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Making it safe for love Letters

REMEMBERING OUR DIFFERENCES | Share your Love Letter and Response Letter with your partner. | Address the letter to your partner. Pretend that he or she is listening to you with love and understanding. | For Love | Dear Jim, | A Love Letter About Frustration and Disappointment | I love you, Bill | Now We Can Learn About Our partners Needs | A Love Letter and Response Letter About His Resistance | I love you, Paul |


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  1. MINI LOVE LETTERS
  2. Why Love Letters Work

Sharing Love Letters can be scary. The person writing their true feelings will feel vulnerable. If their partner rejects them it can be very painful. The purpose of sharing the letter is to open up feelings so that partners can become closer. It works well as long as the process is done in safety. The person receiving the Love Letter needs to be particularly respectful of the writer's expression. If they cannot give true, respectful support, then they shouldn't agree to listen until they can. Sharing letters needs to be done with the correct intention. Sharing a letter needs to be done in the spirit of the following two statements of intent:

Statement of Intent for Writing and Sharing a Love Letter

I have written this letter in order to find my positive feelings and to give you the love you deserve. As part of that process I am sharing with you my negative feelings, which are holding me back. Your understanding will help me to open up and let go of my negative feelings. I trust that you do care and that you will respond to my feelings in the best way you can. I appreciate your willingness to listen and support me. In addition I hope that this letter will assist you in understanding my wants, needs and wishes.

Statement of Intent for Hearing a Love Letter

I promise to do my best to understand the validity of your feelings, to accept our differences, to respect your needs as I do my own, and to appreciate that you are doing your best to communicate your feelings and love. I promise to listen and not correct or deny your feelings. I promise to accept you and not try to change you. I am willing to listen to your feelings because I do care and I trust that we can work this out.

The first few times you practice the Love Letter Technique it will be much safer if you actually read these statements out loud. These statements of intent will help you remember to respect your partner's feelings and respond in a loving, safe way.


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