You Don’t Know Anything

R obin met me at the clothesline. “So tell me the truth,” she said. “Your father didn’t really teach you, right? You’ve been taking tennis lessons.”

“No, I told you. I learned to play from my father.”

“Yeah, like I really believe Uncle Lou could teach you enough to beat me.”

“Well, he did.” I grabbed my bathing suit and turned toward the cabin.

“Not so fast, cuz.” Robin stepped in front of me as if guarding me in basketball. She swiped the suit from my hand. “I’m talking to you. And when I’m finished, you’ll get your faggy suit back.”

“But we have nothing to talk about. I won fair and square.”

“You call that fair and square when you don’t tell the truth? If I knew you took lessons, I would’ve played harder. I could have won, you know.”

“But you didn’t.” I kept my voice strong as girls started to gather for this final battle of the summer.

“Not so loud. We don’t need a crowd to work this out.”

“Work what out? I’m just a better player than you are.” I barely recognized this fearless Amy who spoke up now.

Robin crumpled my bathing suit. “I said I want the truth. So, really, how long have you been taking lessons?”

“Robin, for the last time, my father taught me. Why can’t you understand that?”

“’Cause your father’s a loser.”

Let my cousin say anything she wanted now about my mother. But about Dad? “Well, obviously my father’s a better teacher than your private one,” I said, “because the match is over, and look who the loser is.”

“How dare you talk to me like that!” Robin yelled, no longer caring about keeping voices down. “And how dare you embarrass me on the court in front of my friends. You’re the one who should be embarrassed. You and your stupid mother and your loony brother.”

“Whaddaya doin’ out there, gals?” Patsy called from the cabin.

“How ’bout minding your own business,” Rory answered. She stood next to Robin now. “We don’t need a counselor watching us our last couple of days.”

“ You need a counselor watching you all the time,” Patsy fired back. Laughter and applause from my group, clustered around me.

“Get your suits and change for swim,” Patsy ordered.

“Go away,” Robin told her crowd, including Rory.

“Go ahead,” I told my friends. I wasn’t looking to make this bigger than it was. Camp was almost over. The tournament was finished. The only thing left was getting home to Charlie.

Erin looked at me. “Robin’s just mad I beat her,” I explained. “I’ll see you in a few minutes.”

“Like I said,” Robin went on when everyone left, “I could have won. I should have won.”

“Why are you making a big deal out of this?”

“Because I still don’t believe you didn’t take lessons. I know your crazy family, always hiding what you don’t want people to find out. Your mother. Now you. You’re just like her, you know. Little Miss Perfect. Goody‑two‑shoes Amy and perfect Aunt Sonia. What a pair. You make me sick, both of you. All your little secrets. All the things we’re not allowed to talk about.”

“Robin, I swear I don’t know what you mean.”

“Yeah, right. You are such a liar. You know what secrets I’m talking about.”

What secrets? I had to find out. Was this the conversation Robin had tried to start the first time we played tennis? I couldn’t have pushed her then, at the beginning of the summer, to tell me what she meant. I couldn’t have admitted she knew something I didn’t, something about my mother. But everything had changed now that camp was ending. It no longer mattered if I fed Robin’s power. My cousin wasn’t the enemy. Even Rory wasn’t the enemy anymore. My real enemy was my mother. And my memory of her and Uncle Ed made me the powerful one. If there were more secrets, I wanted to know them. The more secrets I gathered, the more powerful I’d be. The more ammunition I would have when I’d need it.

My mother spoke in my head. You don’t know anything, Amy. Nothing.

“What secrets?” I finally asked Robin.

