Not saying anything, Gerard pulls out the pack of smokes and hands one to Frank before sticking one between his own lips and lighting up. Mirroring him, Frank inhales the first breath of nicotine smoke deeply, and exhales slowly in the direction of Gerard's face. Then, taking another deep drag, he pulls the older boy closer and attaches their lips as he breathes the smoke out again, resulting in Gerard coughing and backing away.
"You might have enjoyed your smoke kisses with Ryan last week, Frank, but I really don't like that shit." Gerard shakes his head, but takes a drag of his own smoke. "I need to breathe air too, y'know."
Frank looks at him in a way Gerard can't decide whether it's apologetic or annoyed, so he adds, "If that's what you want you can go find Ryan. It's fine." But Frank shakes his head and keeps smoking, his eyes locked on Gerard.
After finishing their cigarettes in silence, they go back inside, Frank's hands gripping Gerard's tightly as they pass through the mass of dancing people. Gerard squeezes back, and when they stop at the bar he puts his arm around Frank's shoulder.
The night passes quickly, Gerard thinks, with his mouth attached to Frank's seventy-five percent of the time. They sit huddled close together in their booth, touching and kissing in a way that Gerard is not entirely sure is legal. They lose track of how much they've drunk pretty early, but it doesn't matter. Gerard's too drunk to care if he's making a fool of himself, or if he's touching Frank in inappropriate ways on the dance floor.
When the place finally closes, Gerard is too drunk to do much more than realize that he is really horny and that Frank is hot and soft and smells pretty damn good beneath the smell of sweat and booze. "You're coming home with me," Gerard whispers hoarsely, nose pressed against Frank's hair and arms wrapped around his back. One of his hands slips down to Frank's ass, so he gives it a firm squeeze.
"Of course I am," Frank gasps just as he turns his head, giving Gerard a mouthful of alcohol-stinking breath. "I gotta make sure you get home safe," he slurs, "and put you in bed, and suck you off." He takes a step backwards, in the completely wrong direction, as if to get them moving, but he stumbles and falls back onto Gerard.
They giggle stupidly, but eventually make it to the bus stop with one another's strong, yet not so stable, support. Gerard falls onto the old bench that smells strongly of piss, but neither he nor Frank care as the boy falls on top of him and their mouths melt together again. Frank seems to be trying to say something against Gerard's lips, but the older boy isn't too interested in that, and just keeps kissing and groping the younger boy until their bus shows up and they take a seat near the back.
Again, Frank takes his seat almost on top of Gerard, kissing him hungrily and pushing his hands under the older boy's shirt. Gerard, keen to feel more of Frank, returns the favor and kisses back hotly, groaning as he feels the boy's dry fingers brush his hardened nipples.
"I wish I could just blow you right here," Frank whispers, moving his lips over Gerard's cheek and jaw, down to his neck as if in search of the perfect spot to place a hickey. Gerard only replies with a groan, losing his fingers in Frank's hair and his head in the wondrous feeling of being touched like this.
It's a miracle they get off at the right bus stop, though even getting off the bus at all is a real success for the two of them. Thankfully, Gerard's building is not far away, and they reach it within ten minutes. Climbing the flights of stairs is another deal, though, and it takes them at least another five minutes to get up to the right floor.
"Hurry up and find the goddamn keys, Gee," Frank groans, squeezed in between Gerard and the door, lips raw and swollen against Gerard's neck. The older boy is digging through his pockets as fast as he can, though, as the hint of Frank's erection against his thigh distracts him just a tiny bit.
They both moan happily once they stumble inside, and as if they're already choreographed, Frank jumps up and wraps his legs around Gerard's waist as the older boy lifts him up. They go straight for the bedroom, and within seconds they're tearing off one another's clothes. Frank's shirt is the first to go, and the younger boy starts working on Gerard's pants, but suddenly stops and pulls away from the heated kiss.
Gerard looks at him for a moment, then stares into air as the boy rushes off to the bathroom, and only sounds of him vomiting reach Gerard. He thinks about going after him to check how he's doing, but he figures he might as well just wait in the bedroom.
