“Is that why you give the slaves the same food?”
“Uh huh.” Xena watched her. “It’s a bitch of a life, and damned uncomfortable, but not by much over what it was for them before.”
“But you’re not free.” Gabrielle gazed earnestly at her.
Xena’s lips twitched wryly. “No one is.” She said. “Think about it. Is Bregos? Are those damn fawning nobles? Is the army? No one is, Gabrielle. Everybody is enslaved by something at some point.”
Gabrielle had never thought about it that way. She pondered a moment, then looked up.“Even you?”
The blue eyes widened, and sharpened a touch. “Me?”
Gabrielle nodded. “You said everybody… does that include you?” She nibbled at a bone.
Xena took the time to examine the question, glad at least that the discussion was taking her mind off the pain in her back. It had been a very long time since she’d had anyone to just sit around and talk to, who wasn’t constantly on their guard and wary of every word.
It felt insanely good, and she really had no idea why. Maybe it was just boredom.
“I’m the only one who controls me.” Xena finally said. “And I like it that way.”
Gabrielle chewed her lamb slowly, thinking in her own turn. “I think I’ve had to make more of my own choices since I’ve been here than I have in my whole life before.” She said, a soft note of surprise in her voice. “Weird.”
“So.. are you freer now, as a slave, than you were as a free peasant?”
Gabrielle put her bone down and frowned. “That doesn’t make sense.”
“No.” Xena took a breath, as a sharp stab of pain jolted her. “But it’s true, and you know it.” She pushed her plate away a little. “What’s in that jug?”
Seeing the tense lines of pain on Xena’s face, Gabrielle set her plate down and scrambled to her feet, going over to the table. She sniffed the contents. “Mead.”
“Ahh.” Xena could already taste the honey. “Bring it over.”
Gabrielle filled a big cup and brought it to her, blinking a little at the strong, spicy scent of the drink. “Wow.”
Xena took a sip, rolling it around in her mouth before she swallowed. “Nice.” She murmured. “First batch of the year.. didn’t think it was ready yet.” She glanced at Gabrielle, who had settled back down to the carpet and picked her plate back up. “Here. Try it.” She extended the cup.
Gabrielle slowly lifted her hand and took the cup, putting her lips to it and warily taking a sip. She handed the cup back and swallowed, her brow furrowing. It was sweet, and potent, and stung her mouth a little. Even after she swallowed, the taste remained, filling her nose with it’s richness. “Mm.”
Xena swirled the cup gently and took another sip. “Like it?”
She wasn’t really sure. “I think so.” Gabrielle admitted. “The only thing we had at… home… was beer.” She wrinkled her nose. “Not very good beer.”
“In that case, take some, but not a lot.” Xena warned her.
Gabrielle got up and retrieved the jug, pouring a small amount into the second cup on the tray. She brought the jug and put it on the table and sat down. Surveying her plate of grilled chops and beans, and her cup, she reflected that the meal was probably the finest she’d ever had. Thoughtfully, she sipped her mead, musing quietly about her fellow slaves down in the workroom.
“So.” Xena’s voice broke her thoughts and made her look up. “What did you do for fun, back on the farm?”
Gabrielle took another bite of lamb, finally feeling her grumbling stomach subside. “Sometimes we’d play ball.. or rope jump.” She said. “Or if it was bad weather, word games.”
Word games. Xena detected a possible diversion to keep her mind off her back. “What kind of word games?” She asked.
“Um…” Gabrielle licked her fingers. “Guessing things, mostly.” She felt a little foolish. “One person would think of something, like.. an animal or a plant. Then everyone else would try to guess what it was by asking questions.”
“Mmm.” Xena set her cup on the table. “Tell you what.” She could feel the throbbing starting again and inwardly cursed herself, the archers, fate, and the bit of bad luck that had caused three men to make up the ambush instead of two. “Change this damn bandage, then we’ll play your game.”
Gabrielle was caught by surprise. Xena wanted to play her child’s game? Slightly bewildered, she got up and took Xena’s plate away, putting hers aside to finish later. She went and got the basin and rags, going to the water cisturn and filling the bowl with fresh, clean water. She brought the basin back over and put it down, kneeling next to the bed.
