Sebastian’s heart started to pound when the color drained from Kurt’s face. “I’m sorry,” he said quickly.
“But you were going to find out soon enough and I -”
“Oh my god,” Kurt breathed, lifting his eyes back to the photographs. His gaze flickered from one picture to
another so fast, Sebastian wondered if he was even taking any of it in. “Oh my god,.”
“Kurt-”
“This is some kind of joke, isn’t it? “Kurt said, rounding on his father. “Dad, please tell me you guys are
joking.”
“We’d never joke about something as serious as this,” Burt said gently. “Why don’t you take a deep breath
and -”
“No.” Kurt said, shaking his head. “No. No. No. This is not happening.” Tears were starting to gather in his
eyes, clinging to the corner of his lashes. “Dad, please.” Sebastian didn’t know what he was asking for but
he felt his own tears start to burn his eyes. He stepped forward and touched Kurt’s arm but Kurt ripped it
out of his grip. “Don’t touch me!”
“Kurt, please calm down,” Sebastian said. “I can explain.”
“I can’t calm down!” he said, his voice shaking. “I am married. To. You.” His face was full of horror, of
disgust and hurt as if the there was no fate worse than being married to Sebastian.
Sebastian felt the tears break free of his eyes and start sliding down his cheeks. Burt stepped forward then,
putting an arm around Kurt’s shoulder and steering him towards the couch. “Sebastian, get him a glass of
water,” he called over his shoulder.
Sebastian did as he was told. Kurt still wouldn’t look at him but he took the water and gulped it down, his
hands still shaking. “You okay?” Burt asked when Kurt placed the now empty glass on the coffee table.
“No,” Kurt said in a small voice. “No, I’m not.” Sebastian felt his heart seize painfully. He wished he could
have been in Burt’s place right now with his arms around Kurt, wished that he could have held him against
his chest, pressed at kiss to his head and told him that everything would be fine.
“Kurt,” he said instead, staying where he was. “I know this is hard.”
“You think?” Kurt asked, glaring up at him through his tears.
“I know,” Sebastian said, swallowing thickly. “My husband doesn’t remember me. You think that’s easy for
me?”
Kurt winced at the term ‘husband’. “I’m not your husband.”
It hurt more than anything Sebastian could have ever imagined. “Don’t – don’t say that.”
“I’m not.” Kurt said again. “I’m not married. I don’t have a degree in fashion design from OSU or my own
clothing line and Blaine and I never broke up.”
Burt and Sebastian looked at each other with identical confused expressions as tears continued to stream
down Kurt’s face. “Kurt, what are you saying?” Burt asked slowly.
“I’m saying that I was stupid to think that my life before the accident is going to be my life now,” Kurt said.
“How can I fall back into the same patterns when I’m not the same person I was a week ago?”
“You are the same person,” Sebastian said, his voice breaking.
Kurt ignored him. “I was so stupid to believe that it would be easy.”
“It’s not going to be easy for any of us,” Burt said. “But I’m going to be here for you as long as you need me
and we’ll get through this together.”
“How?” Kurt asked. “How are we going to get through this? I’m stuck married to Sebastian Smythe.” He
looked at Sebastian, “I don’t care about what we did over the years, right here, right now you are the last
person I would ever consider marrying.”
Sebastian knew Kurt was hurt but it didn’t lessen the blow of his words. He felt anger start to paint the
edges of his hurt. “Well you know what, Kurt?” he said. “I’m really sorry this is so devastating for you but
this isn’t just about you. You don’t get to dismiss the seven years we’ve been together just because of a
block in your memory that you refuse to push away.”
“You think I want this?” Kurt asked, standing up and fixing him with a vicious glare. “You think I want to be
stuck ten years in the past?”
“I think you do,” Sebastian said. “I think you’d rather live in your perfect little fairy tale bubble with Blaine -
”
“Don’t make this about Blaine-”
“- than face the reality of the fact that you two broke up and that you chose to fall in love with me
instead.”
“I didn’t get to choose!” Kurt said. “I don’t have any choice here at all do I?”