It's not long before Gerard's out cold on the bed, snoring loudly into a pillow.
*
Gerard wakes up to the sound of Frank snoring next to him on the bed, smelling strongly of alcohol and vomit, which doesn't surprise Gerard one bit. He groans loudly and rolls over, rubbing his eyes and noticing that he is still fully dressed, unlike Frank who's not wearing a shirt.
His head is pounding, his mouth is dry as a desert and he needs to piss really badly, so he slowly gets out of bed and, making his best impression of a zombie, he makes his way to the bathroom. His pants are already undone, which doesn't surprise him either because it wouldn't be the first time he's fallen asleep in the middle of getting undressed.
He hops into the shower after having taken a lot of aspirin and water, and stands under the hot spray of water for fifteen minutes before getting out. The painkillers are starting to work and his head feels a little clearer, so he goes and wakes Frank up, handing him a glass of water and aspirin before he's got a chance to whine.
"Just take this and go and shower. You're reeking. I can almost smell how many tequilas you had last night," Gerard groans, pinching his nose as if to illustrate the point he's making. Frank does as he's told though, merely sniffing himself briefly, and scrunching up his nose, before disappearing into the bathroom.
Gerard, starting to feel hungry as his hangover is slowly fading, goes out to the kitchen and pours himself a bowl of the most sickeningly sweet yogurt there is, with chunks of strawberries in it, and makes coffee. There's nothing like coffee to make a hangover go away completely, he thinks, watching the clock on the wall and noticing that it's just a little after noon. He still feels exhausted, though, and as he has no idea when they got home last night, he can't tell for how long he slept.
This brings him to the realization that he has no idea what happened the previous night, at all. Normally, this wouldn't bother Gerard a lot, because most times that he went out and got really drunk, he wouldn't remember much of it at all. Like the night he first met Frank, for example. But normally, he wouldn't have a huge crush, or obsession, on his best friend that had a tendency to be very intrusive and touchy-feely when drunk.
And Gerard, remembering just up until they entered the club, remembers the pretending-to-be-Frank's-boyfriend thing, and, for all he knows, it could have turned out real. Or, he could have done something to Frank and made a complete fool of himself.
He breaks out in a nervous cold sweat, and after pouring himself some coffee, he actually burns his tongue because he's so preoccupied by his thoughts that he doesn't realize it's scolding hot. He can't really calm himself down, though, as there's no way for him to tell what happened the previous night besides asking Frank, and how awkward wouldn't that be if something did happen?
"Coffee!" Gerard jumps at the exclamation, and turns around to see Frank swish past him to get a mug and pour himself a large portion of the very dark and hot beverage. He's wearing Gerard's clothes: a pair of dark sweats that are much too big for him, and a blue David Bowie tee. "Mmm, this is so good," he hums happily, inhaling the strong aroma.
Gerard doesn't say anything, but when Frank looks at him he gives him the sort of look that Gerard can't decipher, although he'd love to know what it means. "So," he says, "How was last night? As you can probably guess, I have no recollection of it at all." He shrugs and looks at Frank who laughs softly.
"Well, judging by the huge hickey on your neck, I'd say you had a good time last night." He grins, reaches up and touches the mark as if to point out it's whereabouts to Gerard, though the older boy suspects that Frank is looking closer at it, as well.
"Hopefully I'll remember who put it there in a few days." Gerard smiles at Frank, who retracts his hand and smiles back.
"You usually remember everything, don't you?" Frank gives him another undecipherable look, and Gerard's not even sure if it's positive or negative. It just is, and it makes him wonder whether he might have actually done something the night before, anyway. It doesn't really matter, though; he's too chicken to ask.
"Yeah," he just says. "You know the only time I still don't remember anything of is the night we met."
"Yeah, obviously," Frank sighs, but Gerard doesn't ask what he means. "Anyway, now that we've suppressed our headaches with coffee and pills, are we going to be working on your painting today?" He takes a sip of his coffee and then just holds the mug under his nose, breathing in the warming smell.
