-surprise? N-now's my b-birthday so you can t-tell me!" Frankie jump-started the first round of the day, just when I thought that he would maybe just wait and see.
"Not yet."
"T-tell me now. "
"Have your breakfast."
"F-first you tell m-me."
"First breakfast."
"N-no! F-first you t-tell me!" he glared at me with his arms folded on his chest.
"Ok," I got up. "then I'll leave and take this tray with me since you don't want it."
"N-no no no n-no! I w-want it! B-but then you t-tell me, k-kay?"
CHAPTER 65, Part 2
Frankie never stopped demanding me to tell him. He wouldn't try to guess; he found it more entertaining to ask non-stop, not giving me more than five-minute-long breaks while he had his mouth too occupied eating. By the afternoon, when we were freshly clean and getting ready to leave, I didn't know how to put up with him anymore.
"G-gerard!" he shook my arm violently. "T-tell me tell me t-tell me tell m-me tell..."
"Please! Shut up already?" I silenced him with a kiss. "Please please please please?"
"Y-you don't love m-me nothing, e-evil person!" he shoved me away.
"I love you lots, but I want you to shut up and stop insisting because I won't tell you anything and you're just making my head hurt. It's a surprise. You don't tell surprises 'cause then it's not a surprise anymore." I explained, praying that he would finally get it.
"I d-don't like s-surprises. N-nope." he stated.
"You'll like this one."
"Y-you're like...s-super very m-mean." he whined, tossing a pair of jeans at my face.
"I love you."
"T-tell me?" he gave me his most seductive smile as a new tactic. Tempting, but I had to stay strong. I'd resisted for near two weeks, I had to be able to resist a few more hours.
"Choose something to wear already. The longer you take, the more you'll have to wait to see the surprise."
"K-kay, cruel m-man!" he went back to picking up clothes, still murmuring. "P-poor Frankie t-treated so bad on h-his birthday...n-not fair."
"Quit the drama and get dressed, babe, I can still hear you."
***************
Like every year for that date, my mother's garden was fully decorated. Paper lanterns, garlands, candles along the center path, and a huge pumpkin with cardboard glasses similar to Frank's -a lovely detail for sure- over a wooden crate in the porch. Frankie ran from side to side, looked around and began to jump out of happiness, giggling to himself and clapping hands. He had related how they would adorn the institution for Halloween and then go trick-or-treating always inside of it. They'd get sweets from doctors, nurses, cooks and some parents that were visiting. Ironically, they weren't able to keep them and would only get one every few days. Frankie said he loved it the same, but I could feel that this Halloween and birthday were going to be extra special. He knew it was all for him, his day, with a family of his own. I gave him some time to enjoy before I took his hand again.
"Come on, there's more inside."
I unlocked the door with my keys and the first thing that caught our eyes was a large sign hanging from wall to wall. It read: 'Happy Birthday, Frankie! We love you!' in festive black and orange letters. Same as the outside, the house was ornamented with several garlands and Halloween themed candles; also smaller pumpkins, balloons, and silhouettes of witches and bats cut out in paper on the walls and doors.
My mother received us dressed up in an old nurse uniform. Fitted, rigid and completely white, though the passage of time had made the fabric go yellow. It even featured the classic silly hat. Frankie eyed her up and down and blinked repetitively while I just laughed.
"Happy birthday, sweety! And happy Halloween too!" she opened her arms for him.
"H-happy Halloween, m-mom!" he jumped forward. I didn't know how she did it, but my mother had gotten used to enduring Frank's affectionate attacks and would even hold him up in her arms for a while every time they saw each other. Another super power that came along with mother love, I supposed.
"Your present's over the table." she put him down and pointed. Frankie was there in the blink of an eye.
"Mom...did you break into the hospital's ancient trash room or what?" I mocked her outfit.
"Nah, it belonged to a friend from work's mother, she wore it back in the forties. But tell me...was it too bad?" I knew what she meant with her question.
"Yeah, very bad! I don't know how I didn't give in and tell him just to shut him up! I love Frankie to death, but when he's annoying...he's mega annoying."
"You gotta put yourself in his place, Gerard. The poor kid never had so many people taking care of him, and I'm sure never ever a party organized specially in his honor..." mom reasoned.
