"You have the right to stop thinking of me as your mother."
"What do you mean?"
Ignoring his question, she muttered, "Since you have no feelings
for me anymore, the best thing is for you to leave me and my concerns
alone."
He shouted angrily, "What's already happened is all I can bear. I
will not permit you to soil my reputation again."
Swallowing bitterly, she replied, "With God as my witness, there's
nothing about it that will soil anyone's reputation."
He asked her disapprovingly, "Are you determined to go through
with this marriage?"
She was silent for a time. Her head was bowed sadly and she was
sunk in despair. A deep sigh escaped her. Then she said in a scarcely
audible voice, "The matter's settled. The marriage contract has been
drawn up. I'm no longer in a position to stop it."
Yasin jumped to his feet. His corpulent body was rigid and his face
pale. Boiling with anger, he stared at her bowed head. Then he roared
at her. "What a woman you are.... You criminal!"
She mumbled in choked voice revealing her total surrender, "May
God forgive you."
At that moment it occurred to him to blast her with what he knew
about her past conduct, things she assumed he did not know, like the
sinister story of the fruit seller. It would be a bomb he could drop on
her head suddenly and blow her to bits, exacting the most hideous
revenge. There was a terrifying flash from his eyes, flying out from
beneath a frowning, gloomy brow with furrows that seemed threatening suggestions of forthcoming evil. He opened his mouth to drop
his bombshell, but his tongue would not move. It stuck to the roof
of his mouth as though forced there by his brain, which had not been
blinded by his suffering to the calamity that would result. The dread
Naguib Mahfou
ful instant passed with the speed of a fleeting earthquake during
which a person feels death breathing on his face repeatedly for a few
moments before everything returns to normal. He groaned but suppressed his anger. He backed down, without regrets. His forehead
was dripping with cold sweat. Later, when he remembered various
moments of this strange meeting, he recalled how he had acted then
and felt relieved that he had held back, even though he was totally
amazed by his restraint. What most surprised him was his feeling that
he held back out of compassion for himself, not for her. Although he
already knew what he would have revealed, he seemed to have been
shielding his own honor rather than hers.
He blew off steam by striking his hands together and saying,
"Criminal!... Scandal incarnate!... How I'll laugh at my foolishness
every time I remember that I hoped something good might come
from this visit.... "Then he continued sarcastically: "I'm amazed you
can desire my affection after this."
She was distraught and sad. He heard her say, "My soul made me
hope we could live together with love, in spite of everything. Your
surprise visit inspired warm hopes in my heart that made me imagine
I could give you the most exalted form of love my heart possesses...
unblemished."
He backed away from her, as though fleeing from the tenderness
of her words. Nothing could have excited his anger more than that.
Filled with anger and despair, he sensed there was no longer anything
to be gained from staying on in this hateful atmosphere. Turning
around to make his way out, he said, "I wish I could kill you."
She lowered her eyes and said with unconcealed sorrow, "If you
do, you'll relieve me of the sufferings of my life."
His anguish reached its peak. He threw her a final look filled with
loathing. As he left the place, the floor of the room shook with his
footsteps. When he reached the street and began to come to his
senses, he remembered for the first time that he had forgotten to
discuss the real estate and property. He had not mentioned so much
as a word about it. How had he forgotten when it was the main
reason for his visit?
Mrs. Amina opened the door and stuck her head in, saying with her
customary tenderness, "Is there anything I can do for you, sir?"
She heard Fahmy's voice reply, "Come here, Mother. It will only
take five minutes."
The woman entered, happy to comply with his request. She found
him standing in front of his desk with a serious and concerned expression
on his face. He took her hand and led her to a sofa near the
door. He seated her and then sat down beside her, asking, "Is everyone
asleep?"
The woman realized that she had not been invited to perform some
trivial favor; otherwise what need was there for such care or this
interest in privacy? His concern was quickly transmitted to her sensitive
soul. She answered, "Khadija and Aisha went to their room at
their usual time and I just left Kamal in his bed now."