Gerard gives a lazy shrug. "Maybe later. I don't really feel like doing anything today." The younger boy nods. "Wanna watch some movies?" Frank responds with another nod and a grin that Gerard can't help but return.
*
The days pass just like they did the previous week. They spend an hour, maybe more, a day painting, Gerard moving on to the second one as he's finished the last details of the oil painting. On Tuesday, Gerard still hasn't remembered anything from his night out with Frank, but he's still getting the strange looks from Frank that he thinks must be related to that night. He's also having even more trouble concentrating on the painting and not staring at the younger boy.
It starts as soon as Frank gets there, even if he doesn't take his clothes off right away. It's in that strange facial expression, in his eyes, and Gerard is certain there's something very sensual in the way he pulls his t-shirt over his head and how he slides his tight jeans down his smooth legs that never show any signs of regrowth. Gerard has checked.
It continues, too, when Frank takes his position and keeps moving in that annoyingly arousing way. Gerard thinks he looks like a fucking porn star and he's having some real trouble keeping his horny eyes away when Frank's hands caress his own skin in an exaggerated but not completely inconspicuous way. They circle his tattoos, as if they know Gerard is crazy about those colorful images. As if Frank knows.
It only ever lasts a few seconds, though, as Frank freezes in his pose and only his eyes stare intently at Gerard.
What he does to keep himself from losing control over his body, blushing and getting hard, is very simple. He breathes deeply, in and out at a slow rate and, as he's on the brink of passing out he can't really think about anything but dipping the brush in the water, swirl it around in the paint and then bring it to the canvas.
He breathes out a deep sigh of relief when they decide that they're done for the day, but Frank asks if Gerard would mind helping him prepare for an important oral presentation he's got the following day. Not seeing how he could ever let Frank down, Gerard agrees to do it. "But only if I get coffee first," he demands, and Frank rolls his eyes.
The presentation was an argumentative speech on why Frank thinks that all religious institutions should stop interfering with the state. It wasn't much more than five minutes long, and really not as boring as Gerard remembers the oral presentations used to be when he was in High School. He didn't even fall asleep, during any of the three times Frank went through it, and he was surprised at how well Frank was expressing himself.
"I think it's really good," he tells Frank, who is grinning stupidly. "The research was good, the arguments were valid, the presentation wasn't boring. You should get at least an A for it," Gerard continues, and stumbles backwards as Frank throws his arms around the older boy's neck.
"Thank you," Frank whispers, and Gerard can feel his hot breaths against his neck as he replies, "You're welcome."
He doesn't normally feel awkward when he's just hugging Frank, but it's as if there's a new level of intimacy between them as the boy clings to him, face burrowed against Gerard's neck. And Gerard can't really not hug him back the same way, even if it's weird because he likes Frank in a completely different way than how Frank likes him and so it has different meanings for the two of them.
Standing with his nose pressed into Frank's fresh smelling hair makes him wonder, though; what if his feelings are returned?
His breath hitches in his throat, and he pulls out of the embrace so fast it takes a few seconds for Frank's face to go from shocked to hurt. He backs away, looking down, and Gerard feels as if someone stuck a needle into his heart and injected it with guilt and shame.
"I guess I should go," the younger boy mutters, and Gerard just nods sheepishly.
"Uh, good luck with the presentation. I'm sure you'll do great," Gerard says hesitantly to Frank's back; the boy already opening the door and stepping outside. There's a sad slouch in the way he holds his shoulders, compared to his usual straight posture.
"Thanks," he says softly, turning to give Gerard a small smile. "I'll see you tomorrow."
"Yeah." Gerard nods, and then the door is closed and Frank is gone, but the horrible feeling of guilt is still there inside Gerard's chest. The look on Frank's face made him feel like a monster, but Gerard can't even explain why he pulled out of the hug like that. It was just Frank. It was completely innocent.
The thought sticks with him until he goes to bed half an hour later, and for the first time in several days, he doesn't fall asleep with the image of Frank naked in his head. Instead, he falls asleep to the image of the boy looking sad and vulnerable and hugging Gerard desperately.
