“Hange’s enthusiastic. She’ll be getting an assistant soon though, to help remind her to eat, sleep and bathe.” Erwin sinks a little more to his left, resting against Levi. In turn, Levi unfolds his arms, resting the back of his right hand against Erwin’s thigh, relaxed in his presence.
“It shouldn’t be that hard to remember those things,” Levi mutters, but there’s nothing to his words. Erwin feels him follow his gaze outside and they comment on a few things, silence blanketing them as they continued on.
The town Erwin calls for the coach to stop at is a popular market town. It is known for its pastries and that is where Erwin drags Levi to first. Their daemons follow in silence, butting against each other occasionally and turning in unison to other daemons whose eyes linger a little too long for their liking. They are an unstoppable force, Erwin thinks, and his chest warms as the tendril of a thought turns to Levi and himself.
“Commander Smith!” a voice calls out as they enter the bakery. A woman wipes her hands on her apron and moves around the side of the counter to throw her arms around Erwin. Levi stiffens at his side as Erwin returns the embrace, smiling.
“It’s good to see you Mabel. I’ve brought my friend Levi to try your famous pastries.” Levi, with pink cheeks due to the warmth of the shop, looks at him for a moment before nodding to Mabel.
“And Ardis! It’s good to see you too.” She smiles at Ardis and then turns to look at Kiva, eyes darting to Levi, hands on her hips.
“Erwin!” she barks and Erwin knows what’s coming. Levi coils like a spring, but Erwin bumps shoulders slightly, letting him know Mabel means no harm. “Your friend and his daemon are nothing but skin and bone. Doesn’t your organisation treat its soldiers with respect?”
She turns, apron whirling around her, and shakes her head angrily.
“Go take a table in the back. The kids are out and my husband’s at the market so you won’t be disturbed. You’re not to leave until you’ve eaten every last crumb, do you understand?” Erwin nods and sees Levi do the same, eyes wide and back straight. Kiva’s tail is twitching uncertainly and Erwin leads them into the back room. It’s one of the preparation rooms and is comfortably warm. The scent of dough and pastry fillings fills Erwin’s mind and he takes Levi over to the table.
A huge dog is sitting by the open fire and Ardis pads over to greet him. He is a wolfhound and groans as he stands, greeting Ardis with as much happiness as his human.
“This is Mabel’s daemon, Carwyn. Their family took me in when I was younger and got lost.” Erwin rests an elbow on the table, watching Levi take his seat opposite. Kiva has gone to join the dogs with a determined look and Erwin knows it won’t be long before the three of them are resting against each other. That’s always the way it is when people are forced to live harsh lives; daemons take what comfort they can when their humans cannot.
“You?” Levi snorts, “lost?”
Erwin inclines his head dramatically. “I’m afraid so. Has my majestic image been tarnished now you know the truth?”
Levi kicks him under the table as Mabel return with two large pies and a selection of pastries. She sets them down, cutlery too, and stares at Erwin.
“It’s true. He got lost, goodness knows how, and ended up on our steps in the middle of the night. Carwyn could hear Ardis, everyone else was fast asleep, so we took the little trouble maker in.” She pats Erwin’s arm fondly. “Would you be a dear and go down into the cellar and fetch some apple juice?”
Erwin does as instructed and returns with a large barrel on his shoulder. He doesn’t miss the close conversation Mabel and Levi seemed to have had while he was gone and looks to Ardis in curiosity. She ignores him and goes back to letting Kiva groom the top of her head. Spoilt daemons, the lot of them.
“Thank you dear,” Mabel says, shooting a pointed look to Levi before she hands over two glasses and lets Erwin deal with pouring out the juice. She returns to the shop front humming to herself merrily.
“I used to sneak back here whenever I could. Still do really,” Erwin says with a smile, taking a sip of the juice. It’s aged a little and there is a slight kick to it, but it is delicious.
“I understand,” Levi says softly, taking a delicate bits of his hot pie. “With food like this.”
