“I know what you’re thinking,” a voice says in the gloom and Levi fights the urge to jump out of the bed.
“Don’t worry, Erwin won’t wake. He stayed awake by my side and unless he can sense danger he’ll stay dead to the word.” Ardis has somehow unwrapped herself from Kiva and jumps onto the bed to lay beside Levi.
He moves in Erwin’s hold until his back is against Erwin’s side and he is facing Kiva. Now that they are alone in the dark he sees her for what she is, past the magnificent, intimidating Commander’s daemon. Everyone is exposed in the dark and Levi can see the weariness in her eyes, everything that Erwin keeps hidden. He also sees something warm, something that has his hands reaching out before he can barely stop them.
He stops them an inch away from her nose. Ardis hasn’t moved but Levi jerks his arms back in as if he’s been burnt and apologises into Erwin’s arm, feeling as though he’s betrayed Erwin in the worst way possible. Ardis simply licks her lips and sighs.
“Titans won’t take us,” she promises with a toothy grin. “They won’t take you either.”
There is such confidence in her words and Levi wants to ask how she knows, why she is promising this much to him and what exactly she means, but he cannot summon the words into the silence of the room.
Ardis jumps from the bed, claws clicking on the ground as she pads back to Kiva.
“We believe in you,” she says, tucking her body back around his daemon and Levi feels the warmth in his own chest. As if feeling Ardis, Erwin rolls over to spoon Levi, burying his face in Levi’s hair.
If the world should end that very moment, through titans or no titans, Levi thinks me might just be able to die happily.
*
Tbc.
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[Erwin/Levi] Cedarwood 9a/?
(Anonymous)
2013-11-15 12:32 am (UTC)(link)
Thank you for the kind comments and I hope you enjoy this installment!
*
When Erwin wakes, the sun hasn’t yet risen. That in itself isn’t a surprise, but the person at his side is. He spares a glance to Ardis and she yawns in return, still smugly curled around Kiva. The affection she is showing is almost nauseating, but Erwin feels the same way towards Levi and simply smiles in reply, stretching his legs out a little and basking in the warmth safety he and Levi have made.
Upon meeting Levi and Kiva, Erwin would never have thought they’d end up like this. He’d thought Levi someone free and unobtainable and so has ignored everything he’s felt for him. He is the commander, after all, and has bigger things to think about than being attracted to someone, but it hasn’t fully hidden what he’s felt.
Now though, he has Levi in his arms. In the back of his mind, Erwin has known Levi would be his. From the moment Kiva remained with him, Erwin knew. Levi may believe he was stellar at hiding his feelings, but daemons expressed so much more and Erwin had seen everything he’d needed to in Kiva.
Erwin watches Levi carefully, watching his chest rise and fall as the night begins to lighten to day. He stirs momentarily and Erwin closes his eyes slightly, just in case Levi wakes, but he need not worry. Levi is still fast asleep - though like most soldiers fast asleep isn't particularly heavy sleep - and Erwin can still watch him.
Levi has never struck Erwin as someone who needs anyone. Sexual desires aside, Erwin has suspected that Levi isn't the sort to attach himself to people and had expected Levi to leave as soon as they'd finished. He hadn't though, and was still here, still surrounded by Erwin's bones and skin with Kiva curled into Ardis as if they were all the mattered in the world.
"I know you're watching me," Levi says, voice thick and deep with sleep. He cracks an eye open slightly to fix Erwin with a pointed stare.
"I'd expect nothing less from someone with your past," Erwin replies. He makes no move to get up despite the paperwork he should take to his public office and the appointments he has later. Levi shifts onto his side a little more, hand resting on Erwin's sternum.
"I spoke to Ardis last night," Levi says quietly and the memories rush into Erwin from his daemon.
He smiles softly, a little taken aback when he sees Levi's hands reaching unconsciously for Ardis. He meets Levi's eyes and can see the nervous uncertainty in them. Erwin understands why; touching another's daemon is serious, something parents would never even do to their children. The bond is intimate, an exposure of the soul, and no one in the scouting legion can afford that exposure. Levi knows this, Erwin knows this and yet...
Erwin remains silent. This is not that conversation and he needs Levi simply to know he is wanted and has not incurred some great offence. Erwin doesn't know exactly what he feels knowing Levi reached out, but the feelings are far from negative and that is why he pushes them aside for the moment.
"Shadis will have my balls if you're late," he comments instead, still making no move to release Levi. Levi kicks his shin gently, toes digging into muscle, but his hand continues to rub circles across Erwin's chest, fingertips gently curling the light coloured hairs.
