to me. Here I am with Zanuba and my father's in a nearby
room with Zubayda. Both of us in the same house!" He soon
shrugged his shoulders and continued to himself: "But why should I
bother to be amazed at something that seems incredible when it's an
actuality I've observed myself?. There it is, so it's silly to wonder with
astonishment whether I can believe it. I'll believe it and stop marveling
at it. What's wrong with that?"
He felt not only relief but happiness beyond measure. He needed
no encouragement to continue his sex life, but like most men indulging
in forbidden pleasure, he was interested in the company of a like
minded person. How incredible to have found this person in his father,
the traditional role model, who had terrified him for so long,
whether consciously or not, because he assumed they held contradictory
views. He set aside everything but his joy, which seemed the
PALACE WALK 2I
most precious thing he had achieved in life. He felt new love and
admiration for his father, unlike the old types he had previously
known, which had a thick coating of awe and fear. This new emotion
sprang from the depths of his soul and was intertwined with the roots
of his being. It seemed identical to his love and admiration for himself.
His father was no longer a man who was distant, hard to reach,
a closed door. He was near at hand, a bit of his own soul and heart.
Father and son were a single spirit. The man in there shaking the
tambourine was not al-Sayyid Ahmad Abd al-Jawad but Yasin himself,
the way he would be in the future and the way he should be.
Nothing separated them except secondary considerations of age and
experience.
"Good health to you, Father," he thought to himself. "Today I've
discovered you. Today's your birthday in my soul. What a day and
what a father you are.... Until tonight I've been an orphan. Drink
and play the tambourine even better than Ayusha. I'm proud of you.
Do you sing too, I wonder?"
"Doesn't al-Sayyid Abroad Abd al-Jawad sing sometimes?"
"Are you still thinking about him? Why can't people leave each
other alone?... Yes, he sings, my camel When he's drunk, he
joins in singing the choruses."
"How's his voice?"
"As full and beautiful as his neck."
"All the singing voices in our family go back to this source," he
mused. "Everyone sings. It's a family with deep roots in music. I
wish I could hear you, even just once. The only memory I have of
your voice is of yelling and scolding. The only refrain of yours we
all know is 'Boy! Ox! Son of a bitch!' I'd like to hear you sing 'Affection's
rare with good-looking people' or 'I'm in love, my beauty.'
What are you like when you're drunk, Father? What are you like
when you get rowdy? I must know so I can follow your example and
live according to your traditions. How are you when you're in love?
How do you embrace?"
He remembered Zanuba. He saw her in front of the mirror smoothing
her hair with her fingers. The armhole of her dress revealed
smooth, clear skin sloping down to a breast like a round loaf of
unbaked bread. Intoxicating desire swept through his body, and he
fell on her like a bull elephant crushing a gazelle.
Three automobiles proffered by friends of al-Sayyid Ahmad stopped
in front of his house to wait for the bride and her party, whom they
were to convey to the Shawkat residence in Sugar Street, or al-Sukkariya.
It was late in the afternoon. The rays of the summer sun had
withdrawn from the street and were resting on the houses opposite
the bride's home. There was no hint of a wedding there, except for
the roses decorating the lead vehicle. These caught the eyes of the
nearby shop owners and of many of the passersby.
The engagement had been arranged previously. The presents had
arrived. The trousseau had been sent. The marriage contract had been
signed. At no time during all of this had there been any ululations of
joy from the house, any decorations on the door, or any other of the
customary signs of a wedding to reveal what was going on inside.
Families were usually proud to make a display on such occasions,
using weddings as an excuse to express their concealed longing for
delight with song, dance, and shrieks of joy. Everything
had been concluded in calm silence. No one knew
about the marriage except for relatives and friends and a select group
of neighbors. AI-Sayyid Abroad had refused to budge from his sense
of decorum or to allow any member of his family to escape from it
even for an hour. Consequently, accompanied by the women of her
family, the bride left the house in silence despite the protestations of
Umm Hanafi. Aisha dashed for the automobile at breakneck speed,
as though she feared that the eyes of the onlookers might scorch her
wedding gown or her white silk tiara and veil, which were decorated
with different varieties of iasmine. Khadiia and Maryam followed her,
together with some other girls. The mother and women relatives and
neighbors found their places in the other automobiles. Meanwhile
Kamal took his seat beside the driver of the bride's car.
