I maneuvered out from under his arm and got dressed, carrying my shoes with me down the hall to Shepley�s room. America sat on the bed, and Shepley was pulling off his shirt in front of the closet.
�Everything okay, Abby?� Shepley asked.
�Mare?� I said, signaling for her to join me in the hall.
She nodded, watching me with cautious eyes. �What�s going on?�
�I need you to take me to Morgan now. I can�t wait �til tomorrow.�
One side of her mouth turned up with a knowing smile. �You never could handle goodbyes.�
Shepley and America helped me with my bags, and I stared out the window of America�s car on my journey back to Morgan Hall. When we set down the last of the bags in my room, America grabbed me.
�It�s going to be so different in the apartment, now.�
�Thanks for bringing me home. The sun will be up in a few hours. You better go,� I said, squeezing once before letting go.
America didn�t look back when she left my room, and I chewed my lip nervously, knowing how angry she would be when she realized what I�d done.
My shirt crackled as I pulled it over my head, the static in the air had intensified with the coming winter. Feeling a bit lost, I curled into a ball underneath my thick comforter, and inhaled through my nose; Travis� scent still lingered on my skin.
The bed felt cold and foreign, a sharp contrast to the warmth of Travis� mattress. I had spent thirty days in a cramped apartment with Eastern�s most infamous tramp, and after all the bickering and late-night houseguests, it was the only place I wanted to be.
The phone calls began at eight in the morning, and then every five minutes for an hour.
�Abby!� Kara groaned. �Answer your stupid phone!�
I reached over and turned it off. It wasn�t until I heard the banging on the door that I realized I wouldn�t be allowed to spend the day holed-up in my room as planned.
Kara yanked on the knob. �What?�
America pushed past her, and stood beside my bed. �What in the hell is going on?� she yelled. Her eyes were red and puffy, and she was still in her pajamas.
I sat up. �What, Mare?�
�Travis is a fucking wreck! He won�t talk to us, he�s trashed the apartment, threw the stereo across the room�Shep can�t talk any sense into him!�
I rubbed my eyes with the heels of my hand, and blinked. �I don�t know.�
�Bullshit! You�re going to tell me what in the hell is going on, and you�re going to tell me now!�
Kara grabbed her shower bag and fled. She slammed the door behind her, and I frowned, afraid she would tell the resident advisor, or worse, the Dean of Students.
�Keep it down, America, Jesus,� I whispered.
She clenched her teeth. �What did you do?�
I assumed he would be upset with me; I didn�t know he�d fly into a rage. �I�don�t know,� I swallowed.
�He took a swing at Shep when he found out we helped you leave. Abby! Please tell me!� she pleaded, her eyes glossing over. �It�s scaring me!�
The fear in her eyes forced only the partial truth. �I just couldn�t say goodbye. You know it�s hard for me.�
�It�s something else, Abby. He�s gone fucking nuts! I heard him call your name, and then he stomped all over the apartment looking for you. He barged into Shep�s room, demanding to know where you were. Then he tried to call you. Over, and over and over,� she sighed. �His face was�Jesus, Abby. I�ve never seen him like that.
�He ripped his sheets off the bed, and threw them away, threw his pillows away, shattered his mirror with his fist, kicked his door�broke it from the hinges! It was the scariest thing I�ve ever seen in my life!�
I closed my eyes, forcing the tears that pooled in my eyes down my cheeks.
America thrust her cell phone at me. �You have to call him. You have to at least tell him your okay.�
�Okay, I�ll call him.�
She shoved her phone at me again. �No, you�re calling him now.�
I took her phone in my hand and fingered the buttons, trying to imagine what I could possibly say to him. She snatched it out of my hand, dialed, and then handed it to me. I held the phone to my ear, and took a deep breath.
�Mare?� Travis answered, his voice thick with worry.