“You think I forced you to marry me?” Sebastian asked, his voice no longer near calm. “It takes two people,
Kurt!”
“Boys,” Burt said standing up. “Calm down.”
Kurt was glaring at Sebastian harder than ever. “I’m not the guy you married,” he said. “And you’re not the
sort of guy I would ever marry. There’s only one solution I can see here.”
“And what’s that?” Sebastian asked even though his heart started to pound sickeningly in his chest.
There was a pause where the two of them just stared at each other, chests heaving with the force of their
breaths and then Kurt said, “We get a divorce.”
Chapter 6
The words hung thick in the air around them. Kurt saw the exact point they sunk in for Sebastian because
his face seemed to crumple. Something like guilt tugged at Kurt’s heart but he was too busy breathing
through the spinning in his head to take heed. Sebastian stared at him for a long moment, his mouth
opening and closing as if he wanted to say something but didn’t know how. Another second of silence
passed before his gaze flickered over Kurt’s shoulder to Burt and then he turned around and left without a
word, the apartment door banging shut behind him.
Slowly, Kurt turned to look at his dad who was still sitting on the couch. The guilt was making itself known
with more force now and Kurt’s expression turned sheepish and then defensive when he met his dad’s
disapproving gaze. “What?” he asked, crossing his arms over his chest.
“You know what,” Burt said sternly.
Kurt sighed and dropped down on to the couch next to his dad. “Don’t tell me you’re on his side!”
“It’s not about being on sides, Kurt. It’s about how much that poor kid has gone through this past week and
how you basically ripped the heart outta his chest and threw it at his feet.” Kurt bit his lip and wrapped his
arms around himself, suddenly cold. Burt continued, his gaze burning hot into the side of Kurt’s face. “I
watched him sit by your side night and day, holding your hand and babbling nonsense that all sounded like
some version of ‘please come back’. Imagine his pain when you woke up and didn’t even remember him.”
Kurt swallowed around the slow building lump in his throat and refused to look at his father. “It’s not my
fault,” he said weakly. “It’s not my fault I don’t remember.”
“I’m not saying it is, kid. But that doesn’t give you a right to treat him like that.”
Kurt felt fresh tears burn behind his eyes. “It’s not fair,” he said, shaking his head. “I can’t be married to
him.”
“Well you are.”
Kurt finally looked at his father, frowning. “Why are you being like this?” he asked. “Can’t you see how this
affects me? I don’t want to be married, dad. I can’t be married. I don’t know what I’m doing with my life. I
haven’t been to college yet as far as I’m concerned, even if I have a job, I won’t know the first thing about
what to do. Being married is something I do not need to deal with on top of everything else at the
moment.”
Burt’s arm was heavy when he draped it over Kurt’s shoulder and pulled him against his side. “You think I
don’t that?” he asked softly. “You have been so great with everything so far, I don’t blame you for freaking
out about being married. But Kurt, the fact is that you are married. To a pretty great guy – no, don’t look at
me like that. I’ve got some of those memories you’ve locked away, remember? I know how great you two
are together even if you don’t realize it right now. And every time you say that you would never marry him,
you’re only putting yourself down.”
Kurt frowned, “What do you mean?”
“I mean that you’re not stupid Kurt. You were thinking something when you married Sebastian and it sure
as hell wasn’t how he was a douchebag at eighteen.” Kurt was silent for a moment and Burt’s arm
tightened around his shoulder. “You think my son is stupid enough to go ahead and marry someone if he
doesn’t truly want to with every fibre of his being?”
Kurt didn’t know what to say, he looked away from his dad’s gaze at the countless photographs scattered
around their apartment, on the walls, on the shelves...a decade worth of happy memories that taunted
him from every corner.
“You think getting a divorce is going to solve anything?” Burt continued. “All that’s gonna happen is that
you’re going to get your memories back and realize what a huge ass mistake you made. It’s nothing but
pain and heartbreak for both of you.”
Kurt felt like crying and so he did, he let the tears stream down his cheeks and buried his face in his father’s
chest. “What am I going to do dad?”
