"Forgive them, Reb. It was the jeep. Obbie and Ryan are beyond human reason once they see a collector car."
Reb sighed. "Well, it will give us a chance to have a mother and daughter talk about the older man in my life while they are gone. Here, I brought you a mug of coffee to help you wake up."
Janet was already awake, however. The phrase, older man in my life, had brought her to a sitting position and full alert. "Older Man?" she inquired, in a tone she hoped sounded calm and reasonable.
Reb gave her mom a look and then climbed on the end of the bed to sit cross-legged. "Mother, I am very mature for my age. How many sixteen year olds do you know who have visited their mom in prison, been kidnapped, and survived a firestorm? And those are only the highlights of my life."
Janet was not to be side tracked. "Who is this older man?" she asked, annoyed to see the shake of her hand as she took a sip of her coffee.
"Ian Fraser. He is eighteen. He is working up here for the year with the forestry services. At the moment he is planting trees. You remember, I met him at the stables. His parents immigrated from Scotland five years ago. Ian just finished his first year of university at Guelph. He wants to be a vet too but he has to earn some money to finish his undergraduate degree."
"Eighteen!"
"That's only two years difference!" Reb protested.
"There is a significant gap between being sixteen and eighteen years at this age." Janet sighed, feeling her stomach tie in a knot.
Reb frowned. "I know, I know. I have just heard the lecture from my sister." Her voice changed to sound just like Ryan's as she mimicked her sister's words. "Reb, the difference between sixteen and eighteen is the difference between virginity and carnal knowledge."
Janet held up her hand. "Stop. I don't even want to go there. The difference between sixteen and eighteen is jail. Keep that firmly in your mind. Well, that and your Obbie will skin him alive if he does anything he shouldn't. Now tell me all about this fellow."
Reb smiled and relaxed. Her mom was going to be cool about it.
The jeep motored along the highway with Ryan and Robbie sitting side by side, grins on their faces as the wind whipped their hair about.
"She's a 1943 Willy MB with a four cylinder L-head and side valves and a three speed syncromesh transmission. She's built like a little tank with heavy steel channel sides with five cross members and one K member. Her grille is made from welded flat iron bar," Ryan explained, yelling over the wind. "You can tell she is a 1943 Willy MB by the small headlamps inside the grille, the two pane windshield and because the spare wheel and jerry can is located on the back panel." Ryan looked around happily at the familiar territory of her childhood as her mother drove. "Slow down and turn off here to the right."
Robbie slowed and pulled into an overgrown logging trail that cut a slash through a secondary growth forest. They bumped along slowly, enjoying testing the old vehicle's ability. Some twenty minutes later, they came into a clearing filled with tall grasses and milkweed. Robbie killed the engine and Ryan swung out, looking around with pleasure.
"This was Lover's Lane when I was a kid. But I used to come here and look around for artifacts. It was a lumber camp at the turn of the century but over there," Ryan pointed towards a rocky outcrop, "There is an old mine shaft or something. They must have been looking for nickel or gold, I should think."
Robbie nodded, feeling strangely shy and at a loss for words around her grown daughter. There were so many things that she needed to ask, to resolve between the two of them. "I never meant to force you to leave."
Ryan turned to look at her mom. "You didn't. Oh yeah, I was pissed about you getting all upset about me joining the armed forces, but that was just window dressing." She pulled a length of grass free and stuck it in her mouth enjoying the bitter- grain taste.
Robbie looked at her hands on the wheel. "So why then? Why did you leave?"
Ryan swung back into the jeep and nervously played with the edge of the window frame. "I had to prove that I could do it on my own. That I didn't need you." Robbie felt she had been hit. She swallowed hard and blinked back tears. Ryan continued unaware of how much that statement had hurt. "I loved being with you, Aunt Janet, and Reb. But there was still a part in me that was so angry that you hadn't been there when I was a kid. I guess I felt that if I allowed you to pay my way that I would never know for sure if I would have been a failure if you hadn't always been there to bail me out of my problems."
