Harry texts Louis on Sunday asking how he’s feeling and Louis says he thinks he had a bit of a twenty four hour flu, but that he told the boys he was feeling poorly and they’ve taken care of him.

Chapter Eleven:

Harry texts Louis on Sunday asking how he’s feeling and Louis says he thinks he had a bit of a twenty four hour flu, but that he told the boys he was feeling poorly and they’ve taken care of him. That seems to placate Harry, and Louis expects him to stop texting but he doesn’t. He tells Louis about how he’s thinking of getting a part time job and Louis tells him about this really horrible job he had at the movie theatre once. Harry tells him how much he loved working in a bakery and Louis admits that he used to be a horrible cook. Harry says one day he’d like to cook Louis dinner and Louis says that would be nice, even though he has absolutely no intention of ever letting that happen. They end up texting back and forth all day and then when Louis is lying in bed dozing off he thumbs out a goodnight text.

Harry replies with a ‘sweet dreams Lou. xx’

Louis finds himself looking forward to second period and he enjoys every minute of it with Harry, even though the fashion show is quickly approaching and they actually have to spend their time finishing up the alterations to Harry’s garments. The conversation comes easy as ever though, and a few times Louis has to tell Harry to stop making him laugh or his stitches will be all crooked. Harry just takes that as instruction to be more of a goof though, and Louis thinks it’s nice to have his stomach hurt from laughing so hard instead of because it’s empty.

Louis devotes a lot of their conversation into coaxing Harry to sing for him, but the boy still gets a shy about it. Louis will turn music on his laptop and sing purposely off key to Harry’s favourite songs. Harry laughs so hard his eyes water when Louis doesn’t know all lyrics and he just makes up something to fill the void. Harry doesn’t sing though, just does silly endearingly awkward dances to make Louis giggle while he works. Sometimes Louis will catch him humming while he types up his notes but as soon as he notices Louis’ attention he blushes and looks away.

Finally on Tuesday night, when they’re texting before bed, after two days of Louis relentlessly begging to hear him sing, Harry texts him saying, ‘Tomorrow I’ll sing for you okay? Sweet dreams Lou. xx’

Louis replies with quite a few smiley faces and a bunch of exclamation points and ‘literally cannot wait. Have a good sleep mate. x’

Louis enters the studio bubbling with excitement because he just knows Harry has got to be good. He’s got that deep, warm voice that somehow manages to be rough and smooth at the same time and Louis just knows he’s going to be good. He sits at the workstation waiting for Harry but he definitely did not expect Harry to show up with Niall and a guitar in tow. He lets out a surprised little laugh and Niall grins and waves behind Harry, who is looking extremely sheepish.

"I don’t know how to play guitar and I figured if you were going to hear me sing I might as well put forth my best effort," he shrugs, grinning as he gnaws on his bottom lip.

Louis claps, “excellent!” he exclaims.

Harry’s cheeks colour a bit as he sets two stools side by side in front of the work station. Louis comes around the table and lifts himself up onto it so his legs dangle over the edge.

"Niall I hope you’re not missing class for this, did Harry bribe you with pints?" he says.

Niall laughs, “he didn’t have to bribe me, I’m pretty sure if we’re keeping track of who owes who favours I’m still about twenty seven down on Hazza.”

"Always the giver," Louis teases Harry and he grins and blushes.

"He never sings in front of people you should know," Niall tells Louis with a grin, "except me of course but I practically had to hold a gun to his head."

"So I should feel special then," Louis laughs.

"You really should mate," Niall nods, sharing a small smile with Harry whose cheeks are a lovely shade of pink.

Niall hops up on the stool and fiddles with his guitar a bit. Harry rests on the edge of his stool, long legs stretched out to the floor, hands toying with the hem of the cozy grey jumper he’s wearing. His head is hung so his curls obscure is eyes from view but Louis can see his bottom lip pulled in between his teeth. Louis realizes then that maybe Harry really is shy about his singing and that it isn’t something he’d ever like to do in front of crowds, that it’s something he does just for himself. Louis feels a little thrum in his heart because Harry really is trusting him with this, Niall wasn’t teasing, Louis really should feel special.

