Excerpt from “A Personal Death Awareness” by J. William Worden, Ph.D. and William Proctor Ph.D.—added to by Lori J. Anderson, Ph.D.

Excerpt from “A Personal Death Awareness” by J. William Worden, Ph.D. and William Proctor Ph.D.—added to by Lori J. Anderson, Ph.D.

Personal Death Awareness

One of the most helpful ways to understand your personal death awareness is to take a moment and recall the number of times today you have thought about your own--not someone else’s death or our limited span of life. Maybe you thought about your age and evaluated your own progress toward certain life goals, or perhaps you briefly experienced a fear of dying. If such a thought did not occur to you at all, then you’re probably in the low range today. If these ideas crossed your mind one, two, or three times, then you moved up to the moderate range. If you seriously pondered your own death or mortality four or more times, or found it a preoccupation, then you are likely in the high range.

Your Personal Death Awareness (hereafter, PDA) is a fluctuating phenomenon, moving up and down daily. Some days, you may act and think as though you are going to live forever. Other days the thought of your own death may seem millions of miles away. The purpose of this entire project is to ask you to raise your PDA, so that you can begin to perceive an entire range of choices about your life and death that you might not have been aware of before.

To test the level of you PDA, first try this simple exercise. In the space below, draw a line that you think best represents your total life span. The line can be any shape or length that you think is most appropriate.

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Some people choose to draw a line from one end of the page to the other; in effect a line without boundaries which ends only because the edge of the page forces the pencil to stop.

Now draw another line of any length, this time a straight one with a beginning and an end. Consider this line to be your total life span. Place a slash mark at the point along the line where you thing you are today in your life’s chronology.

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Now, complete the following sentences by filling in the blanks:

I expect to live until age_____________.

I am presently age _________________.

When you compare your present age with the age at which you expect to die, how much of your life do you find you have already lived--a third, a half or more? Now look back at the line with the slash mark. How does your estimate of the time you have left to live on the life span line compare with your numerical estimate?

Now--think about how it felt to commit yourself to a definite life span? In the space below thoroughly discuss how you felt about doing this exercise. For example, did you feel any discomfort? If so, describe exactly what you felt. If not, what do you think made you relatively comfortable in doing this? Take some time to think about this and write your responses below:

I was uncomfortable or comfortable (or both) in estimating my remaining life span because:

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Now, think about the death you would most prefer for yourself and describe it below:

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What death would you least prefer for yourself? Describe it below. Then give reasons for your choices of most and least preferred death.

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You probably found it easier to pick the types of death that you would not want for yourself; however, did you have difficulty selecting a death you would want? Discuss this below:

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You have a style of life which you call your own. Below, describe your life as a child, an adolescent, and now as a college student--what would you say your “style” of life is? Also discuss how you thought and think about death in these various times of your life.

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Now--think about what would be your style of death? Then, take some time to compose your own obituary. Before doing this exercise, go to the internet and find some interesting obituaries, at least 3. Paste them into your document, and discuss why you liked or disliked them.

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Now--invest some time in writing your own Obituary, making sure to draw on the above discussion. Make sure to include the following: Age of Death; Place of Birth; Place and Time of Death; Cause of Death; What You Will be Best Remembered for; Who Survived You; and Funeral and Burial Information.

OBITUARY

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Now--think about what it was like to compose your own obituary? Did you feel anxious or upset? Did any of the questions make you think about things you had refused or neglected to think about before? Did you increase or decrease your estimated life span in your obituary?

On the scales below, indicate how you are mostly feeling right after having done this exercise. Put an X in the box that best represents your feelings on a scale between the two sets of adjectives.

Right now I am feeling mostly:

Anxious						Calm
Tense						Relaxed
Scared						Confident
Sick						Well
Amused						Irritated
Bored						Interested
Mad						Happy

Below, discuss the reasons for your feelings above.

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Now--think of three people you know well with whom you might share these feelings. Write down their names and anticipate how they might respond to your feelings by checking the appropriate boxes below:

My first choice:

Very Helpful

Somewhat Helpful

Not Helpful

My second choice:

Very Helpful

Somewhat Helpful

Not Helpful

My third choice:

Very Helpful

Somewhat Helpful

Not Helpful

If you checked the “not helpful” box for any of these people, why do you think they would react negatively? Could it be because they keep their own PDA quite low? Discuss why you think the people you chose would react the way they did regarding your PDA feelings and actions to this point.

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“The grim reaper”, “Jordan’s bank”, the “journey’s end”, “that dreamless sleep”, “the way of all flesh”, “going home”, and “dust, are a few images which have been used to describe the end of life, that last unknown which has a different outline in each of our imaginations. The picture that you harbor in your mind may be frightening or comforting, or perhaps you have never even thought about death in graphic terms. It is likely that many of our conscious fears and anxieties are rooted in a shadowy image of death, an ominous anticipation of the unknown that lurks on the edge of your subconscious. To get a clearer idea of your concept of death, draw death as you imagine. (You may draw on a different type of paper, use any tools you choose, and then insert this in your final folder.) Make a reasonable and concerted effort here.