Ryan felt a tightening in her chest. Spilling her guts was harder than she thought. "Even before I knew who my mom was, you were always sending down your people to take care of me and get me out of trouble. I was a royal fuck-up but you and Aunt Janet brought me home anyway. I was so afraid that I would fail and you would send me away."
Tears rolled slowly down Ryan's face. Robbie reached out and took her daughter's hand, kissing it softly. "You meant the world to me. I would have never sent you away. I was very proud of you."
Ryan nodded. "I knew that on an intellectual level but emotionally there was this little, hurt kid trying to prove she wasn't a failure and deserved your love."
Robbie turned with tears in her eye. "Ryan..."
"Mom it's okay. It wasn't anything you did or didn't do for me. It was something I needed to do for myself. I made a mess of my childhood by being bitter and angry and lashing out at authority in anyway I could. You and Aunt Janet gave me unconditional love and I realized that the problem wasn't the system putting me down but my attitude restricting my opportunities and future."
Ryan's mouth settled in to a confident, determined line so like her mom's. "So I needed to try again. All by myself, to be the success I should have been all a long. That's why I joined the armed forces. To prove myself. I wasn't running away from home, Mom. I just wanted to walk through your door again, this time as a success."
Robbie nodded but no words came out. She buried her face in her hands for a few seconds and tried to get her emotions sorted out. She needed to do it right this time; needed to understand things from Ryan's point of view as well as her own. "I...I think I understand. I....I have missed you very much. I love you Ryan and I am very proud of what you have achieved - on your own."
Ryan smiled broadly. "Thanks, Mom. I love you too."
That was about all the emotion and sensitivity that the two of them could handle. Robbie wisely tried to lighten the conversation. "So, Mac and her family will be here tomorrow. I imagine you two will have a lot of catching up to do. Are you going to be able to come back for her wedding in the spring?"
Ryan's hands tightened into balls. "That's the other reason I am here. There isn't going to be any damn wedding in the spring!"
***
Aliki had picked up Dawn at the airport the next day and they had enjoyed a pleasant evening as a family. Mac had cooked a special meal and the three of them had talked and laughed as Dawn related some of the experiences she'd had while promoting her latest publication. Now she and Aliki were alone in their room and instead of the passion they usually shared when they had been separated for a time, Aliki paced and fidgeted about.
Dawn looked up from the book she was reading. "You want to tell me what is on your mind, Lover?"
Aliki nodded and sat down on the edge of the bed. "I think you should ask Mac to delay her wedding."
"What?!"
"I don't think she should marry Stewart. She is in love with somebody else."
Dawn smiled sadly and took her partner's hand. "Yes, I know."
"You do?! Do you know it is a woman?"
"Yes."
"How come everyone knows this but me! Who? I'm going to wring her damn neck for hurting my little girl."
Dawn leaned forward and gave her partner a hug. "She has always been in love with Ryan Williams."
"What?! They're cousins damn it! I'm going to have that Ryan's head on a platter. What the hell was she doing corrupting Mac? What did she do with our daughter?"
Dawn reached up and put her hand gently over Aliki's mouth. "She did nothing and that was the whole problem. Ryan was never anything more than a good friend and then she went away."
"This is Robbie's fault. If that damn sister of mine hadn't argued with Ryan..."
Dawn flopped back against the pillows in frustration. She'd had enough. "Aliki, shut up. You are ranting and making no sense at all."
Aliki's mouth snapped shut but she looked at Dawn with cold, blue eyes snapping with anger. "Now listen to me. You can't make Ryan love Mac. Nor can you ask me to try to have Mac delay the wedding. I am not comfortable with Mac's decision either but it is her decision and we need to give her support and understanding."
Aliki looked rebellious and sounded sulky when she spoke. "I only want her to have the depth of love that we have."
Dawn smiled and sat up to hug the woman she loved. "I know, Aliki."
***
David leaned across the car seat and made sure his wife's, safety belt was done up. "Now don't fuss David. I have done up my belt carefully." Lizzy smiled at him.
