"Larry will be okay. I figure he had too much alcohol in his blood stream to freeze. It was quite a night. Just like one of them Williams' movies." Ryan, who was sitting on the floor by her mom, looked up with pride. Janet shook her head. They finally got to bed about six. Reb had them up by seven.
The following week Robbie had to fly down to her office. "Why don't you invite your sister Elizabeth for Christmas while you are in Toronto?" suggested Janet, as she talked to Robbie on the phone.
Robbie snorted as if Janet was crazy. "My sister?! She only leaves her secluded world to go to physics conferences and then only once in a blue moon. I'm not sure she realizes Canada spreads farther than the suburbs of Toronto."
"Please," said Janet. "Family is important and Ryan really wants to meet her famous aunt."
Robbie's voice took a pouty tone. "So what is wrong with her famous mother?" she grumbled.
Janet laughed. "Ryan adores you but you are not the scientist!
"Where would we put her? The cabin is over crowded as it is. You practically have to book ahead to have a bath."
"I've got it all worked out. I asked Bill Perkins and he said we can borrow his trailer. It has a good electrical furnace and a reasonable sized bathroom. We can run a power cord from the house. That way if Elizabeth needs some private time she can escape to her trailer. How does that sound?"
Silence.
"Robbie?"
"It sounds like you had dinner with Bill Perkins," accused Robbie.
"No, coffee at Maria's after the drama society meeting," confessed Janet. "Jealous?"
"Yes!"
"Good. You'll get back here faster to me. I miss you," reinforced Janet, knowing that you could only pull the tail of a Williams once before you are likely to get a reaction that is less than funny.
"When, between coffee dates?!" snarled Robbie, partly in jest and partly out of a real need for reassurance.
"I miss you all the time, especially at night when I reach out for you," she whispered gently, knowing her lover would be thinking the same thing she was.
"Mmmm, I like that. I'll talk to Elizabeth but I make no promises. I'll phone you tomorrow. Bye, my love."
"Bye, darling," responded Janet with a sad smile. She really would miss Robbie terribly.
Elizabeth wrote a complex equation on a piece of paper and looked at it with a half smile. Physics was so beautiful, pure, loyal to the laws of nature and yet so complex in its structure. It was like dropping a stone into the pool of the universe and watching the ripples of energy create eternity. She wished people could understand enough math to be able to see that beauty. It seemed a shame that only a handful of people in the world could read God's blueprint.
"Hi." Elizabeth looked up with a start to see her sister standing there. "Sorry, Elizabeth, are you okay? I didn't mean to scare you."
Elizabeth wiped the sweat from her upper lip with a shaky hand. "It's okay. I usually keep my door locked when my secretary has left, that's all."
Robbie nodded. She understood Elizabeth's fears. "So can we talk?"
Elizabeth's eyes focused on Robbie sharply. What was going on with her sister? She had read with some surprise that Robbie had at last recognized her daughter. She had also seen an article about Robbie saving Billy's widow from a criminal. She was glad she lived in the relative safety of the academic world. There was no surprises. She hated surprises. "Of course. What is it you which to discuss?"
"You know how I feel about Janet, Bethy. I wanted you to know that I've decided to ask her to marry me. Would you like to join our family for Christmas," Robbie poured out, before she lost her nerve.
Elizabeth blinked, then blinked again. These were not surprises, they were two whopping big shock blows to her state of well being. Robbie waited. It took the better part of half a minute for Elizabeth to recover. "Love, I understand, is irrational, which explains the lack of logic in the rest of your statements," she observed.
Robbie nodded. Beth was right. "My daughter Ryan, would really like to meet you. She thinks science is wonderful. She has already blown up a lab and she is only fourteen. Janet can borrow a trailer. It's like a home on wheels, so you can have all the privacy you want. The cabin is kind of small. It would mean a lot to me, Bethy." Robbie got out, a bit of sweat forming on her own lip. She hated these meaningful conversations.
Elizabeth did not want to go. She didn't think she liked kids and she hated strange places, but Robbie had asked her, and if Robbie wanted it then there was no choice. "If you want me to, Robbie, I'll come."
