“Don’t go. MJ saw us, so what?” I kiss her hand.
She smiles lightly. “I have homework I should be doing anyways.” She squeezes my hand. “Later?”
“Later,” I confirm.
Chapter 46
Later finally arrives, and I’m back in Colt’s room. My nightly solace from the horrifying truth of my last assignment.
I’m still racked with guilt over the oil spill, the baby seals I see on TV covered in the sticky soot, the huge ship resting unnaturally on its side against the reef, and the millions of gallons of black oil lapping at the once pristine shoreline.
But with each day that’s passed since the disaster, my fear that I’ll be discovered and removed from class in handcuffs has subsided. And Colt has been the best distraction I could have hoped for. I wish he could see our compromise for what it is, but I know I can’t rush him. And regardless of whatever label we’ve placed on our non-relationship, I am incredibly grateful for him. I wouldn’t be coping nearly as well if it weren’t for Colt.
But I am far from okay with how things are. I still want Colt’s realization at what we have, and of course I still want revenge on McAllister too.
I take a deep breath, willing myself to be brave. “Colt?”
“Hm?” He’s absently massaging my hand, tracing the lifeline over and over with his fingertip.
“I want to talk about our compromise. ”
He straightens and looks at me.
“What about it? You don’t like how things are going?”
I shake my head. “It’s not that.” It’s the opposite in fact.
He smiles, relaxing into me once again. “Then what is it, baby?”
His nickname for me always makes me smile. “It’s just that, I am enjoying it…but I think I could enjoy it more if I knew where we stood. What we… are.”
Crap. I totally sound like the high school girl that I am. But it’s too late. Colt’s brow creases with understanding. “I’m listening…what did you have in mind?”
I look at him, my eyes sparking with hope. “So I’ve been thinking lately…” I take my time, not wanting to rush this.
His eyes are bright and beautiful and he’s watching me again.
“What we have, what we’re doing…what’s the difference between this and a real relationship?”
He’s quiet for a few moments and my heart pounds in my chest. I have no idea if he’s going to push me away or if he’s realizing what I’m saying is true.
He brings his hand to my face, and softly strokes my cheek with the back of his knuckles. “Okay,” he whispers, nuzzling into my neck.
“Okay?”
“I’ve been thinking about it too,” he says.
“Oh really?” I tease.
“Yes, I was thinking that the, uh, girlfriend thing – I might like to try that. With you.”
My heart flips and does a somersault. “Really?” Holy God, Colt wants me. Me!
He smiles and takes my hand, lacing his fingers with mine. “Would that make you happy, baby?”
I smile. “I think that could be good.” I try my best to play it cool, but in my mind, I’m twirling in full happy dance mode.
“But?” he prompts, tilting his head at my hesitation.
“But there are probably a few things we need to talk about first.”
Chapter 47
I wait anxiously for Taylor to say something, anything. I’ve just put myself out there, but she presses her lips together, being coy. Then she takes my hand and pulls me down to the bed with her. This is getting interesting.
“I want to…but I’m scared.”
I’m an idiot. Of course she’s scared. This is all new for her.
I take her hand, running my thumb across her knuckles. “No. Don’t be. I promise to be gentle, and we won’t do anything you’re not ready for. Until you’re sure, okay?”
Her lips twist into a smile. “No, I’m not scared of that …”
I tilt my head. Well now I’m thoroughly confused. “Wait. So you’re not a virgin?”
She pulls her hand out of mine. “No. Is that a problem?”
“Of course not. I just thought…”
She swallows, looking unsure. “My ex-boyfriend, Wes.” She looks down as though she’s afraid to admit it.
“Shhh.” I take her hand again. “That doesn’t matter to me. Tell me why you’re scared.”
She settles back, leaning against the pillows, visibly relieved at my reaction. She lets me take her hand and lace my fingers with hers again. But I don’t like the way she studies our hands together, like she’s looking for flaws.
“Everyone seems to think the only reason you haven’t moved on to another girl is because we haven’t, uh, messed around yet. And I’m scared that if we do, you’ll get bored of me…and… I don’t want to lose you.”