David blushed. "I just know you are inclined to have your thoughts on other things and forget all about putting your belt on."
Elizabeth smiled softly. "Is Quasar hastened into his car harness okay?"
David looked back at the big, orange dog that took up most of the back seat. "Yes, he's fine."
"I am looking forwarded to spending a few days with Robbie and the family. Imagine little Mac getting married this spring. Doesn't it make you feel old?"
"It does. There will be a new generation coming along soon, Lizzy. You know, not that I am a judge of these things," David said, as he started the engine and pulled out of their underground parking spot, "but I always thought that Mac and Ryan made a rather nice couple."
"I have to admit that I too suspected that would have been the case but I suppose it was totally illogical of us to assume Mac would be a lesbian just because Ryan is," Elizabeth reasoned.
David frowned. He knew that Robbie had not been happy about Ryan leaving years ago. "Does Robbie hear much from Ryan?"
Elizabeth sighed. "Just some brief emails once a week and a letter or card a few times a year. She seems to have travelled quite a bit with the military. She never tells Robbie much, and of course, you know Robbie, she just gives Ryan the basics in return. Janet gets so frustrated with those two. Janet writes long newsy letters to Ryan, I understand. And Reb writes to her sister as well. I know Robbie has invited Ryan home on many occasions but Ryan always has a reason why she can't come."
"It is a damn shame."
Elizabeth tried to look relaxed as David merged onto the freeway that would take them north. "Yes, it is. Ryan, you know, has a brilliant mind. She would have made an excellent mathematician. I was very disappointed when she enlisted. I had high hopes for her in a field related to my own."
David nodded and reached out briefly to pat his wife's leg. The world of academics dealing with string theory and the possible origins of the universe itself was a small, prestigious group. There were few who could understand the mathematics or grasp even on a lower level the complexities of a possible all-encompassing energy theory. It would have been nice for his Nobel Prize winning wife to have had someone in the family she could talk to about these things.
"I wonder if Ryan keeps her violin up. She could have made a career in music too. She is a Williams all right, multi-talented."
"Janet says she does." But Elizabeth had started to jot down neat rows of equations on a pad of yellow paper in her lap. David let their conversation lapse, knowing that it was Elizabeth's practice to work on her own research in the quiet of the afternoons. Instead, he gave his full attention to his driving. He too was looking forward to being back in the small northern town of Bartlett that had been his home for many years. He hadn't seen his brother who now ran the local grocery store since Christmas. Their family had grown and they all had separate interests that kept them apart. He was glad that it had become a family tradition to gather each spring and fall for a few days together.
***
Ian and Reb sat hand in hand on the bench in the back room of Potts Grocery Store and listened to David's brother Ted spin his tale. He'd had to go and serve a customer and had only just returned, wiping his hands on his white apron as he came in. "Now you were asking about the old mine up where the lumber camp used to be. I don't know how much truth you can put into it but the old folks used to say that a meteorite struck there years ago and melted the ground around about. My great Papa and your mom's granddaddy, Rebecca, used to brag how they saw a river of gold. 'Course, no one took them very seriously. They were both good story tellers, if you know what I mean, especially ifin they'd had a few Johnny Walkers as a way of limbering their throats."
Reb snuggled closer to Ian who was trying his best to look manly. "Do you think that really is a gold mine, Ted?"
Ted considered this for a second. The emerging whiskers on his chin made a rasping noise as he ran his finger over them. "I don't figure as there could be. I'm thinking any number of people must have checked it out while they were lumbering up there at the turn of the century. And I'm sure others with the gold itch have had a look since. No, I figure it's just an old tale. Not many people know about it now. How did you to come to hear of it?"
"Ryan told me."
Ted looked both surprised and delighted. This was a good piece of gossip by the sound of it. "Ryan? Have you heard from Ryan then?"
Reb nodded. "She's here. She arrived yesterday. She is out with Obbie in her jeep at the moment so Mom sent me in to pick up the groceries."