"I really do," Louis says earnestly.

Harry finally looks up and meets Louis’ eyes, a soft smile on his lips, “I’ll try not to be shit,” he says.

"Harry you couldn’t be shit if you tried, don’t put yourself down," Louis says gently, giving Harry a smile.

Harry’s cheeks change from pink to red and he clears his throat before batting at his curls. He shakes his fingers through his hair on either side of his head and then he swoops the front up and to the right, in a move Louis has seen him do about a million times. He clears his throat again and gives a little nod to Niall.

Niall starts to strum the guitar and Louis knows which song it is instantly. When Harry raises his eyes to meet Louis’ his eyebrows are pulled together a little in the middle and his tongue slips out a bit to wet his lips. Louis doesn’t think he could break the gaze if he tried. Harry’s eyes are so wide and so green as his lips part.

"It’s a little bit funny, this feeling inside. I’m not one of those who can easily hide. I don’t have much money, but boy if I did, I’d buy a big house where we both could live," Harry sings.

His voice is warm and deep but crystal clear and smooth like velvet. Louis knows he has amazing control of his vocal chords because the word ‘live’ holds the perfect amount of vibrato. Then he’s starts in on the next part and his voice is so strong and unwavering but somehow still soft and beautiful. He doesn’t look away from Louis at all. Louis’ eyes can’t help flitting down to watch the way Harry’s lips form the words, but only for a second before his eyes are drawn back to Harry’s.

"And you can tell everybody, that this is your song. It may be quite simple but now that it’s done, I hope you don’t mind, I hope you don’t mind, that I put down in words, how wonderful life is while you’re in the world," he sings.

Louis is a little bit in awe as he listens to Harry. He cannot believe how amazing his voice is, how effortlessly it can flit between lows and highs and hit every note with such amazing clarity. He can’t get over of the warmth of it, the smoothness of it. His eyes land on the vein in Harry’s neck and travel down the muscles of Harry’s arms; clenching as he presses his hands together in his lap. He notices the way Harry tips his chin up as the words come out, though Harry’s eyes never leave Louis’ face.

"Anyway the thing is, what I really mean, yours are the sweetest eyes I’ve ever seen," Harry’s voice raises goosebumps on Louis arms.

The words are laced with vibrato again and the note is so silky and beautiful and Louis swallows past a lump in his throat. Louis realizes then, that the thing that hits him most is the look in Harry’s eyes. They’re wide and soft and there is so much sincerity in them that it is almost startling to Louis. Louis knows Harry is probably the most genuine person he has ever met, the most sincere, but this is different. Louis feels like he could drown in the emotion in Harry’s eyes. He doesn’t quite know what emotion it is, or what feeling this song brings up for Harry but he knows that singing really is Harry’s passion.

"I hope you don’t mind, I hope you don’t mind, that I put down in words, how wonderful life is while you’re in the world," Harry finishes, holding the note until the crystal clear end.

The silence left by Harry’s song is thick and palpable. Louis thinks maybe he’s been rendered speechless because that was just so intensely beautiful that he really doesn’t know if he can say anything that would properly convey how he feels after that. He thinks maybe he can’t. Harry’s eyes haven’t left him but they’re showing his nervousness again now, though that usual hopefulness is there as well. If it had been anyone else Louis would have teased them about the song choice, would have teased them for dragging Niall in and holding an impromptu concert, would have teased them for taking it so seriously. He would never tease Harry for any of that though because he loved the song choice, and he loved how much it clearly meant to Harry. Louis still has goosebumps from the song and his words are still stuck in his mouth, so he does the only thing he can think of.

He spreads his arms open where he sits on the edge of the table and Harry’s eyes light up as he pushes himself up off his stool. He goes into Louis arms so that his hips press up against the table between Louis’ legs and Louis wraps his arms around Harry and pulls him in closer. Harry’s arms envelop Louis shoulders and Louis’ buries his face in Harry’s jumper, feeling Harry’s cheek pressed to his head. Louis vaguely notes the slight sweetness to Harry’s cologne and some other fresh scent.

