“It’s my father I would like to see close up!” Marouan says. “I would like to understand why he dropped you, especially when he knew what was waiting for you.”
“Perhaps. But you will understand better when it is in a book. I will tell everything that you still don’t know, and what many people don’t know about. Because there aren’t many survivors, and the women who have survived still hide and for many years. They have lived in fear and they go on living in fear. I can bear witness for them.”
He asked me if I was afraid, and I admitted I was a little. I’m especially afraid that my children, and Marouan in particular, will live with the thorn of vengeance; that this vengeance, which is passed along between generations, will leave a mark, even a very small one, in their minds. Marouan, too, must build a house, brick by brick. A book is a good thing for building a house.
I received a letter from my son, written in a nice round hand. He wanted to encourage me to undertake this difficult work. It made me cry one more time:
Mama,
After all this time of living alone, without you, to finally see you again, in spite of everything that has happened, has given me hope for a new life. I think of you and your courage. Thank you for making this book for us. It will bring me, too, courage in life. I love you, Mama.
Your son,
Marouan
I have told the story of my life for the first time by forcing out of my memory the things that were buried the deepest. It was more challenging than a public testimony, and more painful than answering the children’s questions. I hope that this book will travel in the world, that it will reach the West Bank, and that the men will not burn it.
In our house, it will be displayed in a bookcase. And everything will have been said once and for all. I will have it bound in a pretty leather so that it isn’t damaged, and with beautiful gold lettering.
Thank you.
Souad
Somewhere in Europe
December 31, 2002
Afterword
SURGIR is a Swiss foundation that works with women, anywhere in the world, who are subjected to criminal traditions, women who are martyrs in their souls and in their bodies, and with the children of these women. SURGIR fights vigorously against the injustice of the customs that victimize these women.
To support the work of SURGIR:
Banque Cantonale Vaudoise
1001 Lausanne
Account number: U 5060.57.74
To learn more about SURGIR: www.surgir.ch
Contact: office@surgir.ch
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