Ted beamed. This was good gossip that would have people popping into his store all weekend once the word got out. "Well, I'll be tarred and feathered, Ryan Williams back home again. That girl used to play a mean fiddle at the firefighter's ball and George Drouillard said she would have made a fine firefighter like her mom. Not much you Williams are afraid of by all accounts."
Ian beamed down at his girlfriend. "We'd better be getting the groceries in the truck, Rebel. Then we'll have time to catch lunch at Maria's before you have to head back home."
Ian held the door for Reb and they took seats in a quiet corner of the café. Maria waved from behind the counter and Reb smiled and waved back. The Williams family had frequented Maria's since they had first come to town and Maria looked on them as extended family. Having a famous actress and her family drop in for lunch occasionally was very good for business too.
Once they had their order, Ian broached the topic that had been on his mind. "When can I meet your family?"
Reb nervously played with her napkin. "Aah, well, soon. Actually, they will all be here this long weekend. It is sort of a tradition for the clan to gather."
Ian smiled. "It might be a good time to meet them then."
"Well, I don't know."
The young man's frustration showed on his face. "Rebel, you said you couldn't come to the Thanksgiving dance at the hall unless your Mom had met me and said it was okay. How is that ever going to happen if I am not allowed to see your family?"
Reb pulled a face. She was going to have to tell him. "It's just, well, they are a bit...unorthodox."
Ian got a suspicious look on his face. Clear, intelligent, grey eyes met hers. "How so?"
This was it. Reb sighed. "My mother is married to the actor/director Robbie Williams. Yes, they are a lesbian couple. My big sister is a genius. I am not exaggerating, she really is. She is a major in the armed forces. She has just come home after ten years. Oh, and she also has a doctorate in physics and plays the violin beautifully. My aunt is Dr. Elizabeth Williams the woman who won the Nobel Prize for her work on naked singularities. My uncle owns the grocery store and Ted is his brother. My father was the racing driver Billy-the-Kid. He was killed on the track when I was two. And my grandfather was the local gambler. Other than that we are perfectly normal family. Oh, I forgot my other aunts. They are a gay couple as well. One is Dawn Freeman the writer and her partner is a forensic anthropologist and an RCMP officer."
Ian said nothing. He blinked. Blinked again. Then asked cautiously, "You are joking, right?"
Reb felt her hackles going up. "Wrong."
Ian looked stunned and a little weary as if he suspected that he was being lied to. "You are telling me that THE Robbie Williams is ONE of your mothers and that THE Billy-the-Kid was your father...and you have an aunt who won the Nobel Prize on Physics...and half of your family are lesbians?"
Reb gritted her teeth. "Yes."
The young man considered the truth of this. "I had heard that Robbie Williams had a place up this way near the Film College. So you're rich?"
Reb felt her anger mounting as each of the standard response came out. Why couldn't anyone just accept her and her family as just people like everyone else? "I'm not. Certainly my family is."
Ian looked up and saw the tension and emotion in Reb's eyes. Okay, this was going to be really, really freaky but it was Reb's family. "Aah, my dad won a bowling championship once," he joked. Reb laughed and Ian joined in. The tension was broken.
"So you think you can handle this?" Reb asked, feeling some of the tension leaving her body.
Ian frowned and took a bite of his Club House sandwich, chewing it slowly while he tried to come to terms with all of this. He answered honestly. "I don't know, Reb. They sound awfully - different, and rather intimidating. But I think I should be given the chance to try."
Reb nodded, her face set in cautious lines. "I'm very proud of my crazy family, Ian. I don't want them hurt and I won't have them judged. I have no time for gay and lesbian bashers."
Again Ian took his time in deciding how to respond. "To be truthful, Reb, I have always felt I was pretty liberal about such things. I have always maintained a live and let live attitude. I can't say I understand why one would be interested in the same sex but I figure it is none of my business. I have to tell you though, I have never mixed socially with anyone who is a gay or lesbian or at least if I socialized with any I wasn't aware of it. So I have no idea how I'll react. I can promise you one thing though, I won't make a scene or anything."