“You’ll figure it out,” Burt said, holding him tightly. “And like I said, I’ll be here to help as long as you need
me. But first, you need to stop treating Sebastian like he’s doing something wrong by being near you and
start treating him at the very least, like a friend. How would you feel if I woke up tomorrow and started
denying you were my son?”
That hit him hard and Kurt unconsciously tightened his grip on his dad’s shirt. “I feel so lost,” he said in an
almost childish voice.
Burt rubbed his arm and held him tighter. “I’m here, kid.” He said. “And more importantly, you’re here.
After the accident I thought you’d -” he cut himself off and cleared his throat. “I don’t care if you don’t get
your memories back. I bet you anything you’re going to be every bit as fabulous without them.”
Kurt sniffled and pressed his cheek hard to his father’s shirt before sitting upright and wiping the tears
from his face. “I – I’m going to go use the bathroom,” he said as he got to his feet.
“You hungry? There’s food in the fridge I could heat up for you.”
Kurt nodded and gave his father a small smile. “Thanks dad.”
He found the bathroom easily; it was bigger than he had expected and one look at the shower told him it
was going to be one of his favorite places in the apartment. It was weird though, to see the mix of products
lined up on the sink counter. Kurt took a wild guess over which were his and which belonged to Sebastian.
He found himself staring at the toothbrushes and wondering if his was the purple one with the hideous
stripes or the equally hideous orange one next to it. It wasn’t like it mattered at this point but the trivial
question was a good distraction. He eventually came to the conclusion that Sebastian probably used two
toothbrushes because his teeth needed just that extra amount of care and that he probably had his own
toothbrush hidden somewhere else.
Not knowing why - maybe he expected to have hidden his toothbrush in there? - he opened the tiny
wooden cabinet on the wall next to the shower and gasped softly when the first thing he saw was a huge
bottle of lube. Instinctively, he shut the cabinet and turned away as if his eyes had been burnt. He splashed
some cold water on his face and left the bathroom before he could think anything else of the lube and
instead, wandered into the bedroom closest to him.
It was comfortably sized with a double bed framed by two gorgeous side tables, each bearing a small,
artistic lamp. The bedspread looked like something Kurt would have picked out – it was a simple pattern
but mixed in well with the natural color scheme of the room. As nice as the room was though, Kurt knew it
couldn’t be his bedroom. It felt too impersonal.
He knew he was right the second he walked through the door of the next room. This one immediately felt
right. The design was more modern than their guest room, which is what Kurt guessed the other room was
for since (and he had another mild panic attack at the thought) he and Sebastian probably slept together.
Taking a calming breath and not letting himself think of what he and Sebastian must have done on it, Kurt
moved to appreciate the bed, simple and clear cut in its design but no less stylish.
There was a huge abstract painting over the bed but the opposite wall boasted some more personal
photographs. Kurt walked over to them and let his eyes scan the shots of him and Sebastian.
There was a rush of sound in his head and ears, like thousands of whispers struggling to make sense. Kurt
would have thought that they were memories from looking at the pictures if his heart hadn’t been
pounding to a panicked rhythm. Kurt reached out and touched his own face in one of the photographs as if
the connection would link him with the mind of the man in the frame. It was unreal, looking at this man in
the photographs. This man who looked exactly what Kurt would imagine an older him to look like - living a
life that he seemed to be perfectly comfortable in, with a husband and friends in the city of his dreams.
Sighing, Kurt moved on to the bookshelf next to the photographs. It was smaller than the bookshelf in the
lounge and black instead of white. It criss crossed across the wall and a quick look at the contents told him
it contained more slim files that were either related to his or Sebastian’s work and tiny artifacts than actual
books. Some of the stuff Kurt recognized from his old bedroom and that comforted him, some of the stuff
was probably Sebastian and some of the gadgets had familiar logos on them but Kurt didn’t have a clue
what they did.
That was another thing about waking up ten years in the future, technology hadn’t gotten any simpler.