“No.” I shake my head, pulling her close, tucking her against my chest.
“No? Just no?” Her voice is questioning, sarcastic.
It makes me smile.
“Care to elaborate?” she asks.
“It’s not like that with you, Taylor. I want you, trust me, more than anything, but that’s not all I want. I like hanging out with you, I like the way you want to train with me, how tough you are. You’re beautiful, smart and sassy as hell, and I love all of it.”
Love? Did I just say love? That came out of nowhere.
“Thank you,” she says against my neck. “If you want to do this… this girlfriend thing, as you call it…we’ll need to take it slow.”
“Okay.” I nod. “I can do slow.”
“Are you sure?” She sounds skeptical.
“No. But I’ll try.” How hard can it be?
The air hangs between us, charged with a new energy, raw and radiating intensity. I like the idea that she’s mine. “So you’ll be with me then?”
She nods.
I pull back and look at her. I bring my hand up and carefully touch her mouth. At my touch, she parts her lips and draws in a breath. She blushes at my attention, her eyes falling closed.
I love the effect I have on her. Fuck, there’s that word again. Love. I ignore it. “These pretty, full lips are mine now.”
Her eyes fly open, studying me. I hold my breath, hoping I haven’t pushed her away with that admission.
She takes a deep breath and releases it slowly. “Even though I’ve done it before, I need you to know that I won’t be ready for sex for a while…okay?”
I nod. “Baby, I told you, that’s fine.” I do my best to reassure her, but my body is on edge with want for her. I take a deep breath, calming myself.
She gives me a naughty little grin. “But that doesn’t mean we can’t play a little.”
I nearly choke on my breath. “Play?”
She nods seductively, blinking up at me, batting her eyelashes. “That okay with you?”
“Yes, please.”
She giggles as I lean in closer, ever eager, but I remind myself not to rush her. I am not going to be good at this going slow thing. But knowing I have to try, I take my time as her rich vanilla scent fills all my senses.
Chapter 48
Colt’s phone has buzzed against his desk twice now. The third time, I hop up from the bed and jog for it. The name Yes flashes on the screen. A pang of jealousy flares up inside of me.
“Who is it?” he asks.
“Here.” I toss the phone at him. I can’t say her name. Actually I don’t even know her name, just the sexy yet ridiculous nickname he’s given her that makes me want to puke. The next time I get a hold of his phone, I’m going to change the contact name to No.
He inspects the phone with a frown, then sets it on the table beside his bed. “Don’t worry about her. You have nothing to worry about.”
We continue snuggling on his bed, pretending to watch a movie when there’s a knock at his door.
We both sit up, looking at each other. Who’d be here this late? “Are you expecting someone?”
“No.” He shakes his head.
I stand beside the table while he opens the door.
A beautiful blonde with long, lean legs and sky high heels stands pouting at his door. “You didn’t answer your phone.” Her voice is light, seductive.
Holy shit! This is Yes.
“Oh.” Her eyes dart past him to me. “I didn’t know you had company.” The tension on her face is visible. She doesn’t like the idea of Colt being with anyone else.
Colt, who seems stunned and unsure, recovers just slightly, motioning her to come inside. “This is Taylor, my girlfriend.” He says it so naturally. My heart swells with pride.
She sucks in a breath, her eyes moving over me with hatred.
“This is Samantha.” He walks back over to me, snaking his arm around my waist, which is good, because my legs feel shaky.
She’s gorgeous. This girl makes Bria look homely. Holy shit. This is not good. Not good at all. Samantha comes closer, her heels clicking across the wooden floor. She extends her hand to me, shaking mine once. She looks a few years older than Colt. Her face is impassive, confident and poised. She gives nothing away.
Meanwhile my cheeks flame red, remembering the loud groans and bed knocking against the wall that night. And then her seeing me crying in the hall. She doesn’t seem to recognize me though, thank God.
Colt clutches my hip, and I’m not sure if he’s trying to convince me, himself or Samantha that we’re together. Holy hell. Breathe Taylor. Seeing her in his room is more than I can handle.