Reb looked out the window for a second and regained her composure. This was not easy. She wondered if she would stay with Ian or if she would have to go through this conversation over and over again through her life. She shook her head. "Believe me, if you don't make a scene you will be one of the few people there that doesn't."
Indian Summer by Anne Azel
Indian Summer Part 2
Disclaimer: The characters of Xena and Gabrielle are the property of Universal Studios and Renaissance Pictures. No copyright infringement is intended. The characters and events in the Seasons Series are the creation of the author.
As always a good deal of credit has to go to Lisa and Inga, my beta readers and friends, who work hard on these stories with me. Special thanks to Fran who fought and beat breast cancer.
Warning: This story is alternative fiction. Please do not read on if you are under age or if such material is illegal in your end of the swamp.
You can contact Anne Azel at <a_azel@hotmail.com> Anne's books are also available through Dare 2 Dream Publications at <http://www.limitlessd2d.net/>
Robbie turned off the light and gave Janet a kiss on the cheek before rolling on her side away from her partner. Janet frowned; enough was enough. "Robbie, turn the light back on we need to talk."
"I'm tired," came a pathetic moan from deep under the covers.
Janet snorted, "No you're not. You are a coward. Come out, you big suck."
There was a thrashing and mumbling in the dark and the light snapped on. Robbie sat with her back against the headboard, arms crossed and looking grumpy.
"We need to talk about my breast surgery..."
"I don't want to talk about it!" Robbie slipped down under the covers, panic written all over her face.
Janet sighed and looked at the mound of bed sheets and shook her head. This was the woman who had won academy awards and ran a film empire. She gave the mound a poke. "I regret to inform you that the problem with my breasts is not going away so you will just have to face it."
The mound didn't move. Janet's face hardened into troubled lines. She was just about to make a cutting remark when she heard a sob. "Robbie? Lover, what's the matter?" Janet slid down and wrapped her partner closely in her arms. "Robbie speak to me."
"I didn't want you to have that surgery. I didn't want to go to the hospital again and see you in pain. It was awful. It never bothered me that you'd had to have a mastectomy. Why did you do that? When I got the call I just freaked...I love you damn it!"
For a while, Janet held her complex partner tight and tried to sort out what was going on inside her. When she spoke it was quietly, tenderly, trying to make her partner understand why. "I know you never wanted me to have the corrective surgery, Sweetheart. I know that you really had a hard time with me going through the cancer treatment. Sometimes it is just as hard on the care givers as it is on the victim. I understand that. But do you think my being seriously ill so early in our relationship made you a little over protective?"
Robbie considered this. She didn't want to have this discussion but Janet was helping to make it easier. Still her answer came out between sobs. "Yes. You are the best thing that has happened in my life. I can't bear the thought of losing you. Sometimes I have nightmares...I don't mean to be over protective."
"I know, lover. It is understandable that you would feel that way because you went through a really traumatic time with me just when we our love to each other was developing. I have some emotional issues too from that time, Robbie. Do you want me to tell you about them?"
There was a moment's hesitation while Robbie fought her demons, then she rolled over and pulled herself up into a sitting position. She pulled a tissue from the box beside the bed and wiped away the tears. Then she pulled Janet into a hug. "Okay, I want to hear what you have to say."
Janet got comfortably nestled inside her lover's arms. "It's not about appearances, Robbie. You have been wonderful about that. I still get a little insecure but you have been nothing but a pillar of strength. Robbie, cancer is like a violation of self. You don't want it inside you taking over and growing in your organs. Even though I won that battle and have gone ten years, there is still that fear deep inside that it's there and I might have to go through that horror again."