The far left wall of the bedroom was dominated by huge windows – Sebastian hadn’t been lying about
plenty of natural light. The view was nothing short of breathtaking. The city at the moment was lit up with
twinkling lights against the backdrop of the night sky but in the morning, he supposed the sun would have
shone bright enough to bathe the entire room in its glow. Kurt spent a few minutes just staring and
wondering how beautiful the city must look from here early in the morning or when it was raining or
snowing. There could have been a sandstorm outside for all Kurt cared and he would still think it beautiful.
An inspection of his walk in closet followed afterwards and Kurt had to resist the urge to take out every
item and examine it closely. He walked around opening random drawers in the bedroom, shifting through
stuff that should probably mean something to him – scribbled notes, numbers and dates, a color coded
planner (Kurt set that aside to come back to later). He kept expecting something to jog his memory,
something to shout out to him, but he couldn’t feel too disappointed when it didn’t.
When he had thought about moving to New York, he had been prepared for a tiny, cramped apartment
where he’d be stepping on Rachel’s toes wherever he turned, he had thought about curling up close next
to Blaine in their first apartment, slightly larger than the one he had shared with Rachel but lacking in a
proper heating system. That would have been fine though, because it would have meant that they had to
cuddle to keep warm.
He hadn’t been thinking about getting a place like this for years. It was surreal, it felt like something too
precious to be his, something he was afraid someone would take away from him any second. Whatever
Kurt may have felt about everything else he had woken up to, his apartment definitely felt like home. He
could feel the love and care he (and Sebastian, don’t forget Sebastian) had put into setting it up. Other
things may have to take some getting used to but Kurt knew that he would always feel at home in this
place.
Chapter 7
Sebastian didn’t know how many drinks he’d had. He just knew it wasn’t enough for the bartender to cut
him off. “Jack!” Sebastian called out to the large man. “Did all that wax you’ve got stuffed in your ear
impair your hearing? I said get me another fucking beer!”
“I heard you loud and clear the first three times, Smythe.” The man said, leaning over the counter and
fixing Sebastian with a firm stare. “But there’s no way I’m letting you drink another sip of alcohol tonight.
You’re one second away from puking on my bar.”
“You have no idea what I’m going through.” Sebastian said, brining his fist donwn on the wooden
countertop. “I need. A. Fucking. Drink.”
“Give me your phone,” Jack said, holding out a hand.
“Why?” Sebastian asked but he reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone anyway.
“I’m calling Blaine,” Jack said, taking the phone from his hand. “He’ll take you home.”
“You know me too well.” Sebastian grumbled. “I’ve gotta find another bar.”
“You’ll be coming back in two days.” Jack said with a grin. “No one can put up with your demanding little
ass like I do. Well, except for Kurt.”
Sebastian huffed. “Yeah. Kurt.”
Jack turned his back for a few seconds while he spoke to Blaine.
Sebastian stared at his hands during the conversation, hoping Blaine would be caught up in something else
to come and pick him up. He didn’t want to see Blaine, he didn’t want to go back to his apartment. He
didn’t need anyone looking after him.
“I just need another fucking beer.” He said, looking up at Jack with pleading eyes. “Just get me. Another.
Beer.”
“Not happening tonight,” Jack said, setting Sebastian’s phone onto the counter between them. “Blaine’ll
be ten minutes.”
“I’m going to sue you,” Sebastian said darkly.
“You don’t scare me, Smythe.”
Blaine arrived in the next three minutes much to Sebastian’s dismay. His hair was blown wild by the wind
and the tip of his nose was red but he caught sight of Sebastian and sighed in relief. “Oh my god, what the
hell Seb?” he said, taking the empty stool next to him. “I tried calling you a million times. Why would you
turn off your phone?”
“Maybe because I didn’t want to talk to you or to anybody for that matter?” Sebastian asked.
Blaine looked at Jack. “How much has he had?”
“Enough,” Jack replied.
Blaine gripped Sebastian’s arm and tried to pull him to his feet. “C’mon.”
“Don’t touch me!” Sebastian said, yanking his arm out of Blaine’s grip. He was suddenly reminded of Kurt
saying the same words to him not four hours ago – wow, four hours. Had it been that long? “Just – leave
me alone.” Sebastian said, dropping his head down to his hands.