�It�s me.�
The line was quiet for several moments before he finally spoke. �What the fuck happened to you last night? I wake up this morning, and you�re gone and you�you just leave and don�t say goodbye? Why?�
�I�m sorry. I�,�
�You�re sorry? I�ve been going crazy! You don�t answer your phone, you sneak out and, wha�why? I thought we finally had everything figured out!�
�I just needed some time to think.�
�About what?� he paused.�Did I hurt you?�
�No! It�s nothing like that! I�m really�really sorry. I�m sure America told you. I don�t do goodbyes.�
�I need to see you,� he said, his voice desperate.
I sighed. �I have a lot to do today, Trav. I have to unpack and I have piles of laundry.�
�You regret it,� he said, his voice breaking.
�It�s not�that�s not what it is. We�re friends. That�s not going to change.�
�Friends? Then what the fuck was last night?� he said, anger bleeding through his voice.
I closed my eyes tight. �I know what you want. I just can�t�do that right now.�
�So you just need some time?� he asked in a calmer voice. �You could have told me that. You didn�t have to run out on me.�
�It just seemed like the easiest way.�
�Easier for who?�
�I couldn�t sleep. I kept thinking about what it would be like in the morning, loading Mare�s car and�I couldn�t do it, Trav,� I said.
�It�s bad enough that you aren�t going to be here anymore. You can�t just drop out of my life.�
I forced a smile. �I�ll see you tomorrow. I don�t want anything to be weird, okay? I just need to sort some stuff out. That�s all.�
�Okay,� he said. �I can do that.�
I hung up the phone, and America glared at me. �You SLEPT with him? You bitch! You weren�t even going to tell me?�
I rolled my eyes and fell against the pillow. �This isn�t about you, Mare. This has just become one convoluted clusterfuck.�
�What�s so difficult about it? You two should be deliriously happy, not breaking doors and hiding in your room!�
�I can�t be with him,� I whispered, keeping my eyes on the ceiling.
Her hand covered mine, and she spoke softly. �Travis needs work. Trust me, I understand any and all reservations you have about him, but look how much he�s already changed for you. Think about the last two weeks, Abby. He�s not Mick.�
�I�m Mick! I get involved with Travis and everything we�ve worked for�poof!� I snapped my fingers. �Just like that!�
�Travis wouldn�t let that happen.�
�It�s not up to him, now is it?�
�You�re going to break his heart, Abby. You�re going to break his heart! The one girl he trusts enough to fall for, and you�re going to nail him to the wall!�
I turned away from her, unable to see the expression that went with the pleading tone in her voice. �I need the happy ending. That�s why we came here.�
�You don�t have to do this. It could work.�
�Until my luck runs out.�
America threw up her hands, letting them fall into her lap. �Jesus, Abby, not this shit again. We talked about this.�
My phone rang, and I looked at the display. �It�s Parker.�
She shook her head. �We�re still talking.�
�Hello?� I answered, avoiding America�s glare.
�Abs! Day one of freedom! How does it feel?� he said.
�It feels�free,� I said, unable to muster up any enthusiasm.
�Dinner tomorrow night? I�ve missed you.�
�Yeah,� I wiped my nose with my sleeve. �Tomorrow�s great.�
After I hung up the phone, America frowned. �He�s going to ask me when I get back,� she said. �He�s going to want to know what we talked about. What am I supposed to tell him?�
�Tell him that I�ll keep my promise. By this time tomorrow, he won�t miss me.�
CHAPTER TEN
poker face
Two tables over, one table back. America and Shepley were barely visible from my seat, and I hunched over, watching Travis stare at the empty chair I usually occupied before sitting at the end of the lunch table. I felt ridiculous for hiding, but I wasn�t prepared to sit across from him for an entire hour. When I finished my meal, I took a deep breath and walked outside to where Travis was finishing his cigarette.
I had spent most of the night trying to form a plan to get us to where we were before. If I treated our encounter the way he regarded sex in general, I would have a better chance. The plan risked losing him altogether, but I hoped his enormous male ego would force him to play it off the same way.
�Hey,� I smiled.
He grimaced. �Hey. I thought you�d be at lunch.�
�I had to run in and out, I have to study,� I shrugged, doing my best impression of casual.