The mother wanted the procession to pass by al-Husayn so she
could have a fresh look at his shrine, which her desire to see had cost
her so dearly once before. She wished to ask al-Husayn's blessing on
her beautiful bride. The automobiles went along the streets she had
taken that day with Kamal. Afterward they turned into al-Ghuriya at
PALACE WALK
25'3
the corner where she had almost met her death. Finally the)" dropped
their passengers at Mutawalli Gate in front of the entrance to Sugar
Street, which was too narrow for cars to enter. They all dismounted
and entered the alley, where wedding decorations could be seen. The
boys of the district rushed toward them while screams and trills
sounded from the Shawkat residence, the first house on the right
as they entered the alley. The windows of the house were crowded
with the heads of people peering down and trilling with joy. The
bridegroom, Khalil Shawkat, stood at the entrance with his brother
Ibrahim Shawkat as well as Yasin and Fabmy. Khalil smilingly approached
the bride and offered her his arm. She did not know what
to do and would not have moved if Maryam had not taken her arm
and put it around his. Then he escorted her inside. They passed by
the crowded courtyard as roses and sweets were showered at the
bride's feet and those of the bridal party until the women disappeared
behind the door of the women's quarters.
Although the marriage contract for Aisha and Khalil had been
signed a month or more earlier, the sight of their arms being intertwined
and of them walking side by side affected Yasin and Fahmy,
and especially the latter, with an astonishment mixed with embarrassment
and a feeling almost of disapproval. The family code did
not seem to make any exception for wedding ceremonies conducted
in full accord with Islamic law. This reaction was even more pronounced
in Kamal, who pulled on his mother's hand in alarm and
pointed to the bridal couple preceding everyone else up the stairs. He
seemed to be appealing to her to prevent an outrageous evil.
The two young men wanted to steal a look at their father's face to
see what effect that rare sight had on him. They quickly looked all
around but found no trace of him. He was not at the entrance or in
the adiacent courtyard, where benches and chairs were arranged in
rows with a platform up in front for the singers. The fact was that
al-Sayyid Abroad had shut himself up with some of his best friends
in a reception room opening on the courtyard and had not left it since
he had set foot in the house. He was determined to stay there until
the evening was concluded. He wanted to keep some distance between
himself and the "masses" clamoring around outside. Nothing
made him so uncomfortable as to be with his family at a wedding
party. He did not want to impose his supervision on them at a time
set aside for delight and did not care to observe at close hand their
relaxed response to a festive occasion. What he hated most of all was
for any of them to see him lapse from the stem dignity to which they
Naguib Mahfou
were accustomed. If the matter had been left to him, the wedding
would have been carried out in complete silence. The widow of the
late Mr. Shawkat had met his suggestion with totally inflexible opposition.
She had refused for the bride to be welcomed to her home
with anything less than a gala evening party. For the entertainment
she had hired the female vocalist Jalila and the male vocalist Sabir.
Kamal was so ecstatic with the freedom and enjoyment he was
allowed that he could have been the bridegroom. He was one of the
few individuals permitted to move freely back and forth between the
women's section inside and the men's area in the courtyard by the
stage. He stayed for a long time with his mother, gazing at the women's
ornaments and jewelry and listening to their jokes and conversations,
which were dominated by the topic of marriage. He also
heard the performer Jalila there. She sat at the front of the hail, resembling
in both her huge size and her ornamentation the ceremonial
camel litter sent with the pilgrims to Mecca. She proceeded to sing
some popular songs, while openly drinking wine.
The jovial atmosphere was strange and attractive to Kamal, and he
felt very comfortable. The most impdrtant thing of all to him was
Aisha, who was dressed up more magnificently than he had ever
dreamed possible. His mother encouraged him to stay with her so
she could keep an eye on him. After a time she changed her mind
and was forced, for reasons she had not anticipated, to urge him in a
whisper to go find his brothers. One reason was his intense interest
in Aisha, now with her dress and the next time with her ornaments.
Amina was afraid he would spoil her outfit. Then, too, he let some
childishly frank observations slip out concerning some of the ladies
present. For example, one time he pointed to a woman from the
bridegroom's family and called out to his mother, "Look at the nose
of that lady, Mother. Isn't it bigger than Khadija's?"
