A Busy Day of Flying Dutchman

A Busy Day of Flying Dutchman

Characters:

Flying Dutchman

Jack the Sparrow

Devil

Death

Wendy Sanders — Dutchman's beloved

Santa Claus

Mary Winchester — the woman making a deal with Devil

9 deadmen souls

Voice1 — in the hospital

Voice2 — screaming about horse

+ singers

+ light operator

[ Prologue ]

Jack the Sparrow (turning over the pages of a enormously big book): Hey, Dutchman! Where are you?

Voice behind the scene: I'm here. Why?

JS (in low voice): Great! I've got some time to sort this out. (opens the page he needs) Fine! Here is it! (looks thoroughly and thoughtfully through the page) (whispers sm woodoolike stuff, holding a bottle in his hand)

Music: I Put a Spell on You (Screamin' J Hawking) (suggestions are welcome)

FD (coming to the stage): Anything happened?

JS: Should it? (FD Looks puzzled) I mean, why is it necessary for smth to happen for two old buddies to meet?

FD (even more puzzled and suspicious): Are you ok?

JS: Yeah, sure!.. (nervous pause) Let's... Hmm... Let's have a glass of good gyn!

FD: You mean, rum?

JS (impatiently and nervously, almost screaming): No. We're out or rum. There's only gyn left!

FD: Fine! Fine! Half loaf better than no bread.

JS pours the gyn, FD drinks while JS only pretends drinking. Loud sound (like broken glass, or terrible thunder (smth of the kind; Ur suggestions)

FD: What the hell was that? (shivers) Wooow... Oh, man, I'm not feeling well...

JS (laughs an evil laugh): That was a spell! Now you are the slave of this bottle! I'm gonna throw it in the see. You'll live there for the rest of your... Wait a minute... Oh, no! You'll stay there FOREVER!!! (laugh) Forever in a bottle, hahaha!!

FD: What are you talking about? Why? What did I do wrong?

JS: Only one Legend of the Seas shall exist. And it's me. Nothing personal. Sorry. (leaves)

FD: And what am I supposed to do now? Great!

Music (Deck the Halls):

Spell book got to Jack the Sparrow

Fa la la la la la la la la

And he cursed his Dutchman fellow

Fa la la la la la la la la

Don't he know that it's unfair

Fa la la fa la la fa la la

But he doesn't really care

Fa la la la la la la la la la (x2)

(Off-stage voice; two/three kids on the screen): Alright, kids. This is the story of how I met your mother…

HIMYM theme song, photos resembling HIMYM beginning

Scene 1

Sign "... YEARS LATER" with note saying "REALLY MANY" sticked above "…" (on the screen)

A bar. Sm chairs, bottles, glasses of different size and shape. (in fact there mb just plastic glasses with stickers on them)

First appears the poster (a pic on the screen) saying:

Flying Dutchman's JUST ONE WISHbar

(Yo-ho-ho and a jinn in a bottle of gin)

Music: (The Chrodetts — Mr. Sandman) (do not mix up with Metallica's Enter Sandman =)

Mr Dutchman

Bring me a drink

Make it as hard as

I would never think

Give it to me

With a brolly and sleever

And make the sadness right now disappear

Mr Dutchman, I'm so alone

I have nobody to drink with my own

Please, don't stare at me and blink,

Mr Dutchman, bring me a drink!

While the song lasts, FD comes to the stage and pretends to wipe the glasses, put the bottles in order, clean the stand etc. With the last words of the song smb enters and stops in the farther corner of the stage. It is dressed in a dark gown with head covered.

FD: Why did I open this stupid bar? By the way, I wonder where the hell it is! I've been here for no one knows how long. And not a single client. Oh, no! (dreamy face) Once there were several sailors. It seems to me I'm somewhere in the Bermudas. Devil!

The person from the corner steps up with loud mysterious terrifying music (suggestions)

D: What?

FD (kinda confused): Excuse me?

D: You called me. I said "What?"

FD: I'm afraid you are mistaken. I didn't call anybody...