�Need some help?�
�It�s Calculus. I think I�ve got it handled.�
�I can just hang out for moral support� he smiled, digging his hand into his pocket. The solid muscles in his arm tensed with the movement, and the thought of them flexing as he thrust himself inside me replayed with vivid detail in my head.
�Er�what?� I asked, disoriented from the sudden erotic thought that had flashed in my mind.
�Are we supposed to pretend the other night never happened?�
�No, why?� I feigned confusion and he sighed, frustrated with my behavior.
�I don�t know�because I took your virginity?� He leaned toward me, saying the words in a hushed voice.
I rolled my eyes. �I�m sure it�s not the first time you�ve deflowered a virgin, Trav.�
Just as I had feared, my casual demeanor made him angry. �As a matter of fact, it was.�
�C�mon�I said I didn�t want any weirdness between us.�
Travis took one last drag of his cigarette and flicked it to the ground. �Well, if I�ve learned anything in the last few days, it�s that you don�t always get what you want.�
�Hey, Abs,� Parker said, kissing my cheek.
Travis glowered at Parker with a murderous expression.
�I�ll pick you up around six?� Parker said.
I nodded. �Six.�
�See you in a bit,� he said, continuing to class. I watched him walk away, afraid to endure the consequences of the last ten seconds.
�You�re going out with him tonight?� Travis seethed. His jaw was clenched, and I could see it working under his skin.
�I told you he was going to ask me out after I got back to Morgan. He called me yesterday.�
�Things have changed a little bit since that conversation, don�t you think?�
�Why?�
He walked away from me, and I swallowed, trying to keep the tears at bay. Travis stopped and came back, leaning into my face. �That�s why you said I wouldn�t miss you after today! You knew I�d find out about you and Parker, and you thought I�d just�what? Get over you? Do you not trust me, or am I just not good enough? Tell me, damn it! Tell me what the fuck I did to you to make you do this!�
I stood my ground, staring straight into his eyes. �You didn�t do anything to me. Since when is sex so life or death to you?�
�Since it was with you!�
I glanced around, seeing that we were making a scene. People were walking by slowly, staring and whispering to each other. I felt my ears burn, and it spread across my face, making my eyes water.
He closed his eyes, trying to compose himself before he spoke again. �Is that it? You don�t think it meant anything to me?�
�You are Travis Maddox.�
He shook his head, disgusted. �If I didn�t know any better, I�d think you were shoving my past in my face.�
�I don�t think four weeks ago constitutes the past.� His face contorted and I laughed. �I�m kidding! Travis, it�s fine. I�m fine, you�re fine. There�s no need to make a big deal of it.�
All emotion disappeared from his face and he took a deep breath through his nose. �I know what you�re trying to do.� His eyes unfocused for a moment, lost in thought. �I�ll just have to prove it to you, then.� His eyes narrowed as he looked into my eyes, determined as he was before one of his fights. �If you think I�m just going to go back to fucking around, you�re wrong. I don�t want anyone else. You wanna be friends? Fine, we�re friends. But you and I both know that what happened wasn�t just sex.�
He stormed past me and I closed my eyes, exhaling the breath I didn�t know I�d been holding. Travis glanced back at me, and then continued to his next class. An escaping tear fell down my cheek and I quickly wiped it away. The curious stares of my classmates targeted my back as I plodded to class.
Parker was on the second row, and I slid into the desk next to him.
A grin stretched across his face. �I�m looking forward to tonight.�
I took a breath and smiled, trying to change gears from my conversation with Travis. �What�s the plan?�
�Well, I�m all settled in my apartment. I thought we�d have dinner there.�
�I�m looking forward to tonight, too,� I said, trying to convince myself.