When Jalila was singing he had surprised everyone by joining with
the troupe in the chorus: "Beautiful dove... where can I find her?"
The performer had invited him to sit with the members of her ensemble.
In this way and in others he had attracted a lot of attention, and
the women had begun teasing him. His mother was not comfortable
with the commotion he was causing. Apprehensive that he might
upset some people and worried that he might be admired more than
was safe for him, she reluctantly chose to have him leave the room
to join the men's party.
He wandered among the rows of chairs and then stood between
Fahmy and Yasin until Sabir had finished singing "You beauty, why
are you already in love?" Then Kamal started roving around again.
When he passed by the reception room, his curiosity prompted him
to have a look inside. He poked his head in and before he knew it
his eyes met his father's. Kamal felt nailed to the spot and unable to
turn his eyes away. One of his father's friends, al-Sayyid Muhammad
Iffat, saw him and called him. To avoid angering his father, he found
himself forced to obey this summons. He approached the man fearfully
and reluctantly and stood before him, straight as a ramrod with
his arms at his sides, as though a soldier at attention. The man shook
his hand and said, "God's will be done... what year in school are
you, Uncle?"
"Third year, fourth section "
"Splendid... splendid Did you hear Sabir sing?"
Although the boy was answering Muhammad /fiat, he had been
careful from the beginning to answer in a way that would please his
father. He did not know how to reply to the last question or at least
he hesitated. The man took pity on him and quickly asked, "Don't
you like singing?"
The boy said emphatically, "Certainly not."
It was clear that some of the men present planned to make a joke
about this response, the last they would have expected from a person
related to Ahmad Abd al-Jawad, but their host cautioned them against
it with his eyes, and they kept quiet.
Then Mr. Muhammad Iffat asked Kamal, "Isn't there something
you like to listen to?"
Looking at his father, Kamal said, "The Holy Qur'an."
Expressions of approval were heard and the boy was allowed to
depart. Thus he did not get to hear what was said about him behind
his back. AI-Sayyid al-Far laughed out loud and commented, "If that's
true, the boy's a bastard."
AI-Sayyid Ahmad Abd al-Jawad laughed and, pointing to where
Kamal had been standing, said, "Have you seen anyone craftier than
that son of a bitch, pretending to be pious in front of me?... One
time when I got home, I heard him singing 'O bird, you up in the
tree.' "
AI-Sayyid All observed, "Oh, you should have seen him standing
between his two brothers and listening to Sabir with his lips moving
as he sang along, keeping time perfectly, even better than Abroad
Abd al-Jawad himself."
2 6
Naguib Mahfou
Then Muhammad Iffat addressed an inquiry to al-Sayyid Abroad:
"The important thing is to tell us whether you liked his voice when
he sang 'O bird, you up in the tree.'"
AI-Sayyid Abroad laughed. Pointing at himself, he said, "He's this
lion's cub."
A1-Far cried out, "God have mercy on the lioness who gave birth
to you."
Kamal escaped from the reception room to the alley. He seemed
to be awakening from a nightmare. He stood amid the crowd of boys
on the street. He soon recovered his spirits and walked along, proud
of his new clothes, delighted with his freedom that allowed him to
go anywhere he wanted, except for the frightening reception room.
There was no one to restrict or supervise him. What a historic night
for him! Only one thing troubled his serenity whenever he thought
of it. That was Aisha's moving to this house, which they had begun
referring to as her home. This move had been accomplished in spite
of him, without anyone being able to convince him that it was right
or beneficial. He had asked repeatedly how his father could allow it,
since he would not allow even the shadow of one of" his women to
be seen through the crack of a window. The only answer he received
was loud laughter. He had asked his mother critically how she could
do something so extreme as giving Aisha away. She had told him he
would grow up one day and take a girt like her from her father's
house, and that she would be escorted to his house with cries of joy.
Kamal had asked Aisha if she was really happy about leaving them.
She had said no, but the trousseau had been carried to the stranger's
house. Aisha, whose place on the cup was Kamal's favorite, had followed
her trousseau. Although it was true that the present festivities
were helping him forget things he had thought he would be unable
to forget even for a moment, sorrow veiled his cheerful heart like a
small cloud passing in front of the moon on a clear night.