Robbie smiled. "That's great. I'll take care of you, Bethy, you know I will!" Elizabeth smiled. Robbie always took care of things. Robbie was wonderful. She knew she could trust her.
"Listen, I haven't actually asked Janet to marry me yet, so don't say anything, okay?"
Elizabeth frowned. "You do know I do not approve of this relationship, Robbie," she said, doodling numbers nervously on her paper. "We agreed, that because of our past, involving others in our life was not fair."
A cloud came over Robbie face and she sighed. "There are days when I don't either, Bethy. I must be crazy to risk recognizing Ryan and bringing Janet and Reb into my life, but I can't go back. I don't want to go back. This is the first time I have been happy in a very long time, Bethy."
Elizabeth looked down at the numbers that gave her such beauty and pleasure. Robbie should have happiness too.
"Then I will support you, Robbie. I want you to be happy," promised Elizabeth.
Robbie drove, with a frown, through the wintry streets of Toronto. She hadn't noticed before how truly dreary winter in the city was. The yellow-grey sky hung low and wet and the snow, piled to the sides of the streets, was pitted with dirt. My lungs probably look like that, reasoned Robbie, pulling a face. She thought about the piles of white, fluffy snow in the north and the clear blue skies. I can't wait to get out of here.
It had been a busy week and Robbie was feeling tired. The Brian, Gwen, Joe triangle seemed to have resolved itself for the time being thanks to the company's bank of lawyers. The film was making millions, and was being hailed as the best love story ever. Ernie was making head way in selling nothing to the backers, and she had managed to get her Christmas shopping done.
That had been by far the most exhausting part of the week. It was dangerous out there! She had no idea how frantic and ruthless Christmas shoppers could be. No wonder they threw Christians to the lions! By the end of the week, she had been quite willing to participate in that age old Roman tradition!
Now she was heading her B.M.W., her Stingray never saw winter, over to the island airport to take the company helicopter up to Janet's. She could hardly wait! Damn, she had missed her family. The last six months of her life had been like a rebirth. Her whole world had changed from icicles to fire. The cell phone rang, cutting into her thoughts. She picked it up off the seat.
"Robbie."
"Hi mom!" came her daughter's voice.
Robbie felt her particular cup of joy spill over. I've got one great kid, she thought proudly. "What's up?"
"I phoned to warn you. Don't come home; dye your hair, change your name, and move to Argentina.
She might not be able to track you down there."
Robbie's eyes widened as she turned into the parking lot of the commuter airport. "Who and why?" she asked calmly, as she punched the button to get her parking ticket. Robbie was used to having people gunning for her.
"Aunt Janet has spent all week watching your movies. She watched the ones you directed and wrote first, and then she started on the earlier ones you acted in. She said they are works of art and clearly show that you should be locked up as a deranged and sick human being."
Robbie beamed, "Works of art, huh?! Why am I sick and deranged?" she asked, conversationally as she found her spot and pulled in, shoving the car into park while she leaned back to talk to her daughter.
"You killed the dog in Cold Night Walking; she and Rufus took it personally," explained Ryan. "We all sat around and cried."
"That's what you were supposed to do!" protested Robbie. "Is that why I'm in the doghouse?"
"Nope, you're in trouble because of Female Marines. I quote, 'Robbie and THAT woman have something going! That Julie Devon is all over her like a rash!' You're in trouble."
"That was ten years ago!" protested Robbie.
"She has big boobs...two of them," Ryan explained, less than subtly.
"Oh oh."
"I'm to take Reb to the library this afternoon for Read Along. She wants me out of the house so there are no witnesses. So were you sleeping with Julie Devon?"
Robbie looked at the phone in shook. "What are you, the teen from hell?! You don't ask questions like that!"
Ryan giggled, "Thought so, you could see the chemistry."
Robbie snorted, "What would you know about chemistry?! No! Wait, don't tell me, I don't want to know. I wouldn't be able to sleep nights!"
Ryan laughed, "Bye mom! Good luck!"