"That was really, really beautiful Harry," Louis says, his breath rebounding off Harry’s neck, "you’re an amazing singer and that was so, so beautiful."

He goes to pull back from the hug but Harry holds him a little tighter, nuzzling slightly against Louis’ hair. Louis rubs his back a little and smiles against Harry’s shoulder. Harry finally pulls back, his cheeks pink. He doesn’t move from where he’s standing between Louis’ legs, he just smiles and Louis finds himself smiling back.

"I mean it Harry, that was amazing, you’re amazing, and I’m really glad you let me hear you sing," Louis says truthfully.

Harry looks down, rubbing the back of his neck,”glad it was alright,” he says, biting back a smile.

"Alright? Alright?" Louis says indignantly, making Harry laugh, "unfortunately for you though, now that we’ve had the grand reveal you’ve unknowingly signed a contract that you have to sing to me all the time now."

Harry blushes but smiles, “s’pose I would be okay with that. Just only when it’s just us, yeah? Not in public.”

"Sure Harry, not in public. Makes me feel more privileged that way anyway," Louis says cheekily.

Harry huffs out a laugh, his breath warm and minty on Louis’ cheeks, “deal,” he says.

"Well I’ve got to get back to class," Niall says cheerily, hopping down from the stool.

Louis had almost forgotten Niall was there, “thanks so much Niall, you’re great at guitar,” he says as Harry steps back.

"Thanks mate, we’ll all have to get together again soon yeah?" he says.

"For sure, yeah," Louis agrees.

"See yah Ni, thanks," Harry calls as Niall waves over his shoulder and leaves.

Louis hops down from the table and brings the two stools back over, sitting himself down on one. Harry takes the one beside him and pulls his textbook out of his backpack.

He never really gets to do any work though because Louis spends the rest of the period picking random songs and coaxing Harry into singing them. It seems now that Harry has gotten over the initial nervousness of singing for someone he’s okay. He jokes around and sings off key just to make Louis laugh but somehow Louis thinks his voice is still beautiful even when he’s purposely hitting notes wrong and being a goof.

"Hey Louis," Harry asks a few minutes before the bell rings as they’re packing up their things.

"Yeah?" Louis asks absentmindedly as he searches for the cap to his favourite pen.

"Would you- do you want to maybe go for lunch with me?" Harry asks.

"Sorry Haz, I can’t. They’re starting to set up for the fashion show and I have to go and select lighting and give them my music and stuff. My appointment with the girl is over lunch hour," Louis says truthfully, though he wouldn’t have gone with Harry for lunch regardless.

Harry frowns for a second, “oh,” he says, “can I come?”

Louis’ eyebrows raise, “it’s going to be boring.”

"Nah, I want to see the whole process! I’ll grab a sandwich or something. I promise I’ll keep quiet and not distract from your meeting."

Louis laughs when he sees that Harry looks hopeful, “sure then, I guess, if you want.”

"Great!" Harry beams.

"I’ll meet you outside here at lunch then and we can walk over to the auditorium?"

"Yeah sounds perfect," Harry nods excitedly.

"Okay, see you in a bit," Louis says as he and Harry leave the studio.

"See ya Lou!"

Louis doesn’t even get all the way to class before Harry is texting him some random little thing just to keep the conversation going, but Louis doesn’t mind. Harry asks if Louis wants him to bring him a sandwich but Louis says he’s eating in this period so he doesn’t have to eat during the meeting. Harry doesn’t question it and Louis is thankful because he doesn’t want a replay of the mocha and scone situation.

His next class passes easy enough and then he heads back to the studio to meet Harry. Harry is leaned up against the wall the exact same way he was the first day Louis ever saw him; one foot rested back on the wall, hips jutted out slightly in a slouch. Louis is reminded just how amazing Harry’s legs are, as if he could ever forget.