Xena had already eased over onto her stomach, and Gabrielle could see a stain of blood and pus on the back of her gown. She made a small sound of dismay, easing the cloth away from the wound carefully as she pulled the shoulder of the gown down and exposed Xena’s back.
Her skin, outside the area that was damaged, was smooth and soft. Gabrielle rinsed her cloth out and cleaned the area, which though swollen, didn’t appear as angrily red as before. “It looks a little better.” She told Xena, who had her chin resting on her wrist.
“Feels worse.” Xena muttered. “Damn it.” Her eyes narrowed. “If I catch the little bastard who hit me I’m going to pull his testicles off slowly before I gut him.”
Gabrielle wisely didn’t reply to that. She continued her work, resting one hand on Xena’s shoulder as she concentrated on removing the dried blood and yellow stains.
It occurred to her suddenly just how close she was to Xena.
Now that she’d cleaned off all the blood, it also occurred to her that the queen’s skin had a pleasant, faintly spicy scent to it.
“Gabrielle?”
She almost jumped. “Yes?”
“In the chest over there, on the bottom, there’s a box. Bring it.”
“Do you want me to finish this first?”
“No.” Xena exhaled. “Those herbs aren’t working. I want to try something else.”
Gabrielle gave the wound one last dab. “Okay.” She put the rag in the basin and got up, wiping her hands on her apron as she crossed to the heavy, brass bound chest resting inconspicuously against the wall. She undid the catch and opened the lid, and at once an odd barrage of scents invaded her lungs.
There were furs, inside, on the top. She gently drew them aside to reveal leather and brass armor, well oiled and neatly folded. Resting on top of them was a worn, thin leather bag roughly the size of her head. Gabrielle touched it as she leaned over the chest, her fingers detecting a hard, circular object inside. “Does the box have brown squares on top?”
“That’s it.”
Gabrielle carefully removed it. The box was wood, and as she looked closer, she realized it was made from different colors of wood cleverly interlaced with each other. It was stunning– a piece of craftsmanship that even her inexperienced eyes recognized. “Wow. This is amazing.” She carried it over to where Xena was lying. “It’s so beautiful.”
Xena glanced at the box held reverently in Gabrielle’s hands. A curious expression appeared on her face. “Thanks.” She murmured. “I made it.” She added. “A long time ago.”
Gabrielle carefully put it down, and undid the brass catch, then opened the box. The top rose silently on pegged hinges and revealed folded pieces of parchment, each with a faded scrawl on the top. “Which one?”
“Let me see.” Xena fingered several packets, then selected one. She brought it close to her nose and sniffed, grimacing at the sharp scent. “Yeah, that’s the one.” She handed it to Gabrielle. “Sprinkle it on, just a pinch.” She put her head back down as Gabrielle opened the parchment, which crackled with age. Memories of the time when she’d assembled those packets assailed her, and she let herself get lost in them for just a short while.
Gabrielle carefully took up a tiny amount of the crushed, dried herb, bending close as she dusted it onto the wound. To her surprise, the herb seemed to dissolve, and a whiteish foam appeared, quickly bubbling away to nothing. She looked at Xena’s face, which had an odd, dreamy expression on it. “Okay.. is that it?”
Slowly, the pale blue eyes lifted and tracked to hers. “Did it hiss?”
Gabrielle nodded, making a tiny face.
“Good.” Xena exhaled. “Damn stuff kept it’s effect. Lucky me. Okay, just leave it now.”
“Without a bandage?”
“Yes.” The queen shifted a little. “If you keep it closed, sometimes it gets worse.”
Gabrielle filed that away for future use. She put the packet back into the beautiful box and closed the lid. She walked over to the chest and put the box back, gently covering the contents with the fur again before she closed the lid. Along with the box, though, she could sense history in that chest, and the care with which the contents were put in there made her understand that these were parts of Xena that mattered very much to her.
More mysteries.
Gabrielle went back to the bed side, stopping when she found one of the queen’s pillows on the floor where she’d previously been kneeling. She bent to pick it up, but found her wrist gripped in Xena’s hand. “Uh..”
“Leave it. Sit on it.” Xena pointed at the pillow. “Might as well make yourself comfortable.”
Gabrielle blinked at the soft, plump, richly silken item. “You want me to sit on your pillow?”