Robbie pulled Janet closer into her arms as if to shield her from her memories and dropped a kiss on her wife's head. Janet snuggled closer. "Sure having a mastectomy was hard on the ego. And having to wear a prostheses is so uncomfortable and awkward. But it is so much more than that, Robbie. Every time I change, or have a shower, or have to stop to fit the damn prosthesis into place, I am reminded that I had cancer and that it could come back again. It was more than a loss of a breast, it was a continual reminder of what the cancer did to me - what it still could do to me. I needed to have the surgery so I could be whole again. Not on the outside but on the inside. I had to show the cancer that I could recover completely, that it was never going to leave its mark on me. Can you understand that, Lover?"
"If it was that important to you, I would have understood. You didn't have to have to arrange it while I was away filming," Robbie muttered in a voice laced with hurt.
Janet kissed the strong, capable hand that rested on her shoulder. "I was wrong. It was a really immature thing to do. I...I was jealous."
Robbie's head shot up in surprise and she looked down at Janet with eyes wide with shock. "What?!"
"You were acting again and with Colette Cummings. The two of you have such chemistry - passion. And she has nice breasts."
Robbie was flabbergasted. "I only took the part because my other leading lady was too banged up from her car accident to act. Time is money and I couldn't find anyone else suitable for the part on such short notice. You know I don't want to act."
Janet blushed. "I know, Robbie."
Another thought suddenly hit Robbie like a sucker punch. "You don't think I had an affair with Cummings do you!"
Janet wiggled with embarrassment. "No, not on an intellectual level, but I guess emotionally - I mean, I am married to one of THE Willams and it happens to be the one that has been voted most sexy woman of the decade not to mention your list of conquests before you met me...I can't explain it...I know you wouldn't cheat on me...I just felt so insecure seeing you act with another woman on screen."
Robbie couldn't believe what she was hearing. It was bad enough that Janet didn't trust her to be at her side while she was having her reconstruction surgery but she didn't even trust her to be faithful "You don't trust me!"
Janet pulled away and rolled from their bed in frustration. She paced around their room in irritation on the edge of tears. "Damn it, Robbie, listen to what I am telling you. I am insecure. You would be too if you had a disease that could kill you before you could see your kids grow up or have the life you want to have with your partner. Yes, I acted childishly in accepting a surgery date while you were away. It was stupid and unfair and I regret it. I owe you an apology but damn it I needed this breast reconstruction. I need to remove the sign of what the disease did to me. I need my confidence back that I am a healthy, whole woman. I need to be able to look in a mirror and see me not the effects of cancer. Please Robbie, I need you to understand this!"
Robbie slipped from the bed and took Janet in her arms. "I'm sorry. I was so caught up in my own issues I didn't listen. You've been trying to tell me all along but I was afraid of you being in the hospital again and I just wouldn't look past that." Shaking with emotion Robbie kissed Janet's head. "I let you down and that allowed the mistrust to grow."
Janet kissed her lover's neck softly. "I never believed that you would cheat on me Robbie. I was just- jealous. I'm sorry."
Robbie nodded. When the call had come from Janet telling her that she would be having surgery in the morning, Robbie had dropped everything and chartered a jet to get her back to Canada immediately. She had arrived shortly after Janet had been taken back to her room from Recovery. Janet had been in pain those first few days and Robbie had been near sick with worry. She know intellectually that there was very little danger in the process but emotionally she just couldn't deal with Janet being back in the hospital and having to go to doctor appointments. It brought those terrible days when they were fighting the cancer back again in a rush of emotion. Everything that was good in Robbie's life had come because of Janet. She couldn't imagine life without her partner.
For a few minutes they just held each other, glad that they had cleared the air of a few of the issues. Janet waited until she felt Robbie relax in her arms and then asked, "I want to show you what they have done."
Robbie nodded but the look on her face was so tragic and pale that Janet almost laughed. She bit her lip and busied herself slipping out of her sleep shirt. You had to tread softly with Robbie when it was her emotional side she was revealing. For all her bluster, joking, and tempers, Robbie was an unbelievably emotionally fragile person. Robbie trusted Janet with her soul and Janet did her best to protect it at all costs.
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