"Shadis knows I'm one of the few who could miss a day and be better off for it. Some of them are barely out of infancy." Levi makes a distasteful face, scrunching his nose up. Erwin knows Levi has nothing to learn from his classmates in combat sense and it is true his talents could be used somewhere else rather than having him sit and wait for his classmates.
"Most will end up in the garrison," Erwin says lightly, eyes closing slightly as he relaxes under Levi's touch. It's been a long time, likely the first, since anyone's made him feel safe since he was a babe in his parents' arms.
"Though a large amount seem to think that they will find glory in the military police," Erwin continues, a half-smile pulling at his lips. It's not a pleasant smile, but he can't stop it showing when he thinks of Nile and the fuck up of an organisation he runs.
"They won't find their glory anywhere," Levi says, hand stilling. "There is no glory left in this world."
It is, perhaps a pessimistic view, but it is their reality. Their world will not amount to anything unless they fight, and Erwin is prepared to fight tooth and nail for their freedom.
A dark shape jumps onto the bed, followed by Ardis. She flops across Erwin’s lower half as Kiva stretches by Levi's neck, waiting for Erwin to move his arm. He complies, letting Kiva fill his space as he rolls onto his back, letting Ardis crawl up his chest until her warm breath is against his cheek. She is happy and her tail wags as Erwin strokes her, the pair of them smiling to each other with a look reserved for themselves alone.
“You look younger when you smile,” Levi says softly, Kiva resting in his hair. Her bright eyes peer at them and she too seems happier.
“It doesn’t happen often,” Erwin admits and Levi simply nods, reaching a hand to scoop Kiva up and place her on his chest as he mirrors Erwin’s position. They remain that way until Ardis slaps a paw on Erwin’s shoulder, reminding him of their duty, no matter how much they both want to secret away here for the day.
“We have duties to attend,” he says regretfully and Levi hums to himself, eyes wide.
“I had expected you to be gone by now,” Levi says and Erwin looks at him. The wall between them is broken and Erwin wants to know everything Levi has built up in his life. He wants to know what Levi’s favourite item of clothing was as a child, whether he bit his nails, whether he’s seen books of place and which one was his favourite. He wants to know everything about Levi, but it’s so much more than that.
He also wants Levi to know everything about him. He wants Levi to know that his favourite bakery is in the heart of Sina and the elderly owner always gives him an extra loaf for his services. He wants Levi to know that he always knew what form Ardis would settle on when he was younger and that she settled earlier than most. He wants Levi to know that he has never wanted anyone like he wants Levi.
Erwin thinks that might be scarier than every single titan put together and ignores the feeling, taking a lungful of air and pushing Ardis off of him. He smirks to himself as he feels Levi watching him as he moves across the room and throws a look over his shoulder.
“You can stay here for as long as you want.” Erwin leaves the room to fetch something from his desk. There is not an ounce of hesitation in his actions. He has offered Levi his rooms before, so why should he hesitate now? He has nothing to fear from Levi – himself perhaps, but not Levi.
The key is light in his hands and he passes it to Levi with a firm nod. It’s what he wants, to give Levi somewhere to return to, to let Levi stay by his side. Erwin will never force him (he has to command his soldiers and Levi will one day be one of them, but he will never force him on these terms), which is why he is giving Levi the choice. A key locks and unlocks, allows escape as well as safety.
Levi, thankfully, doesn’t ask why. He nods and takes the key, curling his fingers around metal as if it is some precious treasure. Erwin turns as his chest warms, making to dress for the day. He doesn’t have time to shower, not when he has appointments in fifteen minutes, but he will enjoy the scent of Levi lingering on his skin all day.
“I hope your training isn’t too strenuous,” Erwin says as he shrugs his jacket on. Ardis is standing by the door, pointedly staring at the wooden door to the hallway to tell Erwin to get a move on. Levi is still in bed, eyes tracking every moment Erwin makes with heat.
“I expect I’ll see you at dinner,” Erwin says and leaves, Ardis at his side and warmth in his chest.
What have we got ourselves in for? Ardis whispers to him and Erwin shakes his head. She butts her head against his leg and he stoops to scratch behind her ear, good mood pouring between them.
Nothing changes the good mood, not even the dour face of the council representative who keeps trying to take funds back. He counters arguments and defends others all day. His mood dips slightly when a few recruits need consoling, but he sends them off with lighter hearts in their rib cages and a heavier weight on his own shoulders. These men are dying for him though and Erwin’s burden is but a pebble in a well for humanity’s cause.
No one comments on how quickly Ardis has recovered. Perhaps they know, or at least understand a little.
