her present condition. She awoke from the dream of her
happy past to return to her current melancholy. A person who has
forgotten his sorrows can be forced to confront them once more when
someone with the best intentions favors him with a word of comfort.
Amina sat idly and grimly beside her mother. The only time she had
felt like this had been during her recent confinement in bed. She
disliked it and was uncomfortable. Her continuing conversation with
her mother only occupied half her attention. The other half was given
over to restless anxiety.
At noon, when Sadiqa brought in a tray with lunch, the old lady
told her, mainly to distract her daughter, "A new watchman has come
to discover your thefts."
Just then Amina was not interested in whether the maid stole or
acted honestly. The servant did not respond to her mistress, out of
respect for the guest and because she had grown so accustomed to
both the bitter and sweet sides of her mistress that she would have
missed one without the other.
As the day wore on, Amina thought even more desperately about
her household. AI-Sayyid Abroad would be returning home for his
lunch and siesta. Then after he went back to his store the boys would
Naguib MoAfou
be arriving, one after the other. Her imagination derived extraordinary
power from her pain and homesickness. She could see the house
and its inhabitants as though they were present. She saw al-Sayyid
Ahmad removing his cloak and caftan without any assistance from
her. She was afraid he might have gotten used to that during her long
stay in bed. She attempted to read the thoughts and intentions hidden
behind his forehead. Did he sense the void she had created by leaving?
How did he react when he found no trace of her in the house?
Hadn't he made some reference to her for one reason or another?
Here were the boys returning home, rushing to the sitting room after
waiting impatiently for the coffee hour. They found her place empty.
They were asking about her. They were answered by their sisters'
gloomy and tearful looks. How would Fahmy take the news? Would
Kamal understand the significance of her absence? This question
made her heart throb painfully. Were they deliberating for a long
time? What were they waiting for? Perhaps they were already on
their way, racing toward her.... They must be on their way. Or had
he ordered them not to visit her? They must be in al-Khurunfush
already.... A few minutes would tell.
"Were you talking to me, Amina?"
This question from the old lady interrupted Amina's train of
thought. With a mixture of astonishment and embarrassment she
came to her senses. She inferred that some words from her internal
dialogue had inadvertently slipped out and been picked up by her
mother's sharp ear. She found herself obliged to answer, "I was asking,
Mother, if the boys won't come visit me."
"I think they've arrived." The elderly woman was listening intently
and leaning her head forward.
Amina listened silently. She heard the door knocker telegraphing
quick, consecutive beats like a voice urgently calling out for help. She
recognized Kamal's touch in these nervous raps. She knew who it
was just as well as when she heard him knock on the door of the
oven room at home. She quickly dashed to the head of the stairs and
called to Sadiqa to open the door. She looked down over the railing.
She saw the boy leaping up the steps with Fahmy and Yasin following
him. Kamal clung to her and prevented the others from embracing
her for a while.
When they entered their grandmother's room they were all talking
at the same time, heedless of the others' comments because their
souls were so agitated and their minds so confused. Then they saw
their grandmother, standing with her arms spread out and her face
PALACE WALK
beaming in a smile of welcome filled with love, and they stopped
talking so they could kiss her, one after the other.
The room was relatively quiet except for the soft noise of their
kisses. At last Yasin cried out in a sad voice of protest, "We no
longer have a home. We wi}l never have a home until you return to
US."
Like a fugitive seeking asylum, Kamal climbed into his mother's
lap. For the first time he stated his decision that he had kept secret
at home and on the way: "I'm staying here with Mother I'm not
going back with you."
Fahmy had been gazing at her silently for a long time the way he
did when he wanted to tell her something with a look. This silent
glance was the best expression for her of what both their hearts were
feeling. He was her darling and his love for her was exceeded only
by hers for him. When he talked to her, he rarely spoke openly of
his feelings, but his thoughts, words, and deeds all revealed them. He
had seen a look of pain and embarrassment in her eyes that upset
him terribly. He said sadly and painfully, "We're the ones who suggested
you should go out. We encouraged you to do it. But here
you're the only one getting punished."
His mother smiled in confusion and said, "I'm not a child, Fahmy.
