increased to 27 for males and 25 for females (Saluter, 1994). Many young adults postpone marriage until their late twenties or early thirties so they can finish their education and become

increased to 27 for males and 25 for females (Saluter, 1994). Many young adults postpone marriage until their late twenties or early thirties so they can finish their education and become established in a career.

Whom are we most likely to marry? As a general rule, the old adage “Birds of a feather flock together” seems to hold. We tend to be attracted to and marry people who are similar to us on a variety of dimensions, including physical attractiveness, social and educational status, ethnic background, at­titudes, values, and beliefs (Brehm, 1992).

And does the fairy tale ending “They got married and lived happily ever after” also hold true? Well, not exactly. Over the first year of marriage, newly, weds typically reduce the number of behaviors intended to please their part­ner, such as making them laugh, saying “I love you,” or initiating sexual relations. The romantic excitement of the relationship also diminishes some­what with the realization that the heretofore “perfect” mate has annoying lit­tle habits. More time is spent on the mundane tasks of daily life, like grocery shopping, cooking, and cleaning, than on doing enjoyable things together like going to movies or parties. In short, the blissful “honeymoon” phase of marriage passes rather quickly as the couple faces the realities of daily life (Huston & others, 1986).

We don’t want to leave you with the impression that most couples are miserable or disillusioned after the first year of marriage, because they are not. Most couples remain fundamentally positive about their relationship. They’re just less positive than they were during courtship and the first months of marriage (Huston & others, 1986).

The Transition to Parenthood: Kids 'R' Us?

Although it is commonly believed that children strengthen the marital bond, marital satisfaction tends to decline after the birth of the first child (Levy- Shiff, 1994; Hackel & Ruble, 1992). For all the joy that can be derived from watching a child grow and experience the world, the first child’s arrival creates a whole new set of responsibilities, pushes, and pulls on the marital relationship (Umberson & Gove, 1989).

Without question, parenthood fundamentally alters your identity as an adult. With the birth or adoption of your first child, you take on a commit­ment to nurture the physical, emotional, social, and intellectual well-being of the next generation. This change in your identity can be a struggle, especially if the transition to parenthood was more of a surprise than a planned event (Sandelowski & others, 1992; Mebert, 1991).

Parenthood is further complicated by the fact that children are not born speaking fluently so that you can immediately enlighten them about the con­straints of adult schedules, deadlines, finances, and physical energy. №tew> you must continually strive to adapt lovingly and patiently to your chil s needs while managing all the other priorities in your life.

Practically speaking, this means that you’ve got to learn to flow with events of any given day. Some days, of course, the game plan flows be than others. In fact, as Don writes these words it is 4:52 a.m. Laura is s ing much better since he gave her some cough syrup about 30 minutes Unfortunately, Don couldn’t get back to sleep.,. ^

Not all couples experience a decline in marital satisfaction after |ne, ^ of a child. The hassles and headaches of child rearing can be minimize marital relationship is warm and positive, and if both husband and wii® ^ household and child-care responsibilities (Cowan & Cowan, 1992, 1 also helps if you’re blessed with a child who is bom with a good;

and an easy temperament. When infants are irritable, cry a lot, or are ^ wise “difficult," parents find it harder to adjust to their new role l^v Boom & Hoeksma, 1994; Wilkie & Ames, 1986).

FIGURE 9.7 Marital Satisfaction at Dif­ferent Stages in the Family Life Cycle

Researchers Boyd Rollins and Harold Feldman (1970) surveyed marital satisfaction at different stages in the family life cycle. The graph depicts the percentage of husbands and wives who re­ported that their marriage was going well "all the time' at these different stages. As you can see, over the course of the family life cycle, marital satisfaction tends to be highest before children are horn and after children are "launched* into the world. Similar results were found in a more recent study by Anderson & others (1983).

That many couples are marry­ing at a later age and waiting until their thirties to start a family also seems to be advantageous. Becom­ing a parent at an older age and waiting longer after marriage to start a family helps ease the ad­justment to parenthood. Why? Largely because the couple is more mature and the marital relation­ship is typically more stable (Cowan & Cowan, 1992; Olds, 1989).

Although marital satisfaction often declines when people first be­come parents, it rises again after children leave home (Norris & Tin- dale, 1994). As you can see in Fig­ure 9.7, marital satisfaction seems to follow a U-shaped pattern across the life cycle of the family (Anderson & others, 1983). Successfully launching your children into the adult world represents the attainment of the ultimate parental goal. It also means there is more time to spend in leisure activities with your spouse. Not surprisingly, then, marital satisfaction tends to in­crease steadily once children are out of the nest and flying on their own.

Variations in the Paths of Adult Social Development

Up to this point, we’ve described the “traditional” track of adult social devel­opment: finding a mate, getting married, starting and raising a family. How­ever, there is enormous diversity in how the goal of intimacy is realized during adulthood (Edwards, 1995b). The nature of intimate relationships and family structures varies widely in the United States (see Figure 9.8).

Other families without children 7.3%

Other families without children 11.8%

living alone

Male living alone 9.7%

pun household decreased from 3.14 to 2.67 persons. In

lies of a married couple with children has decreased dramatically. (Rowlings & Solutec. 1995)

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