“Why are you here?” Colt asks.
“I thought you’d be alone and might want some company.”
“I didn’t answer my phone. That should tell you I’m not available.”
The banter between them is thick with tension. I can feel their closeness, that they know each other well. And I really freaking hate it.
I slip out of Colt’s grasp, needing to make a break for the door. “I’ll let you guys talk.”
“No, Taylor. You don’t have to go.” Colt reaches for me again.
“It’s okay. You guys probably have some things to sort out, I’ll just be outside.”
He nods, almost reluctantly, like he doesn’t want me to leave him alone with this girl. I don’t want to leave him alone with her either, but I can’t watch them together.
I step out into the hall, leaning against the wall. I leave the door cracked open behind me. I’m not going to leave them completely alone and unsupervised in his room. I trust Colt, it’s her I don’t trust.
Samantha’s heels click across the floor. I don’t like knowing that she’s so comfortable in his bedroom. “So that’s who’s captured all your attention lately.”
“Yes,” he returns, polite as ever.
“She looks awfully young. Does she satisfy you, Colt?”
“That’s none of your damn business, Samantha. Why are you here?” His voice sounds tense.
“I don’t get what you see in her. Why does she get all your attention and I don’t anymore?”
Colt stays quiet and my heart thumps against my chest, waiting.
Samantha’s heels click across the floor again. “I was your go to girl. I know you. And I know you must miss it.”
“Miss what?”
“The sex,” her voice is teasing, playful.
Holy God. I can’t breathe. I hold my breath, waiting for Colt to answer. He must miss it.
“No,” Colt says, his voice firm.
Oh, thank God. Air surges into my lungs again. Samantha isn’t the meaningless fling Colt always assumed she was. She likes him. I can hear it in her voice. Her desperate pleas. She wants the side of him that I have captured.
“I outlasted all your other play things. You’ll get bored of this one too.”
“I am far from bored by her,” Colt says.
“Oh.” Samantha laughs. “I get it. You haven’t had her yet. Well once you get her out of your system, baby you know I’ll be there for you.”
My insides flame with jealousy. I want to storm in there. I want to cause her physical pain, but instead, I stand in the hall trembling.
“That’s enough. I think you should go now.”
Her heels click across the floor again. “Just remember how good we used to be, baby.”
“Goodbye, Samantha.”
I disappear down the hall, not wanting Samantha or Colt to see me cry.
Chapter 49
I should never have let Taylor leave while I talked to Samantha. Hell, I shouldn’t even let Samantha in my room, but I was so stunned when I saw her at the door, I wasn’t thinking clearly. I should have escorted her back to the front doors and told things were over between us.
I’d always suspected she wanted something more from me. She knew we weren’t exclusive, that I saw other girls, and she never seemed threatened by it before. Then again, I’d never had a girlfriend before. This was all new for me. But now Taylor’s disappeared and I’m terrified I’ve fucked this up already.
After searching the dorms, then the rec room, I realize I know where she is. I head for the fourth floor, and find her in front of her computer.
Her eyes dart up when she hears me come in. Deep blue eyes sear into mine, damp with tears that she quickly wipes away with the backs of her hands. Something in my chest tightens, filling me with longing and confusion.
I keep making her cry. I go to her, falling on my knees in front of her chair. “Baby I’m sorry.”
She stifles a sob, and laces her fingers in my hair. “S’okay.”
I rest my head across her knees, letting her play with my hair, knowing I don’t deserve it.
I lift my head, meeting her eyes. “No it’s not. I shouldn’t have let her into my room. And I didn’t want you to leave. You’re with me now. She means nothing to me. Everything’s over between her and I.” A single tear rolls down her cheek and I wipe it away. “Okay?” I ask, taking her hand.
She nods. But I can tell she’s still sad. I hurt her, and I hate that.
All this raw emotion is stirring up forgotten feelings inside me. Things I’d long ago stowed away. I knew not to let myself get attached. It was a lesson I taught myself after I watched my mom waste away and pass on, when my little brother broke and shattered, and my father, no longer wanting to look at the two boys who reminded him of his wife, threw himself into his business. It was so much easier not to feel, not to get attached…to anything or anyone.