"Thanks, kid." Robbie said softly, and hung up. Oh boy, I'm in trouble. Maybe a gift. Is there a store at the island airport?
Janet met Robbie at the door as she ran up the steps, grinning with happiness. "I'm home!" she yelled, and picked Janet up in her arms to kiss her. "God! I've missed you!
"Mmmm, I missed you too," smiled Janet. They kissed again. Long and slow, desire building like a tidal wave.
"Anyone around?" asked Robbie, between kisses.
"No," came the reply. Robbie carried Janet to the bedroom.
They sat later by the fire, waiting for the kids to come home, Janet snuggled into Robbie's side and Robbie with a possessive arm wrapped around Janet. "Ahhh, I've been watching your movies. They really are good." Oh,oh, here it comes, thought Robbie. "When you made Female Marines were you and Julie Devon...well...you know?"
"Yes," stated Robbie. She'd decided that the only way to make their relationship stronger was to be honest with Janet. She was too smart a lady not to pick out a lie, otherwise Robbie might have tried it.
"Oh," came a disappointed and pained voice. "She's very beautiful. Is she nice?"
"Yes, she is very beautiful and she was a real pleasure to work with. She's up beat, funny and a hard worker," responded Robbie, in fairness.
"ET said there are rumours that she will star in your next movie," Janet said, rubbing Robbie's hand with the tip of a tense finger.
"I don't have a screen play yet. I'm going to take some time off this winter and write. I have talked to Julie though, about the story line, and leaving herself available for the role next year." The body she was holding went strangely still.
Silence. Janet's hand stopped moving and she held onto Robbie's hand tightly.
"Does that bother you?" Robbie asked gently, wrapping her hand around Janet's.
"Yes." Janet gasped and started to shake with tears.
Robbie's heart gave a spasm of pain. She reached around and lifted Janet into her lap and held her close. "Shhh, love, it's okay. There is only one person I will ever need in my heart and my bed from now on, and that's you."
"I'm grotesque!" sobbed Janet, holding onto Robbie tightly and dripping tears down her neck.
"No, you are not! Don't ever think that or say it again!" said Robbie sharply. She pulled Janet away and forced her to make eye contact by lifting up her head with a gentle hand. "You turn me on. You satisfy me. You have given me more joy and happiness than I thought possible! Do you really think I'm such a low life that I'd cheat on you?!"
"You dumped Tracy Travelli," mumbled Janet miserably, though tear filled eyes.
Robbie snorted. "Tracy was a convenience. She knew it. I knew it. We were just using each other. Things are a lot different for me now. I've fallen in love, deeply in love. I've got this...family...I don't need or want anything else," Robbie tried to explain, although the words fell well short of what she felt inside.
"Oh, Robbie!" Janet moaned, wrapping herself around her lover again. "I love you so much! Every time you do something dangerous or go away, I feel so vulnerable. I don't mean to be so jealous and possessive!"
"It's okay, I kinda like being wanted," Robbie smiled, holding Janet close. "I work with a lot of beautiful and famous people, Janet. If I act, I'm likely to do a love scene. It's just business. Nothing more. Sure people come on to me at times, males and females. You have got to know though that you are something special, and I'm never going to risk that."
"I love you, Robbie," Janet declared holding on as tight as she could. Robbie made a decision. This was not how she had planned to stage it, there was going to be soft music, a shining Christmas tree, and a quiet drink. Instead, it wasn't going to be a performance, it was going to be real, here and now with a lover with a red nose from crying.
She slipped Janet onto the couch and went and got something out of her briefcase. Coming back, she sat beside her lover and kissed her softly. "You are my soulmate. I have always loved you, and I always will. Would you do me the honour of marrying me this Christmas?" asked Robbie, her stomach a nervous flutter.
"Oh Robbie, we can't, the kids, my job...Oh Yes! Yes, Robbie! I love you so much!" Janet responded, feeling warm and loved inside the circle of Robbie's arms. Robbie took out a blue velvet box and slipped out the ring she had bought. With great reverence, she slipped off the band of gold that Janet wore and slipped in its place her pledge of loyalty and love. For a long time, the two of them said nothing, too overwhelmed with the step they had just taken to find the words to express what they had found together.