D: Yes, you did. You said "Devil!". So here I am. (puts the head covering away)

FD: Oh my God...

D (with discontent): Hey! Watch your tongue! No word about Daddy, you get me?

FD bows scarily

D: Actually, it was just a coincidence. I came here to have some rest. This seems to be the most forgotten place in the world.

FD (sadly): Oh, yes, it is... Menu?

D: No, thanx. Give me a gin.

FD: Here

D: Thnx. (makes a sip)

Just as D sips gin, loud sound like those when people win jack-pot goes.

D: What's that?

FD (frightened to death): Wish I knew!

D: Oh! I think I know! You're that pirate Jack the Sparrow cursed years ago, right?

FD: Y..yes... Why?

D (bursts out laughing): Poor illiterate creature! The spell was in Latin and he read in English. Mori which is "for death" became more, and "Spiritus" for (disgust on the face) holy — ough! — spirit became filling spirits. So now you're filling spirits to those who drop in.

FD: Oooh... I see... But how on earth does it explain the sound?

D: You see, I drank your gin. Now you're mine.

FD: What?

D: Hey, where are your manners?

FD: Sorry. What, sir?

D: You're my gin. You must obey and make my wish.

FD (to the audience): Oh yes! Devil needs amateur magic to make a human obey him. Sure!

(to D): Then... What is your wish, Master?

D: It's so unfair! You, people, are so bad-mannered! You never care of others plans. Not only you have Christmas. We have it there in Hell, too. Finally, Jesus is my step-brother! And you still want to make deals. Since you are a jinn, go and make them instead of me. Here's the list of places and instructions for you (takes out several scrolls, some tide with a ribbon). Give me a bottle of absinthe and go away. Now!

FD grabs the papers and vanishes.

D: Hey! My absinthe!

Scene 2

FD opens the separate scroll. Reads

FD: Hm... Salem, Massachusetts, Blackcat avenue and 13th street crossroads. Mary Winchester. Nov 15, 1979. Hmm... What's that? (pulls the scroll close to his eyes and reads aloud thoroughly) Click the location. Ok.

As soon as FD pushes the lines on the paper, the light in the room is off.

FD: Wooow... What the hell...

Light on. Two trees, a rather young lady standing in the middle holding a box.

FD: Excuse me... (comes closer) Excuse me! You are... (looks in the paper) Mary Winchester, right?

MW: Yes. Who are YOU?

FD: my name is Flying Dutchman, I will be your Devil today.

MW: Great! I'm selling my soul to a pirate.

FD: I'm the vice-Devil tonight!

D (off-stage mystified voice): Have a look at your pocket!

FD puts his hand in the pocket, takes out a badge, reads aloud: The Official License of the Vice-Devil. (shows it to MW) Signed by Devil, right here.

MW: Ok. I don't care. He. Must know all I want from him. Let's sign the papers and I go and live my 10 years left.

FD: Just a second. I'll watch the instructions... Take on of the standard applications for deal. The Human signs in blood in the left corner... Ok. Here, your name and your signification.

Scene 3

FD (alone) (checks the list): Mary Winchester — check, James Moriarty — check, Adrian Heeley — check, Elisabeth Batory — check... Check, check, check... Good job! What's here in the instructions list? After following down the list, click Homestage to get back... Ok.

Scene 4

The bar. D is sitting not alone. Someone in a gown like D's occupies the sit beside him.

D: Oh, you're quite quick! Did you have fun?

FD: Well, it was not that bad, I shall say.

D: Meet my old buddy.

The person in gown stands up. Music: Requiem (Chopin or Mozart? Choose one, pls).

It's a young lady (Ira) dressed pretty sexy with bright red makeup.

D: Meet my dear friend, Death. Death, this is Flying Dutchman, cursed by Jack the Sparrow.

Dth elegantly leans her hand, FD absent-mindedly shakes it, then bows.

Dth: Menu, please. (FD gives the menu) What's Wishkey?

FD: You know, it's like whiskey... But it's wishkey.