With America�s refusal to help, Kara was a reluctant assistant to aid me in choosing a dress for my date with Parker. As soon as I pulled it on over my head, I yanked it off and slipped on a pair of jeans instead. After brooding about my failed plan all afternoon, I couldn�t talk myself into dressing up. Keeping the cool weather in mind, I pulled on an thin, ivory cashmere sweater over a brown tank top, and waited by the door. When Parker�s shiny Porsche pulled in front of Morgan, I pushed my way out the door before he had time to make it up the walk.
�I was going to come get you,� he said, disappointed as he held open the door.
�Then I saved you a trip,� I said, buckling my seat belt.
He slid in beside me and leaned over, touching each side of my face, kissing me with his plush, soft lips. �Wow,� he breathed, �I�ve missed your mouth.�
His breath was minty, his cologne smelled incredible, his hands were warm and soft, and he looked fantastic in his jeans and green dress shirt, but I couldn�t shake the feeling that something was missing. That excitement I had in the beginning was noticeably absent, and I silently cursed Travis for taking that away.
I forced a smile. �I�m going to take that as a compliment.�
His apartment was exactly as I had imagined: Immaculate, with expensive electronics in every corner, and most likely decorated by his mother.
�So? What do you think?� he said, grinning like a child showing off a new toy.
�It�s great,� I nodded.
His expression changed from playful to intimate, and he pulled me into his arms, kissing my neck. Every muscle in my body tensed. I wanted to be anywhere than in that apartment.
My cell phone rang, and I offered him an apologetic smile before answering.
�How�s the date goin�, Pidge?�
I turned my back to Parker and whispered into the phone. �What do you need, Travis?� I tried to make my tone sharp, but it was softened by my relief to hear his voice.
�I wanna go bowling tomorrow. I need my partner.�
�Bowling? You couldn�t have called me later?� I felt like a hypocrite for saying the words, knowing I had hoped for an excuse to keep Parker�s lips off of me.
�How am I supposed to know when you�re gonna get done? Oh. That didn�t come out right�� he trailed off, sounding amused with himself.
�I�ll call you tomorrow and we can talk about it then, okay?�
�No, it�s not okay. You said you wanna be friends, but we can�t hang out?� I rolled my eyes, and Travis huffed. �Don�t roll your eyes at me. Are you coming or not?�
�How did you know I rolled my eyes? Are you stalking me?� I asked, noting the drawn curtains.
�You always roll your eyes. Yes? No? You�re wasting precious date time.�
He knew me so well. I fought the urge to ask him to pick me up right then. I couldn�t help but smile at the thought.
�Yes!� I said in a hushed voice, trying not to laugh. �I�ll go.�
�I�ll pick you up at seven.�
I turned to Parker, grinning like the Cheshire Cat.
�Travis?� he asked with a knowing expression.
�Yes,� I frowned, caught.
�You�re still just friends?�
�Still just friends,� I nodded once.
We sat at the table, eating Chinese take-out. I warmed up to him after awhile, and he reminded me of how charming he was. I felt lighter, almost giggly, a marked change from earlier. As hard as I tried to push the thought from my head, I couldn�t deny that it was my plans with Travis that had brightened my mood.
After dinner, we sat on the couch to watch a movie, but before the beginning credits were over, Parker had me on my back. I was glad I had chosen to wear jeans; I wouldn�t have been able to fend him off as easily in a dress. His lips traveled down to my collarbone, and his hand stopped at my belt. He clumsily worked to pull it open, and once it popped, I slid out from under him to stand up.
�Okay! I think a single is all you�ll be hitting tonight,� I said, buckling my belt.
�What?�
�First base�.second base? Never mind. It�s late, I better go.�
He sat up and gripped my legs. �Don�t go, Abs. I don�t want you to think that�s why I brought you here.�
�Isn�t it?�
�Of course not,� he said, pulling me onto his lap. �You�re all I�ve thought about for two weeks. I apologize for being impatient.�
He kissed my cheek, and I leaned into him, smiling when his breath tickled my neck. I turned to him and pressed my lips against his, trying my hardest to feel something�but I didn�t. I pulled away from him and sighed.