"You shouldn’t stand like that or you’re going to have weird boys coming up to you and asking you to model for them,” Louis says, when he approaches Harry.

Harry lets out a laugh and raises his eyebrows, “that’s actually the sole reason I stand like this, if you must know. Although my first few offers seemed a little sketchy so I was extremely glad when you came along.”

Louis laughs out loud, “I hope you know about stranger danger Harry.”

“Of course Louis, don’t be silly. I draw the line at full frontal.”

Louis laughs so loud he has to cover his mouth and shakes his head, “classy,” he giggles.

Harry beams down at Louis with both his dimples on display. Louis is a little surprised when Harry gently winds his arm around Louis’ shoulders, and he thinks maybe Harry is a little surprised at himself too, but Louis doesn’t mind. He lets himself put an arm around Harry’s lower back, the same way he would with Zayn or Liam.

Louis’ got all of the alterations done for Harry’s outfits and he has all the girls garments figured out as well. After this meeting he doesn’t have to worry about anything until Monday when he gets to do his run-through with all his models.

"So on Monday we have the rehearsal for the show after school, and the show is on Wednesday, you haven’t forgotten?" Louis says as they walk through the hall.

"Course not Lou, Niall’s even kept himself free so he can come see too," Harry replies.

“Okay I’ll tell Zayn and Liam to save him a seat,” he says, “and guess what?”

"What?" Harry asks excitedly.

"I changed around my music for the show with stuff from your playlist," Louis tells him.

“Seriously? That’s sick. What songs did you pick?” Harry asks excitedly.

“You’ll see,” Louis shrugs and Harry just grins and nods.

Harry keeps his arm around Louis shoulders as they make their way into the auditorium. He looks around in awe of all the rigging being set up for the runway and the lighting. There are people running around, trying to organize and plan and assemble. Louis has always loved the chaos of it.

“Wow there is going to be a real runway and everything,” Harry says.

“Yeah the school spends a lot of money on their fashion program. They go all out because people from the community pay to come to the show and it helps increase interest in the program,” Louis explains.

There are a few people milling around in the projection booth when they get there and they look up when Harry and Louis step in. Two of the girls Louis doesn’t know but they still wave and say hi. Mia is bent over the switchboard but she looks over her shoulder and straightens up.

“Louis!” she exclaims, reaching out for him.

He plasters on a smile and she pulls him into a hug, practically wringing him around the neck as he pats her on the back a few times. She is one of the friends he made when he acted loud and happy and funny and he had a million people always asking him what he was doing on the weekends, always trying to get in with him, hangout with him. She’s been to a few parties at their flat before Louis dropped off the face of the earth and stopped bothering to act social. He remembers she has a strange penchant for taking her clothes off when intoxicated. She also always handles lighting and sound for the fashion show.

“Hey Mia,” Louis says, “how are you?”

She pulls away and her eyes are locked on Harry who is smiling sheepishly, “and who is this?” she asks, completely ignoring Louis’ question.

“This is Harry, I’ve got three mens outfits this year and he’s agreed to wear them,” Louis explains.

Harry grins and nods, “nice to meet you,” he says politely.

Mia smiles at him but looks to Louis, “is he-“

“No,” Louis says quickly, because he knows what she is about to ask and he doesn’t want to make Harry uncomfortable.

“So then is he-“

“No,” Louis says quickly again.

Harry looks bemused but he maintains his smile. Mia knows Louis is gay. Her first question was going to be if Harry is Louis’ boyfriend. Her second question would have been asking if Harry is gay. Mia looks pleased with the information and Louis tries to ignore the way she looks Harry up and down.

“Well Harry, it’s nice of you to join us then,” she says and Louis thinks maybe she’s fluttering her eyelashes a little excessively.

Harry smiles a little brighter, “I’ll stay out of the way for your meeting,” he says.

“Oh no worries at all, you can have a seat while Louis and I sort everything out,” she coos.