Erwin smiles. The food is delicious and he’d always wanted a busy household when he was younger. His own home had been quiet and Erwin has always craved some sort of adventure. He was always destined for a life in the scouting legion, he thinks, and while he might not have many ties to the world he lives in, he’ll always stop by to see Mabel and her family, more because it makes her happier than himself.
They finish up the pies in silence, listening to the fire crackle and Carwyn snore. At one point Kiva abandons the dogs to sniff at a pastry and Erwin breaks one in half, letting her carry both back to the fireside. Ardis wastes no time in chomping it down, but Kiva savours it, licking at the jam filling and the flakes of pastry.
“Have you really never brought anyone here before?” Levi asks when they’re licking sugar dust from their fingers. His voice is quiet, as if he isn’t expecting an answer, and Erwin pauses, index finger against his tongue.
He slides his finger out and shrugs.
“You’re the only person who knows,” he confirms and tries to calm his heart from the intensity in Levi’s gaze. “You’re the only person who deserves to know.”
That’s all there is to it, really. Levi is the only person who Erwin will tell everything, expose everything and do so happily. It’s almost unexplainable, but calling it such diminishes what he does feel. If they were in another time, when titans were but a ghost story to tell to unruly children, Erwin would whisk Levi off and marry him, tie him down with invisible bonds and be tied in turn, until they are so tied to each other that separating them feels as painful as a daemon bond stretched too thin.
But they are not in another time or place. Titans rule outside the walls and it is simply a matter of time before… well. Erwin has considered options and while he hopes they are ridiculous thoughts, nothing is ever certain. They have hardly enough information about titans and there is so much in the world they don’t know.
Erwin can’t ride off with Levi in his arms. Not that Levi would ever let him, no matter what world they were in. He can, however, let Levi into his life, into his world. Erwin has never wanted for anything or anyone and if Levi didn’t want to be by his side then he would let him go without fuss. But he does want Levi, more than anyone can ever know. They have no time to go through hundreds of partners in their positions and Erwin suspects Levi is of the same mentality. They are in this until the end, two survivors who will bring the titans to their knees together.
The exact technicalities are a little fuzzy, even to Erwin, but he knows he will not complete his mission, his life, without Levi.
“Don’t expect me to take you to where I used to get a lot of meals from,” Levi says. He licks jam from the corner of his lips and smirks. “The sewers aren’t a nice place.”
Erwin raises an eyebrow, uncaring if Levi stalked rats in the dark or saved money up to buy the best cuts of meat in Sina.
“I liked that tavern we met in,” he comments, smiling as he takes a sip of his juice, wishing for the distinctive taste of the beer in that one tavern.
“Are you damaged in the head? One too many titans took a swing at you and you crashed into too many trees?” Levi shakes his head. “You’re just saying shit now.”
Erwin made a sound in the back of his throat and swallowed the last of his drink.
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[Erwin/Levi] Cedarwood 11b/? (Anonymous) - 2013-12-03 06:03 (UTC) - Expand
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[Erwin/Levi] Cedarwood 12a/?
(Anonymous)
2014-01-24 01:39 am (UTC)(link)
Thank you to everyone who reads this, I am so sorry for the delay! (and the anon who commented last, especially thank you because you kicked me into writing this). Also they never covered masturbation + daemons in the books (at least to my knowledge), but I think daemons would be pretty chill with sex and masturbation. They probably feel something from it? Anyway, there’s some clothes-sniffing masturbation in here, just in case it isn’t your cup of tea. Thanks again!
*
The titan is a twelve metre sack of disproportionate limbs and a mouth definitely not designed for chewing. It’s missing most of its teeth (never had them, Hange reports twenty minutes into her experiments) and its eyes are sunken in. Despite the metal rods through its limbs, it wiggles its fingers every time someone steps into its vicinity, something Hange finds fascinating beyond reason.