For some reason, Xena found that funny. Her shoulders shook slightly as she laughed in silence. Then she sighed. “Sit.” She ordered, pointing at the pillow. “Time for your game. You go first.”
More than a little rattled, Gabrielle obeyed, seating herself on the pillow facing the queen. Now at eye level with her, she could see the tiny glints of humor in the back of Xena’s eyes, and allowed herself to relax. “Okay.” She pursed her lips and thought for a minute. “I picked something.”
“All right.” Xena stretched her body out a little, forcing the discomfort from her conscious thoughts. “It better be something good.”
“I think it is.”
“It better not be sheep.” Xena warned her, surprising a tentative grin out of the girl.
“It’s not.” Gabrielle answered. “I knew it would have to be something really good to keep you guessing for more than a bit.”
“Oh, really?” A dark eyebrow twitched. “And why is that?”
Another grin appeared, this one more relaxed. “Because you’re really smart.”
Their eyes met, and held. The silence lengthened, until Xena broke it with a sigh. “Not nearly smart enough to avoid being shot in the back with an arrow, Gabrielle.” She said. “Animal?” She moved incautiously, and her breathing caught.
Gabrielle reached up instinctively and took hold of Xena’s hand, which was resting near the edge of the mattress. Their fingers tightened together and held, until Xena’s body finally relaxed as the pain faded. “You know… when I was listening to those men downstairs talk about how great going to war was… they don’t mention this stuff.”
Xena’s eyes opened wearily, and regarded her. “No.” She said. “If they did, no one’d want to fight, would they? If they knew they’d spend days… weeks… hurting if they didn’t die outright?”
“Mm.” Gabrielle shook her head a little. “Maybe it would be better if they did know. Less people would fight.. and die.” She looked at Xena. “That can’t be the best way.”
Xena looked at their still linked hands, then at Gabrielle. “Humans kill by their nature, Gabrielle. You can’t change that.” But her voice was gentle. “It’s a nice thought, though.” She cleared her throat a little. “Animal?”
Gabrielle realized her hand wasn’t going to be released. “Um.. no.” She said. “It’s not.”
“Vegetable?”
“No.”
“Mineral?”
“No.”
“Gabrielle, it has to be one of them.”
“I’m sorry, it’s really not.”
A sigh. “Alive or dead.”
“Alive.”
“Now we’re getting somewhere. Got a brain?”
“I don’t think so.”
“Oh, that narrows it down. Bregos?”
In another sudden reflex, Gabrielle found herself chuckling.
It felt so incredibly strange.
**
Part 5
So, Xena. When was the last time you woke up with someone sleeping on your floor, that you hadn't thrown there? Xena amused herself with the thought, as the early light of dawn entered her windows. And left alive?
Gabrielle was curled up asleep on the rug, her pale head resting on the silk pillow Xena had given her, and a robe of Xena's covered her against the chill.
Xena studied the girl for several minutes, trying to figure out what it was that so fascinated her about the kid. She was cute. She was spunky, and she had the appeal of a newborn puppy. All right. One of the floppy eared ones, too.
"But I don't like puppies." Xena muttered. "Except for lunch." With a sigh, she put her head back down and continued her studying. Gabrielle was small, and slight, but to Xena's warrior's eyes there was a potential for strength there, and her body was well formed for its size.
Xena looked again. Her body was well formed regardless of the size. She had straight, even shoulders and a tapered torso, a slim waist and narrow, but well shaped hips. Her limbs were, of course, shorter than Xena’s were, but in proportion to her body and had enough muscle on them to be more than functional.
Hmph. So she was cute.
Okay. Xena nodded slightly. You want to take her to bed. So why don't you? Because you told her you don't rape slaves?
Xena studied the slightly rounded jawline. Because she trusts you?
A wry chuckle. No, because she's a clueless little virgin who would be about as much fun as rolling in the hay with a fencing dummy. Ah, Gabrielle. Xena cautiously rolled over and grimaced as her injury protested. Anger at that, and at herself surfaced, and she growled a little.
Enough to wake the kid up, apparently. Xena glanced over her shoulder to see a tousled blond head pop up in mild alarm. "Relax."
Gabrielle rubbed the sleep out of her eyes. "Sorry, I.. um...thought I heard something." Her voice was husky, and she cleared her throat a little. “A noise.”