"It's beautiful Robbie. Everything is so beautiful now I've found you," whispered Janet softly.
Robbie smiled. She knew exactly what Janet felt.
Robbie found David Potts sweeping out his small general store right on closing time. "You just made it, Robbie, I was just going to put the lock on the door," he smiled.
"We gotta talk," Robbie said seriously, closing the door behind her, and switching the cardboard sign around so it read, closed.
"Oh dear!" exclaimed David, looking truly frightened.
Robbie didn't look much better. But she'd proposed now, and there was no backing out. "Ahhh, I need a favour. I understand you are the Justice of the Peace in town."
David smiled in relief. " That's right! I bet you want your passport signed. I can take your picture too! I've got the camera back there by the meat counter."
Robbie licked her lips. This is nothing to be ashamed of Williams, just ask the man! Even if he refuses Janet said he could be trusted to keep quiet. "This is a confidential matter," Robbie clarified.
David frowned. "Well, I don't think I do things like that! My job is for the public record. Maybe, you should see a lawyer, Robbie."
Robbie swallowed. "I want to buy a marriage certificate and I want you to marry Janet and me," Robbie got out in one long sentence.
David looked stunned. "Oh, my."
"We don't want it to become a circus. We just want to quietly exchange vows, and adopt each other's children. Can you do that?"
"Well, I don't know," flustered David. "I mean I can, but I never have. Most people go to a minister!" he stalled. Robbie looked at him, one eyebrow up in annoyance and her arms crossed. "Oh! Oh dear! I guess that won't do, would it?" David bit his lip and then smiled. "You know, I always wanted to be a minister! I've got the licenses right over here! Oh, this is so exciting!"
Robbie followed him frowning. "We don't want a lot of people to know. We don't want it getting out to the media," she reinforced.
David stopped and looked at her in shock. "Robbie, I would never tell a secret," he said, indignantly.
Robbie smiled, this guy was just too cute to be true!
It was Friday afternoon, and Janet had asked Carolyn, Milka, and Amanda to pop into her office before they left. They now sat in a row in front of her desk looking vaguely worried. "Ahhh, this is a personal and confidential matter." Janet began, feeling embarrassed. "You are not only part of my staff but friends. I want you to know that I'm gay and that I've been seeing Robbie Williams."
She waited. There was no reaction. The three women just sat there with smiles, waiting. Janet cleared her throat and went on. "We've decided to get married and wondered if you would feel comfortable in being there." This time there were cheers and her friends got up to hug and congratulate her.
"We spotted the ring days ago!" said Carolyn.
"We thought you'd never tell us!" groaned Milka
"When is it going to be? Can Bert and Mohammed come?" asked Amanda.
Janet blushed brightly. "Yes, of course they can come if they feel comfortable at a gay wedding. It will be on Boxing Day, at the cabin. Robbie would like it outside, so we hope the weather will be nice. Ahhh, you understand, you can't say anything. If the media got hold of this it would be a mess, and very hard on the kids."
"Hey, we can keep a secret! We're your friends! This is just so neat! Who is doing the ceremony?" babbled Carolyn.
"Ahhh, Robbie is arranging something today," Janet stalled, not wanting to mention David's name until she knew he had agreed.
Gwen got an e-mail: This is for Brian and your eyes only, Gwen. Janet and I are getting married on Boxing Day. You two are invited. The 'copter will bring you up. R.
Gwen shook her head, typical Williams. She didn't have the nerve to tell her face to face! And where was she going to get a babysitter for three kids on Boxing Day?! They'd just have to go stay with their father and his new live in, because she was not missing seeing Robbie Williams getting her wings clipped for the world! She hadn't been sure about Janet at first but she had come to realize that the quiet principal was prefect for Robbie.