Erwin watches the experiments with clinical detachment. It’s the first proper round of experiments on titans – there are a few scribbles on a few pages of a book here and there, but nothing that actually helps. Erwin should be surprised, but he isn’t. Before him, everyone’s simply been preoccupied with surviving. Erwin wants to win this war. Surviving simply isn’t enough.
“Day three,” Hange says and her assistant nods enthusiastically, though Erwin notices the girl is slightly green around the edges and knows she’ll resign from her position when she’s not needed immediately. If Erwin recalls correctly, however, the girl said she had a brother who would be far better suited. Perhaps Hange would get her assistant after all.
“Today we’re going to see if we can take a look inside that beautiful head.” Hange steps in range of the titan’s fingers and they tap a rhythm only the titan knows over Hange’s shoes. Asha is watching, wary, from the make-shift table, and stands on her hind legs, calling out sharply in warning as the titan attempts to close its jaws on Hange.
“Come on Helm,” she says, stepping back a pace with ease, metal rods holding the titan back. “We’re friends now, you don’t need to eat me.”
They had managed to corner the titan in a sparse area of trees before setting on a series of rod cannons, pinning it to the ground. Hange had been delighted, though the others had been less enthusiastic about dragging a titan back to their current base, an old farm near the edge of the walls.
No one lives close enough to hear the titan’s noises and that’s perfect for Erwin. Especially when he thinks about what Hange will be doing today and the noises the titan’s made through other experiments. They’re not quite expressions of pain, but they’re hardly happy noises. They set Erwin on edge, as if he’s missing something important, and hopes Hange will bring her answers.
“We’ll start with an in-depth examination of the mouth,” Hange says clearly, her squad on alert to stop the titan if the need arises. The rest of their soldiers are patrolling their land and keeping an eye on the mass of titans gathered on the other side of the wall. Erwin wonders if they know they’ve got a titan inside the walls.
“Fascinating,” Hange says as her team secure the titan’s jaws with rods and bolts, pulling its mouth open. It can’t move and can’t close its jaws and so Hange can look deeply, unfazed by the scent.
Erwin moves from his position, stepping closer to the titan. It stinks, of something decaying and burning, something entirely wrong and impossible.
“They’re not designed to eat anything at all,” Hange says, gloved hand running over the few teeth the titan has. She has a serious look on her face and glances to Erwin. “This one’s teeth are perfect, aside from the lack of them. There are no scratches, no cavities, no decay… it doesn’t use its teeth at all. There’s slight wear from its stomach contents, but that’s it.”
She prods at the tongue, frowning.
“Strong tongue muscles for swallowing though. What’s the point when you just throw us up later?” Hange shakes her head and calls for her assistant, muttering notes to her. They work in silence while Erwin stares down the throat of his enemy.
What must it be like to be a victim of these creatures? Mindless, humanoid things that swallow humans like they are nothing? Erwin couldn’t imagine what it must be like to die at their hands and he grits his teeth. They’re making a true start now though. Titan research is a start.
“Right!” Hange says and Erwin snaps out of his thoughts, stepping away as Hange instructs her team to close the titan’s mouth.
How bad did its breath smell? Ardis asks as Erwin comes to a stop beside her. She’s sitting near the work tables, body tense and trained to respond if the worst happens and the titan frees itself.
I didn’t think to smell, Erwin replies, unable to reply in jest. Ardis takes the hint and returns to watching Hange work, waiting while she inspects every inch of the titan’s head, measuring and comparing.
“See if you didn’t know better you’d think these were just giant humans,” Hange says as they take a short break. “Their proportions are a little off, but they have all the same basic structures as us. We’re going to look at the brain, but our research yesterday showed all their internal organs were like ours, though primitive and unused.”
Erwin doesn’t reply. He trusts Hange’s scientific knowledge and knows she’ll arrive at conclusions in her own time. Erwin wouldn’t know what to do with the data she is collecting. He is a strategist and while he could analyse data, he didn’t want to know his enemy like Hange did. This really is a job only Hange can stomach.