Fahmy had been waiting for this moment since he retired to the
study early in the evening. He had not been able to concentrate his
attention on the book before him as usual. Off and on he had been
following the conversation between his mother and his sisters, worried
that they would never stop talking. Then he had listened to his
mother and Kamal memorize a section of the seventy-eighth sura of
the Qur'an, beginning: "Concerning what are they disputing?" Finally
the house had become quiet and his mother had come to say
good night. He had invited her to come in, and the tension of waiting
had ended for him.
Although his mother was gentle as a dove and he felt no reserve
or fear with her, he found it difficult to express what he wanted to
say. He was overcome by a shy embarrassment. A long period of
silence passed before, twitching his eyelids, he said, "Mother, I've
invited you to advise me on a topic of great concern to me."
The woman's anxiety became so intense that her tender heart almost
transformed it into fear. She replied, "I'm listening, son."
He breathed deeply to relieve his nerves and said, "What would
you think if... I mean, isn't possible that..." He came to a hesitant
stop. Then he changed his tone and said delicately but anx
zz
Naguib Mafou
iously, "I have no one to confide my innermost feelings to except for you.... "
"Of course, my son, that's only natural."
Taking courage from this, he said, "What would you think about
trying to arrange an engagement between me and Maryam, the
daughter of our neighbor al-Sayyid Muhammad Ridwan?"
At first Amina was astonished by his suggestion. Her initial response
was a smile revealing more anxiety than joy. Then the fear
that had gripped her while she was waiting for him to declare what
he had in mind dispersed. Her smile broadened and shone, announcing
her unqualified delight. She hesitated for some moments, not
knowing what to say, then she burst out: "Is this really what you
want?... I'll give you my frank opinion.... The day I go to arrange
an engagement for you with a decent girl will be the happiest day of
my life."
The youth blushed and said gratefully, "Thank you, Mother."
His mother gazed at him with a tender smile and remarked wist
fully,
"What a happy day! I've had to work hard nd be patient many
times. It's not too much to ask that God reward ae for my exertion
and patience with a day like this I've been hoping,, for; indeed with
many more like it when I reioice for you and yot/r sisters Khadiia
and Aisha."
\
Her mind wandered off in happy dreams until something occurred
to her that suddenly roused her. She drew her head l'ck anxiously
like a cat that sees a dog approaching. She muttered sympathetically,
"But... your father?"
Fahmy smiled angrily and replied, "That's why I'm asking for your
advice.... "
The woman thought a little. Then she said, as though to herself,
"I don't know how he'll react to this request. Your father's a strange
man, different from anyone else. What others take for granted, he
considers a crime."
Fahmy frowned and said, "There's nothing in the affair to warrant
anger or opposition."
"That's what I think."
"It goes without saying that the marriage won't take place until I
have completed my studies and found myself a job."
"Of course, of course."
"So what could anyone object to, then?"
She gave him a look that seemed to say, "Who's going to remonstrate
with your father if he doesn't care to listen to reason?" After
PALACE WALK
12.3
all, her known stance toward him was blind obedience, whether he
was right or wrong, just or tyrannical. What she said, however, was:
'q hope your request will be blessed by acceptance."
The young man responded enthusastically, "My father married
when he was my age, and I don't even intend to do that. |'m planning
to wait till my marriage seems so normal there will be no obiection
to it from any quarter....
"May our Lord grant our request."
They were still for a time, looking at each other, united by a single
thought, knowing instinctively that they understood each other perfectly. It was not hard for them to read each other's thoughts. Then
Fahmy expressed what was preoccupying both of them: "Now we
need to think about who ought to raise the topic with him.... "
The woman smiled, but anxiety had robbed her smile of its spirit.
She realized that her resourceful son was reminding her of a duty
only she could perform. She did not object to doing it, since there
was no alternative, but she accepted the task reluctantly, as she did
many others. She asked God that it would end well. She remarked
tenderly and affectionately, "Who should bring it up but me?... May
our Lord be with us."
"I'm sorry.... If I could, I'd do it myself."
I'll talk to him, and it will be successful, God willing. Maryam's
a pretty girl, polite and from a fine family."