His mood only drops when he enters the food hall and cannot find Levi or Kiva anywhere. He eats slowly, ignoring conversation around him, looking up only when a book slams down on the table, knocking his glass and spilling a few drops of water onto the table.
“I have a proposition!” Hange announces brightly and Erwin watches her daemon dart along the floor by her feet to approach Ardis.
“You’ve finally surfaced from your latest experiment,” Erwin says fondly, watching the meerkat tap Ardis gently on the paw. “And hello to you too Asha.”
Asha tilts her head up to peer at Erwin with beady eyes, but her attention draws back to Ardis as the dog lays down and lets Asha crawl onto her back, a favoured position for Hange’s daemon.
“I was reading a book about titans and their historical impact on human society,” Hange begins. The book in question has to be the one she slammed onto the table and Erwin eyes light with muted interest. It is a thin book, for such an interesting title, and Erwin wonders what interest Hange found in it.
“Titans don’t have daemons,” she starts, but that’s something they all know. “But there is a documented case that states that one titan, way back at the beginning of the war, had a daemon.”
Hange tilts back where she is sitting, excitement almost dripping from her. Erwin spares a glance to Ardis and sees that Asha is fast asleep. Erwin and Mike have a bet running that it is only Asha of the pair that ever sleeps.
“A titan with a daemon?” Erwin comments. Books can’t always be trusted, but if Hange thinks there is something in this historical relic then there’s no harm in letting her pursue what she wants. She’s rooted out important information from stranger sources before and anything they can get against the titans is a major achievement.
“You have my permission for whatever you need,” he allows and she beams at him, throwing her arms around him in excitement. Erwin stiffens, though he should be used to Hange’s strange outbursts. It isn’t often she will outright throw herself at someone and Erwin wonders if she’s been trying to research this since before his command and been refused.
Hange leaves Asha with Ardis as she collects her dinner and Erwin appreciates the company when she returns. Her enthusiasm and rooted questions keep him from wondering where Levi is, after all.
*
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[Erwin/Levi] Cedarwood 10a/?
(Anonymous)
2013-11-25 06:55 am (UTC)(link)
Thank you for the kind comments! We're on our way to what I consider the end of the first 'section', which is pre-manga. I will be covering the manga (though timelines might not match up exactly at first) as well and probably post-manga, but we'll cross that bridge when we get there. So a lot more to come! Enjoy!
*
Seasons barely matter to Erwin anymore, but from the way Ardis paces before his desk, he knows autumn is giving way to winter. She is restless, as is he, and he flicks through some papers before giving up, the words not even registering further than blurred shapes before him.
“Why haven’t they given us an expedition yet,” Ardis mumbles to herself, yawning in agitation. Her nails click on the floor as Erwin drums his fingers, staring at his door. They have been free of appointments for hours now, but still have to remain confined to this office, just in case.
“Because expeditions mean money,” Erwin says with a sigh, dropping the papers back onto his desk and leaning back in his chair. He allows his head to tip back and he stares at the ceiling for a while, not bothering to move when a knock sounds at his door. Ardis can smell who is outside and he calls for them to enter.
“You seem bored,” Mike says with a smile and Erwin finally takes his eyes from the ceiling. Burcu squeezes through the door with a long-suffering sigh and Ardis stands to greet her.
“Bored is an understatement,” Erwin replies, nodding for Mike to take a seat. He is grateful for the company in truth and wonders if Mike is able to place his scent now and plucked out the boredom.
“I still can’t smell you,” Mike says and Erwin raises an eyebrow. “You wrinkled your nose and you only do that when you think about my smelling abilities. I’m clever enough to jump to conclusions.”
They sit in silence for a while. Burcu and Ardis play a little, bear pulling dog as Ardis buts her head gently against Burcu’s jaw. Their play is gentle, but important. Erwin has always been an advocate for daemons playing together, like wild animals may, though few people are happy enough to let their daemons interact on such a level. Most of the scouting legion accept his teachings and Erwin knows it’s helped out in a few difficult situations before from scouts thanking him when they come back alive.
“Have you ever thought about how you might die?” Erwin says softly, ignoring Ardis’ huff of surprise and Burcu’s grunt. No one ever really entertains the thought of death, but Erwin thinks it’s important to humble one’s self.
“Cheerful today,” Erwin hears Burcu mutter, a rare sound, and he smiles at her.
“Well I’d like to die an old man in bed with family surrounding me,” Mike says with a charming grin. He sobers the next moment though and Erwin watches him as carefully, eyes sharp as cut glass.