The titan begins to show signs of distress when Hange starts cutting into its scalp. It grunts and wiggles its fingers, grunting with every slice the team make. It doesn’t make efforts to escape though and so Erwin doesn’t think it understands pain, or at least cannot process it correctly.
Or perhaps he’s just humanising the titan more than he should. Maybe it just wants to grunt.
“I want to see if we can impair its movement or whether its brain is as insignificant as the rest of its organs.” Hange continues cutting and Erwin moves closer. Ardis stands to attention, along with the other daemons, as Hange keeps cutting and the titan keeps grunting, the noises getting deeper and more guttural.
“There’s something…” Hange says and Erwin rests a hand on his blade, noticing the jerking movements of the titan’s fingers. It doesn’t like what they’re doing, not at all.
“Erwin!” Hange calls and Erwin moves forward quickly, blades drawn as he steps onto the titan’s back, beside Hange. Its shoulders are rippling with its desire to free itself and Erwin looks down into the mess of gore Hange’s cut into. All he can see is flesh and blood, steam beginning to form around the edge of the skull where Hange had cut first.
“Look,” she says urgently, voice low as she slices away a chunk of brain, near to the front of the titan’s head.
At first all Erwin sees is more mess, but it’s then he sees what Hange was referring to. Golden dust shifts and Erwin knows that’s it. He slices through the titan’s neck before the dust can rise, jumping from the titan’s back as it bellows and begins to disintegrate. Its limbs twitch and its mouth struggles to open and close before it falls still, eyes rolled back and steam vanishing its body parts. Erwin watches with a critical eye and only leaves when he’s sure that no dust has escaped the corpse.
Hange joins him in silence as they walk to his office, leaving the squad to clean up. Hange has the notes and their daemons follow, Asha riding on Ardis, both silent with their heads low. They are as comfortable with the discovery of their humans and none of them know what this means.
“This stays off of the official reports,” Erwin says when he’s locked the door. Hange wastes no time in nodding, scooping Asha up as her daemon runs to her side. They take a seat before Erwin’s desk and wait for Erwin to sit too.
“I never expected to find dust inside a titan,” Hange says and Erwin curls his fingers in Ardis’ fur as she rests a heavy jaw on his lap.
“It doesn’t mean anything,” Erwin says and Hange looks at him sharply. Of course it means something, but he continues. “Perhaps the dust inside the titans is the dust from the daemons of the humans they eat,” he muses and Hange looks down to her lap.
“Have you ever heard of the stories of the daemonless?” Hange says and Erwin shakes his head. He knows the term, but he’s never heard the stories.
“They’re the ones who lose their daemons. We all know what happens when a human dies; their daemon returns to dust. But when a daemon dies, their human can continue on.” Erwin nods, the knowledge common and horrifying. The thought of living without one’s daemon is unbearable.
“There’s stories of tribes who would willingly sacrifice their daemons for power and become daemonless. The stories said they had enough power to destroy armies…” Hange trailed off and Erwin met her eyes.
“There’s too many titans. We’d know if that many people were walking around without daemons.” Erwin tucks the information to the back of his mind though – stories were often based on some truths, no matter how small. The information may prove useful in the future, even if Erwin just had to use it as a bluff.
“If you need to talk about the dust then please come straight to me.” Erwin takes his hand from Ardis’ head and places his elbows on the table, hands crossing before him. “I trust the rest of the research will be of use.”
Hange nods and supports Asha as she stands. Like Erwin, she has a lot to think about and she leaves for her lab, silent and far from her usual disposition. That alone is enough to set Erwin on edge and he sighs, rubbing his forehead as Ardis paces the room.
“It’s impossible that titans and daemons are linked,” Ardis says and Erwin looks at her, shadows under his eyes. He’s tired, hasn’t slept properly for days (and while he doesn’t want to link his poor sleep to the lack of Levi at his side, evidence is pretty damning) and has too much to do.