It was interesting that his pleasure in the singing that night surpassed
his other pleasures, like playing with the boys, observing the
women and the men having a good time, or even eating the "palace"
bread pudding and the fancy gelatin dessert at supper. All the men
and women who noticed him were astonished at the serious interest
he took in listening to ]alila and Sabir. It seemed unusual for a child
his age, but no one in his family who knew his background in music
as Aisha's student was surprised. He had a fine voice, which was
considered second in the family only to Aisha's, although their father's
voice, which they had only heard screaming, was the best of
PALACE WALK
all. Kamal listened for a long time to both Jalila and Sabir. He found
to his surprise that he preferred the singing of the male vocalist and
the music of his troupe. They made a greater impact on his heart.
Some lines from their songs stuck in his memory, like "Why are you
in love?... Because that's the way it is." After the night of the wedding,
he frequently repeated these lines in the hyacinth bean and
iasmine bower on the roof of their home.
Amina and Khadija also enjoyed some of the same delights and
freedom as Kamal. Like him, neither of them had ever witnessed an
evening so filled with fellowship, music, and merriment. Amina was
especially delighted by the attention and flattery she received as
mother of the bride, since she had never before been afforded either.
Even Khadija's grief disappeared in the festive lights just as the
gloom of night gives way to morning's radiance. She forgot her sorrows
under the influence of soft laughter, sweet tunes, and pleasant
conversation. It was all the easier for her to forget, because she had
a new sorrow, an innocent one that arose from her feeling of regret
over Aisha's imminent departure. This feeling engendered sincere
love and affection. Her former sorrows were obscured by this new
one, just as feelings of animosity may be obliterated by generosity.
Similarly, a person who both loves and hates someone may find that
the sorrow of parting obscures the hatred, leaving only the love.
Moreover, Khadija felt a new confidence in herself from appearing
with makeup and fine clothes that attracted the attention of some of
the women, who praised her enthusiastically. Their praise filled her
with hope and dreams and provided her some happy moments.
Yasin and Fahmy sat side by side, alternately chatting and listening
to the music. Khalil Shawkat, the bridegroom, joined them from time
to time, whenever he had a break from the duties of his enjoyable
but taxing evening. In spite of the atmosphere of celebration and
delight, Yasin was rather anxious. There was a lingering, vacant look
in his eyes. He would ask himself occasionally whether it would be
all right for him to quench his thirst, if only with a glass or two of
wine. For that reason, he leaned toward their friend Khalil Shawkat
and whispered, "Rescue me before the whole evening is lost."
The young man reassured him with a wink of his eye and said,
"I've set aside a table in a private room for friends like you."
Yasin was cheered by that, and his interest in conversation, jokes,
and music revived. He did not intend to get drunk, for in a place like
this, overflowing with family and acquaintances, even a little wine
had to be considered a great victory. Although his father was se
I
Naguib Mahfou
cluded in the reception room, he was not far away. Yasin's penetration
of his father's secrets did not shake the man's traditional
authority over him. Al-Sayyid Ahmad continued to occupy his heavily
fortified stronghold of awe and reverence, and Yasin had not
stirred from his own position of obedience and veneration. He had
not even thought of revealing his father's secret, which he had discovered
surreptitiously, to anyone, not even to Fahmy. For all these
reasons, Yasin was at first satisfied with a glass or two with which to caiole his unruly appetite. It would help prepare him to enjoy the
merriment, conversations, music, and other pleasures that lost their
savor for him without wine.
Unlike Yasin, Fahmy did not find and doubted he ever would find
anything to quench his thirst. His grief had been aroused unexpectedly
by the arrival of the bride. He had gone with the bridegroom
and Yasin to welcome her with a carefree heart. Then he had seen
Maryam walking directly behind the bride. Her mouth was resplendent
with a smile of greeting for everyone. Distracted by the trills of joy and the roses, she did not notice him. Her silk veil was so sheer
that the clear complexion of her face was visible. He had followed
her with his eyes, his heart pounding, until she disappeared behind
the door to the women's quarters. He returned to his seat as shaken
as a skiff suddenly caught in a violent storm. Before he saw her, he
had been calm, apparently distracted enough by conversation to have
forgotten everything. In fact, long periods would pass when he was
in this oblivious, forgetful state, while his heart became a reservoir
for his suffering. The moment a thought occurred to him, a memory
stirred, someone mentioned her name, or anything similar happened,
his heart would throb with pain and exude one grief after another. It
was like a decayed tooth with an inflamed gum. For a time the toothache
may die down until the tooth presses against a morsel of food
or touches a solid object. Then the pain erupts. Thus Fahmy's love
would beat against his ribs from the inside as though craving a breath
of air, shouting at the top of its lungs that it was still a prisoner. No
amount of consolation or forgetfulness had set it free.