[ shouldn't have done it.... "
Yasin was touched by this exchange. His distress increased because
he was so upset at being the proponent of the ill-omened suggestion.
He hesitated for a long time between repeating his apology for the
suggestion within earshot of their grandmother, who would criticize
him or harbor a grudge against him, and keeping silent, even though
he wanted to get some relief by expressing his anguish. He overcame
his hesitation and chose to repeat Fahmy's comment in different
words. He said, "Yes, we're the guilty ones, and you're the one who
got accused." Then with special emphasis, as though reacting to his
father's stubbornness and rigidity, he continued: "But you will return.
The clouds overshadowing all of us shall be dispersed."
Kamal took hold of his mother's chin and turned her face toward
him. He showered her with a stream of questions about the meaning
of her departure from the house, how long she would stay at his
grandmother's house, what would happen if she returned with them,
and so on. None of her answers was able to calm his mind. Not even
his determination to stay with his mother was able to reassure him,
for he was the first one to doubt that he would be able to carry
through on it
2 Io
Naguib Mahfou
After each of them had finished expressing his feelings, the course
of the conversation changed. They began to discuss the situation in
a new way, for as Fahmy said, "There's no point talking about what
has happened. We need to think about what will happen."
Yasin replied, "A man like our father is not willing to let an incident
like Mother's excursion pass unnoticed. He will inevitably express
his anger in a way that's hard to forget. But he will never
exceed the limits of what he has already done."
This opinion seemed plausible and everyone was relieved by it.
Fahmy expressed both his satisfaction and his hopes when he said,
"The proof you're right is that he hasn't done anything else. Someone
like him doesn't postpone something once he's resolved to do
it."
They talked a lot about their father's heart. They agreed that he
had a good heart, even though he was severe and easily enraged.
They thought it highly unlikely that he would do something to iniure
his reputation or harm anyone.
At that point the grandmother said, just to tease them, since she
knew what an impossible request it was, "If you were men, you
would search for some way to touch your father's heart and make
him stop being so stubborn."
Yasin and Fahmy exchanged sarcastic glances about this pretense
of manliness that would melt at the first mention of their father. The
mother for her part was afraid that the discussion between the two
young men and the grandmother would lead to some reference to the
automobile accident. She motioned to them, pointing to her shoulder
and then her mother, to tell them she had kept it a secret from her.
As though springing to the defense of the virility of the two youths,
she told her mother, "I don't want either of them to expose himself
to the man's anger. Leave him alone until he's ready to forgive."
Then Kamal asked, "When is he going to forgive you?"
The mother gestured upward with her index finger and murmured,
"Forgiveness comes from God."
As usual in a situation like this, the conversation went full circle.
Everything that had been said before was repeated in the same word
or different ones. Rosy thoughts continued to predominate. The con":
versation went on, without bringing up anything new, until night fell
and the time came to leave. Their hearts were overwhelmed by the
pervasive gloom of departure, and they were too busy thinking about
it to have anything to say. A silence reigned, like that before a storm,
broken only by words intended to soften its impact or to make it
PALACE WALK
seem it was not yet time to say goodbye. Out of compassion for the
other side, no one was willing to take responsibility for saying goodbye.
At
this time the old lady guessed what was troubling the people
around her. She blinked her sightless eyes and ran her fingers
through her prayer beads quickly and devoutly. Minutes passed
which, despite their brevity, were unbearably oppressive, like the moments
when a dreamer expects, in his nightmare, to fall from a great
height. Then she heard Yasin's voice say, "I think it's time for us to
go. We'll return soon to fetch you, God willing."
The old lady listened intently to see whether her daughter's voice
trembled when she answered, but she did not hear anyone speak. All
she heard was the movement of people rising and then the sound of
kisses and a hum of farewells. Kamal protested against being forcibly
removed and started crying. Now it was her turn to say goodbye to
them in an atmosphere fraught with sorrow and foot-dragging. Finally
the footsteps went off, leaving her alone and apprehensive.
Amina's light steps returned. The old lady listened anxiously. Finally
she cried out to her, "Are you crying?... What a dunce you
are!... Can't you bear to pass a couple of nights with your mother?"