Jack had moved down the bar to attend to other customers, Blaine was silent beside him for a moment
before he said “This isn’t the way to deal with things, Seb.”
“Really?” Sebastian turned his head to look at Blaine with bloodshot eyes wet with tears. “You’re going to
tell me the best way to deal with this? You have no idea Blaine, okay? No. Idea.”
“Probably not,” Blaine said. “But I know enough to tell you that getting drunk isn’t going to help anyone.”
“He wants a divorce,” Sebastian said in a quiet voice. “He wants a fucking divorce.”
Blaine’s lips parted in shock and his eyes widened. “W-what? He said that?”
Sebastian nodded, a bitter smile on his lips. “He said there was no way we would ever work out and that it
was – it was the only solution, god.” Sebastian looked away again and jerked his shoulder away from
Blaine’s touch when he tried to wrap his arm around him. “Seven fucking years together and he gives up
on us just like that.”
“He’s - confused. Probably scared and overwhelmed.” Blaine said slowly. “But he loves you and you know
it, even if he doesn’t.”
“Why couldn’t he have forgotten me completely?” Sebastian said with a frustrated huff. “Or remembered
just one more year? Why does the universe have to be so fucking cruel?” He huffed and pulled back to look
down at the wedding band on his finger. “I wish it had been me.” he said in such a low voice, it was barely
above a whisper.
“Sebastian...”
“No, seriously.” Sebastian said, looking at Blaine with wide, earnest eyes. “It would have been so much
easier. Kurt could have made me fall back in love with him in seconds and -”
“And you would have ran in the other direction as fast as you could, scared shitless.” Blaine said with a
fond smile. “Trust me. Sebastian Smythe would never takes the news of being a married man well without
every square inch of memory in why he got to the point in his head. You would have been a nightmare. I
was at your wedding, remember? I’ve got proof of how easily you freak out.”
Sebastian didn’t know whether to laugh or smile so he just stared at Blaine until the other boy stood up
and took him by the arm again. “Let’s get you home,” he said. This time, Sebastian followed.
__
Blaine left him at the foot of the building because Sebastian insisted that he was fine. He’d had the sense
to take his keys before he left but standing outside his apartment, he suddenly felt bashful. He shouldn’t
have walked out like that, at least not on Burt. Hoping he didn’t look as drunk as he felt, he slowly swung
open the front door and stepped inside.
The apartment was silent and the lights were off except for a lamp in the lounge. Sebastian moved to the
kitchen and poured himself a glass of water. He didn’t hear the sound of approaching footsteps and almost
dropped the glass in his hands when he heard Kurt’s voice from behind him.
“You’re back.”
He turned around, dreading the expression on Kurt’s face but all he saw was him looking incredibly tired.
“Yeah. I uh – I went...out.” Sebastian said, his words slurring a little. He pressed a hand to his forehead,
cool from touching the glass.
“Are you drunk?” Kurt asked, a crease forming between his brows.
This was not how Sebastian wanted to have his first proper conversation with Kurt after the events of the
evening. He didn’t want Kurt to see him like this. “No,” he lied, taking a shaky step forward. He slipped and
grabbed the fridge for support, feeling his face start to burn.
“I know what I said before might have been harsh,” Kurt said.
“Did you mean it?” Sebastian asked, punctuating his question with a hiccough. “Do you want – are we
going to have to get a divorce?”
Please say no, please say no...
Kurt sighed. “I know this is hard for you too but you gotta see this from my perspective here.” he said,
shaking his head. “All you are for me at the moment is the boy who tried to break up me and my boyfriend,
consistently made sissyphobic comments about me who and nearly blinded Blaine with a rock salt slushie
that was actually meant for me. All of that may be in the past for you but it’s as clear in my head as if it had
happened yesterday. How can you expect me to overlook everything?”
“Kurt,” Sebastian said, taking a few shaky steps towards the boy.
“Just give me a chance, please. Tell me what you want me to do, I’ll do anything. Tell me how to fix this, tell
me how to fix you -”
“I’m not broken,” Kurt said in a wet voice, struggling to remain steady.