“A bigger part of me knows I won’t survive this war.” He nods to himself a few times, not meeting Erwin’s eyes. This in itself isn’t strange. No one meets Erwin’s eyes when he asks them how they think they will die. No one wants to see the truth Erwin won’t keep hidden and no one wants to see their own reflection in his eyes.
“And you, Commander?” His title is used ironically and Erwin smirks.
“Who knows,” he says, brushing the question off like water droplets from a duck’s back. Erwin may die in so many ways and he thinks about it often yet not at all.
He thinks he’ll most likely be shot down by the king than eaten by a titan for the plans he has in his heart. Erwin is a risk taker and he’ll take titans over the military police any day. At least titans are smart enough not to panic and aren’t armed with guns. Nile is a twitchy man, like the rest of his organisation, and Erwin’s found himself at the end of a gun one too many times before. It’s a habit, he supposes, one he should really learn to kick.
But then again, pissing Nile off is fun. And Erwin’s smart enough to dodge any bullets that comes his way. (He ignores the eye-roll Ardis sends him at this).
“I want you to put together a team,” Erwin says. He’s been thinking over this plan for a while and knows he’ll have a certain someone’s support, if not full adoration.
“Is there to be an expedition?” Burcu looks up in interest, closing her maw and letting Ardis push her away.
“Of sorts. I won’t say anymore because I’ll be omitting a few things from my request form, but put together a team that are fast and can think strategically. They don’t need to have a high kill rate… in fact it’s probably better if they don’t.” Erwin nods and Mike takes the information in as he always does. He sighs and inhales deeply, nodding when he’s processed what he needs.
“Do you have anyone in mind?” he says and Erwin gives him two names of the ones who will be overseeing the operation to come.
“Very well then,” Mike says. “I look forward to hearing when the expedition will mount. I’m assuming we’ll be changing bases before then though?”
The scouting legion always made a point of being round trainees while they could. Not many people want to join the scouting legion on base of stories they’ve heard and a commander in the past decided to make their presence known around recruits. A slight increase in new recruits arose since then and Erwin’s not one to break tradition.
Still, they never make a habit of staying in one place too long. To settle down would be to get comfortable and fighting titans isn’t a comfortable job. Erwin needs his men and women on their feet at all times and he nods to Mike’s question, ignoring the slight jab in his chest. He will never let slight jabs get in the way of being commander.
“We have an old farm in the outer district of Maria. It’s close to our exit point and has the facilities we’ll be needing.” Erwin smiles grimly, though it doesn’t reach to the corners of his eyes.
Mike is smart enough not to question and he relaxes in his chair. Business is done and their daemons return to their games of play-mauling each other.
“I heard Hange switched experiments a few days ago,” Mike says and Erwin raises an eyebrow. “Did you manage to see her in the brief period of lucidity she had?”
“I did,” Erwin replies and Mike lets out a surprised bark of laughter. “I may have set her on the path for this experiment.”
There is no surprise anymore and Mike sighs fondly. “Well next time she’s out of the cave, tell her I think I’ve found her a new assistant. I don’t think she’ll last long – she’s not looking to spend her life in the labs – but she has more interest in learning about titans than any other recruits I’ve known. I think she has a brother who’s expressed interest in training too.”
Erwin nods, filing the information away. Hange will be glad to have a new assistant and Asha will get to relax a little knowing someone else is helping to take care of Hange. Hange is important, anyway. Her brain contains more information on titans than any textbook could hope to hold.
“When I get permission, we’ll be gone. I give it another month at most.” Erwin feels his mood dip and knows Ardis shares it from the way she snaps a little too violently at Burcu. She instantly apologises, dipping her tail slightly, and they move on.
“I shall make sure to start the rumours up. It’ll do them all good to get on their feet again.” Mike stands and Burcu lets her paws fall to her side, standing and bidding Ardis a silent farewell.
“I expect I’ll see you around dinner,” Mike says and Erwin waves him off, looking at Ardis when the door closes.
“Do you really think it’ll be possible to catch a titan?” she asks and Erwin nods slowly.
“It’s been attempted before, but those teams never had Hange on their side. This will be her first proper mission and she’s probably the most important person on this mission.” Ardis pads to his side and lays her head on his lap, saliva coating Erwin’s leg. He gently lifts her muzzle and smiles, letting her jump awkwardly onto his lap.
“You’ll stay at the base,” Erwin says quietly into her fur, remembering their previous mission and shuddering at the thought of that happening again. Which reminds him, he needs to find a new horse and get the horse used to him. He hates losing horses.
“I can’t even follow Levi and Kiva around,” Ardis mumbles, peering up at Erwin with round eyes. He pats her gently on the nose and stretches his legs out a little, wrapping his arms around her as he does so to keep her on his lap.