"You did." Xena slowly sat up and leaned her weight on elbows braced on her knees. "You heard an old fighter bitching." She forced herself to stand up, and walk over to the window. The sky overcast, and as she looked out towards the horizon, she could see black clouds bearing down on them.
By the gods. Xena exhaled, shaking her head. It was just what she'd needed - a day's postponement of the challenge. A day more to let her heal, let her be in some condition to face Brego's plot. It was as though the gods themselves were watching over her. "Zeus. I owe you one."
Gabrielle came to stand beside her. "Owe him for what?" She let her hands rest on the window sill next to Xena’s.
"That." Xena pointed to the sky. "We'll have to put off the war games." She told the girl. ""Give me a little more time."
"I don't understand." Gabrielle leaned her weight on her hands and looked out. "I thought the men were fighting each other?"
"They are... but don't you see, Gabrielle? It's not between them...it's between me and Bregos. If he loses, he loses face big time and I can get rid of him without any problems."
"Okay." Gabrielle was still confused. "But..."
Xena’s eyes narrowed, and she chuckled softly. "He can't let his men lose. He'll have to jump in on their side...and then I'll have to jump in on ours, and it'll be me and him." She said. “And then I can take him.”
Gabrielle considered that. "I still don't get it." She confessed. "Why not just have it be you and him to start with?"
Xena sighed. "Because he won't accept a direct challenge from me, Gabrielle. He's supposed to be my vassel. But if it's all part of the games, he can go along with the spirit of it." She explained. “It’s all in the timing.”
"Oh." Gabrielle nibbled her lower lip. “Okay.”
Xena eyed her. "Sounds stupid, right?"
"Well..."
"Ah ah.." Xena chucked her under the chin. "No lies, Gabrielle. I have an entire court of liars, and one of you. Don't go changing.”
That got her a shy smile. "It sounds dangerous." Gabrielle said. "For you, with your back and all."
"It is." Xena looked back over the land. "Life's dangerous. You should know that by now." As she watched, rain began to fall, damp and cold and she felt the moisture against the skin of her face. It was raw, and cold, and she welcomed it.
"I guess I do." The girl answered quietly. "But if the rain makes it less dangerous for you, then I'm glad."
The sentiment shocked her, in an odd way. Xena closed her hand on the iron spike next to the window and watched a hawk circle in the sky, ignoring the oncoming rain. "Why is that, Gabrielle?" She turned. "If I die, it might make life a lot better for you." She said. "Why would you care if something happened to me?"
Instead of answering, Gabrielle walked over and picked up the pillow, smoothing it's surface before she set it down on the bed. She folded the robe neatly, and put that down as well, all in a charged silence broken only by thunder. Finally she turned around and faced Xena, a troubled look on her face. "I don't know why." She said. "I just know I do.”
"Oh, you do?"
Gabrielle nodded.
"A slave who cares if I live or die. Will wonders never cease." Xena leaned against the sill. She watched the kid's eyes drop, and an embarrassed flush color her cheeks. "I don't know if I like that idea."
Now confusion and hurt crossed Gabrielle's face. "I'm sorry." She muttered. "I didn't know it was bad to care about someo.. about that."
"Or do you figure I'm your meal ticket?" Xena probed her relentlessly. "That's it. If I kick off, it's back to sleeping on bricks for you."
Gabrielle simply remained silent, a pained expression on her face.
Xena waited, but there was no response forthcoming. "Or maybe I just woke up on the wrong side of the bed today, and I'm being a bitch." She warily tried a bit of humor, sensing her questions weren’t having the effect she’d intended.
Still no response.
Xena frowned, and slowly eased herself upright, crossing over to where the girl was standing. She put a hand on Gabrielle's cheek and tilted her head up, so their eyes met. She was faced with so much confusion and unhappiness she almost slapped the kid. "What's wrong with you?"
Gabrielle took a step backwards, away from her. "I guess I better start working." She turned and circled the bed, picking up the basin and going for the water cistern. She kept her back turned to Xena as she cleaned it out and rinsed the clothes she used to tend Xena's wound.
Frowning, Xena limped up behind her and put a hand on one shoulder. "Gabrielle."
"Yes, your majesty?"
