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Punishing behaviors

WHAT EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW ABOUT MEN | Now a Man Is Suddenly Transformed | Why Men Pull Away | NOW WOMEN MISINTERPRET MEN | Why Men Pull Away When Women Get Close | WHEN TO TALK WITH A MAN | Now to Initiate a Conversation with a Man | One-sided Conversations | Learning to Support Each Other Without Having to Change | Becoming More Independent |


Physical

When he begins to desire her again she rejects him. She pushes away his physical affection. She may reject him sexually She doesn't allow him to touch her or be close. She may hit him or break things in order to show her displeasure. When a man is punished for pulling away, he can become afraid of ever doing it again. This fear may prevent him from pulling away in the future. His natural cycle is then broken. It may also create an anger that blocks him from feeling his desire for intimacy. He may not come back when he has pulled away.

Emotional

When he returns, she is unhappy and she blames him. She does not forgive him for neglecting her. There is nothing he can do to please her or make her happy. He feels incapable of fulfilling her and gives up. When he returns, she expresses her disapproval through words, tone of voice, and by looking at her partner in a certain wounded way.

Mental

When he returns, she refuses to open up and share her feelings. She becomes cold and resents him for not opening up and talking. She stops trusting that he really cares and punishes him by not giving him a chance to listen and be the "good" guy. When he happily returns to her, he is in the doghouse. When a man feels punished for pulling away, he can become afraid of losing her love if he pulls away. He begins to feel unworthy of her love if he pulls away. He may become afraid to reach out for her love again because he feels unworthy; he assumes he will be rejected. This fear of rejection prevents him from coming back from his journey into the cave.

NOW A MAN'S PAST MAY AFFECT HIS INTIMACY CYCLE

This natural cycle in a man may already be obstructed from his childhood. He may be afraid to pull away because he witnessed his mother's disapproval of his father's emotional distancing. Such a man may not even know that he needs to pull away. He may unconsciously create arguments to justify pulling away. This kind of man naturally develops more of his feminine side but at the expense of suppressing some of his masculine power. He is a sensitive man. He tries hard to please and be loving but loses part of his masculine self in the process. He feels guilty pulling away. Without knowing what has happened he loses his desire, power, and passion; he becomes passive or overly dependent. He may be afraid to be alone or to go into his cave. He may think he doesn't like being alone because deep inside he is afraid of losing love. He has already experienced in childhood his mother rejecting his father or directly rejecting him. While some men don't know how to pull away, others don't know how to get close. The macho man has no problem pulling away. He just can't come back and open up. Deep inside he may be afraid he is unworthy of love. He is afraid of being close and caring a lot. He does not have a picture of how welcomed he would be if he got closer. Both the sensitive male and the macho male are missing a positive picture or experience of their natural intimacy cycle. Understanding this male intimacy cycle is just as important for men as it is for women. Some men feel guilty needing to spend time in their caves or they may get confused when they start to pull away and then later spring back. They may mistakenly think something is wrong with them. It is such a relief for both men and women to understand these secrets about men.


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