She gestures to the couch in the corner where one of the other girls is already seated scribbling something on a notepad. Harry looks to Louis and smiles before ambling over and depositing himself on the couch. Louis follows Mia to the switchboard and gives her his music list and then they begin discussing the type of lighting he wants. He’s in the middle of explaining how he wants only white lights because he doesn’t want to distort the colors of the fabrics when Harry’s voice catches his ears, he’s responding to the pretty blonde girl beside him.

“Er Hi Cass, I’m Harry,” he says politely in his warm voice.

“You’re in Professor Holt’s biology yeah?” she asks excitedly, “I sit like two rows back from you.”

“Oh yeah,” he says, “how are you finding the class?”

Louis doesn’t even know why he’s listening. He should be paying attention to Mia going over different shades of white lighting, not whatever small talk Harry is making with some random girl from his class. He turns his attention back to Mia and he is focused on the light patterns when Harry’s laugh catches his attention. It’s a real, full, big laugh and when Louis glances over Harry’s got a hand over his mouth and his head thrown back. Then he sees the girl has her hand on Harry’s shoulder.

Louis is about to turn back to the switch board when Harry’s huge hand comes down from his mouth to lightly pat the girls bare knee. Why she is wearing a skirt in January Louis has no idea, but Harry’s hand completely spreads across her leg, his long fingers cupping her knee cap.

“You’ll do fine, you just have to remember about the chromosomes,” Harry says, smiling brightly at her.

Her eyelash fluttering puts even Mia to shame and her hand has come to rest on top of Harry’s on her leg. Harry extricates his hand from under hers and clasps it around the strap of his backpack but he continues to listen to what she’s saying. Her voice is low and soft and obviously flirty because Harry lowers his head and bites on his lip, like he’s biting back a grin.

"So like, you just have to decide which tempo you want the lights to flash at," Mia tells Louis, drawing his attention back to the switches.

Louis is able to focus on describing to Mia what he wants until Cass laughs, shrill and high pitched, and then Harry’s laugh joins hers. Louis’ eyes snap back over to Harry and somehow Cass has gotten closer to him on the couch and is twirling her hair around her finger. She’s babbling about something and Harry is listening intently and nodding along with a smile on his face.

Louis tries to pretend that his stomach is writhing because he’s hungry. He knows though, that the way he feels right now isn’t from hunger pains, because hunger doesn’t explain the heaviness he feels in his chest. He knows what jealousy feels like, he’s not an idiot. He knows he’s feeling jealous right now and that isn’t okay. It isn’t okay because he can’t even try and pretend he doesn’t have feelings for Harry now, can’t even pretend his friendship with Harry is like his relationship with Zayn and Liam. Louis has never once felt jealous when they’ve had girls hanging all over them, when he’s walked in on Zayn with his fingers in someone, or when Liam’s had someone attached to his neck all night at one of their parties.

He knows he has feelings for Harry because he’s already been trying to ignore them. He’s been trying to ignore the way he notices things about Harry that he’d never notice about Zayn or Liam. The bow of his lips or the fan of his eyelashes or the outline of his cock in his boxer briefs when he strips so unabashedly in the studio. He’s been trying to ignore how much he wants to feel Harry’s lips against his. How kind and sweet and funny and smart Harry is. How badly he wants to call Harry his. But he can’t ignore it anymore and that isn’t okay.

He finishes everything that he needs to with Mia, trying to ignore the way his throat itches, while he tries his best to ignore the purr of Cass’ voice and the rumble of Harry’s. Mia stands to give him another hug and says she’ll have everything ready for the run-through on Monday. Harry sees that they’re done and he hops up. Louis glances at his phone and breathes a sigh of relief when he realizes the bell is about to ring, because he really doesn’t think he can talk to Harry right now.

"Er see you around Cass," Harry says going to Louis side, as Louis heads to the door.

"Bye Harry," she says excitedly.