Both of the queen's dark eyebrows shot up. "Hey." She put her other hand on the kid's other shoulder and turned her around forcibly. "I thought I told you not to do that."
Green eyes gazed at her. "That's how a slave is supposed to address you, your majesty." She replied quietly. "I don't want to do anything else inappropriate."
It was ridiculous. Xena stared back at her. The damn kid was mad...mad at HER! Gabrielle was mad that she'd...Xena drew in a breath. That she'd treated her like dirt. Hm. Slaves were dirt, weren't they? So Gabrielle's point was, she guessed, that if that's how she was viewed, that's how she'd act
But that wasn't how Xena viewed her.
"Excuse me, your majesty." Gabrielle slipped out of her grasp and picked up her cleaning bucket, walking across the room and leaving it. Xena was left standing in the center of her own bedroom, dumbfounded.
"Wait a minute." Xena held up her hands. "When did this all go to Hades in a handbasket?" She complained aloud. "Everything was fine last night, wasn't it?"
And then she remembered that moment, when Gabrielle had laughed, and they'd played their word game, and realized she'd made a very bad mistake. She'd allowed Gabrielle to think she'd achieved something she hadn't. Xena inhaled, remembering those warm, green eyes watching her, and the smile their game had brought.
Or had she achieved it? She was forced to realize she had, willing or not, given Gabrielle a small entry into the inner personality she stringently kept hidden from all others. "Hades, Xena. You gave her your own pillow and robe, and now you're telling her she's just a common slut? What's wrong with you? Forget how to lead so soon, since you don't do it anymore?
With a muttered curse, she went to the door and opened it, starting slightly to find Gabrielle there, her arms full of the bucket and water. "Get in here." She gestured inside.
"Yes, ma'am." Gabrielle entered, going to the bathing chamber and setting her tools down.
"Gabrielle." Xena limped over and got hold of her. "Cut that out." She held the girl still. "Look at me." Slowly, the mist green eyes lifted, and waited, shadowed with a hurt Xena really didn’t comprehend.
"No one cares about me, Gabrielle. I don't know what to do with someone who says they do." Xena told her. "Except wonder why or what they're getting out of it."
A small nod. "I know." Gabrielle admitted. "But I can't help it, I do, and I don't really know why.. maybe you're right. Maybe I'm just in it for me." Her shoulders relaxed, not quite a slump, but almost. "I didn't know how wrong it was to feel like that."
Wrong? Xena sighed. "It's not wrong." She said. "Or at least, it's not wrong for you." She amended. "So cheer up, woudja? You're not just any slave. I don't give just any slave my pillow."
Gabrielle straightened a little.
"And I certainly don't let just any slave hold my life in their hands." Xena went on, in a more serious tone. "So why don't you go grab a tray for breakfast, and then we can get these damn bandages changed. It'll be a long court today."
Looking a touch more cheerful, Gabrielle nodded. "Okay." She said. "I'll be right back."
Xena watched her leave, frowning at the gnawing in the pit of her stomach. The door closed behind the girl with a solid finality that didn't do anything to ease it.
What in Hades was going on with her? She had an army half in revolt, a general fixing to toss her off her throne, and here she was worrying over the hurt feelings of some little slave kid she barely knew.
“I must be losing my mind.” She sighed plaintively, shaking her head. “Maybe I should start playing card games again.” The idea appealed to her, and a companion one popped up to join it. I could teach the kid how to play. She’s smarter than the last two dukes I tried it with.
Her humor much improved, she headed for her bathing chamber.
**
It was hard to know what to feel. Gabrielle took the steps down to the kitchen two at a time. On one hand, she still felt bad about what Xena had said to her, but on the other hand, knowing why she said it was interesting and in a way, sort of sad.
No one cares about me. Gabrielle felt a pang in her chest as she recalled the words. Xena hadn’t seemed bothered by that, but what a horrible thing to think - that not one person in the whole world cared about you, and to think that someone saying they did just wanted something from you.
Was it true? She looked inside herself intently. Did she just want something from Xena… was she just kissing up to her like the apprentices in Potadeia did to their masters? Just to keep a comfortable spot for herself?
Well, maybe she was. Gabrielle felt herself frowning. Maybe she was just doing it out of self interest.