Dth: Hope I won't die! (D and Dth burst out laughing) one wishkey on rocks, please.

FD gives her the glass. She sips. Bingo-sound.

Dth: What the hell was that?

D: It's your wishkey, my dear. Time to make a wish!

Dth: But I don't want anything. In fact I've got everything an average Death needs: wars, crimes, love affairs, psychs... Finally, I've got you with your deals. And in a couple of minutes I'm off to do my job.

D: Come on! Stay here with me! I haven't seen you for ages. Let him do your job, have a day-off.

Dth: I don't know... Will he manage?

D: He's got no choice.

Dth: Fine. Hey, Dutchman!

FD: Yes, emmm... Mam.

Dth: Here's the list of those you have to take away today. No improvisation. Or I will add one more line. Here, take the gown.

FD (reads): Winston Churchill, Marie Curie, Alexander Pushkin... Aren't they all dead?

Dth: Gimme that! It's my Christmas present for myself. The best of the best. Here's the correct list.

FD: Excuse me... Can I make some changes?

Dth: You mean what?

FD: Can I change your entering theme? It's awful! Not a baby shall be scared with that. Only bored.

Dth: What do you think is frightening, then?

FD: Smth like this.

Music: (Therion — O, Fortuna)

Dth: Do whatever you want. I've got a day-off!

Scene 5

FD: Ok. Here I am. St. Mungo's hospital. Ward number 169, fifth floor...

(calls the elevator) (In the elevator there's a lovely young girl whom FD doesn't notice at first; he pushes the button, then turns to the girl)

Music: smth romantic, say Queen — I Was Born To Love You

FD's face expresses exaltation and admiration

G: A hard night, yeah?

FD (admired): Who are you?

G: I'm a local nurse.

FD: Your name must be Regina...

G: Thanx God, it's not! I'm Wendy. Wendy Sanders. Why should I be a Regina?

FD: Regina is Latin for queen.

G (embarrassed): Ough... Thanx...

Music: Whitney Houston — Queen of the Night

She's got the voice that he loves

She's got the looks that he needs

She's got more than enough

To make him drop to his knees

Cuz she's the Queen of his heart

Queen of his heart, oh yeah, ooh yeah, ooooh yeeeeeaaah!

G: My floor. Bye!

FD: Wait! Could you give me your address?

G: What for?

FD: I'll write to you.

G: Maybe I'd better give you my phone number?

FD: Sure!

G smiles, writes the number, leaves.

FD (alone): What the hell is phone?

Scene 6

A ward with a bed. A woman lies in the bed.

The sound of the Dth theme. The woman wakes up, sees FD in the gown, screams. The music is sharply off.

FD (voice only): Is this 169?

Voice: No! It's 168!

FD: Oh, sorry! (leaves)

The low sound of the theme off-stage.

Scene 7

Off-stage scream: DEAD HORSE! (Special for Ira)

Scene 8

FD stands with Dth's list. 9 people beside him, sm are happy, sm sad, sm thoughtful. Reads.

FD: Sarah Marshall!

P1: Here.

FD: George Steward!

P2: Here!

FD: Mitchell and Frederic Perkins!

P3 and P4: Here!

FD: Next life do not drive drunk. Vivienne Berget!

P5: Here!

FD: Steven Bay, Hilda Malstern, William Fates and Keira Daily!

P6–9: Here!

FD: 9 out of 10. Really a hard day... Who's the last? Wendy Sanders. Sounds familiar... Too familiar... (takes the note with the phone number out of his pocket) (music: alarm) Oh no!

Scene 9

The bar.

D and Dth are pretty tipsy, sing merry carols (We Wish You a Merry Christmas)

FD rushes in followed by the 9/10, terror on FD's face.

FD: Why her?

Dth: Ex-hic-cuse me?

FD: Why Wendy?

Dth: The nurse? What's hic-up with her?

FD: I am up with her! I love her! You can't take her out like that!

Dth: I can't?! Darl-hic-ing, there's noth-hic-ing I can't. Esp-hic-esially about death! (turns to the 9 souls) Get away of here! (all of them leave one by one)

FD: Please, don't do that! (turns to D): Please, help me!