“Even I can’t see a link between them,” Erwin murmurs. “Aside from old stories, but there are old stories about everything if you look hard enough.”
Erwin leans back in his chair and closes his eyes. He thought that the experiments would bring answers to the titans, but they simply brought more questions. Questions are good though, Erwin forces himself to think, for questions keep a man sharp and Erwin needed to be sharp.
“Are there really people who would willingly sever their link with their daemon?” Ardis asks suddenly, tail between her legs. She’s standing by the door and Erwin tilts his head.
“I don’t know,” he says, arms falling to his lap. He thinks about the stretch his bond with Ardis has gone through and crosses his arms over his chest, hair on his arms rising. To think anyone would willingly sever their connection is horrific.
“Even for all the power in the world I couldn’t dream of it,” Erwin says and Ardis brightens a little. She never doubted him, but Erwin knows everyone needs reassurance. And Ardis knows his deepest thoughts, of how he knows which soldiers he has to leave and which ones he chooses to send to their deaths. She knows his ruthlessness, but she also knows he could never be ruthless with her.
“They must be soulless,” Ardis says, curling up by the door, head tucked tightly against her body. It’s a position she takes when she’s uncomfortable or unsure, particularly so, and Erwin wants to join her.
Dust in the titans probably doesn’t mean anything. Except that means it probably does and is probably the key to understanding them and, of course, leaves them with thousands more questions and theories than they began with.
*
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[Erwin/Levi] Cedarwood 12b/? (Anonymous) - 2014-01-24 01:41 (UTC) - Expand
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Re: [Erwin/Levi] Cedarwood 12b/? [personal profile] devidev - 2014-02-13 13:12 (UTC) - Expand
[Erwin/Levi] Cedarwood 13a/?
(Anonymous)
2014-02-20 05:43 am (UTC)(link)
Thank you for the comments, I hope you enjoy! The next instalment will probably just be a big chunk of porn, but this one’s a little bit of a plot/story-mover. Enjoy!
*
Weeks pass and Erwin notices the subtle changes that hark spring. Ardis’ fur thins slightly, much to others’ annoyance. She’s not the only one shedding though and at least Ardis’ hair is white and doesn’t show on the uniform.
Graduation is soon, Ardis says one evening. She’s before the fireplace, though it is empty and the window beside Erwin’s chair is open. It’s mild enough now, though Erwin won’t keep it open all night as he does in summer.
Best I get my speech together, he returns dryly. Ardis huffs. Erwin’s speech has been more or less the same since he started doing them, though this will be his first time speaking the majority of it, in place of the old commander.
They pass the evening in quiet comfort. The base they are using is a half-ruined castle, but it serves its purpose. Erwin and the legion have been here for just over two weeks now and he’s sent a key back to Levi already. Levi’s letters are sparing and he’s more inclined to describe the state of shared toilets than anything about his day, but that’s just how Levi is and Erwin wouldn’t change a single word.
Erwin is re-reading a line about how Levi thinks Shadis might skin some of the new recruits when a knock on the door comes. It’s Hange, and she slips inside quietly.
“I’ve been thinking,” she starts, sitting down in the chair opposite Erwin’s, desk between them. Asha hops from her shoulder and onto the desk, rising up onto her front legs, eyes focused on the door. Erwin nods for Ardis to move a little closer so she can listen out – whatever Hange’s been thinking, it’s something they don’t need overheard.
“The titans aren’t just savage beasts.” Hange bites her lip. “Or rather, they’re not alone.”
Erwin’s muscles tense and he can feel Ardis’ discomfort. Hange had been researching herself to exhaustion since they’d found traces of dust inside their experimental titan and she’d considered it a breakthrough.
“The legends and stories that the Wall Cult tries to hide… maybe they have more stock than we thought.” Hange sighs and Asha sinks onto all fours, staring at her human in sympathy.
“You don’t think the Cult crushes its opposition for the simple reason they think they’re blasphemous then?” It isn’t really a question, but Hange nods all the same. “Then they have more to hide than we’d ever thought.”