MY PICUTRE OF DEATH

PICTURE INSERT

To get a clearer sense of your concept of death, complete the following sentence by writing the first response that comes to mind--i.e., when I think of death, I think of. Now, discuss why you said this.

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OTHER MEDIA AND YOUR PDA

Think of any songs, movies, television shows, and/or books that dealt with death and impacted your life. Discuss these media here and explain how these affected you.

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Now, it is time to complete your Personal Death History.

PERSONAL DEATH HISTORY

1. Discuss the first death of a person that you experienced, including your age, how you felt at that time, what was curious to you, what frightened you, and how your view of death has changed since then.

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2. When did you attend your first funeral? Discuss your experience of your very first funeral, including what was the most intriguing thing about the funeral, what, if anything scared you at the funeral, etc.

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3. Discuss the first personal acquaintance of your own age that died. How old were you, and what do you remember about it. Describe your entire experience with this event and its impact on you today, if any.

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4. If you have lost a grandparent, discuss this event in detail, including your feelings and attitudes.

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5. If you have lost a parent or parents--discuss these events, as in the question above.

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6. When and who was the most recent death you experienced? When was it and where--how did this death affect you and why?

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7. Discuss the most traumatic death you ever experienced.

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8. Have you ever come close to death--discuss your age, experience, etc., including how it feels to reflect on all of this.

BREAKING FREE FROM FEAR

No sane, healthy person really wants to die. The “last appointment” is one that almost everyone, no matter how religious, elderly, or bored with life, would like to postpone. The reason that we are reluctant to confront the end of our existence is not simply that we enjoy life so much. For many of us, it is the fear of death, as well as, the process of dying that makes us avoid the subject.

You may have drawn happy pictures of death and described it as a warm, welcoming parent in the preceding pages. Exploring the end of life may also have introduced you to ways of dealing with difficult emotional situations. But in this last analysis, if you look down deep inside yourself, you are very likely still afraid of what death and dying may involve for you personally.

Thoroughly discuss your fear of death and dying. If you have little fear, also discuss why.

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How important would it be to you to retain control over your personal decisions if you found you were dying? If you are afraid you may lose control over your last days of life, think for a moment how you can plan now to maintain some independence even though you may be confined to a bed. If you let your loved ones know now that you want to retain certain powers of decision making over your life, you may succeed in keeping some control. Try answering the following questions:

When I learn my death is approaching, I would like to have a say about:

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To ensure that I maintain control over this/these area(s) of my life, I could notify ____________________________ about my wishes and enlist his/her support on my behalf. Other ways I can lay the groundwork now for keeping some control over personal decisions are:

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At this point consider what level of physical disability you might be willing to live with for an extension of life. For example, would you be willing to give up the use of one arm, both arms, one leg, both legs, my arms and legs, a vital organ such as my heart, which would have to be replaced with a transplant, my eyes, my genital organs, the use of my lower body (partial paralysis), my entire body (complete paralysis). Discuss why.

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Discuss the following: My greatest fear in dying, my second greatest fear, and any others that come to mind.

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As we continue to look at fear, use the numbers that represent your attitudes in words below to fill in the following blanks.

Agree (1) Not sure (2) (3) Disagree

______ I would avoid death at all costs.

______ The total isolation of death frightens me.

______ I am disturbed by the physical degeneration involved in a slow death.

______ I would not mind dying young.

______ Dying might be an interesting experience.

______ I view death as a release from earthily suffering.

______ The pain involved in dying frightens me.

______ I am disturbed by the shortness of life.

______ The feeling that I might be missing out on so much after I die bothers me.

______ The fact that I don’t know what it feels like to be dead doesn’t bother me.

______ If I had a fatal disease, I would like to be told.

______ The idea of never thinking or experiencing again after I die does not bother me.

______ I am not disturbed by death being the end of life as I know it.

______ The intellectual degeneration of old age disturbs me.

______ I am disturbed by the thought that my abilities will be limited while I lay dying.

Discuss any other thoughts you have about the fear of dying.

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Free to recycle yourself, what will happen to your body after you die? Even after learning about the obvious benefits of organ donation, many people are still resistant to the idea. If you are also, try getting in touch with the source of your reluctance by looking at the resistances listed below. Check off the ones which apply to you.

_____ I’m afraid I might not be dead when they remove the organ.

_____ I ‘m chicken about doing unusual things.

_____ Organ donation is a fad.

_____ It’s a sick perverted idea.

_____ They wouldn’t use my parts anyway.

_____ My kind doesn’t do things like that.

_____ If I do anything with by body, I’ll freeze it for possible later use.

_____ I’m embarrassed and uncomfortable about having my dead body cut up or examined by doctors or medical students.

_____ I want to be buried intact.

_____ Removal of any organs might spoil my appearance.

_____ It’s too much trouble to arrange for organ donation before I die.

_____ I really don’t care about medical research or helping people who need transplants.

_____ God wouldn’t approve.

_____ I need all my parts for the afterlife.

Discuss any other thoughts you have about the above.