Parker furrowed his brow. �I said I was sorry.�
�I said it was late.�
We drove to Morgan, and Parker squeezed my hand after he kissed me goodnight. �Let�s try again. Biasetti�s tomorrow?�
I pressed my lips together. �I�m bowling with Travis tomorrow.�
�Wednesday, then?�
�Wednesday�s great,� I said, offering a contrived smile.
Parker shifted in his seat. He was working up to something. �Abby? There�s a date party in a couple weekends at the House.��
I inwardly cringed, dreading the discussion we would inevitably have.
�What?� he asked, chuckling nervously.
�I can�t go with you,� I said, letting myself out of the car.
He followed, meeting me at the Morgan entrance. �You have plans?�
I winced. �I have plans�Travis already asked me.�
�Travis asked you what?�
�To the date party,� I explained, a bit frustrated.
Parker�s face flushed, and he shifted his weight. �You�re going to the date party with Travis? He doesn�t go to those things. And you�re just friends. It doesn�t make sense for you to go with him.�
�America wouldn�t go with Shep unless I went.�
He relaxed. �Then you can go with me,� he smiled, intertwining his fingers in mine.
I grimaced at his solution. �I can�t cancel with Travis, and then go with you.�
�I don�t see the problem,� he shrugged. �You can be there for America, and Travis will get out of having to go. He is a staunch advocate for doing away with date parties. He thinks it�s a platform for our girlfriends to force us to declare a relationship.�
�It was me that didn�t want to go. He talked me into it.�
�Now you have an excuse,� he shrugged. He was maddeningly confident that I was going to change my mind.
�I didn�t want to go at all.�
Parker�s patience had run out. �I just want to be clear; you don�t want to go to the date party. Travis wants to go, he asked you, and you won�t cancel with him to go with me, even though you didn�t want to go in the first place?�
I had a hard time meeting his glare. �I can�t do that to him, Parker, I�m sorry.�
�Do you understand what a date party is? It�s something you go to with your boyfriend.�
His patronizing tone made any empathy I�d felt for him disappear. �Well, I don�t have a boyfriend, so technically I shouldn�t go at all.�
�I thought we were going to try again. I thought we had something.�
�I am trying.�
�What do you expect me to do? Sit at home alone while you�re at my fraternity�s date party with someone else? Should I ask another girl?�
�You can do what you want,� I said, irritated with his threat.
He looked up and shook his head. �I don�t want to ask another girl.�
�I don�t expect you not to go to your own party. I�ll see you there.�
�You want me to ask someone else? And you�re going with Travis. Do you not see how completely absurd that is?�
I crossed my arms, ready for a fight. �I told him I would go before you and I ever went out, Parker. I can�t cancel on him.�
�You can�t, or you don�t want to?�
�Same difference. I�m sorry that you don�t understand.� I pulled the door open to Morgan, and Parker put his hand on mine.
�All right,� he sighed in resignation. �This is obviously an issue I�m going to have to work through. Travis is one of your best friends, I do understand that. I don�t want it to affect our relationship. Okay?�
�Okay,� I said, nodding.
He opened the door and gestured me to walk through, kissing my cheek before I walked inside. �See you Wednesday at six?�
�Six,� I smiled, waving as I walked up the stairs.
America was walking out of the shower room when I turned the corner, and her eyes brightened when she recognized me. �Hey, chickie! How�d it go?�
�It went,� I said, deflated.
�Uh oh.�
�Don�t tell Travis, okay?�
She huffed. �I won�t. What happened?�
�Parker asked me to the date party.�
America tightened her towel. �You�re not bailing on Trav, are you?�
�No, and Parker�s not happy about it.�
�Understandable,� she said, nodding. �It�s also too damn bad.�
America pulled the strands of her long, wet hair over one shoulder, and drops of water trickled down her bare skin. She was a walking contradiction. She applied to Eastern so we could move together. She was my self-proclaimed conscience, intent on stepping in when I gave into my imbedded tendencies to fly off track. It went against everything we talked about for me to get involved with Travis, and she had become his overly-enthusiastic cheerleader.
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