Sebastian saw tears had sprung to Kurt’s eyes and he panicked. “No, no. Of course you’re not, baby -” he
started, making a move to reach out to him. Kurt took a step back, looking uncomfortable and Sebastian
wanted to bang his head on the wall for his slip. “I am trying,” Sebastian said in a broken voice, his fist
curling around thin air where he had reached for Kurt. “I am, Kurt.”
“By getting drunk?”
Sebastian swallowed. “I told you we’re married and the first thing you asked for is a divorce,” he said in a
broken voice. “How do you think I felt?”
“I’m sorry.” Kurt said, his voice low and sincere. “I really am. But - we can’t go back to what we were. I just,
I can’t -” he broke off and looked away as if Sebastian’s face was causing him too much pain.
Was this it then? Sebastian thought. Was this the end? He felt the realization crashing down on him and
the weight of it almost made him collapse to the ground. He didn’t stop the tears when they started sliding
down his cheeks but reached inside his pocket, fingers closing around Kurt’s wedding band. Closing the last
few steps of distance between them, he stopped in front of Kurt and held out the platinum band for him.
“W-what’s this?” Kurt asked, looking from his outstretched hand to his face with a confused frown.
“Your wedding band.” Sebastian said. “We’d decided that if we ever – if – we both agreed we’d take get to
keep our wedding bands and then – I don’t know, sell them? It was never really supposed to be an option.
Just a joke.”
“Sebastian -”
“Take it Kurt,” he said, voice hoarse. “Just please, don’t make this harder.”
Kurt took the ring, his fingers brushing Sebastian’s palm. Before he could stop himself, Sebastian was
surging forward and pressing his lips to Kurt’s forehead, not caring about how he stiffened under the
touch. He kept his lips, wet with his tears pressed against Kurt’s hot skin, every piece of him breaking until
he finally found enough strength to move away.
He didn’t look back at Kurt as he brushed past him but he stopped in his tracks when Kurt spoke up. His
voice barely a whisper as he said, “I don’t want a divorce.”
Chapter 8
It couldn’t have taken more than a second but turning around to meet Kurt’s gaze felt like an eternity.
Sebastian wished he hadn’t been drunk so that his vision wouldn’t swim as much as it did; he just wanted
to see Kurt’s face clearly. From what he could make of it, he noticed that Kurt was crying, his fist closed
around the band in his hand as he stared at Sebastian. His throat felt like someone had stuffed cotton in it
and Sebastian swallowed before he asked, “You – you don’t?”
Kurt closed his eyes and took a deep breath and in the little time that it took, Sebastian began to panic
again. What if he hadn’t meant it? What if he was regretting saying it now?
“There must have been a reason I married you,” Kurt said, opening his eyes and breaking Sebastian’s train
of thought. “And I don’t want to risk destroying something I – I guess I must have really wanted in order
to...” he trailed off and bit his lip. “Until I get my memories back or in case I don’t, we’re going to have to
learn to work around this - thing.” He gestured around his head as if the block in his memory was
something visible.
Sebastian wished it was, wished it was as easy as gripping it with his hand and throwing it aside to reveal a
Kurt with his memories one hundred percent intact.
He found himself marching back to Kurt and he only got a glimpse of the surprised expression on Kurt’s
face before he had thrown an arm over his shoulder and pulled him against his chest in a bone crushing
hug. Kurt let out a low sound of protest before he went slack in his grip. Sebastian didn’t care that he
wasn’t being held in return, he just continued to hold Kurt close, breathing him in and grinning into his
hair.
“I love you so much Kurt,” he whispered. “So fucking much. I’d do anything for you.”
“Um.” Kurt didn’t move a muscle but his uncertain tone seemed to snap Sebastian out of whatever trance
he had been in and he pulled back.
“Sorry,” he said quickly. “I wasn’t thinking. I’m kind of -”
“Drunk?” Kurt supplied.
“Incredibly grateful,” Sebastian said.
Kurt gave him a small smile but it was hesitant. “Look, Sebastian. I understand that we’ve been married for
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