“There have been theories in separating daemons from their humans,” Hange says and Ardis growls, a noise of discomfort. Hange waits and Erwin nods for her to continue. The forced separation of human and daemon is never a comfortable topic.
“The presence of dust inside a titan suggests that they could have once had daemons. We don’t know anything about how titans are born – or made – but at some stage, they must have had daemons.” Erwin frowns, but Hange continues. “Or, and this is more likely, the humans they eat… their daemons don’t just vanish. The titans absorb the daemons as well as the humans.”
Erwin rubs his eyes. It’s too late to think about this and there are so many possibilities. They have no idea about where titans come from. For all they know, every single titan could have a daemon hidden under a rock.
“What are you trying to say?” Erwin cuts in and Hange nods. The circles under her eyes are heavy and he makes a mental note to find her a decent assistant. She deserves it, especially with this mass of work she has put upon her shoulders.
“We need to find out more about dust and more about daemons. We need to find out what connects dust and titans and whether humans have dust in their heads.” Hange’s voice is firm and Erwin narrows his eyes.
“Titan dissection is one thing,” he says, “a human dissection is another. I presume you’d need a living specimen.”
Hange nods.
Erwin sighs.
“There is no way it’ll be authorised by the council,” he says, but his mind is already forming a plan. They need information and there are a lot of people who deserve death. Erwin doesn’t like to think of the species he’d trying to save as one that deserves death too, but not everyone in the world deserves to live.
Erwin’s never been afraid to play God before, why should he stop now?
“We need time and help,” Erwin says and Hange nods grimly. There is no excitement in the prospect of this experiment and Erwin is glad. They can never pitch to anyone on why they need to open up a human skull, but their results will allow them to further their research.
Dust in a human brain means that titans and humans are directly related. It means something deadly and something Erwin doesn’t want to fully acknowledge just yet. If no dust is present then they can look at other possibilities. Perhaps titans are a creation from the heavens, just how the Cult says, and the dust is a sign of their Holiness.
(Not that Erwin believes it, but he’s almost unsure what to believe. So far, humans are the only creatures with daemons and the only place the dust has been known to come from is dead daemons.)
They cannot just pick someone from the streets. They need to be sure of what this person’s crimes are and, for that, Erwin needs a specialised member on his team.
“After the newest recruits have graduated, we’ll embark on this secret mission. I want just the three of us – yourself, Levi and I – to be the only people who know.” Erwin doesn’t want to pull Levi into the darkest depths as soon as he enters, but Levi will be the one to provide their test subject and knows more about picking apart human anatomy than Erwin did.
Hange does not question him and Erwin is thankful. He doesn’t want to think about what they’re to do until they’re doing it. It’s how he copes with the deaths on his shoulders and the lives he has to protect. He sighs and looks up with a weary smile as Hange lays her hand on his.
“This information will be what we need,” she says, firmly, and Erwin knows she is right. “Without it, we cannot progress,” and isn’t that the very heart of the Scouting Legion? No sacrifice will be made redundant and one day they will defeat the titans.
“I’ll get another mission underway,” Erwin says. “It’ll be a few weeks until they approve it, but I can at least send the paperwork off.” Erwin doesn’t need to say that the paperwork will be to catch another titan, but Hange understands. Regardless of their human results, they’ll need to test more titans.
There is never a thing as too much data.
Hange leaves after that, Asha alert and upright on her shoulder. Ardis returns to the fireplace, but she doesn’t sit. She’s restless and Erwin echoes the feeling.
It’s necessary, Erwin says to her and she grunts. She is the part of him he cannot express, his unhappiness and fear. What will they find? Erwin cannot afford to think of it, but Ardis has to.
“I don’t deserve you,” Erwin whispers, though it’s ridiculous. It’s not as if he could live without his daemon, but he feels she needs to know how much he needs her, even if she can feel it. “We’ll see Levi soon.”
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