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FREE TO GIVE TO OTHERS

Take an inventory and see which responses best describe the present state of your finances and financial attitudes. First, discuss having a will, including whether you currently have one. Why or why not? What about life insurance--why or why not, and how much do you have, and to whom will the refund go?

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FREE TO LIVE UNTIL DEATH

How do you feel about the passing of the right to die bill? Go the internet and find this video and several other sources either video or text that address the issue of the right to die--listen, read, etc., and list your references after you thoroughly discuss your attitudes below.

http://www.cbsnews.com/video/watch/?id=916955n%3fsource=search_video

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FREE TO CHOOSE WHERE

So that you will be in a better position to make an intelligent choice, take time now to explore some of the possible places where you could spend your last days. To get some perspective of what it’s like to die in different locations, think of the places where some of your friends and relatives have died. (SEE CHART ON NEXT PAGE)

PERSON’S NAME	HOSPITAL	HOME	NURSING HOME	OTHER

Discuss the Where of Dying—where would you prefer to be? Where have most of the people you know died? Discuss the where of dying and express how do you feel about this?

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FREE TO END LIFE

Stop for a minute and check one of the following statements which best describes you.

_____ I have never had a suicidal thought.

_____ I have occasionally had suicidal thoughts.

_____ I constantly have suicidal thoughts.

_____ I have self-destructive thoughts and have threatened suicide by communicating these thoughts to others.

_____ I have had such thoughts and have actually made a suicidal attempt(s).

Look at the following possible reasons for suicide. Which ones might apply to you? Are there others not included? I would commit suicide if:

_____ If I had a terminal illness and was going to die anyway.

_____ If I became permanently paralyzed, unable to move any part of my body.

_____ If I got persistently bored with life.

_____ If I could no longer support myself.

_____ If I had severe pain which could not be relieved.

_____ If I lost the person who is closest to me in my life.

_____ If I disgraced my family and myself.

_____ If I thought I was about to go insane.

_____ If I really wanted to hurt someone badly by inducing guilt feelings in him/her through my death.

_____ Another reason.

Discuss your feelings, experiences, and attitudes toward suicide.

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FREE TO CELEBRATE

At this point take a few moments and consider what might be an appropriate service to celebrate your life after you are gone. I realize this is not a very easy task, but doing it can put you in touch with some important thoughts and feelings.

I would like my service to take place:

_____ in my church or synagogue

_____ at home.

_____ at a funeral chapel.

_____ outdoors.

_____ at the graveside only.

_____ other _______________________________________________

Wherever you decide to have the service, it should reflect you, and your uniqueness. Since it will be a time of remembering and recollections, what would you most like people to remember about you? Think about this and answer the following questions.

What I want people to remember about me?

What has the most meaning in my life?

My interest in:

My accomplishments:

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Now consider some procedural issues. Somebody will have to convene the service. Who would you like to do this? Why?

I would like the following person to officiate at my service:

_____ My clergyman________________________________

_____ My funeral director__________________________

_____ a psychologist ________________________________

_____ a friend _____________________________________

_____ a family member _____________________________

_____ other ______________________________________

Because of the intensity of emotion that may grip close family members after your death, it may be hard for them to publicly participate in your service. Your friends may be in a better position to contribute in your finial celebration.

Here are the names of friends I would like to have participate in my service?

1.____________________________________________________

2.____________________________________________________

3.____________________________________________________

4.____________________________________________________

5.____________________________________________________

Think of a specific function for each person—i.e., the ways they might participate are:

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Now think for a moment about the service itself--what you would like it to include? Some specific things I’d like to have included in my service are--discuss music, poetry, scriptures, other readings, singing, and any other things you might want--such as religious or philosophical convictions. Also, discuss things you definitely do not want at your service.

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In considering readings and creative presentations for your service, you are choosing material which reflects those things which are important to you. The manner of expressing these beliefs and convictions may include your beliefs as to the meaning of your life and death, where you came from and where you are going. Some people focus on beliefs which sustain them and enable them to function when life gets rough. If you believe that your life has a plan and purpose, share this with those who will be joining in the celebration of your life.

Now, write your own final message you would like to have read at your funeral:

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Often, one of the things that keeps us from accepting our death is our unfinished business with others in our lives. List and describe briefly the business you would like to finish before you die. Then, consider how you would finish each item if you knew you would be dying soon, and discuss that.

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Conclusion--you have had much to think about and much to write. Conclude your paper any way you wish--include anything you believe has been left out, but most important, take some time to share how this experience impacted you.

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