Yet, this is the night he first dreams about being at the club with Frank. In the dream, they're sitting at their usual table, close together and Gerard's left hand linked with Frank's right. They're kissing, and Gerard's not even sure whose tongue is doing what or whose hand is caressing the other's cheek and whose hand is in the other's hair, but he loves it. He can taste a Absolut Vanilla shot on Frank's lips, and he moans softly before pulling away and opening his eyes.
He's lying in his dark bedroom, a cold sweat breaking out all over his body and there's one thought in his head.
Shit.
Surprise is the first thing he feels, though. He had been expecting to find himself making out with someone when he started remembering that night, but Frank was the last person he had expected. He almost doesn't believe the dream is a real memory, he's so sure Frank would have told him that something happened between them.
He gets out of bed and goes to the bathroom, despite it not being more than five in the morning. He gets into the shower, though, and tries to remember more, but right then it's impossible. There's still just the feeling of Frank's lips on his, and the sweet taste of vanilla mixed with alcohol.
He gets hard, but he decides not to do anything about it until he knows more of what happened between him and Frank. For all he knows, there could have been just that one kiss and nothing more, or they could have had sex in the dirty restrooms at the club before coming back here to crash.
It's when he wipes the fog from the mirror, after stepping out of the shower, that he remembers the hickey on his neck. And it's as if everything clicks. The way Frank pointed it out, touching it, and asking whether Gerard thought he'd remember that night. Frank gave him that hickey.
*
Over the day, Gerard thinks about nothing but Frank and what had happened at the club, and he even manages to remember another few minutes of them making out, this time up against the brick wall outside. This time he couldn't taste any vanilla, but he's sure that they had just finished smoking. After all, why else would they be outside?
When Frank shows up, grinning and proudly stating that his oral presentation went very well, Gerard doesn't say anything about him remembering, though. He'd rather figure some more of it out on his own first, and he's not sure he understands why Frank hadn't said anything to begin with. If Frank only wants to put the episode behind them, it would explain why he didn't say anything, but then why had he seemed excited to know whether Gerard would remember or not?
Either way, they both get into the painting just the same as the previous couple of days, and Gerard finds himself staring more intently than ever, because he can't help but wonder if he's actually touched all of that skin. His gaze lingers longer than usual at the birds on Frank's stomach, and it sweeps slowly over his back and down his legs.
Then, just as his gaze returns to Frank's face and he's about to put the brush against the canvas to paint the shadows of Frank's hair falling over his face, another image flickers before his eyes. It's in his apartment this time, and him and Frank are just stumbling inside, kissing sloppily as the younger boy hops up and wraps his legs around Gerard's waist. He tears off Frank's shirt, but then it's over and he can't remember anything else.
"Gee, are you okay?" Frank asks, looking concerned.
"Yeah, of course I am, why wouldn't I be?" he replies quickly, looking away.
"You just froze and stared into space for a minute." His voice is soft, but Gerard feels his eyes burning into him. "Did you remember something?"
"No," Gerard says. "No, nothing yet."
With that, he returns to the painting and they don't speak until they're done for the night and Frank leaves. He hugs Gerard again, but it's not like the previous day. It's just like any other hug, brief and light, like it's supposed to be between friends.
"See you tomorrow," Frank says as he lets go, and Gerard nods, muttering 'You too'.
When Frank has left, Gerard goes straight back into the lounge to get his camera and then to his computer to upload all the photos of Frank. It doesn't feel right, but that last memory he had is the closest he's ever been to having sex with Frank. That he knows of, at least. He can't stop thinking about it, the weight of Frank's body and his legs around his waist, the heat flowing in waves from Frank's naked chest to Gerard's body, it all turns him on like nothing else. The photos of Frank are just helping him reach where he is heading quicker, and that's how he wants it. He doesn't want to spend lots of time on such a dirty, unsatisfying act.
He does it quite a few times the next few days, though.
*
On Friday, the situation hasn't changed much. Gerard has remembered a lot more of the night, the first kiss on the dance floor, for example. But he hasn't told Frank anything, even though he's sure Frank knows that he's remembered at least some of it. He hasn't spaced out with Frank around again, either, but he's feeling more and more awkward when they're working on the painting. It's like he shouldn't be allowed to have Frank like this, not when he's abusing it and using it as jerk-off material.
