Now, why I asked Ilia to be my wall is because, you see, in the kitchen of No. 179 Davigdor Road there are the Rules of the House. I’ll show you. You stay there. So, you are the wall in my kitchen.

… standing up.

Now, why I asked Ilia to be my wall is because, you see, in the kitchen of No. 179 Davigdor Road there are the Rules of the House. I’ll show you. You stay there. So, you are the wall in my kitchen. Just … to make it more realistic, Ilia (laughter, cant hear) here’s wallpaper. That’s right. Wallpaper. That is the wallpaper… a piece of wallpaper on my wall in the kitchen of No. 179. Very good so far. Now I should say that the Rules of the House are actually nailed to the wall. But don’t worry, Ilia, we are not going to take theatrical realism that far. Stay there. You’re all right? But while we are going to do the standing there… it’s… can you?.. with your… probably tour right hand… hold this up high with your hand, dear. So, hold it up high. HIGH! High! UP! Up! Preposition up (laughter) Do you have prepositions in Russian? Oh, never mind. (laughter) Up, up! That’s it. Can you do it the other side? Can you do it with your other hand? That’s right. This is nearer me. So, imagine – wall – the Rules – the nail. So I say, “Hello! Welcome to the Hoover house. Hope you’ll have a lovely time. Here are the Rules of the House!

- No foreign language, please.

- No hanky-panky business in the bedrooms. Fortunately, since I installed CCTV cameras the incidents of hanky-panky have gone down.

- No smoking. Unless you offer me one.

- No putting your dinner in the dog’s dish. Because we believe in animal rights.

- Lights out and in bed at 10.30 p.m. Especially the Italian boys.

- No wearing free negligee in front of Mr. Hoover. Especially the girls.

- And no criticisms of the British royal family, food, weather, or television programmes.

And the most important rule is to feel at home and be happy.

Thank you very much, Ilia, you’ve been a lovely wall. So, if you’d like to leave it there, dear… Thank you. Thank you. That’s right, dear. Well done. Well, and take care… ah, there… You can’t take it back to Russia. You’re going to love it. Off you go. Give him a rave…

Дата добавления: 2015-11-04