Louis’ skin crawls a little. In his peripheral vision Louis sees Harry’s arm lifting to scoop him in again, but he sidesteps it. Louis ignores the look of confusion on Harry’s face after his arm drops back to his side. He smiles at Harry so he doesn’t think Louis is mad at him or something, but he just can’t have Harry touching him right now. He used to be okay with it because he told himself it was the same way he cuddled with Liam or Zayn. It isn’t though, because now Louis is thinking about how much he wishes it meant more.

"Thanks for waiting for me, sorry I wasted your lunch. You never even ate your sandwich," Louis says, working to hold onto his smile.

"It wasn’t a waste," Harry says warmly, "I’m slowly getting closer to you letting me take you out for lunch."

Louis almost grimaces at the statement because he can’t go for a fucking lunch with Harry. Then he would have to eat and then he would have to purge. Then he still wouldn’t be good enough for someone like Harry and he’d be sitting across the table from him, wanting something he’s never going to get. Even Louis isn’t that masochistic.

"Bell is going to ring any minute, I’ll see you later Haz," Louis says, trying to sound light and cheery.

"Sure Lou, have a good rest of your day yeah?" Harry says smiling down at Louis.

Louis just nods because he can’t handle all of Harry’s teeth or both of Harry’s dimples or the million different shades of green in his eyes. He just can’t handle Harry right now. Louis forces himself to back up and back away and turn around and go in the other direction. He goes straight to the front doors and across the campus to where his car is parked. The second he’s in the car with the doors shut he deflates. His forehead falls against the steering wheel and his arms wrap around his middle, trying desperately to hold himself together.

How could he be so fucking stupid. How could he let himself start liking Harry of all fucking people. Harry, who he could have been such good friends with, Harry who made him feel comfortable again, happy again. Harry who Louis had thought maybe, just maybe, understood him a little bit. Now he’s gone and fucked it up. Louis knows himself, he knows how he thinks and how he feels, and he knows he can’t just be friends with Harry now.

He hates himself so fucking much for ruining things. He cant even have Harry as a friend now and it’s his own fucking fault. It’s his own fault for being gay, for being attracted to Harry instead of just being able to be his friend. It’s his fault for being so disgusting that even if Harry weren’t straight he would never want Louis. It’s his own fault for letting Harry in, because before he had no idea what he was missing, but Louis knows that Harry is the kind of person that will leave a void when he’s gone.

Louis knows he can’t be friends with Harry anymore. When you already hate yourself so much, when you can’t fucking stand a single part of who you are, the worst possible thing you can do is let yourself like someone who is never going to like you back. Louis knows he isn’t strong enough for that. His phone vibrates in the cup holder and Louis’ chest feels so heavy when he sees the text from Harry.

'I found a new song for you,' it says and below is a link to The Dead Sea by the Lumineers.

Louis doesn’t know why he clicks the link but he does, then he puts the keys in the ignition and backs out of the parking stall. He needs to go home and take care of the itch at the back of his throat. The car fills with the strum of a guitar and a raspy voice and Louis shakes his head. Harry music taste jumps from this folksy shit, to hip hop with weird lyrics, to alternative rock, to pop, and yet Louis has loved every song.

'Oh I need somebody, needed someone I could trust. I don't gamble, but if I did I would bet on us. Like the dead sea, you told me I was like the dead sea, you'll never sink when you are with me, oh lord like the dead sea.'

He can’t stop thinking about how amazing this song would sound in Harry’s voice. He can’t stop thinking about Harry. He can’t stop thinking about Harry and he fucking hates himself for it.

'I've been down, I've been defeated, you're the message I was heeding, would you stay, would you stay the night?'

He hates himself for a lot of things. He thinks maybe too many things to count.

'Whoa I'm like the dead sea, the nicest words you ever said to me, honey can't you see, I was born to be, to be your dead sea.'

Louis listens to the song on repeat all the way back to the flat but he doesn’t reply to Harry. He can’t reply to Harry. He drags himself up the stairs and toes off his shoes when he’s through the door to his flat. He doesn’t bother turning on the shower or the music as he slowly peels off the layers of his clothes and kneels down in front of the toilet. The boys won’t be home for hours.

Дата добавления: 2015-08-28