She was silent for a moment. Then, as though it had only just occurred to her, she asked, to clarify something, "But isn't she your
age or even older?"
The youth replied uneasily, "That doesn't matter to me at all!"
Smiling, she replied, "With God's blessing; may our Lord be with
us." Then, as she stood up, she added, "I leave you now in the
Master's care. Until tomorrow." She leaned toward him and kissed
him, then she left the room, closing the door behind her. She was
astonished to find Kamal sitting on a sofa, bent over a notebook. She
shouted at him, "What are you doing here?"
Smiling in embarrassment, he rose and replied, "I remembered that
I'd left my English notebook. So I came to get it. Then I thought I'd
review the words one more time."
Once again she went with him to the bedroom. She did not leave
him until he was stretched.out under the cover, but he did not fall
asleep. The lively thoughts racing through his mind defeated sleep.
As soon as he heard his mother's footsteps going upstairs to the top
floor, he leapt out of bed. Then he opened the door and ran to his
Naguib Mahfou
sisters' room. He shoved the door open and went in without shutting
it, so the lamp in the hall could illumine some of the darkness blanketing
the room. He rushed to the bed and whispered, "Khadiia!"
Astonished, the young woman sat up in bed. He jumped up beside
her, so excited he was breathless. As though not satisfied with entrusting
the secret that had kept him from falling asleep to only one
listener, he put his hand on Aisha and shook her. The girl had already
noticed his arrival. She threw back the cover and raised her head, half
out of curiosity and half in protest. She asked, "What brings you
now?"
He paid no attention to her tone of protest, because he was certain
that a single word hinting at his secret would be enough to turn them
head over heels. His heart jumped with delight and joy at this
thought. Then he whispered, as though he was afraid someone else
would hear him, "I've got an amazing secret."
Khadiia asked him, "What secret?... Tell us what you've got and
show us how clever you are."
He could not conceal it any longer. He replied, "My brother Fahmy
wants to get engaged to Maryam."
At that, Aisha sat up in bed too, with a quick, mechanical motion,
as though the revelation was cold water splashed on her face and
teeth. The three shadows moved close together in a mound resembling
a pyramid in the faint light penetrating the room, which was
reflected on the floor near the open door as a trapezoidal panel. Its
edges fluctuated with the oscillations of the lamp's wick, which had
been exposed to a draft when the door was left open. The breeze
reached the hall in gentle whispers, flowing surreptitiously from the
small openings of the girls' window.
Khadiia asked with great interest, "How do you know that?"
"I got out of bed to fetch my English notebook. When I reached the
door of the study I heard my brother's voice. So I stayed there on the
sofa." Then he repeated what he had overheard. They listened to him,
spellbound, until he finished. At that point Aisha asked, as though she
needed further convincing, "Do you believe this, Khadiia?"
In a voice that sounded as though she was speaking by telephone
from a distant city, her sister replied, "Do you imagine he's invented
a long, complicated story like this?"
"You're right." Aisha laughed to relieve her tension and continued:
"There's a big difference between the death of the boy in the street
and this story."
Paying no attention to Kamal's obiection to the insinuation
PALACE WALK
rected at him, Khadija asked, "How do you suppose this came
about?"
Aisha laughed and observed, "Didn't I tell you once I doubted it
was the hyacinth beans that enticed Fahmy to the roof every day?"
"It's another kind of fragrant vine that's wound itself around his
leg."
Aisha sang softly: "You're not to be blamed, my eyes, for loving
him."
Khadiia chided her:!'Hush... this isn't the time for singing....
Maryam's in her twenties and Fabmy's eighteen. How can Mother
agree to that?"
"Mother?... Mother's a gentle dove and wouldn't know how to
say no. But wait a minute; it's only fair to say that Maryam's beautiful
and a fine girl.... Moreover, our house is the only one in the neighborhood
that hasn't had a wedding yet.... "
Both Khadija and Aisha loved Maryam, but love had never been
able to hide a loved one's defects from Khadija's eyes, regardless of
the circumstances, and when provoked she would not limit herself to
criticizing defects. Since the marriage saga stirred her latent fears and
jealousy, she turned on her friend without any qualms. Her heart
refused to accept her as a wife for her brother. She proceeded to say,
"Are you crazy?... Maryam's pretty, but she's not nearly good
enough for Fahmy. You donkey, Fahmy's getting an advanced degree.