"Hey, do you wanna watch a movie later?" Frank asks, effectively disrupting Gerard's train of thought.
Gerard's not sure he wants to hang out with Frank more than he really has to, but he knows it would be suspicious for him to say no, and, no matter how awkward it can get, he really misses being with his best friend.
"Yeah, of course." He grins, and something feels really warm in his chest as Frank grins back. "We can stop now, if you want," he adds, biting his bottom lip nervously. There's a heated gleam in Frank's eyes, and he nods.
"Do you mind if I borrow your shower for a minute? These lights are really hot and I feel sort of sweaty," Frank says, and Gerard nods, ignoring the fact that Frank has never complained about getting sweaty, or asked to borrow his shower because of it, before.
"Yeah, you do that. I'll just make popcorn or something."
Frank giggles softly and leaves the room, still as naked as the day he was born and with Gerard's eyes following him as far as they can see. Gerard releases a shaky breath when he hears the bathroom door close, and hurries to clean up his brushes and paints, but as he does so he accidentally pours the jug of dirty water all over himself.
Groaning, he puts all of the dirty brushes back down and goes to find a clean shirt, peeling the dirty one off on the way to his bedroom. He dumps it on the laundry pile by the door, and picks another one up off the floor. He's sure he's only worn it once before since he last washed it.
He's not even left the room before he's met with the unexpected image of Frank, dripping wet and wearing just a towel around his waist, and stops dead in his tracks. He doesn't even know why, but his best guess is that he was just not prepared.
Frank steps closer, not stopping until they're only separated by a few inches of air. It's dark where they are standing, but the water droplets all over Frank's body are still glistening in the light coming from down the hall. Once again, the younger boy is wearing an expression that is unreadable to Gerard, and when he opens his mouth he doesn't seem to be saying what he wants to say.
"I forgot my clothes in the lounge," he whispers, smiling a little and looking up at Gerard with his dark, dark eyes.
"Yeah," Gerard replies dumbly. He's looking at Frank's lips, because he knows that if he lets himself look further down he won't be able to control what happens. Frank seems to be able to read his mind, though, or the boy have just been really good at looking through each and every one of Gerard's lies for the past few days.
"You remember, don't you?" His voice is softer than a whisper, just like his hand as he reaches out to take Gerard's hand in his.
The older boy doesn't reply, but he doesn't shake his head either, so Frank continues, "I don't understand why you're pretending that you don't. I can see it in your eyes every day. Not only that you remember most of what happened on Saturday night, but that you want me. I watch you, all the time, when you paint me." Frank's voice fades, and he swallows sharply. "Why are you denying it?"
Gerard's just listening, watching the emotions as they play over Frank's pretty features. Then he says, "Frank, I don't..."
"No, Gee. You do. I see you, every single day, I see the way your eyes linger at my tattoos, the way you try to preserve them in your mind." Gerard still doesn't know what to say. He can't read Frank the right way. "You even told me, at the club. You told me that you can't stop thinking about me. So I know, Gerard. I know everything, except the reason why you won't admit it."
"What do you want me to say?" Gerard asks. "I don't..."
"I want you to say that you want me." Frank suddenly grips Gerard's face with both hands and looks straight into his eyes. "Me, Gerard. Your best friend of four years? Frank. It's just me." Gerard's not sure he sees more anger or more sadness when he looks into Frank's eyes, but it cuts deep into him nonetheless. "I don't care what happens now, I just need you to say it. Please."
There are a few moments of deep silence, and when Gerard's sure Frank is going to leave, he finally manages to open his mouth and get it out. "I, I want you." A spark of hope appears in the younger boy's eyes. "I want you, but-"
"But what? There's nothing stopping you." Frank takes Gerard's hand again, gently bringing it to his own, bare, stomach where two birds fly together. "I want you, Gerard."