She thought hard about that as she maneuvered down the last set of steps. Somehow, it really didn’t feel like she was. Despite all the reasons she knew there were for her to be weaseling up to Xena, at the very root of her heart, she knew she’d said what she’d said because it was what she truly believed.
She did care. Right or wrong, smart or incredibly dumb, there was a part of her that didn’t want to see Xena get hurt just because… well, she wasn’t really sure why not, but maybe it had to do with her not wanting to see anyone get hurt.
But that wasn’t all. Gabrielle adjusted her shirt with nervous hands, knowing there was another truth under all that. There was something else stirring inside her that was strange and very new. Something that put butterflies in the pit of her stomach at the merest sound of Xena’s voice. Something that made her heart beat faster when she was close to Xena.
Something that hurt inside her when Xena brushed off her words.
With a sigh, Gabrielle put the thought aside as she reached the bottom of the stairs. She would have time later to think about it. First things first, and breakfast was waiting. Her stomach growled at the very thought.
As she entered the kitchen, though, she didn't have any time to think of anything as rough hands grabbed her and yanked her down. "Hey!" Gabrielle yelled in pure reflex.
"Shut up, you little traitor bitch!" An angry voice answered, before she was lifted bodily and carried off.
****
Xena leaned on the dresser, her fingers idly playing with one of the cloths. Her insides were still in turmoil, however, and she started tying little knots in the fabric.
A knock came at her inner door and she frowned. "This better either be Gabrielle or something equally good." Painfully, she made her way to the door and opened it, to find Alaran there. “What?”
“Mistress.” Alaran appeared worried. “May I speak with you, please?”
Reluctantly, Xena stepped back and opened the door. “It’s early and I’m not in a good mood. Make it quick.”
Her security chief entered and put his hands on his hips. “Your majesty, my pardon. But what the Hades are you doing?”
Xena’s eyebrow lifted sharply. “What?”
“I’ve been spending the last day listening to my spies tell me of stories running rampant through the stronghold of you. Of you killing a soldier, and then taking a slave to do what you killed him for. Is this true?”
Alaran was, of all her subjects, the only one who would dare, and who Xena would tolerate speaking to her in that way. His responsibility was her security, and she’d given him permission long ago to challenge anything he thought impacted that.
However. With a smooth motion, Xena caught him round the throat with her hand and shoved him against the wall, catching him by surprise and pinning him. There was questioning, and there was questioning. “And if I am?” Xena growled, tightening her grip.
Alaran gasped, truly startled.
Xena released him. “What I do in my private chambers is not the business of the populace, the army, or you.”
He straightened and twitched his tunic back into order. “My deepest pardon, Mistress. I meant no disrespect.” He spoke softly. “It’s just that it has caused great resentment in the lines, and I am worried. very worried that Brego’s inroads into their confidence will be aided by it.” He explained. “It’s a hard thing to counter.”
Yeah. Xena sighed, and walked over to the window again, staring obsessively out it’s paned confines. She hated this place sometimes. There were moments she wished she were a wild living feral warlord again, taking her troops from one bivouac to another, free to change her plans at a moment’s whim.
This was definitely one of those moments. Damned if she wasn’t sick and tired of court intrigue today.
“They say you’ve turned against the men.” Alaran lowered his voice.
“I haven’t turned against anyone.” Xena said sharply.
“Mistress, I know of your rule, but if you…”
Xena turned and faced him. “I haven’t broken any of my own rules, Alaran.” She told him. “I needed a reason to have Gabrielle attend me closely, and if that fell out as it did, then so be it. Can’t be helped.”
Alaran looked confused. “Mistress, I don’t understand.”
And he should, Xena conceded. He should have been told when it happened. He was her chief of security, and one of the extremely few people she knew she could halfway trust. He’d earned it. “I know you don’t.” She sighed.
“Mistress, if you wish to take a bedmate, as you say it’s none of my affair, but..”
Xena turned. “I didn’t.” She cut him off.
“Mistress?”
It was, in a rather twisted way, deliciously ironic. Xena had in her younger, wilder years maintained a very carefully cultivated reputation for bedsports that was still whispered about even to this very day. The assumption about Gabrielle was, of course, the proof of that. “I haven’t taken her to bed.”
Alaran blinked at her, caught as he rarely was, flatfooted. “No? Majesty?” He looked around, clearly at a loss. “But…”
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