"I know, that's why I kept my patience." I nodded, imagining it must be all very overwhelming for Frankie. "I also had in mind that what happened last week affected us both."
"Son...forget about that, we're having a party today." my mother smiled. She had been beyond worried when I told her of our night at the police station -and angry because I hadn't called her.
"Ok."
"L-look, Gee! L-lots of g-games!" Frankie came showing me a shoe box with at least ten Nintendo cartridges inside. You could easily get those for little money, but it was all my mother could afford since she had spent it all on Frank's costume and the decorations for the party. Anyway, it was a super present in Frank's eyes.
"You like them?" she asked.
"Y-yes! Th-thanks, mommy D-donna!" he substantiated his words with one of those hugs that would make her melt.
"Mom, where's Mikey?" I questioned.
"At Alicia's, they'll be here in minutes. You go change and I'll help Frankie."
"Ch-change?"
"Go with mom and you'll find out." I smirked. He didn't need to be told twice.
I produced the costume I had carefully hidden in my bag while Frank was still asleep. It was old and I had worn it before, but Frankie had never seen it and I didn't have money to get a new one. I was soon ready, so I embarked myself on make-up application. I stared into the mirror and grimaced, meditating my next actions. Everybody said I was pale as snow, why add more whiteness? I just rimmed my eyes with black, added a little red here and there, and retouched my hair with the help of Mikey's straightener. I had thought of bringing my crappy plastic teeth, but I didn't want anything obstructing my speech; people were completely right when they'd say I could never shut up.
Fumbling with my black and red cloak, I sat on the couch to wait for Frankie. My mom hadn't told me what she'd been concocting for Frankie since two weeks ago. My curiosity about the secret costume was killing me.
With the result in front of me in the form of an exotic blue-bird Frankie, I thought it was stunning. My mother had transformed simple sweat pants and a long sleeved t-shirt into the most awesome outfit. She had sewed lots of thin, blue pieces of a light material superimposed, not leaving a single inch free. They looked so much like feathers that it was incredible.
"L-look, wings!" Frankie showed me blissfully, lifting both arms. The sleeves were connected to the sides of the shirt by an ample annex of fabric covered in longer fake feathers. When he turned round, I spotted the tail. Contrary to those of real birds, this one hung limp from his coccyx, ending in three tips. I guessed my mother wanted Frankie to still be able to sit comfortably, that's why she had kept it practical.
Finally, I examined Frank's head. He wore a blue knitted cap, the feathers there not fake but genuine -or at least very good replicas. They looked like elegant, flexible stalks with graceful plumes at the ends. Some were bended backwards like a crest, while a few fell in front of Frank's forehead. His eyes were delineated in bright red with artistic curled details at the outer corners, although he necessarily had his glasses on. The contours of a beak had been drawn around his mouth, which was a wise choosing. To get him a plastic one would have been pointless since he'd get rid of it right aways so it wouldn't bother him to eat. To complete the set, he had bird-paw fluffy slippers on his feet.
"Awww!" I exclaimed loudly, squeezing my feathered boyfriend.
"Gerard! Don't go and ruin his make-up before the others see him!" my mom scolded me when I was about to kiss Frank.
"Okayyy..." I protested. "But wow, mom! You did a great job, it must have taken you a lot of time...and cost you a lot of money..."
"Shut up, Frankie's my son too and he deserved it. It was inspired by a blue bird he once saw in a magazine. He showed it to me and said he'd love to have one. I can't get him one of those birds, but I thought he'd like to become one for a day!"
"Oh, I didn't think it even had a back story, it was an awesome idea mom, you're the best."
"Sh-she is, I l-loved it!" Frankie hopped around until he stopped in front of me with a weird smile on his lips and a particular shine on his eyes.
"What...?"
"G-gee...you l-look oh so v-very handsome and...and...uh...s-sexy! Y-yes... sexy. " he cooed suggestively. My mother and I glanced at him and then at each other skeptically, only to end up laughing hard. Frank's sudden changes could be bewildering.
"Oh, child." she shook her head, amused.
"Th-this was the s-surprise? L-loved it like a wh-whole lot!" Frank cried out, completely satisfied with what he had gotten so far.
"Well, you still have to see the other guests, so there will be more surprises!" I mentioned.
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