I rest my head on Taylor’s knees, completely at her mercy. I know I don’t deserve her. I know I’m not worthy and won’t be able to give her what she needs, but I’m just selfish enough to try.
***
The next morning, I catch McAllister in the hall, a rolling suitcase in tow. He stops when he sees me, a guilty look flashing across his face, then he straightens his shoulders and turns to face me.
“I need to go away for a few days on business. I just sent you an email. You’re in charge of day-to-day decisions. If anything bigger comes up, call my cell.”
Without so much as a goodbye, he turns and continues down the hall, rolling his bag behind him. Watching his retreating back, bag in hand brings up an unwelcome memory. After my mom died, he began leaving on overnight business trips more and more, to the point where he was rarely ever home.
“You can’t just run away this time,” I call after him.
He stops stiffening and turns to face me once again. His eyes meet mine and I can see he’s trying to decide if he should just keep walking.
I press on before he has the chance to decide. “I know you think I was too young to remember, but I remember everything.”
His eyes dance nervously on mine, unsure of what I’ll say next. And frankly so am I. But I’m on a roll now. I take a step closer to him.
“After mom passed, you threw yourself into this place like never before. You were rarely home, you even started spending the night here, leaving me and Reis with Mrs. Lee just so you didn’t have to face us.”
He shifts nervously, fiddling with the handle of his suitcase.
“You chose to give up your family a long time ago, Dad.” I hadn’t called him that in so long, the word surprises us both. An expression from long ago crosses his face. Compassion? Sorrow?
“You need to make things right with Taylor.”
He cocks his head, the expression fading away the instant I mention her name. “I’ve upset your latest conquest? What a travesty. Spare me. Don’t think for a second that I don’t know what goes on around here. I’ve been fully briefed. I’m just glad your mother isn’t around to see how you’ve turned out.”
He turns and stalks down the hall, yanking his bag behind him.
“Just run away!” I call after him. “It’s what you do best.”
Jackass.
Chapter 50
Though I’d rather distract myself with Colt and the newness of our relationship, my new self-appointed assignment is gathering everything I can find on McAllister. I desperately need to feel in control of something again. My entire life is spiraling out of my grasp.
I stumble onto something of interest in McAllister’s personal banking records that I’ve hacked into. He made a very large cash transfer the day before the oil tanker crash. He invested one hundred thousand dollars into a stock called IBX.
I type it into Google. It’s a company that manufactures industrial cleaning solutions. They have a patented formula that attracts and disintegrates oil, and with a few more clicks, I learn that IBX was awarded the business for cleaning up the oil spill the Alliance caused. Holy shit!
Since IBX was awarded the business, their stock has shot up several hundred percent. I do some more digging and see that in a matter of weeks, McAllister has made two million dollars from his new stock purchase. And the cleanup efforts are expected to last for six months. My stomach clenches. By causing that oil spill, he’ll make millions.
I feel sick.
I head to Colt’s room, a plan spinning in my head as I make my way down the hall.
He opens the door and pulls me inside the room, happy to see me, as usual. “What’s wrong?” he asks, sensing the tension in my embrace.
“I know why McAllister did it, and it’s even worse than I thought.”
He frowns. “Come sit down.”
I am seething, but follow him to his bed and sit down beside him. Why does he look so nervous?
“He’s heavily invested in company that’s in charge of the cleanup, and after I caused the spill, his stock shot through the roof.”
His mouth gapes open.
“He’s already made two million on his initial investment.”
Colt looks down, clenching and unclenching his fists.
“Colt, say something.”
“What do you want me to say, Taylor?”
“That we’re going to stop him. He doesn’t deserve that money.”
He scoffs. “And what, you do? Because you were the one behind the controls?”
I flinch as though physically struck by his words. “Of course not. The money should go to the cleanup efforts. And he shouldn’t be in charge here, he should be in jail. This isn’t about me, Colt. What he’s doing is wrong.”