He'll be a judge someday. Can you imagine Maryam as the wife
of a high-ranking judge? She's like us in most respects. Indeed, in
more than one respect she's not as good as we are, and neither of us
is ever going to marry a judge. "
Aisha asked herself, "Who says a judge is better than an officer?"
Then she said to her sister argumentatively, "Why not?"
Without paying attention to her sister's protest, Khadiia continued:
"Fahmy will be able to marry a girl a hundred times more beautiful
than Maryam and at the same time one who's educated, rich, and the
daughter of a bey or even a pasha. So why should he be in a hurry
to get engaged to Maryam? She's nothing but an illiterate with a
sharp tongue. You don't know her as well as I do."
Aisha perceived that in Khadija's eyes Maryam had been transformed
into a bundle of faults and defects. All the same, she could
not keep from smiling secretly in the dark at the description of Maryam
as sharp-tongued, since the epithet was much more suitable for
Khadija. She abandoned he.r. protest and said submissively, "Let's
leave the matter to God....
I 6
Naguib Mahfou
Khadija replied with conviction, "The matter is in God's hands in
heaven and in Daddy's here on earth. We'll find out what he thinks
about it tomorrow." Then she told Kamal, "It's time for you to go
quietly to your bed."
Kamal returned to his room, telling himself, "That only leaves
Yasin, and I'll tell him tomorrow."
Khadija and Aisha were sitting beside the closed door of their parents'
room on the top floor. They were facing each other with their legs
crossed beneath them, warilytrying not to breathe too loud as they
strained with great interest tohear what was being said inside. It was
shortly before the afternoon prayer, and their father had risen from
his siesta and performed his ablutions. As usual, he was sitting drinking
his coffee while he waited for the call to prayer. He would pray
and then return to the store. The sisters expected their mother to
broach the subject Kamal had told them about, since there would be
no more suitable time for this purpose. Their father's loud voice carried
to them from inside, discussing ordinary household matters.
They listened apprehensively and attentively, exchanging questioning
glances, until finally they heard their mother say in an exceptionally
polite and submissive way, "Sir, if you will allow me, I'll tell you
something Fahmy requested me to bring to your attention."
At that, Aisha gestured with her chin toward the room as though
saying, "Here it comes." Meanwhile Khadija was imagining her
mother's condition as she prepared to utter the dangerous words. Her
heart went out to her and she bit her lip in her intense sympathy.
Then they heard their father's voice asking, "What does he want?"
Silence reigned for a short time, although it seemed long to the
eavesdroppers. Then the woman said gently, "Fahmy, sir, is a fine
young man. He has gained favor with you through his seriousness,
success in school, and good manners, may God protect him from the
evil eye. Perhaps he has entrusted his request to me hoping that his
status with his father will be an argument on his behalf."
Their father responded in a tone the girls thought showed his pleasure
with their mother's proposal so far: "What does he want?...
Speak."
They leaned their heads against the door. Each of them was staring
at the other, but hardly seeing her. They made out the feeble voice
saying, "Sir, you know our excellent neighbor Muhammad Ridwan?"
"Naturally."
t 28
Naguib Mahfou
"He is a fine man like you, sir. It's a good family and they're
exceptional neighbors."
"Yes."
She continued after some hesitation: "Fahmy asks, sir, whether his
father will allow him.., to become engaged to Maryam, the daughter
of our excellent neighbor, so that she will be under his supervision
until he is ready to get married."
The father's voice grew louder and his tone was harsh with anger
and disapproval: "Get engaged?... What are you saying, woman?
... He's only a boy!... God's will be done Repeat what you just
said."
Khadija imagined that their mother had recoiled in alarm. The
trembling voice said, "All he did was ask. It was just a question, sir,
with the decision left entirely to you.... "
He replied in an explosion of anger: "What is this spineless, pampering?