D: It's out of my jurisdiction!

FD: It's Christmas time for everyone. Even for you two. For the first time in my crappy like I was about to believe that wonders really happen. But you kill me together with her!

D: You can't die. Jack the Sparrow doomed you to live forever and serve drinks for a rare foot set here. You're immortal, dude.

FD (firmly): Fine! I want a deal.

D: Oh, come on!

FD: I'm serious. She stays alive and you get my soul in 10 years.

D: Are you crazy?

FD: Yes. Yes, I am crazy! I'm mad since the very moment I saw her! 10 years with Her and then forever in hell is better than just forever alone, without Her!

Knock at the door.

FD: It's open!

Santa Claus: Ho ho ho! Who said that there are no wonders?

FD: Me. It was me.

SC: You're totally wrong, my dear.

FD: Am I?

SC: It's Christmas Eve. That means it's high time for wonders. It's MY time for wonders.

FD: But you can't be stronger than Devil and Death. No one can be stronger than them.

SC: And again, you're wrong. No one can be stronger than the faith in wonder. Even magic.

D: Santa, what the hell are you doing all year round?

Dth: Reading books on philosophy?

SC: Calm down there! It's not your day! (to FD) Wonders do exist.

FD: Good... If it's impossible to make Her stay alive, then at least release me from the spell, please!

SC: Oh, sure! Just a minute. (claps hands. The light immediately turns off)

Scene 10

Light is on. FD, SC, D and Dth standing at their places. JS stands beside them in sm distance.

JS: What the... (turns his head to the others) Who the... Who the hell are you?!

SC: I think you have smth to talk about... (goes to the counter)

FD: Hi.

JS (terrified): OH MY GOD! Who are you?!

FD: The one I was years ago. I'm Flying Dutchman. How does it feel, Jack?

JS: Does feel what?

FD: To be the only legend over the seas.

JS: Boring. Boring. Boring! Why are you alive? You must be dead!

FD: You should have better learned Latin. You made me immortal, you little bastard!

JS: How many years passed?

D: 291. And 8 months.

JS: WHY AM I ALIVE?

SC: You put a spell on both of you, I guess.

JS: Damn! I played in four "Pirates of the Caribbean" and that was the only occasion for all those years. I missed you!

FD: You cursed me! Please, release me from your spell!

JS: I can't! I don't know how!

SC: I know...

JS: Even if I knew, I'm not sure I could. Last time I thought I knew how. And here we are, miserable and immortal.

SC (puts his hans upon their shoulders): It's Christmas time. It's wonderful time! (claps hands) You're free.

FD & JS: Who?

SC (irritated): Both of you!

JS: Wonderful! Thanx!

FD (a bit upset): Thank you.

SC: Wait a minute. I've got presents for you!

All start moving, a kind of fussing about.

SC (takes his big red bag): This is for you...

(gives a parcel to D)

D: Wow! Cool! What's that?

SC: It's absinthe. The one for you...

Dth: For me? How nice! Thanx!

SC: By the way. Death, please, change your theme. No one is scared of the Requiem anymore!

FD: Already done!

SC: For Jack...

JS: What's that? A students book in Latin?!

SC: And the one for you... Where is it... (knock at the door) Ah!

SC goes to open the door

WS enters, puzzled. She looks around, sees FD and stops petrified. Both stare at each other. Everybody except for them goes down the stage, closer to the screen, so two of them to be in the focus. SC is somewhere in between.

SC: Here's your personal guardian angel!

WS runs to FD and hugs him.

WS: Santa told me everything. I couldn't believe. But now... It was all real! You were not a dream!

FD (embarrassed): I'm sorry... What's a telephone?

Everyone keeps their position for some 2-3 seconds. The clock appear on the screen showing 10 seconds to midnight. 9... 8... 7… 6…... 3… 2… 1…

Music: Last Christmas (suggestions are welcome)

Everybody sings

The end

Дата добавления: 2015-11-04