“No, but you can keep the other daemons in check. And stop Asha from losing her mind when Hange finally gets to capture the titan she’s always wanted.” Ardis laughs at that and licks Erwin’s cheek, hopping from his lap.
“We have a few more hours before dinner. Get to work,” she says sternly and Erwin mock-salutes her, pulling a mission request form from his desk. He’s been holding off subconsciously, but now he’s told Mike there will be a mission, he has no reason not to complete the paperwork.
He doesn’t think of Levi when he inks the required words. Well, perhaps just a tiny bit.
*
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[Erwin/Levi] Cedarwood 10b/? (Anonymous) - 2013-11-25 06:56 (UTC) - Expand
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[Erwin/Levi] Cedarwood 11a/?
(Anonymous)
2013-12-03 06:02 am (UTC)(link)
Thank you for the comments! I can’t get over the fact that ‘touching daemons’ is basically a dodgy euphemism. The next update will have more Levi. Enjoy and thanks again.
*
They don’t get many days off. No one does, but Erwin knows the days they do and sends Ardis to collect Levi and Kiva. It’s a Sunday and the dawn has barely broken. It’s been three days since they stayed together and Erwin closes his eyes at his desk, almost humming as he watches through the bond. Ardis mirrors his happiness, sneaks into Levi’s barracks with ease and shoves her nose right into Kiva’s side.
Kiva jumps up, silent from years in the Underground, but softens when she sees Ardis. Erwin can hear them talk and he pulls back, nodding to himself as he knows Levi will join him soon.
Levi arrives with a daemon on each side, features set in stone and uniform immaculate. Without a word, Erwin takes Levi’s jacket from his shoulders and produces another, one he’d worn once when he was a little younger. It’s a little fancy, but it suits Levi well, if a tad large.
“What is this?” Levi says, a small frown on his brow as his hands sneak from the sleeves to grip the dark fabric. Kiva peers up at Erwin in curiosity and Ardis sits down heavily at his feet, closing her eyes.
“We’re going into town today,” Erwin says simply, as if that explains everything. It should, he thinks, because he doesn’t feel like being harassed. They’ll still keep the basics of their uniforms, as good soldiers do, but no one needs to know which branch they belong to.
“So I need a mountain of cloth in jacket form?” Levi sniffs, though Erwin can tell he isn’t really insulted by all this.
“Yes,” he replies, shooting Levi a quick smile. “I’m going to get mine,” he grabs a dark brown jacket, less formal and thicker than what Levi has, “and now we can go.”
Erwin never once feared Levi would deny him and he is proved right when Levi simply shrugs and pulls the jacket around himself a little tighter. He straightens and Kiva hops onto his neck before he looks to Erwin.
“You do know trainees don’t get paid,” Levi says simply and Erwin nods.
“We won’t be doing anything expensive anyway. I have enough money for us.” They move out of the room and Erwin locks the room behind them. They make small talk – not uncomfortable, just filling the gaps three days left them – as they walk through the training base and Erwin finds that Levi’s been pushing himself harder ever since his graduation was pushed forward.
The town in question isn’t far, but Erwin has hired out a coach. The driver nods to them, his daemon peering curiously at them, grunting happily as they clamber in. It’s a strange sight to see a pig beside a coach driver, but Erwin swears by this man. He is the most discreet driver Erwin knows and doesn’t mind calling himself Erwin’s man.
Not that they need to be discreet today, but a man needs money to put food in his belly.
“I met that disgusting woman in the lunch hall yesterday,” Levi says as the coach begins to move. Ardis and Kiva have claimed a side of the carriage for their own and Erwin sits pressed against Levi, content with the contact they have.
“Disgusting woman?” Erwin asks, looking out of the window. The streets pass and people peer at them for a second before returning to their work. No one really cares, but a carriage is a moment of interest in a tough life.
“The science one. Who hardly washes and has stains on her clothes.” Erwin looks over in time to catch Levi’s lips thinning and shakes his head in amusement. He should have known Levi would have issues with Hange.
“She has a meerkat that doesn’t understand personal space for a daemon.” Levi is still speaking and Erwin lets him. He’s not focused on anything inside the coach, lost instead in his disgust for Hange. He doesn’t truly dislike her – it’s impossible not to like Hange – but Levi hates things that are dirty, things he can’t clean with his own hands.
“Asha sat on Kiva for twenty minutes, uninvited.” Levi crosses his arms, finally looking up at Erwin. “It’s not funny, you giant dick,” he says, kicking Erwin in the leg as Erwin turns away to the window, covering his smile with his hand.
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