I'm not accustomed to it and he shouldn't be either. I don't
know what could corrupt a schoolboy to the extent that he would
make such an outrageous request.... But a mother like you could
well ruin her children. If you were the kind of mother you ought to
be, he would never have dared discuss such insolent nonsense with
you."
The two girls were seized by fear and anxiety, but for Khadija these
were mixed with relief. Then they heard their mother say in a trembling,
subservient voice, "Don't burden yourself, sir, with the trouble
of getting angry. Nothing matters except your anger. I certainly did
not intend any offense, nor did my son when he innocently conveyed
his request to me. He came to me with the best of intentions; so I
thought I would present the matter to you. Since this is what you
think, I'll tell him. He will submit to it totally, just as he obeys all
your commands."
"He'll obey me whether he wishes to or not. But I want Lo tell you
that you're a weak mother and nothing good can be hoped from
yOU."
".I'm careful to see they do as you command."
"Tell me: What led him to think of making this request?"
The girls listened intently and anxiously. They were surprised by
this unexpected question. They did-not hear any answer from their
mother but imagined she was blinking her eyes in confusion and fear.
They felt great sympathy for her.
"What's struck you dumb?... Tell me: Has he seen her?"
|
PALACE WALK
I29
"Of course not, sir. My son doesn't lift his eyes to look at a neigh
bor
girl or anyone else."
"How can he want to get engaged to her if he hasn't seen her? I
didn't know I had sons who were sneaking looks at the respectable
women of our neighbors."
"God shelter us, sir. God shelter us When my son walks in
the street he turns neither to the right nor to the left. When he's at
home he scarcely leaves his room unless he has to."
"So what made him ask for her, then?"
"Perhaps, sir, he heard his sisters talking about her..."
A tremor passed through the bodies of the two girls. Their mouths
were gaping open in alarm as they listened.
"Since when are his sisters matchmakers? Glory to God, am I
going to have to leave my store and job to squat at home in order
to patrol it and rid it of corruption?"
The mother cried out in a sobbing voice, "Your house is the most
respectable one of all. By God, sir, if you hadn't got angry so quickly,
the matter would be over and done with."
The man yelled in a threatening voice, "Tell him to mind his manners,
have some shame, and know his place. The best thing for him
would be to concentrate on his studies."
The girls heard some movement inside the room. They rose cautiously
and tiptoed away.
Mrs. Amina thought it best to leave the room, according to the
policy she followed whenever she accidentally let something slip out
that stirred his anger. She would not return unless he summoned her.
She had learned from experience that for her to remain when he was
angry and try to calm him down with gentle words only made him
more furious.
Al-Sayyid Ahmad found himself alone. The observable effects of
his anger, like the rage apparent in his eyes, complexion, words, and
the gestures of his hands, subsided, but the anger deep within his
chest lingered on like dregs at the bottom of a pot.
It was an established fact that he got angry at home for the most
trivial reasons and not merely because of his plan for the management
of his home. He was also affected by his sharp temper, which was
not held in check at home by the brakes of civility that he employed
to perfection outside his household. His domestic rage presumably
granted him some relief from the effort he exerted with other people,
when he suffered in the interest of self-control, tolerance, gracious
t 3o
Naguib Mahfou
ness, and concern for other people's feelings and affection. Not infre.
quently he realized he had gotten angry for no reason at all, but even
then he did not regret it. He believed that getting angry over a trivial
matter would prevent serious offenses, which would truly merit his
anger.
All the same, he did not consider what he had heard concerning
Fahmy that afternoon to be a minor error. He discerned in it an
unseemly turbulence that should not be agitating the soul of a schoolboy
from his family. He could not imagine that the world of the
emotions had infiltrated the atmosphere of his home, which he vigilantly
strove to keep one of stem purity and immaculate innocence.
Then it was time for the afternoon prayer, a good opportunity for
spiritual exercise. He emerged from his prayers with a calmer heart
and a more relaxed mind. He sat on the prayer rug, spread out his
hands, and asked God to bless him with both offspring and money.
He prayed especially that he have reason for pride in his children's
good sense, integrity, and success.
By the time he left the house his frown was merely a device intended
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