He often hoped she would remain invisible to other suitors until
he could get established as a free man, acting and deciding his own
fate. As days, weeks, and months passed without a suitor asking for
her hand, it seemed his wish had been granted, but he did not enjoy
any real peace of mind. He was prey to anxiety and fear, which took
turns, time and again, ruffling his serenity, spoiling his dreams, and
coniuring up for him many different types of pain and iealousy,
PALACE WALK
2y9
which although imaginary were no less ferocious ad cruel than if
his fears had been realized. Even this desire itself and the delay in
the occurrence of the misfortune became incentives for more anxiety
and fear and consequently for pain and jealousy. Whenever his torment
was severe, he wished the calamity would the place so he
could receive his share of grief all in one blow. Perhaps afterward,
through his despair, he could attain the tranquillity ad repose he had not been able to achieve through his pipe dreams.
He could not yield to his emotions at a musical soiree where he
was surrounded by the looks of friends and relatives. Yet the impact
the sight of Maryam had made on him as she walkedbehind his sister
could not pass without provoking some noticeable reaction. Since
Fahmy was not able to brood about his sorrows or reveal his hidden
emotions, he softened their impact by going to the other extreme. He
talked, laughed, and pretended to be blissfully hapl0y, but whenever
he had even a moment to himself, he felt deep inside the alienation
of his heart from everything around him. With the passing of time
he realized that the sight of Maryam walking in the bridal court had
aroused his love the way a sudden racket decisively arouses an anxious
person with a tendency toward insomnia. For that evening at
least, Fahmy would be unable to enjoy any peace of mind. Nothing
happening around him would be able to remove from his mind her
image or the smile with which she responded to the warm welcome
composed of trills of joy and roses. It was a lre, sweet smile,
suggestive of a carefree heart aspiring to calm and happiness. It was
a smile that seemed too pretty ever to be replaced by a grimace of
pain. The sight of her ripped into his heart, disd0sing tO him that
only he was suffering. He alone bore his troubles. But had he not
been laughing boisterously just now and moving his head to the
music as though he was happy and glad? Was it not possible that
someone lookirg at him might be deceived and think the same thing
of him that he did of her? He derived some consolation from that
thought but was no more convinced than a typhoid patient who asks
himself, "Isn't it likely that I'll recover the way s0-and-so did?"
Fahmy remembered her message Kamal had brought him some
months before: "Tell him that she won't know what to do if a suitor
asks to marry her during this long period of aiting." He asked
himself, as he had tens of times before, whether any emotion lay
behind those words? Indeed, no man, no matter how obstinate, could
blame her for a single one of them. Nor could heoverlook the good
sense and wisdom they contained. Yet, for this ery reason, he felt
Naguib Matfou
powerless against them and hated them. Good sense and wisdom are
seldom happy with the impetuousness of emotion, which characteristically
knows no limits.
Fahmy returned to the present, to the musical evening, and his
raging love. It was not merely the sight of her that had rocked him
so violently. Perhaps seeing her for the first time in a new place had
done it. She had been here in the courtyard of the Shawkat residence,
far removed from his house. He had never seen her in any other area
before. For her to remain put in the old location established her in
the mechanical daily routine, whereas her sudden appearance in a
new place re-created her before his eyes and gave her a new existence
in his consciousness, which in turn reawakened her original, latent
presence in his mind. Both old and new visions of her had joined
together to create this violent iolt. Moreover, her former existence
linked to his house was separated from him by a wall of despair
created by the stem rules of his family. Here, far removed from that
house, her new existence was attended by a feeling of freedom and
liberation as well as a spirit of parade and vivacity unknown to him.
Her new existence was in the context of a wedding and thoughts of
love and union. All of these circumstances helped to free her from
her confinement atop a pedestal. Now his heart could see her as a
possible goal. She seemed to be telling him, "Look where I am now. Just one more step and you'll find me in your arms." This hope soon
collided with the thorny reality, helping create his violent jolt. Perhaps
the sight of her in this new location also worked to establish
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