Christmas was wonderful. Elizabeth, to everyone's surprise, including her own, felt very safe and comfortable at the cabin. She liked the small coziness of the trailer too. After the rather startling noise and confusion of her sister's family, she could lie in her bunk at night, in the northern stillness and look at the clear stars out the window. She knew many of them by their name and number and their spectrograms.
She liked Janet. She was like a mother ought to be, friendly, caring, and she could cook too! She liked that. Elizabeth tended to warm some soup in a beaker over a Bunsen burner or stick a frozen dinner in the microwave. They had real Christmas cake, and sugar cookies cut and decorated with icing. There were stockings hanging on the fireplace, even one for her, and all sorts of parcels under the tree. She was glad that she had ordered each of them a gift. It was like the Christmases she had read about but never had.
And her sister was so different! Relaxed and funny and just great with the kids. Robbie was happy at last. That made Elizabeth happy. Ryan and Reb, she found, were fun. Reb liked to sit in her lap and play with her glasses. She called her Annie Beth and her sister Oby! Ryan was full of mischief and could be quite startling in what she would say and do. She was so very much like her mother, Robbie. Yet, when Elizabeth talked about physics with Robbie, she was right there and asked intelligent questions.
Elizabeth nodded in the dark of her trailer. Yes, she liked having nieces. She must find out when their birthdays were and send them a little something each year. Why that monkey, Ryan, had even taken her for a ride on her snowmobile into town to buy extra milk and butter and introduced her to the nice looking man who owned the store. Ryan had told her that he was also the town's Justice of the Peace and would be the one that married Robbie and Janet. There was a man who could turn his hand to anything.
Christmas Day, Ryan was banging at her trailer door with a coffee at dawn. Elizabeth slipped over to the cabin in her wool housecoat and boots and joined the family around the tree. Janet handed out the presents and wouldn't let anyone open any until they had been all handed out. Then it was pandemonium!
Once all the gifts had been exchanged with many hugs and kisses, much to Elizabeth's surprise, they had a breakfast of homemade braided loaves and jam made from the blackberries they had picked that fall. Then they all went to church. It had been...magical.
Janet and Reb had gone for a much deserved nap and Elizabeth sat in the window by the fire watching Ryan and Robbie, down on the lake, rolling snowballs industriously. What in the world were they up to now? Large snow balls gradually formed a semicircle on the lake near the beach. Then, at ninety degrees to the arch a second row of three large snow balls was hoisted into place. Two were placed on the top of these and then one. The semi circle now had central tower.
Elizabeth pushed her glasses up the bridge of her nose and watched with interest. Two wood benches from the cedar picnic table were carried down and placed inside with an aisle between them. Why they are building a snow chapel! Elizabeth realized. How lovely! Carried by the moment, Elizabeth went and got her coat and helped her sister and niece wet and polish the snow walls until they shone
blue ice.
Later, when Janet joined them, she smiled with delight as she inspected the winter fairy castle under the dome of a robin blue sky. Elizabeth, in a rare moment of insight, took Reb from Janet's arms and indicated to Ryan to follow her up to the cabin. Janet stood with Robbie and watched the setting sun turn their chapel to soft pink then royal blue. "I love you, Robbie. Thank you."
"I love you," Robbie smiled, "And you are welcome." They walked hand in hand back up to the house.
"Robbie?" came a soft voice in the dark.
"Mmmm," came the reply.
"Why are you still awake?" Janet asked, rustling the sheets as she moved closer.
"Why are you?" Robbie evaded, kissing a bare shoulder affectionately.
"Because, I'm scared skinny about tomorrow!" admitted Janet, kissing a soft breast.
Robbie laughed. "Me too. I do film, not stage," she admitted.
"Terrific, all we've gone through to get to this point, and now we both have cold feet! It's a very big step we are taking into the unknown. There could be some real tough moments ahead for us and the kids," fretted Janet.
"Yeah. There is sure to be. But gays have fought long and hard for the right to enjoy the responsibilities and privileges that legally married couples have always had. We would be foolish to let our fears of what society might say and do stop us from taking this step."
"I know. We've never talked about money or anything. I have a mortgage and..."
"We have a mortgage and we will pay it off."