It's as if a jolt of electricity goes through Gerard's finger as he touches the inked skin that he's admired from afar for so long. He can't even feel it. It's just ordinary skin. "Frank," he sighs, looking down. Before he knows it, Frank has closed the remaining gap between their bodies and pressed his mouth up against Gerard's.
It's an awkward position as Gerard's face is turned down and Frank has to crane his neck to the side to kiss him, but Gerard loves it anyway. The younger boy breaks away for half a second, then returns as Gerard faces up again, allowing them to kiss properly. It's open-mouthed and sloppy, Gerard's left hand fisting Frank's hair and the younger boy running his hands all over Gerard as if he's not sure where to put them.
It doesn't last forever, though, as Gerard breaks away. "Can I ask you something?" Frank nods, although his fingers are fiddling with the hem of Gerard's t-shirt. "Did we have sex?" He feels his cheeks flush hotly, but Frank just smiles and kisses him again.
"No. I threw up before we could get that far." He giggles softly, but then Gerard kisses him, and it's everything it was on Saturday, except they're not drunk, which only makes it better. Gerard's hands are all over Frank's body, and Frank tears Gerard's shirt off just before attaching his lips to the older man's neck.
It's when Gerard is pushed up against the door to his closet that Frank's mouth moves up to the older boy's ear. "I still wanna blow you, y'know." He doesn't wait for a response before sinking down onto his knees, but he does look up at Gerard before undoing his jeans and pulling them, and his underwear, down to his knees. Since Gerard is already hard, he doesn't waste any time before taking him in, groaning softly at the salty taste as he does so.
Gerard feels as if he's gonna come right then, or as if his legs are going to give out. But, he manages to keep standing upright and not to come for at least a few minutes. He finds it harder to not tug slightly at Frank's hair as his fingers tangle in it, though, and to not push forward too much. Not that he's hearing any complaints from Frank. He just hears, and feels, the younger boy moan just as he comes, really hard and really fast.
The older boy has hardly even come down from his high before he pulls Frank up by his shoulders and kisses him, feeling sort of desperate. Frank's moaning throatily, pressing closer to Gerard, his body feeling hot and his skin moist with sweat.
Gerard steps out of his jeans that have pooled around his ankles and, pushing Frank back towards the bed, he removes the towel from around the boy's waist. They fall onto the bed, Gerard on top of Frank, and within a few moments Gerard's pumping Frank's cock rapidly and sucking on his neck.
He moves down, though, running his lips and tongue over Frank's sweaty chest, eager to give that little extra to bring him over the edge. His tongue has barely even touched the tip of Frank's cock before the younger boy thrusts up into his mouth, groaning and running his fingers through Gerard's hair. The older boy doesn't waist any time teasing Frank, but takes as much of him as he can in his mouth and sucks hard while letting the fingers of one hand stroke his balls.
It doesn't take long for Frank to come, and when he does, it's with Gerard's name on his lips. Gerard smiles inwardly, busy as he is swallowing Frank's load. He doesn't let go until Frank's gone soft though, the rest of his body relaxing as well, and he kisses Frank's hips. Then he kisses around his navel, and all over the two birds that fascinate him more than anything. Well, almost anything.
Gerard lies down with his head on Frank's stomach, the boy's fingers running through his hair and over his face. Gerard's drawing invisible patterns on Frank's skin with his fingers, breathing softly in time with the even rise and fall of Frank's chest.
He wants to ask Frank a lot of questions, starting with what just happened between them. What's going to happen now? How are they now? What are they now? It's all so confusing because Gerard hasn't even accepted that he has feelings for Frank yet. How can he even begin to understand that Frank might have feelings like these for him?
He doesn't know what to ask first but, thankfully, he doesn't have to ask anything.
"I've liked you since I was fourteen," Frank whispers softly, stroking the back of Gerard's neck. "I used to think it was just a silly crush, but during the last year it's been a lot more than that. I've wanted nothing more than for you to notice me."
Gerard doesn't reply immediately, but then he says, "I think I might have. Noticed you, I mean."
Дата добавления: 2015-11-04; просмотров: 23 | Нарушение авторских прав
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