“You know damn well. Who cares if your mother was married before. And that other daughter? Why the hell does everyone have to be nice to poor Aunt Sonia because of that? ‘Think of what she’s been through,’ my father says. ‘Show some compassion, Robin.’ As if my father thinks I’m too dumb to see what’s going on. As if I don’t notice how he practically drools whenever your mother’s around.” Robin pitched my bathing suit at me. It fell at my feet, which stuck to the ground. “If my father thinks your mother’s so great,” Robin kept on, her voice softer now, “then let him have her. That’s what I say. It doesn’t matter to me what they do. And about that baby? Just give me one good reason why I should care. ’Cause I don’t feel one bit sorry for your mother. She didn’t have to leave that baby in Germany, you know. From what I hear, they all could have gotten out together. Even my stupid mother wouldn’t leave her baby behind.”

My knees buckled when I picked up my bathing suit. What was Robin talking about? I closed my eyes for a moment, then forced myself into the cabin.

“Why, whatever happened to you?” Patsy asked. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

“Tired from my match.” I choked on the words, each one a stone in my throat.

“Your cousin must feel mighty sorry for you to let you beat her like that,” Rory taunted, handing me a challenge I refused as I sank to my bed. My mother married to someone else? Another daughter? It was too much for Robin to make up. I tried to change for swim, but the cabin whirled around me.

“Are you all right?” Erin asked when she bounced in to meet me. “You don’t look good. Can I get you an aspirin or something?”

There was nothing Erin could get me. Nothing anyone could do. The one thing I needed, the truth about my mother, I would get for myself.

I told Erin I’d catch up with her at the lake. “And don’t worry. I’m fine.”

My final lie of the summer, the biggest yet. How could I be fine when my mother had a life I didn’t know about? When I had a sister I’d never even heard of? My mother’s secret with Uncle Ed was shameful enough. What else had she hidden from me?

At our last breakfast, Patsy told us she’d be right pleased to give us her address “in case any o’ you gals have a mind to write me.” We waited for Rory to say it wasn’t us Patsy would want to hear from, was it now? But Rory just kept her head down and twirled the spoon in her cereal bowl.

Andy showed up as we boarded the buses. No kiss this time. Too many onlookers, I guessed. He handed me a small notepad and a stubby pencil. “Can I have your address?” he asked, his voice low. I wrote fast, eager to get it down before Uncle Ed might spot us.

“Come on, campers. Everyone on the buses,” Pee‑Wee called while I was writing. “No lollygagging now. See you next summer.”

“I hope I see you again,” Andy said when I gave him the notepad. Without even thinking, I stood on tiptoes and kissed him smack on the lips.

The bus ride home felt shorter than the ride to camp. Erin and I sat up front. “Andy’s great, Ame,” she said. “I really hope you see him again someday.”

Chanting came from behind us. “Amy and Andy sitting in a tree, k‑i‑s‑s‑i‑n‑g.”

I didn’t mind at all. In fact, I smiled. Andy really liked me, and camp was finally over. And I had kissed him. Wow!

Nancy sat across the aisle from Erin and me. She was keeper of the cookies on this trip. And this time, no one would stop our indulgence. “I worried about you two,” Nancy confided, “but look how things worked out. You got to be great friends, you learned to take care of yourselves, and Amy won the tennis trophy. Not bad, I’d say.”

After the first rest stop, Nancy gave out lunches. We ate and we sang, though I joined in only when I felt like it or when Erin elbowed me. I no longer needed a chorus of friends.

“I’ll miss you two,” Nancy said once we hit the city. “And I don’t know if I’ll be able to give you a proper good‑bye when you get off; I’ll be making sure everyone’s accounted for. So I just want to thank you for all those rest hour visits.” She reached over and touched my shoulder.

“Thanks for being there, Nancy,” I said. “I don’t know what I’d have done without you. And without Erin. I wouldn’t have made it through.”

“Sure you would’ve,” Nancy answered. “You’re a lot stronger than you think. But you can’t be afraid to ask for what you need. Remember what I said about the volcano? Call for help before the lava flows.”

Sound advice. If only I had listened.

^{Chapter 18}

Дата добавления: 2015-10-16