Of all of them, Khadija and Aisha appeared to be the most distressed
by the absence of their mother. In addition to their sorrow, which
was shared by their brothers, the two of them had to bear the burdens
of looking after the house and serving their father. The household
chores did not weigh nearly so heavily on them as serving their father,
for that required taking a thousand things into account. Aisha
tended to flee from anything having to do with her father. Her excuse
was that Khadiia had assisted him when their mother was confined
to bed. Khadiia found herself obliged to return to those terrifying and
delicate situations she endured if she was near her father or doing
some task for him. The very first hour after her mother's departure,
Khadiia said, "This situation had better not last long. Life in this
house without her is unbearable suffering."
Aisha concurred in what her sister said, but the only way she could
respond was by bursting into tears. Khadija waited to explain what
she had in mind until her brothers returned from her grandmother's
house, but before she could, they began to tell her about their mother
in her place of exile. Khadiia found their comments strange and objectionable,
as though they were telling her about strangers she had
never been permitted to meet.
She was overcome by emotion and said sharply, "If we're all content
to keep silent and wait, days and weeks may go by while she's
separated from her house and consumed by grief. Yes, talking to
Papa is an arduous task, but it's no more oppressive than keeping
quiet, which wouldn't be right. We must find some way We must
talk."
Although the expression "we must talk" concluding her remarks
embraced everyone present it was naturally understood to refer
to one or two individuals, each of whom felt uncomfortable for
obvious reasons. Even so, Khadiia continued: "The task of speaking
to him about matters that came up was no easier for Mother than
it would be for us. She never hesitated to speak to him as a favor
to one of us. It's only fair for us to make the same sacrifice for her
sake."
Yasin and Fahmy exchanged a glance that revealed they felt they
were choking. That sensation was rapidly overwhelming them. Yet
neither of them dared to open his mouth for fear his words would
lead to his selection as the sacrificial lamb. Like a mouse succumbing
to a cat, each waited for the outcome of the discussion. Khadiia left
the general plane to get specific and turned toward Yasin. She said,
"You're our oldest brother. In addition to that, you're an employee
--in other words, you're really a man. You're the one best suited for
this mission."
Yasin breathed in deeply and then exhaled. He was playing with
his fingers in obvious anxiety. He stammered, "Our father has a fiery
temper and does not accept corrections for his opinions. I, for my
part, am no longer a boy. I have become a man and an employee, as
you pointed out. What I fear most is that he'll get angry and I'll lose
control of myself and become angry too."
Despite their shattered nerves and sad spirits, they had to smile.
Aisha almost laughed and hid her face in her hands. It was possibly
their tension itself that helped them smile so they could get some
temporary relief from it and their pain. At times people who are
extremely sad become lighthearted for the most trivial reasons,
merely to obtain the relief furnished by the exactly opposite condition.
In other words, the family considered what Yasin had said a joke deserving sarcastic laughter. He himself realized better than anyone
else how totally incapable he was of even thinking about getting
angry or contending with his father. He was the first to recognize that he had only said that to keep from having to confront his father
and out of fear of his wrath. When he saw they were making fun of
him, all he could do was smile along with them and shrug his shoulders
as though to say, "Leave me alone."
Fahmy was the only one careful not to smile too much. He was
afraid he might get tapped even before his smile had faded. His fears
were confirmed when Khadija turned away from Yasin with scornful
despair and told Fahmy with affectionate entreaty, "Fahmy... you're
our man!"
He raised his eyebrows in confusion and gave her a look that
seemed to say, "You know very well what the consequences will
be." He did in fact possess qualities none of the rest of the family
had. He was a law student and the most intellectual and influential
of the children. He could control himself well in awkward situations
and had demonstrated his courage and manliness. To appear before
his father, however, was enough to cause all his Strengths of character
t4
Naguib Ma¥ou
to vanish, leaving blind obedience his only recourse. He seemed not
to know what to say. Khadiia nodded her head to tell him to Speak.
[n dismay he observed, "Do you think he's going to accept my request?
No. He'll rebuff me and say, 'Don't interfere in what doesn't
concern you.' That's if he doesn't get angry and say even worse
things to me."