"That's not fair! Why should you pay my debts!?"
"Because we are not going to be a you and me after tomorrow. We'll be a we. Janet, have you any idea how rich I am?" asked Robbie in amusement.
"Rich enough to have a spare million anyway," sighed Janet.
Robbie snorted. "Last year, my personnel income, not that of my companies, just mine, was over fifteen million. I think we can afford to pay off the mortgage."
Janet giggled. "What's so funny?" asked Robbie.
"Damn, you're a good catch!" Robbie was obliged to show her just how good.
The ice chapel shone under the clear blue, northern sky. Evergreen trees, bowed with white pillows of snow framed the scene as the guests arrived and took their places. On Robbie's side sat Gwen, Brian and Elizabeth. On Janet's side was Mika, Carolyn and Bert, and Amanda and Moe. Bill Perkins was there too. He fancied himself an amateur photographer, and it was his bitter sweet duty to photograph the event from the side lines.
David Potts stood proudly in front of the snow wall. Robbie had wanted to buy him a blue jacket to wear for the ceremony but he had refused. This was his first and possibly only wedding and he planned to do it right, he told her. He had braved the cold in his navy blue, Sunday best suit.
Robbie and Ryan waited nervously by him. They both wore black pants and boots and buckskin jackets in soft cream. Indian bead work in bright blues and reds formed small panels from each shoulder.
Soft Celtic harp music played as Janet and Reb, hand in hand, came down the small aisle. They wore black pants and boots too with matching white Eskimo parkas. Simple native patterns decorated the hem line in the same bold colours as was on the buckskin jackets. The four made a beautiful group as they stood in front of David.
David smiled shyly and then gathered himself together. "Who gives away, this lady?" he asked.
Janet squeezed Reb's shoulder and the little girl giggled, "I do." Everyone smiled, and Janet winked at her tiny daughter.
"Ladies and Gentlemen, we are here today, under God's immense sky, to witness the marriage of these two fine ladies. Marriage is a sacred bond. It does not deal with gender, age or religion but with the love, loyalty and trust between two individuals, such as Janet and Robbie, who choose to join their lives together as one. If anyone knows of any reason why these two should not be wed please speak of it now." David paused.
"Janet Jean Williams, do you take Robbie to be your lawful partner, trusting in her love, and loyalty to guide you through your life together?"
"I do."
"Roberta Nichola Williams, do you take Janet to be your lawful partner, trusting in her love, and loyalty to guide you through your life together?
"I do."
"If you would place the rings on this bible," David instructed. Ryan took the two simple bands of gold from her pocket and placed them on the white leather bible that David held out. "Robbie, if you would take one and make your pledge to Janet."
Robbie took the ring and placed it on Janet's finger. "My love, my loyalty, my trust, always."
Janet took the other ring and slipped it on Robbie's finger. "My love, my loyalty, my trust, forever."
"In this special place, made by Our Lord God, and before these witnesses and friends today, I declare you legal life partners. Please seal these vows with a kiss."
Robbie leaned down and brushed a shy kiss across Janet's lips. Their family and friends applauded. Robbie and Janet hugged Ryan and Reb and then accepted the congratulations of David and the others.
Janet and Robbie, now one, led the party back to the cabin to sign the certificate and to cut the wedding cake that David had shown up with that morning to everyone's surprise. He had baked and decorated the cake himself.
David and Elizabeth took the marriage certificate and carefully folded it and put it inside the bible. They walked over to where Robbie and Janet stood hand in hand and took them aside. "The bible I used today was bought for you by your sister, Elizabeth. In it is your marriage certificate. Best wishes to you both," he said, giving them the white leather bible.
Tears filled Robbie's eyes. Unable to speak how she felt, Robbie stepped over and gave her sister a big hug. For the first time in a very long time, Elizabeth didn't flinch at the touch but instead hugged back gently.
That night Ryan and Reb had a sleep over in Aunt Beth's trailer.
Janet and Robbie sat for a long time by the fire. They held hands and looked at the flames burning brightly, content to be together as partners. It was a new world and a new beginning.
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