“He’s not just going to give up that money because you tell him to, Taylor. Grow up. And without him here, what would happen to this place? Think about it. We can’t turn him into the police – if we do that, you’ll be implicated too.”
He’s right, but why is his tone so crushing right now? I knew Colt didn’t want me meddling around in McAllister’s business, but why is he being so argumentative?
“What’s with you right now?” I challenge.
Colt takes a deep breath, releasing it slowly. His eyes are pure agony, an aching inside him I can practically see. “McAllister is my father.”
What? Holy hell! I study him, waiting for him to say something else, to explain this. How could I not have known? “But your last name…”
“Was McAllister,” he says. “I changed it to my mother’s maiden name before I came to Wilbrook.”
We watch each other in silence for a few minutes, the tension igniting the air around us. I pull back from him, moving further away on the bed as a wall erects itself between us. He is related to the man I hate. A voice in the back of my mind taunts me, the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, as I remember Colt’s despicable behavior when I first met him.
“No matter what I think about him, I can’t force him out. He’s my father.” Colt’s voice is softer, more in control, but just as certain as before.
“Well then this conversation’s over.” I turn, and walk away, Colt’s silence ripping a hole through me as I go.
***
I keep my game face on as best as I can during the next week of classes, but any chance I get, I crawl into my bed. And after an entire day spent pretending – pretending that everything is fine, I finally let go and let the tears come.
The crush of heartbreak is all consuming. Between Colt’s rejection and the oil tanker assignment gone wrong – I am nothing but a shell.
I know I can’t stay here. Not now. Having to face McAllister and Colt – father and son –who run this place is way more than I’m capable of handling.
Even though I’d seen glimmers of hope – Colt hadn’t changed. Why hadn’t he ever told me McAllister was his dad? I’d been inside their house for heaven’s sake. Then again, he never told me about his brother either – and I don’t think it’s because he was hiding something.
Colt and I haven’t spoken a word. We don’t even make eye contact when we pass in the halls. I’ve skipped his class every day since we broke up. I can’t bear to see him in the martial arts studio where we used to train together during his private lessons.
I distract myself with online forums with nameless, faceless hacker friends that feel far safer than real relationships.
MJ and Logan follow me around like little shadows. I still haven’t told them anything – about the ship – or about Colt – instead letting them draw their own conclusions. And of course the conclusion around school is that Colt finally slept with me and moved on. The truth is far more painful.
Bria relished in taunting me in Zumba, remarking that now I know how it feels. She’s right. The highs and lows of Colt’s attention were all consuming. For once I felt sorry for all the girls before me. They’d played with fire and though it burned hot at the time, the after effects were scarring.
MJ finds me in bed at the end of the day. My little cocoon. I haven’t been able to speak about anything with her, knowing that I’d break down, but suspecting that I’m ready, MJ pushes me to talk. I lie in bed, gripping my body pillow for dear life as I open up to her. MJ sits beside me, patting my back as silent tears stream down my cheeks. I tell her all about McAllister, then all about Colt. She didn’t know they were related either. But I can practically see the, I told you so non-verbals rolling off of her.
“We’ll get you drunk and stupid so you won’t have to think about all this.”
I wipe my eyes, sitting up. Getting so drunk I can’t think sounds perfect.
“It’ll be your going away party.”
She assumes I’m leaving just like Jewel did. It would probably be the smart thing to do, but the truth is, I haven’t decided.
MJ makes a few calls, lining up a ride for us from one of her many off-campus guy friends she spends time with on the weekends.
“Cool. They’ll be here at ten to get us.”
“Okay.” I blow my nose, appreciative of MJs much needed distraction.
“Come on. We need to go to your computer lab.”
“For what?” I ask.
“We have to be eighteen to get into the club tonight, so you’re going to make us fake IDs.”
I roll my eyes. MJ has vastly over estimated my abilities, as usual.