Yasin was comforted by this wise statement, which he found could
also serve as a defense for himself. As though completing his brother's
thought, he commented, "Our meddling might lead to our being
examined again about our position on the day she went out. We'll be
exposing ourselves to charges we won't know how to rebut."
The girl turned on him, enraged and furious. She said bitterly and
sarcastically, "We won't expect any help from you. You've done
enough harm already."
Fahmy had derived some new energy from the instinct of self
preservation. He said, "Let's think about this matter in the broadest
possible terms. I think he won't accept a request from me or Yasin,
since he considers us accomplices against him in this error. The case
will be lost if one of us tries to defend her. But if either of you girls
spoke to him, perhaps you would succeed in appealing to his sympathies.
Even in the worst case you would only meet with a calm
rejection free of any violence. Why doesn't one of you speak to him?
... You, for example, Khadija?"
The girl had fallen into the trap. Her heart sank and she glared at
Yasin, not Fahmy. She said, "I thought this was a job more suitable
for men."
Fahmy continued his nonviolent offensive, saying, "The reverse is
true, if we focus on the success of the endeavor. Let's not forget that
all your lives you two have been exposed to his anger only on rare
occasions that don't count. He's as used to being gentle with you as he is to being brutal to us."
Khadija bowed her head thoughtfully. She did not try to hide her
anxiety. She seemed to fear that if she was silent too long the attack
against her would intensify and she would be drafted into the dangerous
mission. She raised her head to say, "If you're fight, then it
would be better for Aisha to talk to him than me."
"Me!... Why?" Aisha spoke with the alarm of a person who finds
herself on the firing line after calmly assuming for a long time the
position of a spectator with no special involvement in the case. Since she was young and still something of a pampered child, she was not
entrusted with anything important, let alone the most perilous as
PALACE WALK 2I
signment any of them could have. Even Khadija could think of no
clear justification for her suggestion, but she insisted on it with an
obstinacy overflowing with bitter irony. She replied to her sister,
"We need your golden hair and blue eyes for our project to succeed."
"What do my hair and eyes have to do with a confrontation with
Father?"
At that moment Khadija was not so interested in being convincing
as she was desperate to find a way to escape, even if she had to
distract their minds with matters that were almost humorous to prepare
for her retreat and escape by the safest possible route. A person
in trouble who lacks an adequate line of defense will resort to humor
in order to allow himself to escape in happy clamor rather than let
himself be subjected to scorn and condescending laughter. Khadija
said, "I know they have a magical effect on everyone who comes in
contact with you... Yasin, Fahmy... even Kamal. Why shouldn't
they have the same effect on Father?"
Aisha blushed and said in panic, "How could I speak to him about
something like this when my mind becomes a complete blank the
moment his eyes light on me?"
Then, after everyone in succession had evaded this dangerous task
and no one felt directly threatened, they all found that their salvation
had not spared them from feeling guilty. In fact, it was possibly the
main reason they felt that way. In a crisis a person will concentrate
his thoughts on saving himself. Once he is safe, his conscience will
start to give him trouble. Similarly, when a member of the body is
ill, the body drains vital energies from other areas to try to heal it.
When the diseased member recovers, these energies must be redistributed
equally to other, neglected parts of the body. Khadija seemed
to be trying to assuage her feeling of guilt when she said, "Since
none of us is able to speak to Papa, let's ask Maryam's mother to
help us."
The moment she mentioned the name Maryam she notice'fl Fahroy's
involuntary reaction. Their eyes met for an instant. The young
man was uncomfortable with her suggestion. He turned his face
away, pretending to be uninterested. No one had mentioned this
name in his presence since his idea of getting engaged to her had
been renounced. Everyone had either respected his feelings or felt
that Maryam had acquired a new significance after Fahmy had admitted
his love for her. She had entered the corps of sacrosanct topics
that house rules did not permit to be discussed openly in the presence
of the person involved. Even so, Maryam herself had continued to
Naguib Mahfou
visit the family, pretending she did not know what had taken place
in secret.
Yasin did not miss the awkward exchange between Fahmy and
Khadija. He wanted to blunt the probable outcome by shifting their
attention in a new direction. Putting his hand on Kamal's shoulder,
he said in a half-sarcastic and half-provocative way, "Here's the right
man for us. He's the only one who can beg his father to give him
back his mother."
No one took his words seriously, particularly not Kamal. All the
same, the next day when the boy was walking across Bayt al-Qadi
Square on his way home from school, after spending most of the day
thinking about his banished mother, he suddenly remembered what
Yasin had said. He stopped going toward Qirmiz Alley and headed
back to al-Nahhasin Street. His sad heart was pounding with distress.
and pain. He proceeded to al-Nahhasin with slow steps. He had not
made up his mind about what he would do. He was led forward by
the torment he was suffering from the loss of his mother. He was
held back by the fear that overcame him when he merely thought
about his father, not to mention talking to him or begging him for
something. He could not picture himself standing in front of his father
to discuss this affair. He was well aware of the fears that would
probably overwhelm him if he did. He had not made up his mind
about anything, but nonetheless, as though he longed to relieve his
tortured heart even if only indirectly, he kept walking ahead slowly
until his eyes fell on the door of the shop. He was like a mother kite
circling overhead but lacking the courage to attack the predator seizing
her chicks. He approached within a few meters of the store and
stopped. He paused there for a long time without advancing or retreating.
He had not been able to decide what to do. Suddenly a man
emerged from the store laughing uproariously. There was Kamal's
father, following the man to the threshold to say goodbye. He too
was engulfed in laughter. Kamal was stunned. He stood nailed to the
spot, taking in his father's relaxed, laughing face with indescribable
incredulity and astonishment. He could not believe his eyes. He imagined
that a new person had taken over his father's body or that this
laughing man, much as he resembled Kamal's father, was a different
individual whom he was seeing for the first time. The man laughed.
He laughed uproariously. His face beamed with happiness like the
sun radiating light.
When al-Sayyid Ahmad turned to go back into the store, his eyeS
fell on the boy who was looking at him in bewilderment. The father
PALACE WALK
was astonished to see him standing there like that. AI-Sayyid Ahmad's
features quickly regained their serious and sedate expression.
Scrutinizing his son's face, he asked him, "What brings you?"
At once, despite the boy's bewilderment, his soul was permeated
by the instinct of self-defense. He went up to his father and stretched
out his small hand. He leaned over and kissed his father's hand politely
and deferentially, without uttering a word. AI-Sayyid Ahmad
asked, "Do you want something?"
Kamal swallowed but did not find anything to say. Choosing to
remain on the safe side, he remarked that he wanted nothing and was
simply on his way home.
His father was impatient and noticed the boy's anxious expression.
He told him roughly, "Don't stand there like a statue. Tell me what
you want."
The roughness of his father's voice penetrated Kamal's heart and
he trembled. He was tongue-tied. His words were stuck to the roof
of his mouth. AI-Sayyid Ahmad became even more impatient and
shouted at him sharply, "Speak.... Have you forgotten how?"
The boy summoned all his strength for one purpose and that was
to end his silence at any cost and save himself from his father's anger.
He opened his mouth to say anything that would come out: "I was
on my way home from school.... "
"What made you stand here like an idiot?"
"I saw... I saw your honor, so I wanted to kiss your hand."
A skeptical look appeared in the gentleman's eyes. Dryly and sarcastically
he remarked, "Is that all there is to it?... Did you miss me
so much? Couldn't you have waited till tomorrow morning to kiss
my hand, if that's what you wanted?... Listen... you better not
have done something wrong at school.... I'll find out all about it."
Kamal replied quickly and uneasily, "I haven't done anything. I
swear by our Lord."
His patience exhausted, the man said, "Then go.... You've wasted
my time for nothing.... Get lost!"
Kamal started off. He was so shaken he was barely able to see
where he was putting his feet. AI-Sayyid Ahmad moved to go back
into his store. The moment his father's eyes turned away, the boy
revived. Afraid the man would leave and the opportunity be lost,
without pausing to consider what he was doing Kamal shouted,
"Bring back Mama, God help you." Then he sped away as fast as
the wind.
Al-Sayyid Ahmad was having his afternoon coffee in his room when
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