Chapter 51
Taylor is asking me to do something I cannot do. How does she expect me to ask my father to leave his own company? And she thinks he’ll just go willingly? I knew when she discovered my connection to McAllister, I’d lose her. I try to remind myself of that. My relationship with her had been doomed from the start. It doesn’t mean I don’t feel like shit for how she found out. If I was better at this relationship stuff, I would have figured out a way to tell her before now. And then maybe we’d still be together.
McAllister came back today and even thought there were a million things I wanted to say to him, to scream at him, I knew none of it would matter. He wouldn’t change who he was.
I’ve heard thought the grapevine that she’s going home. And tonight’s her going away party. I watch her leave with MJ, climbing inside some guy’s SUV, wearing a tiny skirt and a revealing tank top. I don’t like it.
Jealously spikes up inside me. It’s not an emotion I’m used to and it takes me a second to recognize it. Then I realize what this means. Taylor is mine. I just need to find a way to show her that.
I consider getting in my car to follow them, but I force myself back inside.
I shower and shave, dress quickly, then head off to find Logan.
He’s in the rec room playing video games.
“Hey man.”
“Oh, hey.” He glances up at me.
When I don’t move he pauses the game and turns to face me, his expression not particularly friendly. “I need your help tonight.”
Logan’s glare is icy and cautious. “And why would I help you?”
“I have some things I need to say to her before she leaves.”
He sighs. “Okay.”
I have no idea what he must think of me, the way I hurt Taylor, but I’m thankful he agrees to help me. I learn from Logan they’ve gone to Taste, a dance club in the next town over.
Logan hesitates beside my car. “I won’t be able to get into the club. MJ and Taylor brought fake IDs.”
“Don’t worry. I’ll get you in.” I get in the car, waiting for Logan to follow.
When we pull up in front of the club, I opt for the valet parking, wanting to get in to see her as quickly as I can. I don’t like the idea that she’s out with another guy.
A kid who barely looks old enough to have his license grins from ear to ear when he sees my BMW. Logan and I exit the car, and when we reach the front door, I slip the bouncer a fifty, ensuring he doesn’t ask Logan for an ID. He lets us in without any fanfare.
Inside the club it’s stuffy and hot. People grind rhythmically to the loud music thumping from the speakers. I scan the club, searching for Taylor. My eyes flick past girls scantily clad and dancing in groups. But I don’t see Taylor or MJ, or those two frat boys they came with.
I turn to Logan motioning to the top floor. “Go look upstairs. I’ll look down here,” I shout above the music.
He nods, and sets off through the crowd.
I make my way deeper inside the club, and spot MJ and the two guys sitting in the VIP area, which is little more than a few tables and plush bench seats in the corner of the club.
MJ spots me and her face falls. She jumps up to meet me before I reach their table. I don’t see Taylor anywhere.
MJ grabs my arm, leading me away from the guys. “What are you doing here?”
“Where is she?”
“She went to the bathroom. Chill.”
I turn and head off to the bathrooms. Didn’t girls usually go in groups? I don’t like that MJ’s left her alone.
I navigate my way around the half dozen girls waiting in line for the bathroom and do a quick check of the stalls. I recognize Taylor’s sandals from underneath the stall door on the far end.
I knock on the door. “Taylor? Are you okay?”
No response. I knock again. “Taylor? It’s Colt. Open up.”
A second later, the lock turns and she’s standing in front of me, peering through the cracked door, tears streaming down her beautiful face. I push open the door and take her in my arms.
“What’s wrong? What happened?” I hold her at arm’s length, inspecting her. If someone’s laid one fucking hand on her, I’ll end them.
She shakes her head. “Nothing happened,” she hiccups.
I pull her to me again, relief washing over me. She puts her arms around me too, weeping into my neck. “Please don’t cry, baby.” The word slips from my lips and instantly she stiffens in my arms.
She frees herself from my embrace and backs up, stumbling until she’s against the far wall, away from me. I hate the distance between us.
“What are you doing here?” she asks.
I reach out and grip her arms, holding her steady. She’s clearly been drinking. “How much have you had to drink?”
“I don’t know,” she says, rubbing her temples with her fingers.
Someone pounds on the door. “Can you guys get a room? There are people waiting out here.”
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